


A Million Golden Arrows

by cactuscrow



Series: second to the right, and straight on till morning [2]
Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: Caregiver!Jack, Childhood Friends, Descriptions/Mentions Of Abuse, Dissociative Identity Disorder, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Multiple Personality Disorder, Nurse!Anna, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trigger Warnings in chapter descriptions, Unrelated Anna/Elsa, mentions of trauma, psychiatric hospital
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:42:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 109,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26207386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cactuscrow/pseuds/cactuscrow
Summary: A butterfly sitting on a head, a beige toy rabbit getting hugged tightly, cigarette smoke rising in the air. To list all would be too many but each was a definite piece to the mosaic that was Elsa Arendelle.
Relationships: Anna/Elsa (Disney)
Series: second to the right, and straight on till morning [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2063571
Comments: 380
Kudos: 296





	1. once upon a time

_**Prologue** _

**i. once upon a time**

The blue afternoon sky was almost as bright as the freckled face that lit up when she finally saw the van pull up on the house next-door.

It was a few skips away from her own home. The little cottage was patched up with different colours, like a little Lego house. Except this one looked enormous and wonderful to look at, not a blocky mess with hardened edges, but a small sweet home to her new neighbours. Anna couldn’t help but bounce on her feet as she waved bye to her mother, the latter bidding her to take care.

The box that a man carried was not at all little. Anna couldn’t see his face as he hurried inside the wooden doors. It might have been because the man was shouting something intelligible, maybe the box was too heavy, that a woman, brown hair falling to her waist, gave her a small smile. The little copper-headed child stopped to look at the massive boxes sitting inside the vehicle, the van’s opened back door revealing identical packages with varying sizes.

“Hello there,” the woman said. Anna brightened up more and offered an enthusiastic hand to shake.

“Hello, I’m Anna!” Bubbly and innocently grinning at the woman, Anna greeted her back.

The woman laughed at her, holding her hands formally and shaking it twice before their attention was turned to the loud crash inside the house, sound echoing to the front yard.

With a wince, the woman came rushing inside but not without sending her a wonderful smile.

It might have been because Anna was naturally curious that she took a peek at the opened door of the van, counting the many brown boxes that were in it.

It was due to the stark contrast to the nearby objects that Anna saw a pale-white head peeking from where the passenger seats were. The head turned and blue eyes widened before it returned to where it was before, this time hiding completely from her view.

Anna, thinking about the prospects of meeting a new friend, crept inside and pushed her legs up to see where the blonde came from. She saw her lying down on the black leather seats, those beautiful blue eyes once again startled as the red-haired girl wondered out loud, “What are you doing there?”

The girl, maybe just a bit older than she was, squeaked and sat up, the whipping of her head almost catching Anna’s as she leaned further from her.

Anna only giggled, holding a hand out to her. “I’m Anna, your new neighbour!”

The girl looked at her for five solid seconds before her lips widened at the edges slightly, tentative, and took the waiting hand in her own. “I’m Elsa.”

Her hand was firm over her own and Anna decided that she liked Elsa. She looked pretty, like a princess called Sofia but with better hair as platinum cascaded her back in a braid. She smiled at Anna in her dark blue dress. “Let’s be friends, Elsa.”

That brought upon a shyer beam on the blonde girl’s face, a small nod answering her.

A startled yell broke behind them and Anna swiftly turned to where it was, the man now holding a hand to his chest as they both stared at each other. “Who the he–”

“–Agdar!”

“–eeello, little girl,” the man drawled as the woman from before appeared next to him with a curious gaze before shaking her head, not without the same smile Anna saw earlier.

“Mama!” Elsa said, climbing on the seats as she barrelled past Anna to her mother. “I’ve made a friend.”

“I can see that,” was her answer. Beckoning Anna down the van, the woman added, “Why don’t the two of you play together later when we’ve settled down already. Is that okay with you, Anna?”

Bobbing her head up and down, she pointed to the two-floored white house on the other side of the streets, the distance just a quick jog away from where they stood. “I live there in that house! Can I come back later?”

Elsa was the one who answered her this time, nodding at her with a wide smile. “You can,” she turned to her mother, “right?”

Chuckling, her father patted her head and said, “Yes, of course.”

The blonde girl nodded, but her smile was smaller this time. The family of three went inside in silence as the auburn-haired girl frolicked back to her own house.

When Anna returned a couple hours later, it was already sunset and her mother was alongside her, hands full with a tray of apple pie.

* * *

Standing in her newly-bought white shoes, Anna ran from their car with a grin to her neighbour’s little cottage .

Her mother had let her play with Elsa and she couldn’t be happier. The blonde was nice and she smelled good, like a fresh batch of cookies from the oven Mrs. Arendelle was making right now. She saw the girl still dressed in her yellow dress waiting on the porch.

Earlier at church, Anna saw her and waived her over but her mother had swatted her arm and told her to sit still. Elsa giggled behind a hand and turned back to the altar where the Pastor was busy talking about swine. Whatever that was.

Anna had asked her mother about that and all she got was that a swine was a pig, but Pastor Charles didn’t sound like he was talking about pigs. So she asked Elsa as they sat on the thin wooden chairs outside on the porch.

“But I don’t know why Pastor Charles would be talking about people _and_ pigs at the same time,” Anna pouted as she heard Elsa’s explanation.

The blonde giggled at her. “Well, he wasn’t talking about people and pigs at the same time. He was talking about people who were _like_ swine… people who don’t act like they were people and that we shouldn’t be like them.”

Sticking a tongue out, Anna nodded even if she had no idea what Elsa was talking about. Elsa must’ve known that as she shook her head, inviting her inside once Mrs. Arendelle called for them. The two girls enjoyed a chocolate chip cookie while staring at the corn fields behind Elsa’s house.

Anna was somehow jealous of it. There was this big space just behind the blonde’s house and all Anna’s house had was a small plot of garden. Elsa told her that hers was actually better, saying something about well-kept lawns and other things she had no idea about. Anna learned to be content just because she could always have an excuse to be with Elsa, by telling her mother that she loved such huge playground to play hide-and-seek with her best friend.

“Are you going to eat that cookie?” Elsa asked with a smirk, hand already twitching upwards. Anna gasped at that and shoved the remaining cookie on her mouth, almost choking in the process.

* * *

“Mom?”

“Yes?”

Anna was wiping the table after they ate dinner and one question kept bugging her young mind. “Why do Mr. and Mrs. Arendelle take the plants in their backyard?”

“What do you mean, sweetie?” her mother gave her a curious glance from where she was, washing the plates on the sink as she blinked at her daughter.

“I mean,” Anna started, “why do they harness… harfest… hardest the plants outside their house and we don’t?”

“Harvest is the word you’re looking for Anna,” she corrected, “Did Elsa say that they were harvesting the corn on the fields?”

“Mhmm.” Folding the rag neatly into a rectangle just like Elsa taught her once, Anna placed it back to the bin. “Why do they do that and we don’t?”

Her mother looked like she was trying to find the best way Anna would understand the answer she had. The little girl waited until her mother explained it to her. “It’s because they are farmers, Anna, and me and your dad are accountants. We don’t have the same work, my dear.” 

“Is that why their house is so small?”

It _was_ small. There were only two rooms and one washroom while they have five bedrooms and four washrooms. Anna remembered having to wait for Mr. Arendelle to finish bathing before she could use it, and even then, Anna figured that it was too small. It didn’t have a bathtub.

“I… I think so.”

“Then maybe they should stop being farmers and be accountants instead!”

That was a good idea! She should tell Elsa to tell her parents to be accountants instead and they’d have a bigger house. Her mother didn’t seem to like that, though.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Anna.”

That made her look up to her mother. Drying her hands on the apron she was wearing, her mom knelt next to where she was sitting at, meeting her eyes seriously.

“Why not?”

She sighed before taking Anna’s on her own. “Because not everyone could be accountants… and they might think that you don’t like their job.”

“But I love their job! Because of it, they have a huge backyard!”

“But you don’t like the fact that they have such a small house, don’t you?”

“No,” Anna uttered. She didn’t.

“Anna, let me tell you something.” The little girl nodded and listened intently, “People never live the same as others. Some were lucky, like us, and we could buy anything we need, but… some people were not like us. That’s why they don’t have the same things like us, don’t have the same jobs like me and your father.”

Processing her words, her mother stood up, eyeing her carefully as she tried to absorb the words that hung in the air. “Sometimes that’s all people could afford, maybe someday they’d need a bigger house and they would buy another, but I don’t think Elsa and Mr. and Mrs. Arendelle needs a new one when the old one fit them so well.”

The way her mother looked at her was making Anna uncomfortable, so she nodded and excused herself, running to her room quickly.

* * *

“Elsa! C’mon, c’mon!”

It was summer when Anna decided that Elsa was her best friend.

The dancing of the leaves next to the park downtown was almost to the beat of the music as the parade with giant floaters passed through them. It was almost like every person in the city was there, gleefully watching the colourful wagons and mascots trot before them.

“Anna!” the blonde yelled through the sea of people, trying her best to keep up with her. “Slow down!”

But Anna didn’t and that was the reason why an older boy pushed past her, making her fall to ground. The impact was not at all expected and her knee scraping the rough asphalt made her bleed.

“Anna!” she heard as the blonde knelt next to her, looking at her injury and dusting her off into a stand.

Always being the responsible one, Elsa pulled her out the crowd of people, tears fresh on green eyes. Her mother was quick to fuss over her, making a big deal out of her wound.

“Where did you get that?” she demanded as Elsa held her shoulders in a half embrace. “Who did that to you?”

That specific tone of her mother would always make her cry and that was exactly what Anna did. Her mother was quick to set her down on a bench and pour alcohol on her knee, which only stung her more.

The only thing that made that better was Elsa holding out a giant blue fuzz to her, offering it at once. That was effective in taking her mind off the pain.

“Elsa, where did you get that?”

Answering sheepishly, Elsa said, “The stand over there. I bought it for her.”

Anna did remember Mrs. Arendelle giving the blonde money as her mother closed the door of their car, the blonde sitting next to her at the back .

She wondered why Elsa didn’t buy one for herself, too, and why Mrs. or Mr. Arendelle didn’t come with them like both of her parents did, but she was already too engrossed in the sweet fairy floss in her hand.

Her father soon found them after having troubles parking the car for hours. Anna heard her father thanking Elsa for the candy, but aside from a nod, the blonde had ignored him and stuck next to her like glue.

“Do you like it?” Elsa asked, referring to the now half-eaten food in her hand.

Anna answered with an enthusiastic yes. “Thank you, Elsa. You’re the bestest friend ever!”

“You’re welcome. Come on,” Elsa motioned to a huge Winnie-the-Pooh balloon in the ongoing parade. “Do you want to go back there again? Don’t worry, I’ll stay with you this time so nobody would hurt you again.”

Believing her, Anna nodded, and her hand was enclosed with cold ones as they neared the procession. All the while, Anna was smiling, gripping Elsa’s hand as they pushed through the people. She was first before them as the dressed dancers and performers whizzed past them like a breeze of joy and colour. 

* * *

Anna had never experienced a sleepover before but she couldn’t help but think that it was awesome. Elsa was beside her in her bedroom, her mother bidding them goodnight just a few minutes ago.

It was a Friday, the only day her mother and Mrs. Arendelle thought was a good enough one for a sleepover. Right after seven, Elsa was dropped off by the brown-haired woman and the two of them rushed over to her room. They played inside Anna’s camping tent set up on her bedroom floor, fairy lights adorning the walls and lighting up their safe space in gold.

That was hours ago, it was now ten o’clock and even if Anna had already forgotten that she had a bedtime while laughing with Elsa as they watched the Animal Planet, her mother didn’t. And now, the two girls lied side-by-side under her fuzzy Lilo and Stitch blanket.

She was about to fall asleep when a slight movement from beneath the covers made Elsa shriek and scoot closer towards her. With half-opened eyes, she looked at her and the frightened look she had.

“What was that?”

_That_ was actually a little grumpy cat named Otter and she laughed as the blonde tried to lean as far away as she could from the ball of fur that was steadily purring as it sat on Elsa’s pillow for the night. “That’s our cat.”

“Cat?” Elsa repeated. “You have a cat?”

Anna nodded and sat up, taking the animal in her hands and petting it from head to tail. “Yep, his name’s Otter.”

“Why name him Otter?” She tentatively patted the cat’s head, expecting it to bite her but the cat only closed its eyes.

“Because he is black like an otter,” Anna answered simply. Elsa nodded at her but when she put the furry animal on her lap, the blonde jumped back and froze, making her chuckle. “Do you not like cats?”

“No,” Elsa answered quickly, looking at Otter like he’d swallow her whole, “It’s just that I had never seen a cat this close before.”

Anna nodded but stopped mid-action. “Wait… does that mean you have never had a cat before?”

“Mama said they were quite expensive to take care of and we couldn’t afford having such an obligation.”

There Elsa was again, using words that sounded big, but Anna understood it… yeah, she did… okay, maybe she didn’t, but Elsa was already in her second year of school while she’s still in her first. Anna guessed she’d just have to wait until then so that she could understand what she was saying.

Carefully, she took Otter and put him on her side of the bed so that Elsa wouldn’t be scared of him again. The cat only looked at her once and settled down as soon as he hit the soft mattress.

“Do you read a lot of books?”

Even with her question coming out of nowhere, Elsa answered her with smile. “Yes, I do. Why?”

“I don’t know, you always sound very smart even when we’re just talking about cats,” Anna cocked her head to the side, “And you always know what Pastor Charles is talking about even when I don’t know about it.”

“Huh,” Elsa replied, curious about the observation. “Maybe because I read a lot of books.”

“Like what?” Green eyes wandered to the books on her shelf. They were fairy tales – her favourite – and they often had pictures with them which madethem very interesting. Reading, though, she had no hobby of. That was her mother’s job… reading bedtime stories.

Which she hadn’t done yet.

Frowning, she turned to the blonde, eyes already half-closed and sleepy and mouth opened midway as she tried to answer the question. Anna interjected, “Wait! Mom has not read me a story yet!”

“Do you want me to read you one?”

Anna stopped as she dangled her legs on the edge of the bed, already planning to call her mother when Elsa suggested that. Excitedly, she said yes and the older girl stood up and approached the books on the shelf.

“What do you want me to read?”

“Anything you want,” Anna said underneath her blankets, readying herself for the story.

What Anna didn’t expect was Elsa picking one of those books that were thick, and only words could be seen in their pages. The blonde girl climbed up next to her and sat. “Have you read Andersen’s Fairy Tales?”

Anna answered with an uninterested no and a huff, “Elsa, that one is bo-ring.” She took the book and flipped the pages. “See? It doesn’t have pictures! Why don’t you choose another one?”

But Elsa didn’t want to choose another one, her lips tugged down at the side and she replied, “Haven’t you read books like this?”

“No.”

With a giggle, Elsa flipped through the first pages. “But don’t you think that books with no pictures are more interesting than the ones with pictures?”

“Ugh,” she groaned, rolling her eyes as she read the cover and the boring title written on it. “You sound like my mom.”

Instead of being offended, the blonde only smiled. “But books with no pictures are always more amazing. One I read had dragons in it, and sometimes fairies.”

“So do the ones with pictures in them!”

“Yeah,” Elsa sighed as she watched Anna pout. “But books without pictures have better words that only big girls like me use.”

She seemed like she won an ice cream and Anna couldn’t help but be fazed. Elsa did use better words and she wanted to be like her, too. If it was possible to sound as smart and beautiful as the blonde, Anna would learn it, even if it was boring.

“Fine,” she forced out and watched the teasing smile on Elsa’s face turn into a sweet one.

“Great! So just lay there and I will read until you fall asleep.” Anna gave her a hesitant thumb up, burrowing herself into her pillows.

“I’m ready.”

“Okay, the first story is titled The E-Emperor’s New Clothes.”

Well that sounded interesting, Anna waited for Elsa to begin with a quiet nod.

“Many years ago, there was an Emperor who was so excessively fond of new cloth–”

“Wait,” Anna cut her off, confused, “Wasn’t a fairy tale supposed to start with once upon a time?”

Elsa seemed to think about it, thinking of what to answer to her. “Most do but some don’t.”

“But how are you going to know if it’s going to be good without a once upon a time? And that it meant that it will have a happily ever after?” Anna prodded. Elsa looked down at the pages before her face brightened up.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay,” Elsa repeated with a gentle grin. “Let’s just start all over again.”

Now, Anna was confused, how does someone change a story? But Elsa – wonderful and awesome Elsa – did just that. It was just a few words and she was leaning against the pillow as she read with a hand propping her head, but Anna felt that this one was going to have a happy ending.

“Once upon a time, there was an Emperor…”

Anna listened as each word passed Elsa’s lips, imagining with all her might the kind of things she heard. At this point in time, as she spoke the words that made her imagination come alive, Elsa looked so much like the princess she thought her to be. Smart, beautiful as the pages turned until Anna was ready to let sleep take her.

* * *

Anna was mad at Elsa.

It was the first time and it happened when they were at their fourth sleepover. The Emperor’s New Clothes was the cause and Anna refused to even sleep next to the blonde.

When Elsa started the story, Anna was sure that it’d be a good one with a good ending, but, aside from deep words that Elsa had to get the dictionary for, she didn’t get anything but sadness from it.

“You said it was a good story!” Anna exclaimed from within her tent, the entrance zipped up as Elsa waited on the other side. It took four sleepovers for the story to be finished because of the redhead falling asleep quickly but now that it’s over, she couldn’t help but feel betrayed.

“I… thought so, too, but it’s… it’s… it’s not that bad!”

“The Emperor went out without any clothes on because the people cheated him and he was embarrassed at his own parade. How is that a good ending?” she whined as she cupped her ears not to hear Elsa explaining.

“But the story’s message is to –”

“Blah, blah, blah. I’m not listening!” Seriously, how dare Elsa lie to her? She was expecting that the Emperor would have the best-est clothes in the kingdom but instead, he went out naked and the people had to tell him that he was cheated before he knew.

“Anna.” She heard Elsa as she babbled useless words to block her voice out from her ear.

“Anna.”

Nope, she wasn’t listening. Singing the twinkle-twinkle song, Anna sang louder. It took seconds before she realised that Elsa was not calling her name anymore, the shadow from behind the tent was disappearing.

Did she leave already? Anna listened and when she didn’t hear anything, she carefully opened the tent and peeked out.

The coast was clear and she crawled out to see where the blonde went when Elsa tackled her from behind with a grin.

“Elsa!” That got her to stop. Getting up from where she was leaning on Anna, she smiled apologetically at her.

“I’m sorry, Anna. I swear I didn’t know.”

With a harrumph, the younger girl crossed her arms and looked away from her. “You were the one who said we should read it because you said it was going to be good.”

“Yeah,” Elsa added with a wince. Creeping slowly next to her, the blonde put an arm around her. “I’m sorry about that. I promise that the next one I’ll read will be better.”

Anna’s eyes lit up. “You’ll read the fairy tale books with pictures now?”

“If that’s what you want, Anna,” she smiled at her.

“Ugh, thank you! I told you books with no pictures are bad.”

“But they aren’t though.”

Anna stared at her. “But you already finished the story and it was bad.”

Elsa chuckled at her, standing up and picking up the book that she just called bad. “No, Anna. Look,” she flipped through the next page. “There’s another story there. A lot actually. Just because one story is bad doesn’t mean that all of them are.”

Her words seemed suspicious. Anna was wary this time around, but decided to trust Elsa one last time. “You promise?”

“Of course,” Elsa swore, drawing an x at her heart. “Cross my heart and hope to die.”

Anna had heard that before, when her father or mother promise her something, and she knew that it meant Elsa was sincere and she would not lie.

Standing up, the blonde held a hand out and Anna took it without question. “C’mon, I’ll show you.”

When Elsa started reading, she was lulled again into the world. She didn’t actually mean that pictureless books were boring, not when her imagination ran wild with Elsa’s, but Anna loved happy endings.

Sleeping beauty kissing her prince, the three little pigs escaping the wolf, and sure, the Emperor’s story was a bit boring, but as Elsa weaved the story before her, she couldn’t help but wonder over words, thinking about all sorts of things without pictures and only her imagination to trust.

“Once upon a time…”

* * *

Anna already dozed off before Elsa finished the story. The blonde smiled, stopping her storytelling but opting to read the end for herself.

When she was satisfied with what she read, the blonde closed the lampshade on the bedside table and sneaked back underneath the blue blanket.

She guessed she’d just have to make sure she wouldn’t break her promise.


	2. silly childish games

**ii. silly childish games**

“Mama said that I will have a baby sibling soon!” Elsa announced with a gleeful grin as she stepped up into Anna’s front porch.

For all of Elsa’s glittering blues and wide smiles, Anna didn’t reflect the happiness she was showing. She knew what having a baby sibling meant and from what she knew it wasn’t good.

Anna had a friend, his name was Kristoff, and they used to hang out all the time in school during recess. Unfortunately, once his brother was born months ago, Kristoff seldom talked to her anymore and would always rush home to him.

Elsa having a new baby sibling soon was not good news.

That meant that she’d have less time with Anna, just like Kristoff, and the auburn-headed girl would be replaced with a stupid little baby.

Frowning, she twirled around and rushed inside, slamming the door behind her and leaving the confused blonde to follow her. The hot tears springing from her eyes only made her cry harder. She didn’t hear the opening of her bedroom door as a blonde girl timidly approached her.

“Anna?”

“Go away,” she mumbled through the pillow, breathing in a watery breath.

A tender hand brushed her hair and whispered, “Anna, what’s wrong?”

“You’re just like Kristoff!” she yelled loudly before planting her face down the wet pillow beneath her once again.

It wasn’t seconds before Elsa joined her in the bed, comforting her as she rubbed her hands on Anna’s back softly. “Why do you say that?”

Anna tried to answer her, getting up once again and turning to her best friend, but the sobs that were making way on her throat were big. All she could do was breathe in and exhale the air as quickly as it entered her.

Wrapping her arms around the younger girl, Elsa shushed her as Anna continued to cry. She was very good at making the redhead stop. The humming took Anna’s attention. Suddenly she wasn’t so sad anymore.

“Anna?”

Blue eyes turned to her curiously. Anna felt a little embarrassed. Here she was throwing tantrums when she was already six years old and not thinking about her friend. “I-I’m sorry for crying.”

“It’s okay,” Elsa chirped as her arms loosened around her. “But will you tell me what made you sad?”

Averting her gaze from the blonde, Anna mumbled, “… you won’t want me anymore.”

Elsa seemed to know exactly what she was talking about as she was embraced pretty tightly again. “Anna, that’s not true. I’ll always want to be your friend.”

Sniffing, Anna wiped the tears on her eyes with the back of her hand. “B-But Kristoff didn’t want me anymore because he has a new brother now.”

“I won’t do the same thing,” Elsa promised as she pulled back. “I’ll always be your best friend. Whatever happens.”

“You swear?”

“Cross my heart and hope to die.”

* * *

Elsa’s house seemed different.

Anna had been here a hundred times before but, somehow, even with everything from the walls to the furniture unchanging, she couldn’t help but think that she was entering a new house.

She guessed it was because it was more quiet.

Mrs. Arendelle, even though she still smiled at Anna all the time, was not asking her questions anymore. She just kept to herself these past days which was a little weird to the redhead’s opinion. She had a baby bump now (that’s what her mother told her) and she was getting bigger but at the same time, her face looked thinner than the rest of her.

It might have been because Mr. Arendelle was always frowning now, but Anna hadn’t had the chance to think about it or look more closely. She was too engrossed in conversations about fairies and dragons with her friend.

But there were also times where she could hear Elsa’s parents talking loudly. Their voices would reach to the swing under the tree which they were playing on. The fields were huge enough that it would echo in the air. Like declarations of excitement. Anna knew that for when she gets a little too energetic, she tends to grow louder, too.

So maybe it wasn’t because it was quiet.

She looked at Elsa. Her blue eyes were turned downward, like she was looking at something Anna couldn’t see. When she called her name, Elsa smiled at her and tugged her hand as they went through the fields, away from the vintage (Elsa taught her that word when they were reading Peter and Wendy!) cottage and into the never-ending gold that was taller than the both of them.

“What are we doing here, Elsa?”

“Let’s play hide-and-seek!” the blonde said without turning around as she led her further and further within the yellow fields until Anna didn’t know where they came from. Everything looked the same. She was certain she was in another world where they could do whatever they wanted to as she ploughed through in search of a hiding spot.

That afternoon, Anna and Elsa played until Mr. Arendelle called them. The sun was already setting and the frown on his face was scary, but her best friend seemed more scared than she was. She didn’t look up and wave goodbye to Anna once her father placed a hand on her shoulder like how she always did before.

On the following days after that, Anna couldn’t help but notice the weird smell coming from Mr. Arendelle when visiting Elsa’s house. She had asked Elsa about it, but all she got was a shaking of the head. Maybe it was because he was drinking so much soda. Anna saw that there were a few pieces of dark coloured bottles inside their little house. Maybe she should tell Mr. Arendelle about it, then he would smell like he used to before.

In the meantime, Anna would avoid going inside Elsa’s house, especially now that her father had gifted her a complete medical play set. She’d just have to invite Elsa more often so that they could play.

* * *

Anna didn’t know that Elsa having a younger sibling would mean that she’d actually see more of the blonde.

She was scared the first time the blonde told her about it. Anna feared that Elsa would not play with her anymore because she would be too invested in her soon-to-be baby brother, but it was actually the opposite.

Elsa was wearing shorts today, which was weird since it was a little cold now. Her best friend didn’t mind it though as she wielded a stick and slashed through the air, her arms covered in the sleeves of a black jacket. If Anna was not looking carefully, she might think Elsa was someone else, maybe a boy in her class or maybe even a playful stranger, with the way her steps seemed bigger, less measured and the coolness of her presence evaporated into an escalating excitement.

“C’mon, Anna! We’re goin’ on an adventure!”

And Anna loved adventures more than anything else.

Elsa wasn’t a very outdoorsy person, but there were periods of time where she was always the one asking to play in the fields or even in Anna’s front porch. The auburn-haired child loved those times when they played and had enjoyed every second of it.

That’s why Elsa was her favourite person.

They had explored everything already, ran through the corn fields and climbed trees that surrounded it but this time Elsa wanted to go past where they had been before. Anna had always trusted Elsa, and so she followed the blonde as she spliced through the weeds and branches blocking their way with her wooden stick. She looked every bit of a brave knight in shining armour rather than a pretty princess.

One of the things they’d found was a creek that ran longer than what her eyes could see. The whole place was painted in the green of the grass, the brown of the trees and the occasional twinkling of the stream of water from where the sun was hitting it.

Anna squealed as she looked around the place, deciding that it was the most beautiful place she’d seen. “Elsa! This is amazing!”

“It is.” Elsa chuckled at her and thrusted her makeshift sword in the sky. “What’d you think about bein’ my first mate, pirate?”

“Can I get a sword like you do?” Anna asked, holding both of her hands in front of her, eyes wide as she watched Elsa nod and go through the edge of the creek to pick out some wooden branches.

“I’m the captain. You can’t have a long sword like me,” she started, rushing to Anna and holding out a shorter stick, the wood thicker than what she was holding, “But you can have this magic wand like a wizard!”

“Really?!”

Taking the wand, Anna swirled it around the air. Elsa laughed at her and pointed her sword to Anna. “To our next great adventure, Neverland!”

Anna knew of Neverland, the land in which lost boys travelled to, a place where fairies and mermaids and all kinds of magic lived. She imagined it in her head and was excited with what she came up with. Thrilled as Elsa pulled her to a fallen body of a tree, riding it with both legs on each side, they braved the wild waves of the ocean on their own. Steering an imaginary wheel and rocking through the crashing waters, the blonde was successful in reaching the island.

“I wish I would never grow up!” cried Anna as she took her first steps in an unfamiliar world. Everything was as it was but the little girl was so lost within her mind. The creek looked bigger like the sea and the ground on which she walked on was new.

Elsa tilted her head as she followed the trail of the redhead, watching her steps because Anna, herself, wouldn’t. “Like Peter?”

“Yeah! And then I’d be the captain of my own ship,” she declared loudly, waving her wand in the air. “What about you, Elsa? Do you think growing up is un-cool, too?”

A lonely emotion crossed the girl’s eyes for seconds, crumbling the brave goofy smile in her lips until she shook her head decisively, putting the imaginary sword down on her side like it didn’t belong to her. “No.”

“Pft, why not?”

“I want to grow up,” she stated simply as Anna knelt next to where a flower stood by itself in the grass, “I want to grow up as fast as I could so I could fly away from this place.”

“But you’d never be able to do that if you grow up. Flying is for those who never grow up.”

Elsa seemed to think about her words, sitting down slowly on the ground as she blinked up to Anna.

“Really?”

“Reaaally,” was her answer, jumping down to where Elsa was sitting.

“But only kids cry and I don’t want to cry anymore.”

Now that’s a curious thing. Anna had never seen Elsa cry, not when she tripped on her way downstairs at the redhead’s house or on the stones behind her own, but looking at her now, she looked like a breath away from doing so. The blonde was older than her but maybe she did cry sometimes, too.

“But grown-ups don’t get to play anymore,” Anna said “Here, in Neverland, you’d never grow up.”

Elsa shook her head as a faint smile lit her face. The serene expression was one Anna was used to. “We will have to go home soon… and I don’t think we cannot not grow up.”

“Then maybe you’re Wendy,” Anna concluded absentmindedly. “Don’t worry! I’ll be your Peter and I’d take you flying anytime you want.”

“Will you take me flying now?”

“Of course,” Anna yelled as Elsa lightened up. Taking the long sword of the previous captain, she swished through the air just like Elsa did before. “To our next adventure… flying!”

* * *

“She took the little maiden on her arm, and both flew in brightness and in joy so high, so very high, and then above was neither cold, nor hunger, nor anxiety… they were with God.”

“Does that mean her grandmother was a fairy?”

Elsa nodded with a grin on her face. “Of course, how could they have a feast and a day like Christmas if it wasn’t that?”

“Woah,” Anna giggled, Elsa’s hurried closing of the book evading her notice. “I would love to be taken there, too!”

“Not so soon, I hope,” Elsa commented as she pulled the blanket over the redhead. “Stay with me for longer.”

“I’m not going to leave forever. I’m going to come back later for you.” Anna rolled her eyes at Elsa’s silliness.

“That’s great. If a fairy asked to fly away with you, refuse right away, okay?”

“Okay.” Anna blew a raspberry at her but nodded nonetheless.

* * *

In hushed tones, Anna heard the whispering from where she was sleeping. She was half-awake now, but still sleepy enough to not pay any attention to the conversation going on.

“I thought that it would be different now.”

It was her mother’s voice who asked, “What will be different, honey?”

The silence almost lulled Anna back to sleep but she heard a familiar voice answer. “Everything.”

Whatever everything was, that only made the talkers in her room hush. The paces and shutting of the door was the key to make her fall asleep again.

* * *

“Do you have other friends?”

Elsa looked at her for a second before returning her gaze back to the book in front of her, focus wavering as she blinked at the pages. “Of course, Anna.”

Okay. Right, yeah.

Only Anna never saw Elsa with anyone else before. They were in the same school, but Anna had never, and she meant never, saw the blonde talking to anyone, including the redhead herself there.

“Then why are you always alone at school?”

That’s an okay question to ask, right? Her mother used to chastise her for always speaking her mind out loud. Even if that in itself was not a bad thing, it also meant that she’d usually offend people with her questions.

Like that one time when she asked why Mr. Oaken was so big as he brushed the leaves on the playground at school, or when she asked Ms. Addams why her nose was like a hotdog.

But not Elsa, no, she had never offended Elsa. The blonde would always just smile at her or nod and answer her questions truthfully. Right now, that was what the blonde was doing.

“I like being alone at school better. I can read more.”

Ah. Anna knew that. Her mother once gifted Elsa a box of books. She didn’t know how her mother knew about Elsa’s likes of books but she was thankful all the more, because she could hear more stories from the blonde even without her reading to her directly from the book.

It was the clap of thunder that made Elsa stop, freezing on the spot as she looked at the window in alarm. Anna knew by now that the blonde didn’t like thunderstorms and she crawled to the space next to her and held her hand.

Elsa was shaking as she assured Anna she was alright. The finger that turned the page trembled as she tried to lose herself in the book once again.

Anna knew she was not okay. One of the things she learned about Elsa was that she never liked loud sounds. She jumped even on the slightest rise of volume around her. The unexpected breaking of glass, a particular loud closing of the door.

crRrriiIIIIickkAAa-DuUn

Elsa squealed, pressing to her side, the book she was holding fell to the floor. Her hand was gripping Anna’s shirt and that only served as more proof that Elsa was not okay. Placing both of her arms around her, Anna held her tightly.

The blonde didn’t move, didn’t even make a sound, but Anna could see how her blue eyes flickered, the light on it fading like she was before a bonfire before taking a huge exhale of air as she finally stuttered in a small voice, “P-please d-don’t –”

“I won’t,” Anna finished for her friend, “I won’t leave you.”

Never was Anna called responsible before. She was way too energetic, her mind too fast in its run, but at this moment, she knew that the best thing to do was to continue embracing Elsa. She felt her shaking in her arms and when Anna looked at her face after a few minutes, it was only then she confirmed that she was crying.

* * *

That was not the last time Anna saw Elsa cry. It was the first. The first of many, many times and she didn’t know what to do when she saw her again, right outside the cottage’s porch, shoulders shaking as sobs escaped her.

It was a Saturday and that meant that they could play the whole day. Anna’s mom told her to invite Elsa for lunch and she happily skipped her way to the house next door.

But she didn’t expect Elsa to be crying this early in the morning.

“Elsa? What’s wrong?”

Anna was ignored intensely, the girl not even looking up from where she was between her knees.

“Elsa?”

She tried again, moving to sit next to her when a booming, shrill voice called from inside the house. “Elsa?! Where the hell are you?” 

That sounded like Mr. Arendelle. Anna was taken aback – her mother taught her not to say a specific word he just said – and surely Elsa was, too. Her crying stilled, and the place was unbearably quiet as the steps got louder inside the house.

“Elsa!” The man repeated, a huge crash inside commenced. “Damn fucking – Elsa! Come over here right now.”

The blonde didn’t move, she was like a statue, and Anna was beginning to get scared from Mr. Arendelle’s yelling.

“Elsa!”

Another crash, louder as it was nearer, made Anna shift her eyes to the door and the motionless blonde sitting on the wooden steps. Elsa didn’t move, didn’t hear the words her father was saying, absorbed in her own world, which only she saw.

The door suddenly opened and brown eyes struck wide as Mrs. Arendelle was met unexpectedly with the auburn-headed girl. Regarding her daughter with an alarmed look, she held the screen door tightly in her hand.

Anna was just about to run when Mrs. Arendelle’s lips opened silently, mouthing with wariness, “Please take Elsa away.”

Time made sure that Anna would. She didn’t know what to do to take Elsa away, didn’t even know why, but she hurried to the blonde and snagged her motionless hand in her own and pulled like it’s the only reason she was here.

Anna pulled and came the blonde stumbling to the ground, looking at her with teary eyes. “W-what are…”

“C’mon, Elsa,” Anna whispered, “Let’s go.”

And so she towed Elsa along like a dog in a leash. It was hard, Elsa wasn’t cooperating at all, feet heavy on the dirt but Anna managed to manoeuvre them towards the domineering greens and further and further and further until they reached the creek. Anna’s heart thudded like a hammer and she finally let go of Elsa’s hand.

Panting as she collapsed on a mossy log, she was surprised to see Elsa smiling at her, copying the way she sat on the damp seat. Thankful that the blonde was now in a better mood, she chirped, “Is everything okay?”

“Yes.” Elsa dipped her head and grinned brightly, pearly-whites shining. “What are we doin’ here?”

Anna didn’t know why her feet led them there but it was the only place she knew. It was the place in which away was and she took off to it. Instead of answering, Anna only stared at her friend, blonde hair tangled together and eyes red.

There was a weird feeling in her stomach that reached to her chest. Anna knew something was not right, but as Elsa pulled back her sleeves and stretched, the thought was forgotten. “Are we here to play?”

Anna nodded, following the steps of the older girl as she marched over the creek and splashed the streaming water with her scuffed sandals.

“I’m a fairy and I will grant all of your wishes,” Elsa said, voice deep as she imitated what she thought a fairy was.

“But fairies don’t have deep voices!” Anna complained, drops of waters landing on her clothes with no care. “They’re supposed to sound sweet.”

“NO,” Elsa bellowed as she stepped back into land with a grin, covering her face with an arm, “I AM THE GREAT FAIRY.” The blonde leaned towards her, adding in a gentler voice, “That means I’m different than all the other fairies around.”

Anna pursed her lips, thinking, then asked curiously, “If you are different from any other fairies, what do you do?”

“I take care of all the other fairies. They’re small but I am BIG,” Elsa threw her hands in the air. “Bigger and better than all of them combined.”

“What about me?” she asked enthusiastically. “What am I? Am I a big fairy too?”

“You could be whatever you want to be.”

So, Anna became a princess who breathes fire like a dragon. That made Elsa laugh at her, but not in a way that made her feel embarrassed. The Great Fairy and the Dragon Princess went on an adventure, again, to Neverland, and when Anna asked Elsa again if she’d rather stay there forever, she answered almightily, “We will, Your Highness! This is our kingdom now.”

They ruled the small kingdom over the creek, pirates as they crossed the ocean and mighty warriors as they reached the other side of the land. As The Great Fairy, Elsa blessed their ship, the old fallen log now a mighty vessel in which they conquer all the other lands.

When they had collapsed on the grass from their exhaustion, Elsa faced her with a frown on her face, “Do you think we should go back home now?”

The sun, in all its glory as they played through lunchtime, was now tinting the sky with orange. It had been a long day in Neverland, but Anna was also getting tired now. And hungry.

“Yeah, I want to eat chicken nuggets and sleep for a long, long time.”

Which basically meant it was the end of their adventure for the day. Elsa sighed and sat up, looking at their playground with the eyes of a doubter. “I wish Neverland was real.”

But Anna knew it was real. Ignoring Elsa and her sudden silence, they walked back to the edge of the woods. The overlooking sun that shone over the fields. Anna could see Elsa’s house and, from the distance, it looked peaceful.

“Do you want to play hide-and-seek?”

She could see her own house to her far left and even if Elsa had regained her goofy smile, Anna didn’t want to play anymore. Shaking her head, Anna started walking back through the tall grass. “I want to go home now.”

Elsa didn’t seem to hear her and started counting backwards from ten. Anna might’ve been halfway through when she was startled as the blonde came out of nowhere, catching her by the shoulders and shrieking, “Found ‘ya.”

However, Anna meant it when she said she wanted to go home. Pushing Elsa back enough for the older girl to stumble on her feet, she huffed, “I don’t want to play anymore.”

That convinced Elsa to stop for a while but once seconds passed, she announced, “Race to my house.”

And so she ran, and little Anna, not wanting to walk alone in the cornfield, went after her swiftly. She watched the blonde’s back as she sidestepped thick groves and waved her hand around, touching the plants in which she passed, scattering the sunset’s light on their way like sparks of stardust. Before she knew it, they were back at Elsa’s house.

Their company, however, was very much missed. Anna watched as her mother, hands wrapped around her body, saw them and rushed at a moment’s notice.

“Anna!” Her mom exhaled, hugging her tightly and checking her body for something. “Are you alright? Where have you been? We’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

“I’m sorry I missed lunch,” she replied without a hint of sadness. “But Elsa and I were playing and I forgot!”

Her mother’s eyes turned stern and her lips flattened into a line. She nodded once, looked at Elsa, and stood up, taking Anna’s hand with hers.

“Elsa.”

The blonde girl blinked at her, waiting, but Anna’s mother seemed to think better of her words and shook her head. “I think you should go inside now, too. We’re going home.”

Quietness enveloped the cottage behind them and Elsa’s eyes drifted from the door to the ground. She was picking at her hands, the dirt that came from their playing having stained them. “Okay.”

As she and her mother crossed the street and made their way home, Anna couldn’t help but look back. She waved a hand at the lone girl standing incredibly still where they left her. Not even one star was in her eyes as she raised her hand.

Anna didn’t know if she was waving goodbye or asking her to stay.

* * *

The next day, there was an ambulance in front of Elsa’s home. Her mother had forbidden her to leave the house – apparently she was grounded – but from the window of her room, she could see it come and leave so fast.

It was a bit far so she didn’t know what happened, didn’t see anyone get in or out. For now, Anna went back to her tent, watching the sharks on the Animal Planet alone and thinking about telling Elsa she should be a mermaid next time they played.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my guys! If some are a little confused, this is the second chapter to a four-part prologue. Afterwards, our real first chapter will begin. Special thanks (and a million virtual hugs) to the beautiful [SheAlwaysDies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SheAlwaysDies/pseuds/SheAlwaysDies) for editing and for just being an all-around awesome person.
> 
> Please let me know what you think on the reviews as getting one is always wonderful. Don't forget to take care of yourselves, my dudes xx


	3. moonshine

**iii. moonshine**

Anna struggled to contain herself on the couch, all the while thinking about bursting out the doors to the cottage in the fields. She somehow managed to stay seated across from her mother and father with their foreheads creased.

She hadn’t seen Elsa since two weeks ago and she was starting to miss her really bad. That meant that she had no one to play with, no fairies or dragons or pirates. Anna wished that she could see her again today. She was starting to get lonely.

“Anna, are you sure that you didn’t see anything happen that Saturday?”

Humming to herself, Anna shook her head. “I only went into Elsa’s house and saw her crying and then Mrs. Arendelle came out and told me to take her away.”

That made them look at each other. When they turned back to Anna, they looked more serious, more disturbed.

“Why did Mrs. Arendelle say that, Anna? And why was Elsa crying?”

Not knowing why her parents were suddenly interested in what happened that Saturday, Anna shrugged. “I have noooo idea. Mr. Arendelle was yelling and calling Elsa but Mrs. Arendelle told me to take her away… so we went to play outside.”

“Was Elsa…” Her dad trailed off before coughing and continuing. “Was Elsa okay when you played outside?”

“Mhm.” Looking at the door once again, she asked hopefully, “Can I go play with her now?”

Her mother swallowed, Anna could see that she looked a bit uncomfortable, like her tummy hurt and that’s why her face was scrunched up like that. She shifted her gaze to her father. He looked just the same as her mom did.

Maybe he’s got a stomach-ache, too.

“No… not yet.” She neared the little girl and brushed the hair out of her daughter’s face. “Anna, I don’t think you should go there now.”

“Why not?” Anna inquired, confused with what she was being told. Didn’t her mother tell her that she’d be able to play with Elsa soon?

“Anna.” It was her father who spoke, sighing deeply as he gave a look to her mother. “Can we tell you something?”

“Yes, dad, of course.”

“Remember when Nana Edna passed away?”

Anna nodded. “Yes. You told me she left and would never come back again because… God already took her away.”

“That’s right,” he replied with proudness but the following words were laced with hesitation. “Anna. Mrs. Arendelle passed away just three days ago.”

Anna paused, taking in his words with a frown. “But she was healthy when I last saw her! She even had ketchup on her clothes so that means she was eating healthy, too. Nana Edna passed away because she couldn’t wake up and eat anymore. Why did Mrs. Arendelle get taken by God, too?”

An innocent observation along with an innocent question. That moment, her mother and father thanked God for the naivety and innocence of their child. She was soon sent back to her room, their decision not letting Anna go out until they said so.

Soon, maybe after two weeks or more, she saw the older girl again on her way back from school. Anna hadn’t seen Elsa back in the building again. Even without them being in the same class, she was able to see her in the hallway and the blonde would often smile at her when they passed each other. Lately, Elsa wasn’t able to do that since she kept missing school.

Seeing her after so long made Anna giddy with happiness, but Elsa was quite different after what happened that Saturday.

Meaning every bit of what she was saying, Anna called out to her as she jogged across from the street, the yellow bus leaving quickly, “Elsa! I miss you.”

Elsa must’ve not heard her because she didn’t turn, didn’t look as she pulled a sack filled with something Anna didn’t know. The auburn-headed girl stopped at the dirt road going into Elsa’s house and waited. “Elsa?”

But Elsa still didn’t look at her. She was quick to deposit the sack on one of the wheelbarrows on the edge of her house, but never did she look up once from the ground.

“Anna!”

Turning around, her mother was there in their foyer, waving at her to come. Stealing one final glance at Elsa’s back, Anna frowned but followed the voice of her mother.

* * *

It was Anna’s birthday, an occasion in which she celebrated as if it would only be once in a lifetime.

Kristoff and Punzie were some of her friends that were invited to it. Sitting on her bed, she showed off her brand new paint set. Her other friends – whom Anna wasn’t very close with – were downstairs, eating cake as they waited for them to come back down.

“What is this, Anna?” Kristoff asked, holding her pink tutu on his shoulder like a scarf.

Anna laughed at him and told him it was a skirt. He stuck his tongue out once he knew what it was and threw it on the floor. That’s okay, Anna thought, boys were a little dumber than girls were, a statement she heard Punzie say once in class as they watched their male counterparts play in the rain.

Kristoff apologised for not spending more time with her when she refused to talk to him anymore. Accepting his apology at once (she didn’t really know how to hold grudges) Anna found herself hanging out with him and Punzie more than she ever did before.

It might be because Elsa didn’t play with her anymore. It had been weeks since she last talked to her and even longer since they had a conversation.

Maybe it was because Mrs. Arendelle passed away and that she was sad about it. Anna remembered crying for weeks, even sometimes now, whenever she remembered Nana Edna. Still, she couldn’t help but feel hurt whenever she passed by Elsa and the blonde wouldn’t even look at her.

Blowing on her candles, Anna wished for Elsa to talk to her again so that they could play once more on the cornfields. Anna would have invited her to the party, but she was nowhere to be found and her father warned her not to go near the cottage again without their permission. Gifts were given to her by her friends and her parents, but as she unwrapped each and every one, Anna couldn’t help but feel lonely.

Especially when she saw that she got an Alice in Wonderland book (the one with no pictures!) from her friend Jasmine. She thought about how Elsa would love it and how she would convince the redhead herself to read it.

Opening it, she read a couple of lines before her mother knocked on her room.

“Sweetie? Are you busy?”

Closing it at once, she said no, much to her mom’s delight. “C’mon. I’ll show you something. Somebody forgot to give you a gift.”

Anna was curious about who it was. Her mother had given her a gift already, a yellow sundress with laces, and her dad gave her the paint set that she was showing earlier to Punzie and Kristoff.

Her friends had left by five with their parents. She stalked behind her mother, thinking about who it could be. Maybe it was Ryder, Anna didn’t recall what his gift was, or maybe it was Jane finally being able to make it to her party even if she was sick!

“I was just about to go to bed when somebody knocked,” her mother said with a smile. “And of course, I had to let her in.”

Wait… her? Anna gasped in surprise, expecting a certain blonde to be sitting on their couch and, lo and behold, Elsa was there!

She was wearing her black jacket over a faded blue dress and Anna embraced her as soon as she was steps away. Elsa giggled at her and beamed, “Happy Birthday, Anna! I’m sorry I’m late.”

“It’s okay!” And it really was. Elsa looked thinner than before, but it’s probably because she looked taller now, even just a bit. Her braid was a bit dirty, hints of dust on the crisscrossing lines of pale white, but the blonde still was beautiful.

“Have you eaten already?” came the gentle voice of her mom as she watched them by the kitchens.

Elsa’s smile dropped and it took a couple of seconds before she shook her head no.

Her mother then prepared a quick dish of chicken soup for the blonde as they talked about Anna’s new gifts. Elsa took it with grateful hands. There wasn’t any barbecue left and she wanted to apologise for that. Yet as she watched Elsa not minding the temperature of the food, slurping it straight from the bowl nosily, Anna stayed quiet by her side.

“Oh, dear! Please slow down. You’re going to burn yourself,” Anna’s mom warned. Elsa only nodded and smiled.

She didn’t slow down a bit.

Anna asked her mother if Elsa could stay, a request the blonde easily accepted as the two young girl’s begged the woman to _please_ let them have a sleepover.

A bit hesitant at first, her mother agreed, thinking that if Elsa knocked at the door that time of night, her father should have known about it.

“Anna, wait,” she chirped as they settled into Anna’s bed, the fairy lights lit up on her wall as Elsa sat back up again. “I forgot to give you your gift.”

Elsa produced a necklace from her pocket and Anna took it without question from her hand. It was made out of a red yarn and a small rusted bell that looked like the ones you hang on a Christmas tree. A simple gift compared to all the ones she had. It was not as colourful as Kristoff’s bracelets or as expensive as Punzie’s ginormous bear, but it was Anna’s favourite for the sole reason that it was Elsa who gave it to her.

“I have my own, too,” she added, pulling down her shirt’s neckline to show a blue one yarn hanging on her neck, a similar-looking bell attached to it. “So that we could still be together even when we’re apart.”

Liking the idea, Anna put it on herself and hugged the blonde again, faintly hearing a slight hitching of breath as she did so. “Thank you.”

Anna dreamt of a pretty princess playing with her that night in a grand castle full of flowers and gold. It was one of the better dreams that she had, for Elsa seemed happy in it. Unlike the real her, who looked like she was so very lonely as she left Anna’s house with three loaves of bread and all the eggs her mother could give. 

* * *

Anna never saw Elsa inside the school again. It made the little girl sad but she still tried to find ways to see the blonde again.

Sometimes, she’d manage to convince her mom to let her play in Elsa’s house, and on the times she agreed, her mother would be the one knocking on the cottage’s doors. It was always Elsa who answers the door.

Charging at an invisible monster, Elsa ran with a battle cry. She might’ve been only swinging her hands in the empty air, but the girls could see what really was happening.

“Elsa, it’s behind you!”

On the times that she did, Elsa would smile and nod at her and they would play along the cornfield like they used to before. Her mom would always wait for her on those times, just like right now, where the two was busy with make believing.

The two girls would spend the whole time together, only stopping once Anna’s mother called for her or Mr. Arendelle interrupted them with his scowl on his face.

Falling to the ground as the air monster tackled Elsa down, the blonde raised her hand out to Anna. “A-Anna… use your fire sword to defeat him.”

Sometimes, the blonde wouldn’t even open the door from inside and she would tell Anna and her mother to leave. The red-haired girl didn’t know why Elsa wouldn’t show herself those times and would often feel bad every time it happened.

But she had gotten used to the changes in her friend. Anna thought that maybe the blonde was just sick or feeling tired or any other reason her young mind could come up with. The stick tucked inside her pants was unleashed with a howl and the air monster vanished without a trace. Elsa laughed and jumped up to meet her, congratulating Anna on her success.

Without a warning and with joy in her chest, Anna hugged Elsa tightly in her arms as a celebratory gesture but the loud yelp from her deterred the younger girl as the blonde took a huge step back.

Alarmed, Anna asked, “Are you alright?”

Elsa’s pained wince and her arms wrapping around her stomach indicated that she wasn’t. Anna didn’t mean to hurt her and she apologised to the blonde. Elsa was quiet at first, looking in the ground as her arms protected her body from Anna.

“I’m sorry, Elsa,” Anna murmured as she touched her elbow. Elsa was thinking about what to say, or so Anna thought, and it took a while before she reacted.

The blonde snapped back to reality with a jolt and blue eyes stared at Anna like she was a stranger. Shivers rocked Elsa’s body and she took a step back before running to the fields without a word.

Anna wanted to follow her, she really did, but once she had taken a couple of steps towards the golden grass, her arm was snatched by her mother, a disapproving frown on her face.

* * *

Elsa was crying again.

Anna was actually scared hearing someone cry in the middle of the night but as soon as she looked at her window, the scary monster she was expecting turned out to be a blonde girl knocking on her window.

As quietly as she could, Anna opened the latch and stared at her friend who’s looking like she’s just came out of bed. Her hair was sticking in all directions and her crumpled face was wet with tears. Elsa’s clothes didn’t look comfortable enough for the cold weather, her shorts and sleeveless shirt both looking a little torn on the seams. The moonshine was glaring at her from behind and Anna wondered why someone who looked so sad could look so beautiful still.

“Elsa? Are you okay?”

She shook her head and crawled inside Anna’s room without a word. The redhead didn’t know how Elsa could get into the second floor of their house and into her room, but maybe she climbed that big old tree on their yard. Her friend was actually good at climbing trees sometimes, but sometimes she couldn’t even hold herself longer than five seconds on a branch.

Elsa was so confusing sometimes.

“What’s wrong, Elsa?” the younger girl asked as she followed the blonde as she hid below her desk, pushing her face to her knees and heaving a heavy sob. Elsa was trying her best not to be heard, but her uncontrolled breathing was loud and Anna felt like she could cry just from seeing her cry.

Peering from where she was hiding in her knees, Elsa whispered, “T-There’s-s a m-monster in-in m-my r-r-room.”

Anna didn’t know about monsters in Elsa’s room, but she was also scared of monsters. Still she knew how to defeat them. So she sneaked next to the blonde under the table with a flashlight, lighting the nook with yellow.

“Don’t worry, Elsa. With this flashlight, the monster will be scared and go away!”

“R-Really?” Elsa asked between short inhales.

Anna nodded surely. “Yes! And if you put the light on them they will vanish and then you can go back to sleep in your room again.”

That seemed to rub Elsa the wrong way since she burrowed her head back into between her legs and cried louder. “No… I don’t want to go back there again!”

Anna had never seen Elsa like this before, sobbing loudly and pressing herself into the corner in which the inside of her table meets the wall. Elsa didn’t look like a pretty princess right now or a brave pirate. Right now, the blonde was nothing but a scared little girl.

The auburn-haired child knew what being scared was. May it be a monster under the bed or the ghost haunting the school’s washroom, Anna felt scared more times than one, but looking closely at her friend, Elsa wasn’t _just_ scared like her.

Elsa was lost. Anna didn't know where she might be, but certainly, Elsa was not right here in the room with her. She was crying like she was seeing something nobody had ever seen before.

Something that couldn’t exist in such a place like where Anna lived.

Doing the only thing she thought would help Elsa, Anna crept out from under the table and into her bed, taking the white fuzzy bear that Punzie gave her and her own thick blanket. In no time, she was back at Elsa's side again, and with shaky hands, Anna put the blanket over both of their heads and turned on the flashlight, pushing the bear at Elsa’s side.

“Don’t worry, Elsa,” she said as she hugged her. “The monster would not be able to touch you beneath this blanket. The blanket will protect you and the bear will guard you.”

Anna didn’t know if that was true, but on the days when she dreamt of anything scary, that’s what she dis. Until now, the monster hadn’t taken her yet. She was sure it would work again this time.

It had to. She didn’t want to lose Elsa. She wanted her back. Anna wanted her to stop crying and smile again at her like she always did.

Seconds turned to minutes and minutes turned to hours. Between all the sobbing and hugging and shaking, Anna fell asleep, but once she felt the pillow her head was resting on leave, she was awoken again.

With bleary eyes, she looked around the room, not yet realising what was happening.

And then at once, Anna was awake, staring at blue eyes as the flashlight she was previously holding hit her with light in the face. “Elsa?”

“Yes, Anna?” answered Elsa calmly, the sweet gentle smile placed in her lips as she crawled out of the table and sat on the pink fluffy rug on the floor.

Elsa didn’t look lost now. Actually, Elsa looked like she’s back to where Anna was, looking at her curiously with wet eyes and wet cheeks.

“Are you not scared anymore?”

Fear didn’t look like it had ever graced Elsa’s face as she nodded at her. Anna beamed, glad that her tactic of scaring the invisible monster away was effective.

The clock was ticking silently on the wall and Elsa seemed to take notice of that. Blue eyes swept from the wall to the redhead and to the dark sky shown on the window. “I think I have to leave now.”

“Are you going home?” 

Elsa appeared to be stunned with the question, almost like she was thinking the exact opposite of what Anna had in mind and was now only realising what should really be done. She pursed her lips, scratched her arm and winced as fast as she did so, before shrugging at Anna. “I don’t know.”

“Are you going somewhere else?” she inquired nosily. Anna took the blanket off her body and sat next to where Elsa was sitting on the floor. “Will you take me with you?”

“I don’t think you should follow me, Anna,” Elsa said patiently. “I think it’s best you stay here.”

“But if you’re not going home, then where are you going?”

A silly question to ask since little girls should always be home when night-time comes. Elsa didn’t seem to know that and, even if she was right at Anna’s home, she looked like she didn’t want to be there.

And Anna knew, even if she didn’t ask, that Elsa didn’t want to be in her own home, too.

“I think you should stay here with me,” Anna suggested with a determined nod. “There’s no monsters here!”

And they could play all the time, too! Anna would teach Elsa to fight the monsters and the blonde could read to her when they’re falling asleep. Elsa thought about her offer and hummed. “But you only have one bed.”

“We always sleep next to each other, Elsa,” Anna said, rolling her eyes at her friend’s reason. “Or…” she snapped her fingers before standing up and taking a magazine on her shelf.

Elsa followed her with her eyes, amused at what she’s seeing. “Or…?”

“Or we could go live in the Manivu!” Shoving the opened pages in Elsa’s face. The blonde leaned away and took it from her, inspecting what she was being shown.

“Malibu, Anna,” Elsa corrected. “The place is called Malibu.”

“Yes, that! Look.” Pointing on the upper left corner, there was an advertisement for a ‘vacation house’ with three bedrooms and four bathrooms and a nice view of the sea. “We can stay there forever!”

Elsa, always being the responsible one, thought aloud. “But isn’t it too far from here?”

“We will fly! And it’d be just as close as a day’s travel!”

Convinced, Elsa nodded at her but looked around the dim room in search of something else. “What are we going to take with us?”

“Books!” Anna chimed quickly, “And… and my blanket and sweaters because it might get cold…”

Elsa held the white bear up. “What about him?”

“Of course! We should take him, too!”

The two girls then picked Anna’s biggest bag and put the nicest things they could think of as the time passed by. When they were done, there was only an hour before the sunrise. They couldn’t be more excited.

But before they could even think of a place where they could fly safely, a loud banging on the front door shook them from their euphoria.

Elsa was the first one to hear it and without knowing why, Anna watched her hide again under the table, pulling the pink rug on the floor and draping it over herself without an explanation.

Anna could hear her parents getting out of their room and the unceasing banging stop after moments.

“Anna,” the girl heard her name being whispered and she knelt to where Elsa was. “The monster is here.”

Wanting to comfort her friend, she tried to think of ways to reason that no, that’s not a monster. It’s probably just a person visiting them. Her mother and father would take care of it.

“It’s g-going to take me away, Anna,” Elsa added, voice shaking as tears sprung back to her eyes. “I-It’s going t-to hurt me.” Her words hushed. “ _It’s going to kill me.”_

By the horror of the blonde’s words, Anna got scared. Standing up hastily, the redhead left Elsa and ran downstairs, yelling for her parents not to open the door or else the monster would come inside their house.

What she saw relieved her.

It was just Mr. Arendelle. 

He was not frowning anymore. Instead, his lips were wide as her parents talked to him. When she reached the last steps of the stairs, Mr. Arendelle saw her and waved, making her parents turn to look at her.

“Anna?”

“Yes, dad?”

Her father sighed and palmed his face with a frown, “Is Elsa in your room?”

“Yes,” Anna said, not knowing how they knew that.

It was all too fast that the adults nodded at each other and made a brisk pace to Anna’s room. They opened it to an empty place, the bags filled with clothes and books and dolls spilling alone in her bed.

“Elsa?” Mr. Arendelle asked. There was no answer. Anna came in and looked under the table.

Nothing.

“Anna, where did Elsa go?” Her father asked, putting himself in the space between her and Elsa’s dad.

Anna didn’t know where she was. It’s like she vanished. “Maybe she flew away?”

Maybe Elsa did, but through further inspection of her mother, they found Elsa inside the closet in the bathroom.

“Elsa? Come out there, sweetie. Your father is here.”

The doors were closed, but the crying from inside proved that not only clothes were there. Anna pushed herself between her mother and Mr. Arendelle in their mission of getting the blonde out.

“Elsa?” Anna asked as she peeked in the cracks of the door. “What are you doing there? Come out.”

There might be an air of uncomfortableness as Elsa didn’t come out, only cried louder and louder. She stayed there inside even with her mother’s soothing voice and Anna’s encouragement.

What got her to come out was Mr. Arendelle clicking his tongue and knocking once, twice, and said, “You are already in a lot of trouble, Elsa. Don’t make me drag you out of there.”

And that was a sentence her mother gasped on as she suddenly realised that Elsa’s crying stopped. She must’ve heard it, so she opened the door.

Elsa must’ve thought the monster came to get her but it was only her father.

Fathers were the best. Anna’s held her shoulders tightly as Elsa came out from inside the closet. After seconds when she didn’t move, Mr. Arendelle touched her arm. She twitched but made no other move. The following actions were what her own father does when she was scared. He took her in his arms tightly and carried her out of the bathroom and out of Anna’s house.

Her mother was probably scared of the monster, too, and she made it known before Mr. Arendelle took another step away from their porch. “Don’t… don’t hurt her.”

It was most likely told to the monster because her mom’s words were loud, not for Mr. Arendelle or for Elsa to hear, but for the monster living in the cottage.

Mr. Arendelle didn’t turn back, so maybe he didn’t hear her.

Anna hoped the monster did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> huge bonus points to snowman for guessing what's up *wink wink*
> 
> so there's only one chapter left for the prologue! before you know it, chap 1 would be up and this whole thing will be nothing but a horrible, horrible nightmare. Keep safe and take care y'all xx


	4. cross my heart

**iv. cross my heart**

Anna was at the age where she was always curious. She’d prod over her mates’ bags and asked a lot of questions. That made this kid called Will call her annoying, but he shut up pretty fast as soon as her fist connected with his nose.

She was grounded because of it, so Anna was restless in her room.

Peeking over the window, she wondered how Elsa was. It had been quite a while since she saw her, the last time was when Mr. Arendelle fetched her before the sun rose. After that, Elsa seemed to vanish from their little neighbourhood.

With nothing better to do with her time, Anna spent her hours staring at the passing clouds in the sky. When that too exhausted itself, the redhead decided to just up and wander her own room. Numerous toys cluttered her shelf and the untidy mess made her want to spend the rest of her day cleaning it.

Then before she could even start, the piled up books within the chaos caught her attention.

Anna was now seven and she’d actually felt an inclination for reading. That said, when Anna stumbled upon the first book Elsa had ever read her, she plucked it from its place with a grin. Missing the blonde more than ever, Anna opened it up, abandoning her already forgotten plan of cleaning. 

She sat on the edge of her bed and began to read.

_Andersen’s Fairy Tales_ , the cover read, and Anna excitedly went through it. At the first pages, _The Emperor’s New Clothes_ greeted her. She pulled a face as she remembered what happened to him and quickly turned the pages, skimming over familiar stories and landing on her favourite one.

_The Little Match Girl._

Ahh… she remembered the story as if Elsa was just telling it last night. Anna frowned as she saw that it didn’t start with once upon a time like Elsa told her.

That made her stop.

As she looked into the other stories, not one started with once upon a time. Not one. Not _The Emperor’s New Clothes_ , not the _Snow Queen_ , not even _The Real Princess_.

Confused, Anna dropped the book into her bed and took _Peter and Wendy_ from her bookshelf instead.

_Chapter 1: Peter Breaks Through_

_All children, except one, grow up. They soon know that they will grow up, and way Wendy knew was this._

Anna stopped. Where’s the once upon a time?

But then she remembered Elsa saying she’d change it a bit… the blonde did say that not all stories start with once upon a time, but she couldn’t help but be disappointed.

Picking up _Andresen’s Fairy Tales_ again, Anna came back to the Little Match Girl and read. Just like Elsa said, there was a little match girl on New Year’s Eve. The words were hard to understand but Elsa made it so easy for her. At last, when the fairy grandmother came, she smiled.

They were with God.

But the story didn’t end there though. There was still a paragraph left. Eyebrows furrowed, Anna read it silently.

And then she stopped.

_Frozen to death?_

Frozen… to death?

Blinking, Anna reread the story, again and again, but it didn’t change.

“Frozen to death on the last evening of the old year.” Saying it aloud didn’t change its meaning.

And it was due to a weird feeling in her chest that she dropped it back onto her bed with a frown. She picked up _Peter and Wendy_ , hoping it’d end with Peter and Wendy in Neverland, forever with fairies and the Lost Boys.

The words were a bit deep which made her realise how smart Elsa was by knowing most of their meaning when she was telling the story to her. Anna tried to understand all of it, although some had failed to make sense to her. She read the first chapter, and then the second. By the time her mother called her for dinner, it was already night-time and she was at the sixth chapter.

But the late night, which was reserved for sleeping, didn’t make Anna stop from reading. Her lamp was on, and the mermaids and the princess and the pirates came to her once again in flashes made by words inscribed in black ink.

It was amazing, epic, and Anna consumed those words as if it was Elsa’s voice that she was seeing it from.

However, it was not the case when she was almost done.

It was not in Elsa’s voice that she read what happened to Tinker Bell, which she realised was her death told by an indifferent Peter. He had forgotten about the little fairy, of their adventures and of pirates with hooks for hands.

Peter had broken his promise and didn’t return every spring cleaning.

As Anna put the books back on her shelf, she turned off her lamp and only then did she realise that it was actually disgust that she felt when she read _The Little Match Girl._

It was the same feeling she had after reading _Peter and Wendy._

Those stories Elsa read were all _bad_. It was bad and it was ugly and it made her sad.

Elsa had broken her promise, too.

* * *

It was half past four when she arrived from school and for the first time in a while, she saw Elsa on her front porch with a bowl of soup in her hand.

She had dirt painted on her fingers, but it was the kind that looked like it was coloured in her own skin instead dust and mud.

Elsa was even skinnier this time around, and there was a wound on her lip like she bit it accidentally while eating.

But Anna was not happy seeing her again.

“Why did you lie?”

Elsa seemed confused by this. She raised both eyebrows in question. Her mom was watching them from inside the house, arranging a bag full of eggs and bread again.

“Why did you lie to me when you said the match girl went with a fairy?”

No answer.

Anna stepped closer to her and asked with a scowl, “Why did you say that Peter and Wendy lived together forever in Neverland?”

Still no answer.

Anna dashed into her room and came rushing back with all those picture-less books that Elsa read. _Andersen’s Fairy Tales_ , _Peter and Wendy_ , _Charlotte’s Web_. She threw those books on the ground.

“I read it, Elsa,” Anna yelled, “And they didn’t end like you said they did!”

Biting her lip, Elsa finally answered with a guilty frown. “You said you didn’t like sad endings so I changed it a little.”

But it was not just a ‘little’ changing. The Little Match Girl died and Elsa _lied_ to her about it. Wendy grew up and Peter let Tinker die. The redhead didn’t read the spider book but she bet it died in the end, too.

Trusting Elsa seemed like a mistake.

The girl froze to death, there was no fairy or feast or Neverland.

Changing it did not change what really happened and Anna couldn’t believe that Elsa would fool her like that. The blonde held a hand out as she stood up, trying to take her hand in hers, but Anna was not a six-year old anymore. Anna was seven and she was sure listening to Elsa more would only prove that she was a liar.

“I hate you!” she exclaimed, pushing the girl tumbling to the ground as she swore in her head that she didn’t like Elsa anymore.

* * *

It was summer when Anna found a new best friend.

Her name was Honey, and just like her name, her hair was the colour of honey and she smelled like sweet bubble-gum.

Gone were the days where she’d run about a golden field, Anna was now on the football team in her school and she spent most of her days there.

Anna didn’t think about fairies or pirates or dragons anymore. Instead, she focused on sports. She was the captain of her year’s football team and she couldn’t be happier. While at practice, she heard from one of the parents that the swimming team would take younger students after a few months. Anna was already too excited about it.

It had only been a year but Anna was slowly growing up. Not so big yet, but big enough not to read fairy tales and sleep with the lamp off.

Anna was nine, and just like her father said, she was slowly becoming a grown-up.

Forgetting about silly dolls and stupid games, she found herself more interested in the Internet and all the numerous knowledge in it.

She played Fortnight with Kristoff and sang in the choir with Rapunzel – not _Punzie_ , she’s not a kid anymore – and Anna almost forgot about Elsa.

Almost.

Sometimes, she found herself missing the blonde. She used to be her best friend after all, but once, when she was eavesdropping on Kyle and Ryder’s conversation, Anna learned more about Elsa than she knew before.

Apparently, Elsa was kicked out of school because her documents were forged. Forged meant fake. Rapunzel told her that when she asked. Anna was given further reasons not to talk to her.

She’s such a liar. And Mr. Arendelle was a liar, too.

When Elsa waved at her from across the road when she got home, Anna ignored her.

* * *

“Why don’t you invite Elsa this weekend, dear?”

Thing was, Anna didn’t feel like playing with Elsa anymore. Her father’s voice as he asked was ignored as she stuffed green beans in her face.

Elsa should have told them that they were not friends anymore. It had been almost two years, she should have. She’s always at her house anyways.

Her mother was always giving Elsa food. Anna didn’t know why, but her mom was nice and she probably felt bad because Mrs. Arendelle was dead. The redhead didn’t care much about that and she uttered a bored ‘no way’ under her breath.

“Why not?”

“I have other friends,” Anna explained. “Why should I hang out with her when I have them?”

Making a point that her parents didn’t understand sucked. Anna soon realised that when she saw the blonde girl in her navy blue dress and black jacket standing outside of her house on Friday afternoon.

Anna didn’t know if she should just ignore her and keep on walking or return her smile but Anna was polite. She smiled at Elsa as she passed her by.

“Hello, Anna.”

Waving a hand in greeting, she saw her father make hand motions in the air just by the door. “What are you doing, dad?”

Her father stopped as the blonde turned to him and he coughed with a smile. “N-Nothing… why don’t you invite Elsa inside?”

Anna didn’t want to invite Elsa inside, but she was not mean, so she nodded and gestured to the door. Elsa was a proper girl and so she thanked Anna and sat by the couch, waiting for something.

That’s the reason why Anna was sat uncomfortably at Elsa’s side, the space between them large enough to be the creek they used to jump over.

“How are you doing, Anna?”

“Quite good.”

“Have you met some new friends in fifth year?”

“Yes,” Anna answered her monotonously.

“That’s wonderful,” Elsa replied with a huge smile.

Regarding her with a bored look, Anna nodded. “How about you?”

“I’m doing quite well, too. Thank you.”

And that should be the end of it if her father didn’t interrupt them and told them to take their conversation upstairs to Anna’s room. Sneaking two sandwiches inside with a wink, he left them to their own devices.

Her mother would probably never do this. Too bad, she thought, she’d been promoted to Head Analyst and thus, her father was the one who was always at home. That meant that Elsa’s new best friend was her dad now since her mom couldn’t be home more often.

Setting the plate on her table, Anna stared at Elsa who was sitting by her bed, doing the exact same thing she was doing. Suffocating in the silence that ensued, she coughed and took a huge bite of the egg sandwich to hide the awkwardness she was feeling.

“What do you do these days, Anna?”

Not really having the ability to answer, Anna shrugged. The disinterested action finally looked like it got through Elsa’s cheerful demeanour, her smile dimming ever so slightly.

“How’s school?”

Elsa was starting to sound like some relative Anna didn’t know the name of as she repeated the motion she did just seconds ago. “It’s okay.”

“You ready for summer to come?” Elsa asked further, shifting in her seat as the realisation of her being unwelcome dawn on her. “You know what? Why don’t we play by the fields again? L-Like we used to before?”

Keeping her eyes trained on Elsa’s was important as to stop herself from rolling hers to the back of her head. In a matter-of-fact tone, Anna responded, “I’m not a kid anymore, Elsa.”

_And you can’t fool me anymore._

That’s not mean, was it? Anna sighed as Elsa’s face completely fell. Okay. Maybe it was mean. Actually, Anna _was_ being mean, but she couldn’t help it! Elsa _lied_ to her and she couldn’t forgive someone who did that easily.

Maybe she could but she was in no mood to think about that.

Blue eyed darted from Anna’s hand to her face and it zeroed on the space just beside Anna’s head. Elsa just stared at thin air for at least five seconds before her smile returned, wider this time. Tilting her head, the blonde said, “You gonna eat those two sandwiches?”

Anna blinked at her, shaking her head and offering the plate to her ex-friend. Elsa took it, wolfing it down in seconds. Basically inhaling the sandwich, Anna wondered if Elsa was _that_ hungry. It only took a couple minutes before it was all gone.

Once, on her birthday years ago, Anna remembered seeing Elsa eating the chicken soup as if it was not literally steaming. She recalled how quick the blonde had finished it, but somehow she had been more… poised? Proper?

She didn’t know the right word, but compared to that, Elsa was eating that sandwich like she’s been raised in a barn. Definitely not the pretty princess she knew.

Come to think of it, Elsa was raised in a similarly sounding word, a _farm_. Right? Raising an eyebrow, Anna asked to confirm, “Elsa.”

The blonde looked at her expectantly, her chewing slowing down to a halt. “Hmm?”

“You live on a farm, right?”

The little cottage down the fields just a few feet away from the front of her house stood in a farm. There were no chickens, or other farm animals, but it _was_ a farm, right? There were corn and other types of plants Anna didn’t know about but she was sure that a farm and a barn were the same thing.

Elsa didn’t look offended by the question, she never was by Anna’s questioning, and with a curious glance, she nodded. “Guess I do?”

She wasn’t sure, so was Anna, but she couldn’t think about the implications of Elsa not knowing something when blue eyes widened as the blonde stood up.

“Wait… is that a real beret?”

The red and black cotton hat was the item in question. It sat on Anna’s table for quite some time now. She didn’t really like the design, but Elsa seemed like she found the most amazing thing in the world as she looked upon it. 

Anna didn’t even know if there was a fake beret so she just nodded, pinching it between her fingers and throwing it to the flabbergasted blonde. Catching it in one hand, Elsa stared at it with an mouth open before looking at her excitedly. “C-Can I wear it?”

The redhead nodded and Elsa rushed in front of the mirror to try it on. Hiding her thick platinum braid and stray tendrils under it, the blonde adjusted the cap and moved her head side-to-side with a huge grin. “Man, it looks so cool!”

“I think… I think it’d look better with your hair down.”

Elsa turned to her with a wince. “My hair’s long.”

As if that was an apt explanation, Elsa sat down in front of the mirror, pulling her jacket close and marvelling over her own reflection. Anna only stared on, never knowing Elsa loved hats as she did.

“You… like hats?”

“I love hats! I wish I could wear one all the time.”

And it was as if Anna didn’t know who this girl was. She figured she didn’t. It had almost been two years, after all.

“If you want…”

Elsa swivelled to face her. She raised a hand and pointed to the beret. “If you want it, then you can have it.”

The hug she was given was tight, and Anna couldn’t help but smile at her.

* * *

Elsa must’ve thought they were still best friends.

She visited every weekend now, always talking to her like she used to before. Well, not talking all the time. Sometimes, Elsa would be silent as they sat in front of the TV downstairs, forehead scrunched together as they watched documentaries with her father. She looked like she enjoyed it as much as her dad did, much to Anna’s boredom.

Sometimes, Elsa would ask her to play outdoors but when Anna refused, she would just hang around with her, filling the silence with easy stories and musings.

And then there were times where she’d just go completely mute in the middle of the conversation and would abruptly leave.

But she visited every weekend, to Anna’s surprise. Even if she didn’t talk to her or play with her just like before, Elsa was always waiting by her front porch.

“Anna?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you ever wanna fly away?”

She looked at Elsa, scrutinising the way her frown graced her face. It had been more noticeable now. The place below her eye was dark as if she was not sleeping, the bruises in her neck which Anna initially thought to be dirt were blue and purple.

The colour was so deep Anna was scared it wouldn’t ever go away.

But Anna never asked once.

She should’ve asked, should’ve wondered what they were and where they were from, but Anna didn’t.

“Sometimes.”

Across from her, sitting on the pink rug, Elsa looked hopeful for a second. “Do you want to fly away now?”

_Not really._

Instead, she said, “Why?”

Taking her hand, Elsa smiled at her, bright and warm and wide. “C’mon.”

It must’ve been because Anna was older, but the trip to the creek was boring. There was only silence between them, but for the first time since she had yelled at Elsa about the books, Anna felt comfortable.

“You know what, Anna?” she asked after they'd come down to the place where they used to play.

Sitting on the grassy ground, Anna turned to her. “What?”

“I’ve missed you a lot.”

Anna didn’t know what to reply to that.

“I was really sad when you stopped talking to me, but now that you are, I’m very happy again.”

Elsa meant those words. Anna knew it because her blue eyes were warm like the first time they’d met. It was because of those words that Anna smiled at her and nodded, suddenly feeling like she was six again.

“I missed you, too.”

And just like she was six again, the two girls ran around Neverland. No, not as pirates or princesses or fairies, but as themselves.

Elsa and Anna, playing tag over the creek, the cold water filling their shoes as they run. The warm breeze of summer touched their hair as they lay on the green bed of grass with quiet whispers about corn planting and football playing.

If Anna was to look back years from now, when all about her childhood was nothing but memories, she’d never remember how this moment was eternal.

It didn’t end. It wouldn’t end.

Until the sun had set, it would never.

And yes, it was Elsa who lit up her imagination again, the one Anna knew who scattered fairy dust as they went back to where home was.

It was youth, the moments she’d spent with Elsa. Lost as time passes, alive only in the air. In her heart.

* * *

It was summer when her mother told her about the relocation.

At first, Anna didn’t know what it was but her mom explained it quite well. She’s got a promotion to CFO and would work in the main office from now on. Bad news was, the main office was on the other side of the country.

They would have to leave. As soon as possible.

It was a fast process. In just a week’s time all of their clothes were already in boxes and their furniture was covered in plastic. It was Saturday when Elsa visited them and her curiosity turned to hurt as Anna explained everything to her.

“But I’ll never see you again,” Elsa whispered once they were locked inside the redhead’s room. Anna couldn’t help but feel bad. She would really miss Elsa and Punzie and Kristoff, but she was also excited to see their new house in the city!

“I’ll visit you. I promise!”

“You would?”

Elsa didn’t look convinced. Why should she? They wouldn’t be able to play anymore or see each other as often as they did.

“Yes!” Anna said confidently as she kicked a stray box on the floor.

The blonde smiled, even if just a little. “Cross your heart and hope to die?”

Seriously, Anna drew a cross on her chest and solemnly swore, “Yes.”

They spent the day just lying beside each other on the bed. When darkness crept in the windows and Elsa stood up to say goodbye, she hugged Anna and whispered to her ear. “I love you.”

Anna didn’t know of love, but she often heard her mother and father say it to each other and to her before bedtime. Copying what she saw her parents do, Anna pressed her lips into the blonde’s and answered, “I love you, too, Elsa.”

The next day, the truck that would take their belongings came early. She was a bit loathe to leave without seeing Elsa again. So she went knocking on the wooden door of the cottage. There was nobody to answer it.

Anna tried to peek inside but the windows were too dusty. Giving up, she decided to just apologise to Elsa later when she came back. Running to their car, Anna sat next to her mother and spared the little vintage cottage one last glance before turning her eyes back to her father who was telling them all about their new house.

It was such a shame that it only took a few months before Anna – just like Peter – forgot about Wendy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone who showed interest in AMGA this early in the story. That includes everyone who kudoed or reviewed or just plainly read the story at this point. The four-part prologue is over now and chapter one will be up in a couple of days and we’re finally getting to what we all’ve been waiting for! Take care of yourselves xx


	5. bookmark

**chapter one: bookmark**

“Wait a second!”

The patient was actually fast for someone who’s barefooted and, Anna thought with an internal chuckle, buck-naked. Pushing everyone who dared come across his path, Mr. Wilde was unstoppable in his race with the auburn-haired woman.

As they neared the lobby, Anna raised her voice, getting the attention of the reception. “Stop him!”

But the help that tried to do just that was sidestepped and kicked by a shoeless foot in the butt as the patient successfully left the building. Anna couldn’t let him get away. Stopping for a second, she panted in front of her workmates, “Call the security,” before continuing her pursuit of the dark-haired middle-aged man who looked like he was having the time of his life running from her. 

Anna quickened her pace, white sneakers getting doused by the angry pouring from the sky. It was raining in Middleton, as always, and even if the woman’s navy blue scrubs turned a darker shade, she didn’t give it a single thought as Mr. Wilde played tag with her.

“Anthony!” she gasped as she realised that they were going in circles, “Stop it. This is not funny anymore!”

Oh. But it was to Mr. Wilde. He slowed down, making an illusion of stopping, but once Anna was a foot away from him, he dashed out of her grasp. It was a good thing that she played a multitude of sports when she was a child, her balance still not getting tipped off even as the brunet laughed from behind her.

Anna had almost lost her footing from the wet ground a few times but she held on and by pure luck and a sudden burst of adrenaline, she managed to snag Mr. Wilde’s arm. The man tried to push her away but she was quick enough to evade his hand.

In a simple yet strong pull, Anna had his left arm pinned behind his back, the security and three nurses rushing just in time to subdue him completely.

When they were back inside Middleton Psychiatric Hospital, Mr. Wilde was already calm. The short episode he had was nothing out of the ordinary. He actually gave her a smile before being escorted back to his room.

“Mr. Wilde be pulling you all over the place again?”

Anna chuckled as she changed out of her scrubs into a more comfortable shirt and pants. Her shoes, however, were unsalvageable from the cold afternoon rainwater and she put them on with a face of disgust. “You know he loves to keep us on our toes.”

And he did. May it be a manic episode or just good old joking, Mr. Wilde tended to be the patient who entertained all. The caregivers and nurse aids might beg to differ, but Anna knew that everyone had a soft spot for him.

“Ahh, Anna Banana,” Cassandra sighed with a subtle smile. “Always so nice and sweet. No wonder every one of our residents here love you.”

If that was true, then it only made Anna’s hour brighter. Working at Middleton, a place hours of miles away from home, was always filled with gloomy weather and cold days. The sky was always sad but her workmates attitude and the good mood of the workplace was enough to entice her into staying.

“And you don’t?” Anna jibed playfully.

Cassandra rolled her head in consideration before giving her a smirk. “I do, but only because I haven’t seen one nurse run after a patient as fast as you did.”

And it was an occurrence that was happening more frequently. Anna might have been a total charmer with their patients but that also meant they were more relaxed, thus unpredictable, around her.

Anna sighed, dreading the conversation with the Head Nurse later, but it was not one of misery and more of a guilty sulking. Cassandra bid her goodbye and Anna waved in return, toes shifting uncomfortably in their wet chamber.

When Anna was ready to go, she took her bag and slouched the entire way to the lobby. As always, Mrs. Megara was waiting for her and she followed with an apologetic wince to the Director’s Office.

“Tsk tsk. Nurse Anna,” the older woman started as she opened the door, “Could a week go by without you being here yet again?”

Anna didn’t answer, taking the seat in the guest couch as Doctor Pablo raised an eyebrow at her. He preferred to be called Gran Pabbie, like a grandfather to all and everyone, and even with the short amount of time Anna’s been at Middleton Psychiatric Hospital, she had learned to appreciate him as such.

“The highly recommended nurse of Corona Hospital is a little bit of a troublemaker, isn’t she?”

Mrs. Megara chuckled but instead of joining in the conversation, she excused herself, leaving Anna feeling more anxious than she was. She wasn’t expecting to have a one-on-one with the director, so maybe her little slip-ups were considered by her superiors to be more serious than what Anna thought.

“Am I in trouble?” Anna asked, holding a breath before Doctor Pablo shook his head no.

“Just a little. But tell me, Nurse Anna, for every week that passes, why do you always have to be here one way or another?”

Anna knew the answer to that. She had been there for almost three months now, and had at least one visit per week to this office. It was even starting to look like home.

It was because she had a… different approach to mental healthcare than what her colleagues were used to. Anna preferred life, activity, and being in a sad little room when the whole town of Middleton itself was already sad couldn’t be a good combination.

Doctor Pablo should have known that as he didn’t let Anna answer. With a deep laugh, he dissipated Anna’s worry and she relaxed once again. “One as spirited as you are is what we exactly need in here. Don’t think I’m reprimanding you, but please, don’t let them push you around like a ragdoll.”

“I won’t,” Anna replied. “I was just… letting them be. And I know that maybe that’s the reason why I’m always here but…”

“But this is not a prison,” he completed for her with a warm nod. “This is a safe space for everyone and although you’ve let Mr. Wilde run today and let Ms. Alice paint the walls on the all-purpose hall just days ago and…” Their eyes met, knowing that enumerating it all would add more minutes in this conversation. “… and all that, you are exactly what we need.”

Anna smiled briefly but her attention was caught by the folder he was fiddling with his hands.

“And that is the reason why I called you here today, not because of Mr. Wilde. After the event with Alice, I decided to just let you be.”

“What’s… the reason why I’m here?”

She might’ve been a bit slow to pick that up, but Doctor Pablo didn’t point it out.

With a smile, he took his pen and wrote something in the folder. “That’s the reason why I’m recommending you to private care.”

Anna stilled, the breath she was taking getting stuck on her throat and she coughed before looking at him bewilderedly. “Private care?”

Oh no! It’s only been a couple of months and Anna was already getting moved to individual care. Private duty didn’t have a good rep in Anna’s world and to her, it meant something akin to a downgrade. This was bad. Shit. Anna closed her eyes. She should’ve been stricter. Working on the hospital and getting to move all four corners of it and meeting the lovely (and not-so-lovely) patients was her favourite feeling and now…

“Gran Pabbie,” Anna said with a hint of regret on her voice. “I’m so, so sorry about what happened this past few weeks. I swear I can change! Please don’t fire me.”

Anna might’ve graduated top of her class and the most recommended psychiatric nurse in her previous hospital, but Gran Pabbie looked at her like she grew ten heads in a span of a minute. He frowned at her. “Who said I’m firing you?”

The question of ‘why would she even think that?’ never crossed both of their minds as they stared at each other.

“But-but… you’re setting me up for private care and,” Anna sighed, alarmed, “and that means that I won’t be able to work here in the hospital anymore or that I’m getting assigned to _just_ one patient.”

Doctor Pablo blinked at her. Anna held her breath.

“For someone smart, you’re a little… silly, are you?” Doctor Pablo shook his head at her with another chuckle. “Nurse Anna.”

“Yes?” Anna was confused by his statement.

“I know that you love interacting with everybody in the hospital,” he began with a warm look. “But… for me, I think that you’ll do wonderful for patients in a one-on-one setting. You have a very bright demeanour and you have been well-liked by most patients here, even Ms. Cruella.”

Of course, you’ve got to be someone really different and talented and bright to tame Cruella De Vil. A famous ex-model-slash-socialite, Cruella had lived up to her name in her lifestyle and even here, inside Middleton Psychiatric Hospital, did she carry the same attitude as she had outside.

Granted, she must’ve just thought that Anna was easy to manipulate and bribe, something the redhead herself had thought once, but all’s fair in healing and being. With a wince, she nodded. “But….?”

“No buts,” Doctor Pablo grinned and ironically added, “But…”

Anna wanted to roll her eyes at him but she listened still.

“But here in Middleton, the pay for Private Duty Nurse is relatively bigger than a regular one.”

That – even if Anna was a little bit ashamed to admit – made her see the whole thing in a different light. “Wait… really?”

“You have the energy and guts for it, plus you’re very disciplined. I think you should do it. Think of it as… rehabilitating a person, but being there every step of the way.” 

That… actually sounded nice. Anna thought about it for a while and when she was done realising she needed more time to think about it, he had already stood up and was now offering her the folder.

“Wait,” Anna said as she read the contents of the paper in her hand, “You’ve yet to put my name on the list.”

“Ahh, I will if you agree.”

Slanting her gaze, Anna huffed at him. “You made me think I didn’t have a choice.”

“Eh,” Gran Pabbie laughed, “Brain games. But, at least, now you’re thinking of it.”

And Anna _was_ thinking of it. She returned the papers to him with a smile. “I’ll let you know what my decision is.”

“On a more serious note, I think it’s actually a brilliant idea for you to take in private care. You… have such a wonderful attitude, and that is what most of our patients need. Think of it as a promotion, of sorts. I won’t just recommend someone inefficient to such important matters. Don’t worry,” he smiled, “Whether you stay here in MPH or otherwise, well, it will be your call.”

Anna had always wanted to be a nurse. Well, not quite when she was younger – Anna wanted to be an accountant just like her parents – but once she’d developed a mind of her own, she gravitated towards healthcare. There was just something very rewarding in helping a person get back to their feet.

Moreover, her father’s early onset dementia gave her a push to further her degree into Psychiatric Nursing. Anna was content with how her life was in Middleton, her days filled with tiring activities of helping the people who needed it most, but Doctor Pablo’s statement of private care having a higher pay than her regular work was enticing.

That was not because she was discontented with her salary, no, but there was something she wanted to do for a while now.

As her icky shoes made their way into her apartment, Anna almost jumped out of her skin when she saw her mother inside like a serial killer on the loose, whatnot with the eerie way she was just standing in front of the living room, looking at her with dead eyes.

It didn’t help that she didn’t know that her mother would be visiting.

“God-freaking-damn-it, mom!” Anna said, holding her chest as she deposited her bag and umbrella to the kitchen counter on her left. Her joy in seeing her mom again poked all over her face. “You scared the shit out of me.”

Her mother only shook her head and approached her overly enthusiastic daughter, hugging her, and swatting her in the arm for such crude language. “I didn’t know Middleton would make such a potty out of your mouth, darling.”

But that was not the case. If only, Middleton made Anna’s language less colourful. Her days were limited between the hospital and a few friend-dates squeezed in between days. Anna had nobody to yell obscenities to, and so, her mouth was actually nicer.

One thing Anna missed about home was her mother’s cooking. It had been quite a while since she tasted it, the last before her final visit in Corona. The stew smelled appetising and when they finally sat back on the dinner table, she couldn’t help but let out a groan as the warm broth hit her tongue. “Ahh. I shouldn’t have left home.”

“But what will you do if you don’t leave the nest?” her mother playfully replied.

Anna pursed her lips in thought, much to her mother’s amusement as she sipped the wine on her glass.

“I’d take care of dad and you,” Anna said simply. “And get free meals, free rent, free laundry. Free everything.”

Her mother laughed, her greying hair getting tousled as she chortled. Anna didn’t know when her mother looked so old, but taking care of her dad alone must’ve been taking a toll on her. 

“I would love that but you have to start living for yourself, too. That includes bills on everything you do.”

Thus, Anna smiled wanly at her mother as they made conversation of her new work environment. Bringing up the possibility of her doing private care, her mother was ecstatic to hear everything about it. Anna guessed that her mother seemed to think better of the chance than she did. She suffered through dinner being praised by an overly-proud mother.

She shouldn’t have said what Doctor Pablo told her, but it was an affectionate complaint all the while.

“Mom?” Anna asked as she sat by the counter. Her mother insisted on taking care of the dishes and somehow, it was reminiscent of something so mundane but so comforting to her.

“Yes, honey?”

“How’s dad?”

Her mother hesitated for a moment. Anna saw it, her hands stilled where they were scrubbing the plates, her hum suddenly stopping.

Anna dreaded the answer. When she left her parent’s home just a few months shy of her college graduation approximately two years ago, he was already showing mild symptoms of Alzheimer’s. Anna had the chance of visiting them as often as she could when she was still in Corona, but now, in Middleton… it had been three months since she last saw him.

“He’s… okay. Not wonderful,” her mother sighed, “But not bad either.”

That very vague answer didn’t do anything to inform Anna of his condition but her mom didn’t look like she’d appreciate a prodding so she let go of the topic with a nod.

While she was busy trying to fill the heavy silence that kept creeping up on them, her mother had finished up the dishes in no time and quickly ushered her to the living room. Her mother had brought a few things from Corona and Anna was actually surprised that there were a few huge boxes littering the floor.

Anna should’ve noticed that, but her glee in seeing her mother overrode her usually sharp observation skills. “What are these things?”

“Well, you’ve left a ton of your stuff back home and Middleton isn’t exactly as close as your dorm was to us, so…” she smiled at Anna, “I’ve brought things that would remind you of it.”

Crying seemed to be the best reaction to her mother’s good intention, so Anna did just that. It wasn’t such a grown up thing to do but her mother thought otherwise.

“Ooh,” her mom cooed as Anna swaddled her in a tight embrace. “My little baby is so grown up already.”

But Anna didn’t feel like a grown up. Her mom had shown her the multiple photo albums that she brought her and Anna felt smaller, wishing that she could be just a kid again with pigtails.

To her dismay, her mother was to leave that night. Anna knew that she didn’t really like the idea of letting anybody take care for her father for more than a few hours, and although she was dejected to let her mom go, the younger ginger solemnly bid her goodbye.

When all of the boxes but one had been open, her living room was full of strewn about clothes, accessories and decorations. Take it up to her mom to wrap the boat-shaped picture frame with their latest family photo and give it to her. Anna knew the frame had sentimental value to her mom and seeing it being given to her meant a lot more than words could say.

It was a little after ten o’clock when she finally got to the last box.

Opening it giddily – her happy mood had not diminished since she opened the first – Anna was actually surprised to see her old fairy tale books in it. There were a lot of dog-eared covers but some were in perfect condition.

It made her feel a little alone again. She did think that being a kid again would be nice but now with nobody to read her these, she felt a huge pang of homesickness to the home she once lived in and to the kid she used to be.

Carefully filling up her empty shelf in the living room, Anna browsed over the pages of the books she used to love. There were the picture books that would always make the younger Anna excited and cheery and, to Anna’s amusement, a few children’s novels.

The ones with no pictures.

Anna thumbed through the cover of _Andersen’s Fairy Tales_ , the cover weary through its fight with time and, if Anna remembered correctly, temper tantrums.

This must be a sign. For so long, Anna had been recalling some wonderful childhood memories that she had. It started when Rapunzel messaged her on Facebook just a few months back. They reconnected after what seemed like forever. That got her thinking about her youth in Sutterton. The football team, the birthday parties, the boys who used to tease her. 

Everything.

Anna sighed as she put the book to its new home. Reaching for the last one made her stop for a moment as she stared at. Carefully, Anna lifted it and set it to the coffee table on her right. Organising her new – however old – belongings was done in a swift fashion as she hurried to take a peek at it after a long while.

This was a sign.

Anna settled on her bed with her lamp on as she stared at the title for a moment, pulling some wonderfully missed memories in her head. There was a faint smile on her face, a hopeful one made with nostalgia.

_Peter and Wendy._

And princesses and dragons and fairies flashed before her eyes. It had really been a long while. Anna seemed to have forgotten the face of the girl who introduced Neverland to her. It was the price of growing up, Anna concluded.

But Anna remembered her well. Her blue eyes and platinum hair. Her shy laugh hidden behind a hand and her brave battle cry.

Anna remembered her well.

When Anna fingered through the pages, a stray bookmark was well compacted within and due to its position – safe and sound inside the book – it was like it was just given to her yesterday. Red yarn, rusted bell.

Anna wanted to see her again. She didn’t know why but Anna could feel a wistful tug at her chest. It would be nice to see her again, see if she’s alright.

She wanted to apologise.

If Anna had one thing to regret in her life, it was not asking. She was still having troubles accepting the fact that she used to ask useless things but never important ones.

Anna guessed she didn’t change. Her conversation with her mother earlier was proof.

But they’d manage well, her mom and dad.

Elsa probably didn’t.

And so she spent her Friday evening mulling over Doctor Pablo’s offer to her. It’d be a good idea, Anna decided once she felt sleepiness pull down her eyelids close. It might be a bit silly if spoken aloud but there was something in her stomach that couldn’t be soothed whenever she thought of it.

It was regret, and maybe a bit of her childish self dreaming, and Anna let it lull her to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got way too excited. i hope you guys like it! take care y'all xx


	6. flames

**chapter two: flames**

Middleton, in all its dreary days and nights, had one redeemable characteristic.

Its sunrise glowed golden in the sky, the clouds of rain stalling in the distance. It was always there, impending, but it seemed to know that the wee hours of morning belonged to the sun, and so it waited, letting the rays and warmth seep in the waking hours, before catching everybody off guard again.

Anna loved the sunrise in Middleton. She never liked rain, or any weather that brings upon the cold, and so she cherished the numbered moments in which everything was dry and the sky was as happy as it would ever be.

Corona didn’t have dawns like this. Maybe it did, but Anna knew nothing of it. Skyscrapers and smog tend to envelope the sky in the city. Seeing something as fresh and new as Middleton’s sunrise was her favourite thing.

No one had probably known of this little gem. Middleton was known for its rain and its separation from the crowded advancements of civilisation. The whole town was a remote escape from everyone who was tired and sick of the outside world. Of course, downtown was still what one would expect from every town, if not more upscale – Middleton was actually a bit upper-class – but the people were less busy, like everyone was taking their sweet time to do whatever they pleased.

Traffic was never active and the air was much cleaner, the serenity of the place an echoing calmness. Anna enjoyed the cup of coffee in her hands better than she would in any place.

“Miss Anna.”

Her quietness was broken by a little boy not older than ten. Anna recognised him immediately. He was their newest resident, an energetic ball with such a sweet, sweet smile. He looked like an angel. Anna knew that was not truly the case. The boy had been transferred from a different children’s hospital, and they warned them of his… monstrousness, to put it bluntly.

“Yes, Elliot?”

The boy smiled widely at her, happy that he had been acknowledged. “Miss Anna, can I play outside?”

Anna would let him play outside without as much as a question… if she was a little dumber than she was now, but no, she knew that it was far too early. Breakfast hadn’t even been served yet, which meant residents, young or old, shouldn’t be outside in the halls this time of day.

But Anna was not cruel. Kneeling down to his height, she cocked her head to the side. “Technically, you _could_ but…”

Elliot waited.

“– but since you sneaked out before Nurse Tiana made her rounds, I’m afraid you can’t.”

His eyes widened, lips quivering and nose scrunching. Anna didn’t need a face chart to know that he was seconds away from throwing a tantrum for not getting what he wanted, but she was already with a bribe right upon her sleeve. “But since you asked so nicely…”

His outburst halted in its feet and he leaned closer to her with an expectant frown.

“I will let you play _later,_ once breakfast is over and Nurse Tiana has already checked on you.”

That did the trick. He cheered and hugged her instantly. “Really? Thank you, Miss Anna!”

“Before I go and convince Mrs. Megara to let you, you have to promise me something first,” Anna added once he let go. This time, he nodded and eagerly awaited her condition. “Promise me that you won’t try and sneak out again, okay?”

“I only sneak out when they lock me all day in my room,” was the rueful answer, “But now that you’ve let me play outside, I promise I won’t.”

They sealed the deal with a handshake and Anna ushered him back to his room just in time for Tiana to turn around the corner. Sending her a suspicious glance, the brunette peeked inside the room to check on their new resident. “I was scared that he had set the curtains on fire.”

“He’s just a little bored,” Anna replied and turned to wink at him. The boy giggled as he repositioned himself in his bed. “He promised me that he won’t sneak out again if I let him play outside. Don’t you think we should recommend Mister Naveen to let him take walks every day?”

At the mention of the brusque and charismatic psychotherapist, Tiana smiled a little shyer. “Is that what Elliot told you?”

“It’s a little stressful following a hyperactive kid around the gardens, but maybe it’ll tire him out eventually and he’d be easier to manage?”

“That actually sounds like a nice idea. Don’t worry, I’d pitch it on Mrs. Megara and see what she thinks.”

Anna smirked at her. “So you could also be the one to tell Prince Charming about it, eh? Clever, Tia.”

The woman rolled her eyes at the redhead. “At least I’m making the effort unlike someone who’s only stuck daydreaming and mooning over fictional chara–”

She didn’t let Tiana finish and pushed her on the shoulder with a scoff. “I am not stuck ‘daydreaming and mooning’ over fictional characters, Tiana.”

Thankfully, she had gotten her point across before Mrs. Megara peeked her head over from the reception with a glare that said ‘we’re not getting paid to chat with each other during work.’ Anna excused herself from the presence of her workmate, finally letting her continue her tasks.

Anna shouldn’t have brought _Peter and Wendy_ to work with her every time she could, but somehow, she had found herself calmed whenever she read it. Even if she never showed it, working at a psychiatric hospital could be quite taxing and reading it was a swift respite from everything.

It was only noontime when her lax workday was turned on its side, the call on the speakers as she slurped instant noodles from the canteen making her jump to her feet. The other diners consisting of confused patients and alert nurses listened on.

“ _Paging Doctor Torch, first floor, Room 005. Doctor Torch, Room 005, immediately.”_

She was still getting used to the new codes in Middleton Psychiatric, but the name of the doctor was telling enough.

Code red.

Anna, being the closest to the door, was the first to get out and was barrelling through the halls to room 005. There was a faint smell of smoke as she neared the place. It didn’t take long for the auburn-haired woman to see at most three people trying to extinguish the fire.

But the fire extinguisher in Mr. Pitch’s – the old, cranky security assigned on the first floor – hands was not being used. Anna surveyed the burning room.

It wasn’t _that_ bad but the entirety of the bed and the drawer beside it was flaming. Thankfully, the resident inside the room was safely outside the room. Her colleagues were starting to weird her out by doing absolutely nothing as they stared at the surmounting flames inside 005.

Which could easily be attributed to shock, Anna thought without surprise.

Grabbing the huge red tank from Mr. Pitch, Anna pulled the pin and squeezed the handle, getting startled as the cold chemical sprung out almost immediately. She struggled to point the nozzle at the flames at first, the discharge scaring her for a bit, but she quickly managed to get the hang of it. Soon enough, the fire was no more, leaving only a badly burnt bed frame and bedside table.

“Nurse Anna,” Mrs. Megara greeted her as the pressure of the moment fell. “What you did earlier didn’t really surprise me at all. Good job.”

Anna gave a small smile. “Did you figure out who set the bed on fire?”

“Yes,” was the weary answer as they passed through the empty halls, the cold sweep of wet air touching their forms. “Ms. Ursula. She didn’t like the fact that Mr. Naveen told her to cut her tobacco use in half.”

Everybody knew how much of a heavy smoker Ms. Ursula was. She had been there for almost three months but until now, nobody was successful in making her stop. It wouldn’t be good for her, Doctor Pablo said, to stop cold turkey. What should be done was a slow, yet continual decrease of tobacco use. Most would disagree but it worked, well, that was until now.

Diagnosed with a multitude of disorders much worse than tobacco addiction, smoking was the least of Doctor Pablo and Mr. Naveen’s priority. Their leniency no doubt made her do it. That fiasco wouldn’t bode well in her favour. It was actually amazing, if not terrifying, what people would do to protect their addiction, but that was all the chemicals in their brain talking.

That’s why the patients were here. For them to be rehabilitated back to what was supposed to be normal. When Anna was almost done with her shift, she saw Mrs. Megara escorting Ursula to the therapist’s office. Time would only tell if they’d be successful with this patient.

Due to that incident, Anna, along with Nurse Ralph, was told to inspect the rooms for contraband. Ursula obtaining a lighter was alarming and what knows if something else was sneaked inside the hospital. Middleton Psychiatric Hospital tried its best to help recover and accommodate its patients well, but sometimes accidents were unavoidable.

Anna didn’t find anything out of the ordinary in the residents’ room but Ralph did. Somehow, someone was able to hide alcohol underneath their bed. After reporting it and disposing of the item, Ralph bid Anna goodbye, the latter tiredly slouching on her way to the locker room.

“Psh.” Tiana chuckled as she pulled over her scrubs and replaced it with a black hoodie. “I thought Elliot finally did it.”

Anna laughed at her but shook her head as she put her things away in her bag. “Give the kid a break, I think we’ll actually help him get better if we pay enough attention.”

“I bet that’s what the other nurses in the previous one said too before they realised they were mistaken,” Tiana replied with a smirk but looked around the room curiously. “I didn’t know Cass had her off today.”

“It was changed two days ago… I think she has the night shift for when she comes back.”

Tiana pulled a face and Anna could relate to her. Night shifts were universally disliked by every working soul. Anna was no different to that. She had actually sulked over her new schedule but thankfully, her night shift was two weeks away. That meant Anna would relish every moment she had in her bed before forgetting about it three days later. She’d then whine to herself when she was actually doing night duty.

Yeah, that sounded sweet.

* * *

The days that passed by after that were too dreary to make a mark on Anna’s mind.

Cassandra, on the rare chance that Anna and Tiana and herself were given the same off day (not really), had told them – ordered actually – about a girl’s night out one Saturday.

Only it had to be done in the afternoon, because Anna had to work in five hours.

Anna complained about it the whole time but her friends knew it was done light-heartedly as they laughed at her.

“Just because the two of you could go have a legit night out doesn’t mean you can make fun of me like that.”

“And how is that our fault?” Tiana asked as she stirred her latte.

Sniggering, Anna replied, “How is it mine?”

“Girls,” Cassandra chided with a smile. “Let’s not fight this early in the afternoon.”

“Right,” Anna rolled her eyes but pointed it to the short-haired woman. “But what is it I’m hearing about you flirting with Nurse Eugene?”

“Flynn,” Tiana corrected with a snort.

“Ew, yuck,” the friend in question coughed, “Who told you that?”

“Nurse Herc.”

Even if Mrs. Megara was the epitome of perfect patience and decency, her husband was the complete opposite. Hercules had… a boyish attitude even if he was already in his thirties. It made him kinda cool. Kinda. Boy talk was always weird, even more so when a girl overheard it.

Since the men and women’s lockers were separated, Anna had to hear it in the canteen like a high schooler. She was sure it was nothing but easy teasing on Hercules’s part and Eugene’s.

Hopefully.

“I’m a lesbian, Anna,” Cassandra deadpanned which didn’t fail to make her two companions laugh.

“We know,” Tiana supplied with a tickled grin.

But really, in a workplace of two therapists, three doctors, eight aides, and seven nurses, there’s bound to be gossip to keep everyday life lively. Their afternoon was spent talking just about that. Ursula’s fire incident, Elliot’s previous hospital, Hercules being more of a dick than usual. Simple stuff, definitely harmless, but entertaining enough that the three girls laughed and wasted their hours at the local coffee shop. 

When Anna had to – begrudgingly – go, the sky again was at its angriest. As she fumbled over her bag, a swift look proved that, yep, she left her umbrella in her car. Too bad said vehicle was parked a couple of blocks away.

Of fucking course.

But Anna was not willing to go back in again and borrow one from her friends. She was feeling lazy even if she was only a few steps away from them. Anna could manage. Living in Middleton had somehow made her waterproof. She readied herself as she put her bag on her head, set to cross the afternoon shower.

Anna, however, was only a couple of steps away from the roofed entryway when she realised that she was not getting soaked by the rain. That and there’s some tall guy with white-blonde hair holding an umbrella over her head. Anna continued walking, sending him a big smile. “Thank you!”

“No problem,” he screamed over the loud pitter-patter of the rain. “You getting to your car?”

“Just a few more steps away.”

And those few more steps were taken in a hurry. Anna opened her door and thanked the blond man once again, the kind stranger telling her to take care. This was another saving grace of Middleton. Strangers were nice to each other and Anna patted herself dry with a smile.

As she put her car in drive, Anna passed by the blond once again. He was leaning over the window of a white car before the door opened and out came a woman as tall as him, long hair flowing freely to her waist.

Anna didn’t see her face but she could feel her eyes fix themselves on the slim figure in her side mirror. That hair colour was very, very similar to one in the redhead’s memories.

Her childhood friend had hair like that, too. Soft tuffs of platinum getting tousled by the breeze while they run in the fields. Elsa’s hair, unlike her face, was not forgotten by Anna. She spent the drive to her apartment in silence, longing and disappointment fighting in her stomach as she recalled the little blonde girl. 

Anna smiled. _Maybe not so little anymore._

She was a year older than her and Anna knew, hoped even, that she was living her life somewhere in the world, successful in her ventures. Once she reunited with Rapunzel, Anna couldn’t help but be curious about what happened to her older friends. She had seen familiar names and faces on Punzie’s friend list but one name was missing.

Searching her name online was futile. Elsa Arendelle, if that was her full name, was nowhere to be found in any social media to Anna’s huge, everlasting dismay. 

But Anna knew she’d see her again. She was sure of it, _would_ make sure of it, and so she drove in silence, thoughts quiet and calm.

* * *

“So what does agreeing to this mean for me?”

Doctor Pablo let out a subtle sigh, his old, lazy smile appearing in an instant. “Well, that means that I’ll put your name on the list of recommended private nurses.” Anna’s mouth opened but he raised a hand up to settle her. “Psychiatric nurse, don’t worry. It means… you’ll wait until someone gets admitted who would require such care and, if you want, you could work in the patient’s house. but it’s up to you if you make such arrangements.”

Deciding to agree to Doctor Pablo’s suggestion was a hard task to do. Among higher pay was – expectedly – more difficulty, especially if it was only one nurse assigned to the patient for the majority of the time. Anna mulled her thoughts over and over, wondering if it would be worth it, but ultimately, the auburn-haired woman had found herself knocking on the Director’s Office.

“Middleton Psychiatric – right now – doesn’t really have any pending requests. Our beds are full, but I know it won’t be for long with the expansion and whatnot. If you are added to the list, that means you will be one of our choices.”

That was true. The hospital was actually under construction at that very moment. A new wing would mean more patients and more nurses. Anna thought about her decision a hundred times over in a span of ten seconds.

“Is it true that the pay is higher?”

Shameless was the question but Anna didn’t need any reason to be blunt. Doctor Pablo didn’t make any movement that showed he’d taken offense. If only possible, he looked impressed by Anna’s boldness.

“Yes, it is. Some would tell you that private care is one of the most unfulfilling jobs a nurse could do, maybe it was, but MPH has been employing private nurses years before you even graduated. Let me tell you, that’s where the money lies. You would be paid based on your agreed contract and the possibility that your salary would double is quite high.” 

Pursing her lips and letting more seconds pass, Anna finally nodded at him after a comfortable silence. “I’d do it, but I want to be able to stay here when I do. Going to a patient’s house and being on call 24/7 doesn’t sound too good for me.”

It was a smart move on Anna’s part. Investing all of your time on a patient was hard enough to make the most skilled flinch, and she definitely didn’t want to burn out this early in her career. Anna loved, or tried to love, all of her patients but she would like to have a clear division between her normal life and professional one.

With a few documents being signed, she was free to leave the Director’s Office. Stretching lazily as she approached the building’s exit, she saw Tiana talking to (or more likely, flirting with) Mr. Naveen. She couldn’t help but scoff as she passed the reception.

It was her decision to treat herself today. Driving to the little quaint coffee shop downtown was made languidly with green eyes half lidded as their owner tried to hold on without her caffeine. Just a few more minutes, Anna told herself, just a few more minutes and then she could get her coffee so she could finally go to bed without a headache.

Must be caffeine addiction.

Anna insisted to the voice in her head that no, she was not addicted to coffee but her low mood was blatant as she exited her car in a hurry.

No, really, Anna was _tired._ Mr. Wilde chose this day to perform his concert buck-naked once again in the canteen at one-o-four in the morning. There was only her, Ralph, and a nurse aide named Jeff trying to stop him from waking the whole building as he sang over the intercom.

It took cutting the hospital’s speakers, chasing the frenzied man up to the third floor, and a lot of bribing to get him to stop. They finally did it before the next shift started. Hurrah for nothing. Anna knew Mr. Wilde only stopped because he was getting tired.

“The usual?” the teenaged bartender asked her. Anna nodded with a faint grin.

Okay, maybe Anna was addicted to coffee, but the espresso at Myer’s Cups was to die for. As she waited patiently for her drink to be served, her eyes entertained themselves with the cute little Chihuahua barking up against the potted plant outside and its young owner trying her best to pull it along.

The little girl was actually getting irritated. Her brows were furrowed minutely but the grinding of her jaw as she ordered the dog to come was telling enough. Anna sighed. Maybe she should get a pet of her own?

Nah, the maintenance would be too much of an obligation. Anna felt like she was repeating someone else’s words as she took the steaming cup being offered to her.

Taking a huge sip, Anna didn’t mind the scalding temperature, used to it by now, but it was quickly spat out in surprise as her gaze landed on a seat next to the windows.

Her reaction was loud – and disgusting – enough to grab the attention of the woman occupying the space Anna’s eyes were stuck on. The woman stopped mid-chew for a moment, hands gripping a half-eaten croissant and lowering slightly as blue eyes stared at her.

Anna’s mind went haywire. It was not because the blonde was actually unbelievably pretty, whatnot with those messy bangs framing her face and curious blues framed with thick lashes locked on her, looking every bit of a model even with _no makeup on_. Her pale-white hair was tied in a tight bun below her neck, almost appearing non-existent with how it was hidden in the hood of her black jacket.

No, it was not that.

It was that the woman had this huge fucking butterfly on the top of her head, fluttering its wings as the blonde seemed oblivious to its presence.

Anna gaped at her, the previously hot drool from her mouth now lukewarm. She blinked, the woman blinked, the huge ass butterfly flapped its wings.

The Chihuahua outside barked.

Snapping out of her trance, Anna coughed, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. Was she imagining things? The woman kept a suspicious gaze at her but bent down to take another bite of her pastry. The yellow and black butterfly crept closer to the back of her head.

Anna made a sound but was not sure why it came out gurgled and incomprehensible. Blue Eyes just watched her warily, looking uncomfortable with the amount of staring she was receiving. “Do I know you?”

Her accent was thick, definitely not from these parts of the country. The bit of swagger in it made it stand out more. Anna didn’t know if she should melt right on the spot or reply to the weirded out stranger.

“I… uhm…” Anna swallowed the sudden lump on her throat. The woman raised an eyebrow. “There’s… a butterfly on your head.”

It was supposed to be a question. _‘Hey lady, why is there a giant mammoth of a butterfly on your head?’_ Anna wasn’t sure why that wasn’t what came out of her mouth but still, it was effective as the blonde looked up, expecting a butterfly to be hanging above her.

“Uhm,” Anna trailed off as she watched the stranger look for the butterfly around her. “It’s sitting on your hair? Just above your nape.”

The woman blinked at her again, stopping her lazy chewing. She actually looked like she was frozen in time but Anna guessed she was just sensing if the redhead was telling the truth.

The butterfly crawled further down.

With her knowing about it, the blonde must’ve felt it move and she yelped, ducking her head and dropping her croissant on the table in distress as she flailed her hand uselessly beside her. “Holy _fuckin’ shit!_ Oh, Lord,” the butterfly fluttered its wings yet again, “Holy Jesus! It’s movin’! It’s _movin’!”_

It must have been instinct – or maybe she wanted to show off – but Anna quickly closed the distance between her and the woman, holding her still as a finger carefully swatted at her hair, just making enough motion to scare the poor, _terrifyingly_ huge creature away.

_Seriously, what in the fuck is that mutated thing?_

It took a loud plethora of expletives from the woman and a lot of wincing in Anna’s part to pray the butterfly away. She, herself, was actually scared of the insect, too, with how it hovered on the blonde’s head imperiously, but she was used to feeling pressure and fear as she helped unfortunate individuals.

By the grace of God, he finally answered the blonde’s pleas disguised as cussing. The butterfly shifted as it flew unto the table behind them, Anna dodging the hell out of its way.

“There it’s gone,” Anna assured her. The woman jumped out of her chair, dashing a few steps behind Anna as she glared at the butterfly.

Blue Eyes didn’t know if she should laugh or cry and so she only cleared her throat as she gave Anna a grateful smile. “Well that’s embarrassin’, ain’t it?”

Anna chuckled at her, feeling a little bit charmed with the woman’s boyish grin. It was a weird way to describe someone with such feminine features – slim face and pink dainty lips and all that – but it was the first thing that came to her mind.

The woman was taller than Anna, their difference obvious as she was standing a bit too close to her, busy staring at the butterfly with an amused face. Dill, the bartender, approached them after watching the discord unfold from the side-lines.

“Are you guys okay?”

“Pretty fuckin’ butterfly just went and rested in my head,” the woman explained, her words making Anna’s head spin because _damn,_ that accent was hypnotic. “Scared the crap out of me.” She bowed her head ruefully. “Well, sorry ‘bout the fuss.”

Now that Anna could focus on it, the stranger really sounded foreign… actually, scratch that, the blonde was definitely foreign. She sounded British, maybe even Australian, and Anna thought about it as she stared at that pretty face composing itself into a chill smile. Her aura was literally sending Anna to her feet. The woman exuded coolness like she was just not screaming her head off earlier because of a butterfly.

Anna aspired to be that cool.

“No, it’s okay,” Dill replied. “I’m so sorry about that butterfly. I have no idea how it came in, especially something that big.”

Dill read Anna’s mind as she watched the young woman take a tray and steer the butterfly to the other end of the café. Actually impressed that she managed to put her coffee down on the table before the chaos, Anna picked it up, all the while remembering how she unceremoniously pushed the woman head first into the surface.

The stranger actually picked that exact moment, too, to pull her bag from her seat, the action knocking Anna’s hand and making the warm liquid spill on her clothes.

“Ooh,” came the squeak from the blonde as she let go of her bag, the black backpack resounding on the floor as hands hung over Anna’s front. They both watched the brown liquid stain her clothes. “Oh my God. I’m so _so_ sorry, Miss. I didn’t mean to.”

“This is the thanks I get, huh?” Anna quipped but waved her off with a smile, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Nah, it’s fine. Accidents happen.”

The woman didn’t look convinced, frown fresh on her face, she dug into her bag and gave Anna a white cotton towel to wipe the coffee off her shirt. “I’m real sorry ‘bout that. If you want I could pay for your dry-cleanin’.”

That would be too much. Anna declined knowing that the shirt was only a few scrubs away from being new again. “No, no. That’s not needed! I appreciate the thought, though.”

Blue eyes landed on her again, contemplative as the woman bored her gaze into Anna’s soul. The moment was cut short, however, as the doors opened and a man approached the pair. Green eyes twinkled in recognition.

It was the guy with the umbrella the other day!

“Is everything okay?” he asked, not sparing Anna a glance as he talked to the woman before them anxiously. “Umm, are you okay… Sev?”

“Yep, never been better,” the blonde smiled at him.

Maybe they’re siblings? The hair colour was almost identical _and_ they were both tall. Maybe they were even twins. Anna was sure they were related. The man’s gaze finally wandered to her. “It’s you,” he exclaimed with a smile but his eyes widened minutely and dropped down to her clothes. “What happened?”

The blonde winced. “That’s definitely my fault. I knocked her coffee over.”

“No, it’s fine, really,” Anna repeated from a while ago. “It’s just a shirt.”

The woman – Sev, her mind supplied – exhaled through her nose and turned to the man. “Jack, do we need to go now?”

“Yes,” Jack replied with a sad frown.

“That’s unfortunate,” Sev said. With quick fingers, she took out her phone and offered it to Anna. “Can I have your number so we can talk ‘bout how to help you with your clothes?” Anna’s mouth opened to reject her offer but the woman shook her head with a grin. “I insist. Please. I won’t be able to sleep at night.”

She gave her a wink. Anna’s heart stopped and exploded in flames at the same second. _Is she flirting with me?_

Anna didn’t know if she was, but she typed her number out with shaky fingers. Glancing at the contact the redhead put in, Sev gave her a charming smile, the kind that curled at her lips at the end.

It really was a boyish smile.

“Anna?” the blonde asked.

“Yup?”

Sev held a hand out which Anna took, suddenly boneless. Man, the blonde’s hand was _soft_.

“It was nice to meet you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you're confused. It's okay. You're supposed to be. Take care, folks! xx


	7. the garden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: mentions of an eating disorder, schizophrenia

**chapter three: the garden**

Morphing into a new, much more excitable person was unexpected, especially since the change happened overnight. Anna opened her messages again and read the text sent eight hours ago with the stupidest grin to ever grace her face.

_‘hey, it’s me from the café earlier? the one who spilled coffee on your shirt?’_

Anna would squeal and jump around if she wasn’t already late but, unfortunately, she was. It was such a shame that she only saw it when she was driving earlier to work and not when it was still freshly sent. She thought about sending an apology for her late reply, but maybe she’d come off as too insecure. On the other hand, not acknowledging her eight-hour late reply might make the wrong impression.

Her idiotic grin was still on her face as Tadashi, a nurse aide, poked his head inside the locker room, startling the redhead. With a groan, she said, “ _God,_ Tadashi! A knock would be nice.”

“It’s not like you’re still changing fifteen minutes after your shift started,” he replied with a teasing smile.

Anna rolled her eyes, shrugging him off. “Psh, it’s not like I’m consciously doing it. Sometimes, people are late, y’know?”

Typing a quick _lacklustre_ message to the newest contact on her phone – _Hey! What’s up? –_ she put her phone away and followed the slender man outside. “Is there a big enough problem for you to fetch me in the lockers?”

Tadashi laughed, shaking his head. “No, not really, but Alice’s sister called and said that she’d throw a little surprise party for her birthday today. Mrs. Meg told us to ready the place. Ralph, James, and Cassandra are already there.”

“Sweet,” Anna said as they walked to the half-designed all-purpose hall. Alice’s work in the wall – courtesy of Anna – was bright against the white. Mrs. Megara actually almost threw a fit as she caught Alice vandalising the wall with Anna as her lookout but the painting, a multi-coloured cat with a huge grin on its face, was actually a nice addition to the hall.

Alice suffered from delusions brought on by schizophrenia, thinking she was the titular character in _Alice in Wonderland_ but her hand skills were wonderful. Anna was thankful that Doctor Pablo thought the same, too, as he let the Cheshire Cat stay on the wall. Now, as they rapidly prepared the whole room in anticipation of the birthday party, it was an unexpected design.

Hearing about Alice’s sister’s idea was a positive note to Anna’s day. Some of the patients there were not getting visitors at all while some were dreading receiving one. It was such a good change to see a loving relative make an effort.

Alice’s sister, Lorna, arrived an hour later with a birthday cake wrapped in bright colours and a few balloons. A team of caterers brought numerous dishes and, with Doctor Pablo’s permission, Alice and a few stable patients in Middleton Psychiatric experienced the birthday party.

It brought upon an upbeat mood in the hospital as the patients and the birthday girl herself enjoyed the good food and the slow elevator music playing in the background. The staff enjoyed themselves, too, but they still kept a watchful eye on what was happening in the hall in case something went wrong.

And, of course, when you’ve been thinking about it, there’s a slight chance it will.

Mr. Wilde, for the first time in a long while, was actually the responsible one that tattled to the nearby nurse. Apparently, one of their patients Nathan, who was diagnosed with bulimia was already on his way to the washroom outside of the hall.

The nurse who heard was actually Hercules. The burly man went and whispered about it to Anna. He couldn’t very well be the one to intervene with Nathan because, well, of his unprofessionalism in intervention – he tends to get a little forceful – so Anna followed the adolescent boy to the washroom.

“Nathan?” Anna called out after a knock. “What are you doing there?”

It should have been obvious but one rule of Psychiatry was never assuming. To heal and be healed was a process that should be done with trust and Anna, even if there’s an off chance that she shouldn’t, trusted Nathan.

It took a moment before he answered, but his voice was clear, strong, and it was enough to settle Anna down. “I’m fine, Nurse Anna.”

She smiled faintly at thin air, sending Hercules a nod as he watched from the other end of the hall.

“Do you… need help?”

Anna waited. Her answer was the opening of the door. She peeked in curiously at the long-faced teenager. “I… I can’t stop myself from coming in here.” He looked up into Anna’s eyes. “But I stood my ground and told myself I wouldn’t do it. Whatever happens.”

And it was with those parting words that Nathan came out of the washroom, his gait laced with confidence although the stiffness in his shoulder betrayed his emotions. Anna was proud of him no matter. Hercules guided him back to his room as per his request.

In the corner of her eyes, she saw Alice and Lorna hug. Feeling warmed, Anna continued watching from the distance until the event was over

* * *

_‘I thought you’d never reply lol anyways do you fancy a dinner with me’_

Another message, three minutes from the previous one.

_‘lol I don’t mean as a date but I’d like to make it up to you. let me know what you think’_

Anna was grinning from ear to ear as she read those two messages five times over. It was sent a few minutes from her own. She was actually anxious because that was hours ago, five to be exact, and Anna was on autopilot as she typed her reply.

The last thing Anna wanted to do was for the blonde to think that she was not interested, because, frankly, she was. Uncannily so, actually. It might be because of her smile, wide and childlike, or maybe her messy hair that managed to look perfect or her blue eyes twinkling with mirth as she winked at the redhead.

She stalled, reading the message she sent. _‘A date sounds wonderful! I’m full time at the hospital this week tho but I’m free fri and sat :)’_

Ah, shit. Anna’s got a crush.

She hadn’t been excited to see someone for a very long time. The last time probably predating her teens when she was waiting for a childhood friend she couldn’t quite forget.

Come to think of it, Elsa’s got the same platinum hair. She realised that once she remembered that the blonde stranger getting out of the car from the girls’ Saturday night (afternoon) out was the same one she met yesterday.

Maybe Anna had a thing for blondes.

Her phone buzzed, a new message from the unknown number she was definitely memorising popped onto the screen.

_‘that sounds great! meet me friday night?’_

Anna smiled.

‘ _Sure :)_ ’

* * *

Anna never thought she would be such a _girl_ but as the week went by with a blur and Friday caught her by the heels, she realised that little fact about herself.

Trying on clothes and spinning in front of the mirror, Anna decided if she should wear a skirt or jeans. There was this really cute long-sleeved blouse she bought a few months back and she never had any chance to wearing it until now.

Her date was at Keaton’s Garden, a not-quite-little uppity resto on the far end of town. Anna should have been a little wary meeting strangers at night – their meetup was 6:30, but she couldn’t think of any reason someone would murder her after dinner at probably the most expensive restaurant in Middleton.

She should tell a friend just in case but as Anna thought about it more, she was struck dead in her tracks with a fact.

Anna didn’t know what Blue Eyes’ full name was. She knew that guy named Jack called her Sev but… Anna didn’t know who she was.

That was understandable. They hadn’t been texting all the time. After Anna confirmed their date, the next text she received was on that Friday. She briefly wondered if she was getting stood up before her phone pinged.

_‘You’re not thinking of bailing on our date are you?’_

Anna snickered, entertained by their synchronicity. _‘I was just thinking that you would be the one to do that.’_

A sad face replied and a, ‘ _You wound me with your words, Anna.’_

Her fingers twitched. Anna wondered if she should ask her name now but figured she’d rather face embarrassment face-to-face than broil over it as she drove to their meetup place. Typing a quick _‘see you later xo’,_ she continued her preparations for the date.

The raindrops hitting her window made Anna decide against the skirt and with nimble fingers, she put on the slightest amount of makeup on her face. The blonde didn’t look too fond of them – her face was bare as a baby’s the last time they met! – and Anna dressed to impress.

Then again, there was a chance that the woman was actually meeting her up to talk about the accident with the coffee, not because she was flirting with her. Anna had thought about that. Their lack of exchange while texting was a huge sign, but she wanted to be an optimist. Plus, the blonde was drop-dead gorgeous. Anna would take the chance, maybe even try to woo her.

Not like clumsy, awkward Anna could effectively do that but hey, trying was for winners. 

The drive to the resto from her apartment was long. Her apartment was actually nearer MPH than Middleton’s downtown. Anna didn’t know why Sev chose such a place for their date but maybe it was the first thing that came to mind.

_Or maybe she was just rich._

Checking her phone, a text read ‘ _I’m already at the garden.’_

Anna opened her umbrella as she stepped out of her car, the stylish entrance made out of glass and faux mossy stone made an effect of a modern-day greenhouse but with enough oomph to make it look as fancy as a four-star restaurant.

Swallowing the nervousness that crept up on her throat, Anna entered the building. An attendant took her umbrella as she was ushered inside to the reception. The man opened his book and asked, “Name, please?”

Oh, snap. Anna didn’t know that Keaton’s Garden was _that_ upscale. Managing to spit out her name quickly, the man nodded at her and let her in.

If the entrance gave off an impression of a green-house, the inside was enough to stamp that idea into the heads of its customers. There was a lot of greenery scattered around the place, in between tables. Anna looked up to the ceiling above, she realised that it was a dome, the lightning striking above them soundlessly as the auburn-haired woman struggled to find her date.

Walking through the restaurant felt like walking on the streets of some old city in Europe, if that old city was right inside a humongous garden. Anna decided that she liked it.

Due to social awkwardness of having to walk around looking for someone, she fished her phone out of her pocket. She dialled Sev’s number as she sat at one of the empty tables. It only took three rings before the woman answered. “Hello?”

“Uhm… it’s Anna? I’m already here.”

It was silent for a bit then a muffled movement could be heard from across the line. “Wait… where are you?”

Anna stood up quickly, dragging the chair silently as she did so. Looking around, a blonde head sprung up from one of the tall divisions set between tables. So that’s why she couldn’t see her. It was not hard to affirm that it was Sev, the pale hair easy to spot now that she was looking at it.

Also, it was really hard to miss someone who looked like _that._

Walking up to her, Anna was suddenly way too conscious of her getup. Sev’s hair was down today, bangs swept back with long flowing locks of platinum falling over her shoulders. If she was damn gorgeous without makeup, Sev was stunningly exquisite with purple eyeshadow and rosy cheeks.

Anna felt like a teenager seeing a college girl for the first time as she sat in front of her with a shy smile. The woman returned her gesture with her own faint one, nodding at her at once. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Anna replied nervously. “It might be a little too late to ask this now but since we’re already here for dinner, uhm… what’s your name?”

Yeah. Anna was awkward as hell but Sev didn’t look like she minded. Instead, the woman stilled, seemingly thinking hard about the answer. The way she furrowed her forehead made Anna think about which part of telling someone your name was hard but Anna waited. Sev – if that was her name – opened her mouth, closed it, opened it again, and repeated that process over and over for ten seconds before she snapped back up to meet Anna in the eye.

“I… uhm… I guess you can call u–me… Elizabeth.” Anna noticed the slip up. It was more likely just her accent, which sounded more similar to Anna’s now if she was being observant. Definitely not the one from before in Myer’s Cups though. Anna was… more than a little confused.

She actually thought the woman’s name was Sev… maybe it was her nickname? Alas, Anna let go of her train of thought and offered her hand to the blonde. “Nice to see you again, Elizabeth.”

“Uh… nice to meet you, too… Anna.”

 _Meet?_ The redhead chuckled at the woman’s choice of words.

Elizabeth stared at her for a few seconds before warily taking her hand. The blonde appeared to be a little uncomfortable but Anna barrelled through until a server stopped beside them. Offering the menu, he left for a while, leaving two awkward girls to take turns stealing a glance at each other.

The blonde felt like a new person from the woman she met almost a week ago in the café. Not only did her style change – the blonde looked absolutely chic with her off shoulder – but the air around her was less cool and more… calm. 

Anna never fared well in silence. She managed to last ten seconds of awkward menu staring before chiming, “So what made you choose this place? I can’t say I’ve ever been here but I could tell from first glance that, woah, it’s really pretty. Especially the dome above us and all the greens. Gosh, there’s a lot of them here. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought this was a fine dining restaurant.” Elizabeth looked at her silently, Anna faltered. “S-so… yeah, what do you – what will you have?”

The way her lips deepened at the edges was familiar. Anna didn’t know where she had seen it but she had before. It was unlike her previous large grin when talking to Anna a few days ago, but it was just as beautiful.

A big difference, really, but still so pretty.

Elizabeth dipped her head lower but it was not enough to hide her gentle smile. Anna melted at the sight as she sat a little bit taller for having brought that upon.

“I think I’ll have the Lobster Linguine, it’s one of their bestsellers here and it’s pretty amazing…. and of course, Keaton’s Chowder,” the blonde smiled at her. “You have to try the chowder, it’s wonderful and unlike anything you’d get in other restaurants.” Elizabeth’s finger danced around the menu in her hands before stopping, “but if you are allergic to seafood, I suggest the Chicken Piccata paired with pasta or potatoes…” Blue eyes twinkled before her, smile becoming shyer as she finished, “And if you’re vegetarian, the Italian Chopped Salad or the Garden Bowl are good choices.”

Woah. Okay. Anna was actually captivated by this woman, especially the way she started being all confident and ended off all bashful. She had somehow followed the blonde’s recommendations and was grinning foolishly as she nodded. “Alright then! I’m not really allergic to anything but Chicken Piccata sounds amazing. As per your recommendation,” Anna smirked, “I’ll also get the chowder.”

Elizabeth blushed lightly at that. She caught the attention of their server, it only took a minute before he sauntered off to the kitchens, the two ladies sharing a comfortable silence between them.

“I noticed that you didn’t order wine,” Anna mused out loud. “Do you not drink alcohol?”

Her date shook her head with a kind smile. “No, not really. I find myself not really used to alcohol. I get a couple sips in and I’m immediately drunk.”

“Couple sips?! I don’t believe you.”

“It’s true,” Elizabeth insisted, eyebrows jumping up. “That’s why I avoid drinking in public places.”

Anna giggled. Elizabeth sounded like the responsible friend who refuses to do stupid stuff knowing it’s not going to end well. Then again, she only knew the blonde for a maximum of fifteen minutes, but from what she saw, Anna liked her.

“ _And_ with strangers,” Anna pointed out jokingly.

Elizabeth laughed at that, her lips hidden behind her hand. “And with strangers.”

Creasing her brows in thought, the auburn-haired woman felt a little bolder as the seconds passed with that gentle yet charming smile pointed at her.

“So… what is our agenda for the night?”

Elizabeth blinked at her curiously. “What agenda?”

“I mean,” Anna exhaled, steeling her resolve. “Are we really just here to talk about my shirt?”

Anna liked this woman, really. She was easy to talk to and her smile lit up the entire garden without effort, not to mention she was freaking beautiful. Anna had tried to stop herself from being infatuated with pretty faces and charming words but it seemed that she gravitated towards it naturally.

So she decided, whatever Elizabeth’s answer, Anna would at least try to keep her, or score another date in the near future.

Which was silly to think of when their night hadn’t even started.

Inhaling deeply, Elizabeth’s eyes darted from Anna’s to the mantelpiece and to the thin air beyond Anna’s head. “I… uh… what do you want to do…?”

Aww, Anna thought with an internal squeal, she’s being shy. She fought her want to giggle once again and raised an eyebrow, “You’re the one who asked me out.”

Facts. Elizabeth looked like she was stressing out about what to tell Anna and the redhead actually took pity on her after seconds. “I saw online that Keaton’s Garden has a legitimate garden outside, too, but since it’s raining, I don’t think we could see it like this time.”

That brought excitement to appear on the blonde’s face. “We can, actually. The garden’s ceiling is exactly like the one above us. We won’t get drenched by the rain.”

There it was again, the smile on her face that poked Anna’s memory like a woodpecker. Elizabeth appeared happy at the prospect of spending their post-dinner in the garden. She relaxed more. Maybe the woman really was flirting with her.

Anna didn’t even like plants but somehow they were instantly marvellous as Elizabeth took a peek behind her, turning to see the famous garden just in sight. “Yeah, the rain won’t touch us there.”

Not that Anna needed any more reassurance but she nodded enthusiastically. “Then let’s go there later.”

The beam she was replied with was stunning.

“So I was reading… our conversation earlier,” Elizabeth started, “And I noticed that you said something about the hospital? Do you work there?”

“Mhmm. I’m a nurse, been for a couple of years now… just boring stuff, you don’t want to hear it,” Anna waved her off with a laugh, suddenly conscious of her career. It was not that she was ashamed of it but telling people she worked in Psychiatry tended to attract all the wrong questions.

“I don’t think it’s boring,” she answered with a chiding smile. “I’ve met all kinds of wonderful nurses and I think what they have is a hard job, but I’ve been told that it is fulfilling so… that makes me appreciate it more.”

Anna’s face glowed, pearly whites showing. “It _is_ hard, but it’s also _very_ fulfilling. I don’t know if it’s just me but there’s just something about helping people recover their healthy states and, y’know, being there watching from the side-lines.”

“Do you ever get tired of helping people?”

Elizabeth seemed genuinely interested in her answer. Anna sighed lightly. “If I’m being honest, yes, but I’m not helping people _all the time_. I still have my off days where I can recharge and… after that, I’m good to go again.”

It was true. Being a nurse, a psychiatric one at that, got tiring really quick, but it was always worth it seeing the people be better. The strong impression in Nathan’s face appeared before Anna and she smiled. Yes, it was stressful but there was more to it than the stress.

Elizabeth was looking at her with a hint of admiration on her face. Anna glowed brighter.

“Being a nurse is your dream job, isn’t it?”

Anna chuckled. “Why do you say that?”

“You sound… very happy is all,” Elizabeth responded, blue orbs warm. “Like you finally found your purpose.”

_Purpose, huh?_

She had never thought of it that way yet it fit perfectly in her description. Anna had achieved her dream of being a nurse, but she had never thought it was her mission in life. As she walked through her past experiences and Doctor Pablo’s words from before, Anna couldn’t help but feel that she really was cut out for nursing.

“It is my dream job,” she chirped. Elizabeth hummed as she encouraged her to go on and soon, unsurprisingly, Anna was busy telling her all about her early years in nursing school and her first job in Corona.

Anna was sure that she had successfully talked Elizabeth’s ears off but the blonde listened intently at her, taking every word she said and reacting appropriately with every story she told. The woman actually was a very good listener. Anna didn’t feel like she was having a one-sided conversation even if her rambling dominated the exchange.

Elizabeth asked a few thoughtful questions to spur her on and soon, Anna was able to tell her story as the blonde gave her a lovely smile that indicated how much she enjoyed her presence.

But Anna was done talking about herself for the night. She wanted to know more about Elizabeth because truly she was more interesting to talk about compared to the redhead. With a hopeful glance, she asked, “What about you? What do you do?”

The blond was saved from answering when their food arrived. Elizabeth was right, the chowder _looked_ better than anything she ever had before. The smell of the dishes in front of her was making her salivate.

“This looks amazing,” Anna commented. Elizabeth giggled.

“It is. Try it.”

But even with the invitation, Anna couldn’t tear her eyes away from Elizabeth’s face. It took a moment before she realised that the woman was waiting for her to start. So the redhead took a spoon and tasted the chowder.

Flavour exploded in Anna’s tongue as her eyes widened. It really was good! She had to remind herself to come back here later. “It’s delicious!”

Elizabeth grinned before nodding, looking down at her own food, satisfied with Anna’s answer.

She couldn’t help but pay close attention to this woman. Anna had a feeling, a short yet strong one, that she hadn’t had during their first meeting. Something told Anna that she was not unfamiliar, like she had seen the blonde before.

Raising a dainty hand and blowing softly on the steaming spoonful of soup, Elizabeth opened her mouth and tasted it. Anna ought to have felt like a creep, but she watched as her face changed, the subtle working of her throat and the minute movement of her mouth, savouring the taste as she blinked her eyes inconspicuously, disbelief in it.

It must've been _that_ delicious for Elizabeth's lips spread into a toothy grin. Anna was confused for a moment, just that little detail changed the blonde's aura and suddenly, Anna’s impression of her shifted.

"This is really good!"

Anna snorted, shaking her head as she took another bite. “Of course, it is. You chose it!”

Obviously everything was just for show, but Anna swore Elizabeth looked like she was tasting the food for the first time. The blonde blinked twice, looking at her expressionlessly before she seemed to snap out of her trance. “Well, ‘course I did… but it don’t change the fact that it is.”

Now it was Anna’s turn to stare at the blonde. Elizabeth was already taking huge bites of her food but Anna couldn’t follow her initiative, bewildered beyond what was reasonable. Anna _noticed_ something shift but maybe she had spent so much time with her patients that she was overthinking every little thing.

But.

What is that syndrome that made people change accents all the time?

It was either Foreign Accent Syndrome – although Anna wasn’t sure if people with it changed their accent that fast and that frequent, if at all – or Dysprosody (or was it prosody?). That or multiple personality disorder. Anna chuckled at herself.

Mentioning it wouldn’t be offensive, right? Anna’s mouth opened but she stuffed it quickly with a spoonful of delicious mashed potatoes.

No, that might be offensive. What if the blonde was sensitive about it? Anna continued eating. The crease on the side of Elizabeth’s eyes as she smiled was new. Shrugging it off, the auburn-haired woman wolfed down her food, the light conversation with the blonde accompanying her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapters betaed by SheAlwaysDies. check her stories out, you won't regret it! thank you so much for reading, my guys! I appreciate each and every comment and kudo uwu take care of yourselves xx


	8. keeping in touch

**chapter four: keeping in touch**

“Seems like the rain stopped,” Elizabeth observed, laid back against the wooden chair in the garden at Keaton’s. The clear glass overlooking the not-so-distant town was spotted with raindrops, but the outpour was done. Probably.

Since the night was still young, probably not.

The lightning that struck above illuminated the dimly lit space. The garden was actually quite spacious. Based on Anna’s scale of measurement, it was maybe thirty large steps in between each side of the walls. Maybe. Anna wasn’t so sure. Her focus was not caught in how many steps it takes to get to the other side of the enclosed garden. No. Anna’s eyes and thoughts circled the blonde woman in front of her, fingers jerking the fabric of her off shoulder higher.

“About time it did.”

“It’s not like it would be for long, though. It’s always raining in Middleton.”

“You ain’t wrong there,” Elizabeth chortled, the sound resonating in the air around the two. “But…”

Anna hummed inquisitively, waiting for her to finish. “But…?”

Her smile was dazzling, even if it wasn’t directed at Anna, it was clear as it was bright. “But the mornin’s are beautiful.”

Anna’s heart thudded. It’s a sentiment she shared. It might have been a silly thing but the way the blonde said it made her heart skip a beat. Her face was light and airy with gaiety but her eyes were faraway, looking into the void of the night sky beyond the windows in front of them.

This woman was attracting Anna like a giant magnet. The way she slouched over her chair was different from the way she stood back rod straight earlier before dinner. And her voice, it lacked the gentle timbre as her swagger returned, bold and loud.

Elizabeth tugged at her blouse again. Anna raised an eyebrow. “You feeling cold?”

“Erm?” The blonde swivelled to her, puzzled. Tilting her head, Anna gestured to her.

“You’ve been fiddling with your clothes for a while now.” Elizabeth stilled, hands shifting to the strands of platinum splayed in her shoulder. “And with your hair now, too.”

“Pretty observant, aren’t ya?” A blonde brow roused, lips taken between teeth. “I… uhm… yeah, it’s a bit cold.”

Anna wished she’d worn a jacket so that she could give it to the woman who was shuffling uncomfortably in her seat. She leaned back as she watched the blonde sigh, hands twitching in her leg as she tried to stop them from playing with anything.

“You didn’t answer my question from earlier,” Anna stated Her question had been easily forgotten earlier, replaced with a discord as the blonde became more assertive when it came to cats being better than dogs.

That was until now. Elizabeth looked at her with a guilty frown. “Umm… what question?”

Snickering, she said, “What do you for work?”

Again, the blonde had that look in her face where she appeared to dig herself for answers. Hesitating for a bit, Elizabeth clicked her tongue. “I’m a… singer, of sorts.”

That’s interesting. Anna’s mouth dropped open. “Wait, really?”

“I guess?” Elizabeth replied, just as confused as she was.

Anna couldn’t help but let out a laugh. Elizabeth was seriously adorable. “That’s amazing! Is it professionally? Wait, of course, it is. I just asked what your work was but I wasn’t expecting you to be a superstar.” The redhead looked, actually stared at the woman’s face, trying to put it to a voice on the radio or an image from the web. “Well, I mean, you’re insanely gorgeous so I bet you are!”

Elizabeth wasn’t given a chance to react as Anna took out her phone and stalled almost immediately, wary of making the wrong impression. The woman chuckled at her, “I don’t think anyone would recognise me, though. If you want a pictur–”

“No!” Anna cut her off loudly before realising her volume and leaning closer to the blonde. “I mean… I want to hear your music and… I’m sorry I shouldn’t be so excited about it.”

And she didn’t even ask if it was alright to listen to it! She didn’t even know if the blonde was on the internet, either. Gosh, Anna was such a klutz. Wincing at herself, she was saved from wallowing in embarrassment as Elizabeth laughed at her. Actually _laughed_ at her.

“Well, that’s sweet.” Her teasing tone was relieving. Anna gave her a stink eye. Holding both hands up, she continued, “I’ll share you the link later.”

_Okay. Anna, calm down. You don’t want to freak the lady out with your eagerness._

Her inner voice was annoying.

“Promise?”

Elizabeth winked. “Of course, babe, but it’s not like I’m Ed Sheeran.”

Anna didn’t know being called babe could be such a thrilling experience. In fact, she hated people calling her that. Somehow it made her feel belittled, but the way Elizabeth said it sent a blush to her cheeks. “Okay.”

But the upcoming questions in Anna’s tongue didn’t get spoken as a loud beeping commenced in the air. Elizabeth took her phone out, upon seeing the caller raised a hand up to excuse herself. Only she didn’t move from her seat. The blonde greeted the person on the other line loudly. Anna couldn’t avoid eavesdropping.

“Yep?”

Anna swore that greeting was the definition of nonchalance. Added with her thick accent, it didn’t even sound like a word.

“It’s seven.”

Sounds like she was arranging a meetup time or something. Maybe she’s got interviews or meetings. Maybe she was talking to a foreign star and Anna was none the wiser about it.

“Copy that,” Elizabeth said as she hung up the phone and turned to Anna with a sad smile. “Looks like I have to go soon.”

“Was that your management?” Anna quipped.

Elizabeth snorted and it was such an unexpected thing that Anna second guessed if it was really her who made that sound. “Sorta.”

And their night came into an end.

Elizabeth walked Anna to her car. Once Anna had shut the door, her smile was inerasable. The blonde knocked on her window and she rolled it down at once. “Yeah?”

“It’s such a good time hangin’ out with you, Anna,” Elizabeth said but a look of horror crossed her face. “Wait… we didn’t get to talk about your shirt. I–”

“Guess you just have to make it up to me another time,” Anna interrupted with a smirk. Elizabeth was dumbfounded for a second before she grinned widely.

“A’ight,” she muttered, sending Anna one last wink for the night. “Take care.”

The auburn-haired woman drove back to her apartment with her heart beating fast as she thought about blue eyes and a warm smile.

* * *

Her steps were lighter after that night.

Anna just finished putting her bag back to her locker when the awaiting stare of Cassandra startled her once she closed the door. “ _Jesus Christ!_ Cassandra!”

The brunette didn’t react, just got herself up closer to Anna’s face like a blind hawk. “You never get scared. You’re always on your guard.”

Anna rolled her eyes with a sigh. “Anyone would be scared seeing that face popping out of nowhere.”

Cassandra only squinted her eyes. “Did you get laid from your date or something? Your smile is there even if you’re not smiling.”

Wait, what? Anna swallowed at that, relaxing her face muscles. She could feel the early stages of regret for sending Cassandra a text that Friday night to ensure she’d be found if she was murdered.

“You’re trying your best not to smile.”

She should’ve just texted Tiana.

“Whatever, Cass,” Anna shrugged her off, turning on her heel and brushing past her friend.

“And now you’re being secretive!” Cassandra muttered after her, catching up in long strides. “C’mon, tell me who’s the lucky guy?”

Rolling her eyes for the second time that hour, Anna exhaled noisily, exasperated. “It’s not a –”

“Who’s the lucky girl then?”

Anna stopped walking in the middle of the hall. “I didn’t get laid, Cass.”

The teasing smirk on her face further infuriated – and scared – Anna. Bumping her in the shoulder, Cassandra said, “Our baby Anna is a grown-up already.”

The resounding groan from the redhead could be heard from across the hall.

But Anna really was feeling jollier. Talking to Elizabeth via text was the highlight of Anna’s day and even if that came out quite pathetic, she enjoyed seeing a new message pop up every so often. Conversations with her were always so easy and Anna looked forward to them.

Doing her rounds was a breeze and by the time she stopped by Mr. Wilde’s room at 018, it was about time for breakfast.

“Mr. Wilde, how are you this morning?”

The man grinned at her, thankfully still in his clothes as the morning sun rises. “Quite well, Nurse Anna.”

“How’s your sleep?”

“Well. Thank you.”

Anna smiled at him, listing down notes on her clipboard as she inquired more about his experiences the past days.

“Now you haven’t been around for almost a week now,” Mr. Wilde mumbled with a frown and he beckoned her closer. Anna complied. “And I can’t tell the other nurses this because they’d just tell me to suck it up!”

Thinking about it, she asked with a frown. “What is it, Mr. Wilde? Is it urgent?”

“No, no. It’s not.” He shook his head before pointing to his groin, “But ever since Doc Aurora changed my medicine, I’ve been getting rashes here.”

 _Rashes?_ Anna’s eyes widened. “Can I see it?”

The man hiked his shirt up and pulled down his pants. True to what he said, there were formations of scattered red rashes on his skin. Anna pulled his shirt higher, inspecting the expanse of the reaction.

“Does it hurt?”

Mr. Wilde gave a shake of the head. “Not really, but it’s real ugly though so maybe you could change it? I don’t want to be pruned and red when I’m out of here.”

Nodding at his joking smile, Anna took note of it with one of her own. “Don’t worry, you won’t. I’ll tell Doctor Aurora about it and see what she thinks.”

“You’re the best,” he answered as a nurse aide came in to serve him his food. “Now I don’t know why I can’t go back to eat outside yet.”

“You’ve been _very_ active these past days, Mr. Wilde. The nurse aides are already complaining,” Anna jested. It was somewhat the truth – he really was active – but it was not the complaint of nurses and nurse aides that were keeping him from going out frequently.

Mr. Wilde took the joke good-naturedly as he chortled, letting her finish doing rounds as she came back to the nurse’s station. Reporting every patient’s status and Mr. Wilde’s rashes, Anna moved on to her other duties until lunchtime.

She quickly evaded her nosy friends – gosh, even Tiana was smirking at her now! – and dashed to the locker room undetected. Opening her messages, Anna was excited as she saw a new one from Elizabeth sent a couple hours ago, most likely when she’d woken up.

 _‘it’s a little hard to sleep when the lights are on’_ the message read.

Anna giggled like a schoolgirl as she sat on the floor, her back to the cold metal doors of their storage. _‘Why sleep with the lights on then?’_

Not knowing why their conversation has turned to this but not complaining at all, Anna read back to their previous topic. It was about trivial things, stuff that didn’t really matter but passionately said between the two. Anna read her own reply days ago about where rabbits go in winter and chuckled to herself.

She didn’t really have an idea where their conversations were going but it was nice firing the blonde up with useless arguments. Truth be told, she just wanted Elizabeth to keep texting her.

It didn’t matter if Anna had never taken a huge interest in taking too much time on her phone, she’d gladly risk radiation for this woman. Anna was about to put her phone away when she hadn’t received an answer after a few minutes but as she was standing up, her phone dinged.

_‘some people might get scared’_

_‘:(‘_

_Aww_. She’s so cute. Anna bit her lip as she tapped on the grin to stop her full-blown grin.

_‘Who?’_

Another long minute passed but the single worded answer was worth it. _‘me’_

Seriously, Elizabeth was getting into her heartstrings. At least ten seconds passed when the blonde sent a new text before she finished her reply, this time a YouTube link, followed by a smiley face. Anna wondered for a moment what it could be about when she clicked it.

It was a channel with… 8.6 million subscribers. How did Anna not know of this group? The profile name read ‘mosaicxrecords’ and the picture was of a vinyl disc spattered with paint.

Anna hummed, curiously playing the first recommended video in it. All Is Found. As it loaded, the views caught her attention. _53 million?_

It was a lot. Especially since Anna hadn’t heard of the channel, but maybe she had been too busy with everything happening in her life. Pulling her earphone from her locker as she paused it, the redhead concentrated intently on her screen.

The fishbowl greeted Anna as the screen brightened. A brick castle laid on the top of the sand, the water lacking any scaly inhabitants. It was on the left side of the screen, sitting on a wooden table of some sorts, the right side blurry and out-of-focus.

Silence, before someone – white platinum hair resting on her shoulders and a green guitar strapped on her front – sat on the what seemed to be a chair but the camera’s focus didn’t change, still on the forsaken castle inside the fishbowl.

_Wait… is this Elizabeth?_

It started with a few soft chords lasting a few seconds before an obviously familiar voice came in.

_Where the north wind meets the sea  
There's a river full of memory  
Sleep, my darling, safe and sound_

Anna felt chills climbing down her spine as Elizabeth’s voice played in her ears. It was crisp, words pronounced clear as daylight but warm enough to evoke a melancholy Anna didn’t know she could feel.

_For in this river all is found  
All is found  
When all is lost, then all is found_

Elizabeth might have been just in the background but Anna’s sole attention was on her, her picking on the strings obvious enough even if she was hidden by the blurriness of the screen. She stared at her as if the pixels would suddenly clear up and Anna swore it did, maybe not in reality, but she could see how Elizabeth played the song and sung the words, her lips moving to give way to the sound.

_In her waters, deep and true  
Lie the answers and a path for you  
Dive down deep into her sound  
But not too far or you'll be drowned_

It would be too far to call it alternative but had an indie vibe Anna knew well from bands and artists she listened to when growing up. Elizabeth sang strikingly, calmly, a lullaby stolen from the gods themselves as layers of her own voice joined the acoustic song, harmonising with herself as she carried the song peacefully to its end.

Anna didn’t realise that it was over after getting so absorbed in it. She wasn’t able to articulate the remaining verses but she was sure that her mouth was hanging open. Looking at the comments section, there was a lot of love for this artist, praises and compliments on her abundant in numbers.

The redhead returned to her messages, not knowing what to type. Elizabeth was obviously _big,_ like bigger than her favourite indie artists if she was going to base it on the subscribers and views. Anna was a bit intimidated on how to approach her now.

Then decided to hell with it, as she wrote an emoji filled review of what she heard.

Elizabeth didn’t reply immediately and Anna took the time to revisit the channel, scrolling through videos. mosaicxrecords had a mixture of original songs and a bunch of covers from different artists.

The most popular video yielded 189 million views, a feat Anna was still amazed about. Just how in the hell did she not know this artist? Who knew the girl with the butterfly on her hair eating a croissant was a superstar?!

Anna seemed to have lost her footing as she found out about this fact. Picking a song called _Let It Go_ (the most popular one, she sighed to herself), Anna rested her head against the locker and listened carefully.

It was a piano this time around but the blonde was still blurry in the background. On the forefront of the video was a snow globe, a snowman experiencing winter standing alone as white flurried around the small frozen world.

Elizabeth was just done singing the first line of the song when Anna’s phone was snatched from her hand.

Jolting in surprise as Cassandra pulled it further away from her, she let out a loud whine, “Cass! Give it back.”

Cassandra’s shit eating grin melted to a disappointed one as she looked upon the screen. “This is what’s making you smile like an idiot?”

“Yes.” Managing to steal it back from her friend, Anna quickly locked the screen and gave Cassandra a faux angry glare.

“What? You have a crush on the singer or something?” she lazily asked, seemingly entertained with the fake fire burning on green eyes. “I didn’t know you like songs like that.”

“What’s wrong with songs like that?” Anna challenged, unreasonably wounded.

“Nothing, but I assumed you were a pop fan,” Cassandra gave her a bored look. “I didn’t know you like mosaic-ex-records, too.”

“Is that how you pronounce it? Wait… do you like her, too?”

Chuckling, Cassandra shook her head no. “Tiana _loves_ her. I’m surprised that she wasn’t the one who introduced her to you.” She clicked her tongue, “As for the pronunciation, it annoys the hell out of Ti, so I do it. For the billionth time according to her, it’s mosaic records.”

Anna smirked, “Without the ex?”

“Definitely not,” Cassandra added, “But Ti flustered and mad is almost as good as you flustered and mad.”

Her shit eating grin returned. Anna groaned. “What do you mean by that?”

“Well, I don’t know, but seeing you avoid all my questions a while ago is my newest favourite thing.”

“Fuck off, Cass,” she mumbled as the girl laughed at her pout.

“C’mon, Anna banana, spill the tea.”

“I don’t drink tea, thank you very much.” Anna stood up and packed her earphones away, giving Cassandra an irked expression. “And there’s no tea around here to see.”

Cassandra didn’t believe her. She had no reason to believe her. With a mischievous smile, the short-haired woman tugged at her arms as she pulled Anna to the canteen.

* * *

_‘what’s your facebook name?’_

Anna waited as she dried her hair after getting a shower. Thankfully, her night shifts were done and she wouldn’t have to worry about that for at least a month or two. Doctor Pablo was actually informing her of a new possible in-patient that would require a private nurse – just inside the hospital, of course – so maybe she’d be busier than she initially thought.

Along the completion of Middleton Psychiatrics’ extension came a new barrage of admission requests and she heard from Mrs. Megara that they were probably in need of more nurses.

_‘I don’t have a Facebook.’_

_Well that’s a bummer._ Anna wasn’t actually surprised. Elizabeth was a celebrity by definition and she had more reasons to not make an account than reasons to.

mosaicxrecords wasn’t really something they’d spoken about since the blonde sent the link to her. She felt too intimidated to bring it up to her and Elizabeth didn’t say anything more because… Anna didn’t know.

Seriously.

But Anna kinda, sorta wanted to talk to her in real time. Texting with the blonde had been a great addition to her days, even if they were not talking about anything too deep, but she was starting to miss her face. She was lacking the balls to ask for a next date, though, her confidence when they met the last time depleting like an open balloon, but really, Elizabeth had to like her _at least_ as much as Anna did.

Okay, maybe not, but Anna wouldn’t waste _days_ texting someone if they don’t fancy them even a bit.

_What if she’s just being nice? She did think she was responsible for my shirt._

A plausible thought but not one Anna wanted to entertain. _‘why not?’_

_’I don’t know how to use it.’_

Smiling, she replied, _‘I’ll teach you if you want to.’_

Anna was sure Elizabeth wouldn’t reply when her hair was all but dried. Collapsing on her bed, the loud jingle of her ringtone startled her back up, eyebrows shooting up when she saw the caller ID.

“Hello?”

Her wish of talking to the blonde real time was answered by destiny as a gentle, definitely unaccented voice whispered over the phone. “Will you really help me?”

Anna’s smile couldn’t be stopped as her lips spread widely. “Of course.”

Trying to help Elizabeth make an account was actually hard. The blonde, as Anna taught her what to do over the phone, wasn’t the definition of tech savvy.

“I think I’m not clicking the right things.”

But Anna was patient, taking her sweet time as she opened her own laptop and visited the website just so she could follow what Elizabeth was saying. After minutes – actually over an hour – of trial and error, the blonde finally sent her a friend request which Anna accepted as quickly as it came.

Clicking the video button, she waited for Elizabeth to answer. After ten seconds of waiting, the blonde said, “I think you’re calling me.”

“I am,” Anna answered simply, not knowing why she was so giddy over this idiot. “Can you answer it?”

Elizabeth did. The first thing Anna noticed were the glasses perched on her nose. The grainy video showed the blonde in her black pullover, a throw pillow sitting on her lap. She seemed to be in a living room and Anna turned on her lights so Elizabeth could see her more clearly, slightly insecure with how the blonde in pyjamas looked a thousand times better than she did in her own.

“Hey!” Anna waved at the camera. Elizabeth was smiling back at her as she put the device she had closer to her face.

“Anna,” she greeted, “I have a Facebook account now. Thank you.” 

Hanging up her call on her mobile, Anna laughed. “You’re welcome, although I don’t know why someone in this century didn’t know how to use Facebook.”

Elizabeth seemed to have a rebut to that but her smile faded for a while before nodding at her. “I don’t really know either. Maybe I’m scared someone would find and kill me.”

A justified fear, however irrational. Anna shook her head as she settled back into her bed. “As long as you don’t have your location on, you’re good.”

“How do I know if it’s on?” was the genuine question. Elizabeth was looking at her expectantly and the way she furrowed her eyebrows was endearing.

“If you didn’t turn it off, there’s a big chance it is.”

But Elizabeth wasn’t as paranoid as Anna thought she was. The woman shrugged at her, placing her laptop back to the place where it was before. “That’s fine. You’re the only one I’ll friend anyways.”

“What about your other friends?”

Elizabeth exhaled loudly, laughing at her soundlessly. “Don’t have much of those.”

“Well, what am I then?”

The smile she received was weaker this time. Anna was immediately guilty as Elizabeth said, “You’re the only one.”

Anna was curious. She wanted to ask more, but decency stopped her from opening her mouth further on the topic. Instead, she sputtered, “Do you live in Middleton? I don’t think you’ve ever told me where you live.”

“Why do you ask?” Elizabeth smirked, “Are you planning to give me a visit?”

“Who knows?”

Anna didn’t know how they came from the blonde’s address to their favourite item in Myer’s Cups to playing twenty questions but she was not complaining. Talking to Elizabeth was easy, may it be via typed messages or a shy video call.

Talking to an almost complete stranger shouldn’t be but even when they first went out in Keaton’s Garden, Elizabeth talked to her like an old friend. There was no awkwardness as they spoke to one another. Of course, there were times when her new friend took too long to answer but Anna chalked it up to mindfulness of her words.

There was something about Elizabeth that just calmed Anna. She was a breath of fresh air from Tiana and Cassandra. Although there was nothing inherently wrong with the two – the redhead loved them to bits – they never quite got Anna like the blonde did.

She didn’t know what made her think that, but as she watched the blonde nod her head as she rambled into the screen, that was what Anna felt like. Understood. It might have been because everything even in Elizabeth’s smallest actions screamed understanding. Like she knew exactly what the redhead was talking about as she listened along to hastily spoken words.

Maybe it was the lovebug.

Or maybe it was because Anna, really, was curious. It wasn’t even the pop-up accent that appeared and disappeared when they were talking but that was a huge component of it. Right now, Elizabeth was speaking quite naturally, no long vowels, no missing g’s in her pronunciation. Her words were clear, relaxed, but Anna was sure that she had a way different accent when they first met and right to the last second when they were talking in the parking lot of the garden.

It might have also been because Elizabeth was a literal artist. Who sang. And got millions of views. Now Anna wasn’t shallow (she thought) but there was bound to be a natural appeal to someone like that. Millions of people thought Elizabeth was interesting and who could fault Anna for feeling the same.

Or perhaps it was the blonde’s smile directed unceasingly at her. Anna could stare at that smile for hours. And if it wasn’t for her accidentally gazing to her clock, Anna wouldn’t know that it was about midnight.

“What’s the one thing you want to accomplish as soon as you can?”

Elizabeth was already laying down on the couch. If it wasn’t her propping her head up by a pillow, Anna wouldn’t know where her head was.

“Hmmm… tough question,” Anna mumbled, thinking hard about her answer. “Maybe reconnect with old friends?”

“Have you lost contact with them?”

Anna never really kept friends. It wasn’t like she didn’t want to, but friends from previous hospitals, even college, tended to not take as much effort as she did in keeping in touch.

It used to hurt her but not as much now. Anna just learned to accept that people moved on from friendships. Plus, it was not like she was any better reaching out.

Anna sighed, watching the blonde from the screen await her answer.

Elizabeth somehow made her think of Elsa, the little girl from Sutterton who Anna forgot for so long, but not now. She was the one friend Anna wanted to see again, wanted to talk to again.

One she’d missed greatly.

“Yeah. Sometimes I don’t think I’m meant for friendships.”

But Elizabeth didn’t have the context for that lament. The blonde tilted her head to her right, trying to scrutinise her from behind the screen. “Why do you say so?”

Anna didn’t know why she said so herself. Instead, she gave a half shrug, “I just feel like it.”

Elizabeth nodded at her the way she was doing for the last four hours they were talking, but still, there was no dismissal or judgement in her action, just that ever familiar understanding.

No. Actually, Anna realised it was acceptance.

“I don’t think I’m made for friendships, too.”

Surprised, it was Anna’s turn to ask, “Why not?”

Immediately, Elizabeth opened her mouth, but she changed her mind in a split second as she raised both eyebrows. “No idea.”

Anna laughed, the sound echoing in her empty apartment. It was such a stupid thing to hear now that it was not coming from her own mouth. Still, Elizabeth received a bantering grin in return.

“My turn.” Anna thought over her next question rapidly. “If… you could do one impossible thing, like maybe be invisible at will or see through the future,” the nurse grinned at her, “what would you do?”

A silly question compared to the previous one asked by Elizabeth, but the blonde had the courtesy to scrunch her forehead and wonder about the answer.

After a few seconds, Elizabeth looked head on into the camera and gave a very relaxed beam, as if she was a child dreaming right at that moment, or recalling a childhood memory. Either way, she looked beautiful in her dazzling smile.

“I’d fly.”


	9. nonbeliever

**chapter five: nonbeliever**

Anna woke up with a start. Beads of sweat and dry mouth greeted her almost immediately as reality crept in her consciousness.

Images of ghosts, monsters hidden under beds, and bruises serious enough to swell lingered on her mind as she took a lungful of breath. Quickly feeling for her phone in the dark, the cold night still clung to her skin. Anna couldn’t help but feel like she was just thrown on the rail tracks in front of an oncoming train.

Well, that was weird. Anna hadn’t experienced nightmares in ages, but it seemed to make up for lost time as the redhead replayed the dream. It felt like a punishment for the images, unlike any other dreams, didn’t leave immediately. In fact, they stayed, wanting to be acknowledged.

Neck stained with bruises and crying silently, Anna saw her again. Elsa – asking for help as the vintage cottage on the fields seemed to come alive in horror – was the star of her nightmare.

In her defence, when she was younger, she didn’t really have an idea about what was really happening. Anna had noticed it, yes, but she chalked the bruises up to games and accidents, just like when she was playing football.

But she should’ve asked still, her mind echoed. Was it possible to feel guilt over something she had no knowledge about? Anna, however, knew what she was getting herself into if she were to entertain that question.

Walking to the bathroom and splashing her face with the freezing water, Anna sighed. There was a childish part inside her chest – maybe it was the younger her – convincing Anna to go back to Sutterton and see what happened to her childhood friend.

It had been more frequent now. The guilt in her nibbling a certain good part of her soul and tripping her so that her days were a little bleeker. Anna was in no way responsible for the little blonde girl’s condition but she couldn’t help but think otherwise.

In hopes of staving off more unlikeable emotions from bubbling up to the surface, she tapped her screen open and dialled the one person who never failed to calm her down.

After a couple of rings, her call got picked up with a sleepy tone. “Anna?”

“Mom? You still sleeping?”

Yawning, her mother told her no. “I’m just still a little sleepy. Don’t mind me. How are you dear?”

“Fine,” Anna said, “I accepted Doctor Pablo’s recommendation but nothing has happened yet. How’s dad?”

“Still sleeping. It’s quite early for him but he’ll be up soon. He’s been given new medications and the transition is still in effect. He’s getting more rest, thankfully, but at night he’s anxious.”

“How are you holding up?” Anna asked nervously, knowing her mother tends to overwork herself concerning her dad. “Hopefully you’re getting more rest, too. And tell me if he wakes up, I miss talking to him.”

“Of course, dear,” her mother chuckled on the other line. “I am just fine, to answer your question. Don’t worry about me. If things were any different, you know I will hold up.”

“Please don’t neglect yourself taking care of dad. You don’t have to do that alone. If you want to, I cou–”

“No,” her mother interjected, “I don’t want you to take care of us. I want you to be able to live how you want without concerning yourself with your silly old parents.”

“Mom! Don’t say that.” Sitting on the floor of the bathroom, Anna forced a laugh out of her throat. “You know I love you two very much.”

Her mother’s hum was comforting. “We love you, too, but I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself for forcing my daughter to stop her life for us. I can do it. Your dad can do it. We still could kick our legs, honey.”

Minutes passed by catching up with each other and hearing stories about her dad misremembering which place they were in. Sometimes, he’d think they were still in Sutterton, which was funny and sad at the same time.

Funny, because he used to hate it there, and sad, because he was reliving the lowest years of his life. He still asked about the recession which took his dream job and Anna couldn’t help but feel bad for him. In one of her mother’s anecdotal stories, a question popped in Anna’s mind as her dream straight from Sutterton replayed itself. “Mom, I have something to ask you.”

“What is it?”

Anna bit her lip. “Do you remember… Elsa?”

The sound from the other side of the line hushed as Anna held her breath in the same moment her mother did. A couple seconds passed before her mother answered. “The blonde girl you used to play with at our old house?”

“Yeah,” was the quiet confirmation.

“Hmm.” The moment it took for her mom to answer the question was long. “Yes. She was such a sweet girl, very beautiful. And polite. I remember when you two used to have sleepovers. That’s when you stopped making us read you fairy tales before bedtime because you wanted her to do it.”

Smiling, she nodded. “I remember that.”

“And that one time you had a temper tantrum and threw all your books away. Why did you do that again?”

“I… she changed the ending to a few stories she read to me and I…” Anna laughed humourlessly. “I got mad.”

“You guys were so cute. Imagine the thoughtfulness she had for you,” her mother commented but she could see her mother shaking her head even without the visuals. “Of course you wouldn’t think about that when you were a child but now… it’s really sweet. I always thought she was a good influence on you.”

“It is.” And Elsa was.

Though too naive and selfish at that time, the twenty-six-year-old Anna knew how sweet and kind the small trivial action was. It probably was the nicest thing anyone had done for her, even until now. Elsa was just a year older than her but she was so mature and smart enough to make up an ending satisfying enough for the ginger.

It was an act that should've been cherished before but, alas, there was nothing to do about it now.

“And you used to play behind their house for _hours_ all the time and you’d get mad if we didn’t let you.”

Anna remembered that, too. In fact, a huge chunk of her childhood consisted of all things Elsa and she missed her a little bit more right at that second as she tapped her fingers on the bathroom floor. “D-Do you have any idea what happened to her?”

“Well, you were too young to see it back then,” she started quietly, “But from what I knew, her mom died during a miscarriage and afterwards… her father was never the same.” Her mom made a sound of disgust over the phone. “What a vile man.”

The intensity in which her mother said those words shocked Anna and she opened her mouth to say something, anything, but no sound came out.

“I wanted to call child’s services on him but…”

Her mother trailed off. Anna prodded, “But?”

“But Elsa asked me not to.” And in that lonesome, grave voice, their conversation ended.

Anna’s alarm rang, startling the auburn-haired woman as she looked at the time. 5:30.

“Aren’t you going to be late for work soon?”

Anna wasn’t, really. She just liked having a cup from Myer’s before facing her day head-on. Saying her goodbyes to her mom, Anna quickly opened her messages, a new text from Elizabeth effectively cheering her miserable mood.

She still remembered their last video call which was on Thursday, five days ago, but was still enthused as their texting didn’t diminished in numbers. If only, video-chatting with Elizabeth until two in the morning brought them together and Anna was at least sure that they could be called friends now.

Even if she still hadn’t been asked – or asked the blonde herself – for a date, Anna was still giddy.

 _‘I don’t really like cold weather. It makes me feel sad and alone and just plain depressed’_ was Anna’s last text.

Elizabeth sent a sad-faced emoji followed by a ‘ _Maybe you haven’t found the right cold weather yet. Just sit tight. It will come to you soon :)’_

Anna didn’t know what was so wonderful about her message but the smile in her face didn’t leave for a while

Turning on the shower and clicking her playlist, a soft, gentle voice struck the air. It was the blonde’s cover of her favourite song (a coincidence she couldn’t help but smile about), and even if Anna never got to spill about her love for Elizabeth’s voice _to_ Elizabeth, she kept the thought to herself as she sang along to the lyrics _._

_I'm walking the long road, watching the sky fall  
The lace in your dress tangles my neck, how do I live?_

* * *

Doctor Pablo called her into the office just as she finished her shift. He was already waiting in his seat for her, giving her a welcoming look as she sat before him.

“Ah, Nurse Anna,” he clicked his tongue, brushing a finger over this chin as he took her appearance in. “You wouldn’t happen to change your mind, would you?”

Pulling her slot on the recommendation had crossed Anna’s mind, but it was more of her doubts talking than actual apprehension. She figured it could – and would – be tiring and she had accepted that, refusing to go back on her word. Doctor Pablo’s allowance in her decision was much appreciated, but Anna only shook her head. “No. I guess I’m past the point of no return.”

“You’ll never be past the point of return,” he chuckled amusedly at her as the redhead gave him a modest grin, keeping in mind his words. “But I’m glad to hear that from you. Since the expansion of the hospital is due to finish in just a few days, we’re going to be a little busy.” He nodded at her with a smile. “I trust you could take some time from your duties and help Mrs. Megara break in our new nurses. They were set to train tomorrow and I don’t think she could do it alone with all the other duties she has.”

“Wait… me?” Anna was stunned. She didn’t know the Director trusted her that much. It had only been her fourth month, halfway through her fifth, and her being given such a task was a privilege. A hard one to fulfil, but still, one nonetheless.

“To me, you’re the most qualified. You’ve gotten close to most of our patients, a skill nobody has quite mastered yet. The newbies could use some of your tips to help our residents loosen up around them,” Gran Pabbie explained. “And…”

Anna’s eyes snapped up to him in attentiveness. He exhaled quite comically.

“I’ll be assigning you new patients as soon as next week. I’m looking forward to working with you.”

Wait… did that mean Anna would be assisting _his_ patients? Eyes widening marginally, she cocked her head to the side, letting her confusion show in her face.

Doctor Pablo was known as a smart, if a little odd man. Already in his twenty-fifth year in the field of Psychiatry, he had cemented a quite renowned name among his peers. He had his fair bits of patients and was still as dedicated as he started decades ago.

Anna had heard from her colleagues – even if she didn’t have the guarantee of the rumour’s factuality – that Gran Pabbie had treated the crown prince of a well-known country out of his Mirror Touch Synesthesia (a condition in which an individual feels an action being done to them just by seeing it) in just a three-month program.

It sounded like a hearsay, if Anna was honest, but there was nobody to confirm or deny its legitimacy.

Anna’s point was, Doctor Pablo was a huge deal in these parts. He did not look it, the man’s permanent wrinkles occupying much of his face and his unsuspecting demeanour not making much impression. Actually, if Anna was not so surprised about the prospect of working closely with him, she would definitely not think about his reputation.

He seemed to understand Anna’s shock as he wiggled both eyebrows. “Nurse Anna.”

“Yeah?” she answered mindlessly, still worried about what that would mean to her.

“Don’t look so scared. The number of patients that you would help me with would only have a maximum of three, and you’d still have the same amount of days off.”

Anna gulped. That wasn’t reassuring.

The Director was looking at her hopefully. “Don’t worry. I think you’ll do great.”

* * *

Anna was having a good day until she stepped out of the locker room approximately five days later.

It was only seven-thirty. Anna wasn’t running the rounds for the week but as she heard a loud screaming from room 002, she dashed there as if it was her turn.

The scene that caught her attention wasn’t pretty at all. Behind her, Eugene was jogging to help when their new nursing aide, Lukas if she wasn’t mistaken, was holding a bloody finger as a crying little boy laid on the floor.

“What happened?” Anna asked, but she didn’t look twice at the new aide. Instead, she ran to Elliot’s side, the boy looking exhausted from his tears.

“He bit me!” he yelled with an enraged frown as Eugene took a look at his wound.

It was Anna’s turn to scowl. She didn’t like raising her voice to patients, especially distressed ones, and considering the patient was a child only added to the injury.

Shushing the young boy, Anna took him into her arms. Elliot was shaking. He Looked red in the face, agitated, forehead scrunched and lips puckered. It only confirmed that his tears weren’t new ones.

He must’ve been crying for at least a while.

“I was just telling him to eat his food and he had the fucking audacity to bite me,” Lukas complained as Eugene sent him an offended look.

The nurse dropped his injured hand and scoffed. “It’s just a flesh wound. No biggie.”

Anna gestured her hand for them to leave. Lukas’s bitching could be heard from the hall. She turned her attention to the crying boy, brushing his hair from his forehead.

“Elliot? What happened?”

The boy didn’t take her soothing well. With a hand, he lashed out until he got Anna’s arms loose and he ran under the covers for protection, wailing all the while.

Exhaling a tired breath, Anna looked at the mess the room was in. Elliot’s food was thrown to the floor and his bed sheets were stained with milk.

It was too early for trainees to interact with patients and Anna wondered how in the hell he managed to sneak inside Elliot’s room without Mrs. Megara’s eyes noticing. The boy looked absolutely scared of the encounter, if the loud sobs and hiding beneath his blanket was an indication.

“Elliot?” Anna walked closer to his bed and knelt silently next to him. “What happened? Why did you bite Mr. Lukas like that?”

Her accusation was enough to spur him into replying. With uncontrolled sobs, he screamed, “I-I didn’t want to eat apple and he forced m-me to eat it!” Anna’s heart broke as she put a hand on the lump where his head was supposed to be. “H-He shoved it in my mouth and I-I bit him ‘cause he wouldn’t listen!”

Calming Elliot down was done with tight lips and silence. Once the boy had passed out from exhaustion brought upon by crying, Anna fixed the thrown-about food on the floor and his bed and walked out there indignantly.

When she saw Lukas at the infirmary getting treated by a frowning Eugene, her temper flared. “What the fuck was that?”

“What the fuck was what?” he innocently asked. Eugene was quiet as he put the first-aid away and gave an annoyed look, his eyes slanting to the trainee in question.

“You don’t just force a patient, a child at that, to do what they don’t want to!”

“Is that what he told you? Demon kid won’t listen and he _has_ to eat breakfast instead of just tossing it around. What do you want me to do, beg for him, get on my knees?”

Anna was in charge of training half the bit of the newcomers and she actually enjoyed the time she had with her new colleagues but _damn,_ she was so lucky that she didn’t have this douche in her team.

“Well, you’re a real piece of work, aren’t you?” Anna spat, calming her high-strung nerves as she figured an argument wouldn’t be worth it.

She didn’t know what Mrs. Megara would think about Lukas but Anna knew she wouldn’t like what she’d be hearing. Glaring at him one more time, Anna gave a curt nod to Eugene who looked like he’d had enough, too.

* * *

Courtesy of Lukas, Anna was given overtime work with the team she was training.

Her team wasn’t given the privilege to be as bitchy and unmalleable as Lukas – who from what she’d heard got cut off from the program as soon as the Director heard of what happened – she was thankful.

Talking to and reminding them Middleton Psychiatric was, obviously, a hospital and not a free space in which they could do whatever they pleased without consequences was easy. They were pretty understanding and some shared her angry comments to the newly-fired aide.

A group of three nurses and two aides, Anna’s team was – compared to Mrs. Megara’s – a bunch sent from heaven and as the clock struck seven-o-nine, they were free to go home.

Slamming her car’s door just a little too hard, the redhead tried to get over what happened.

Anna rarely got mad, if ever at all. Her cheery and optimistic demeanour prevented that from happening too often but right now, as she remembered Elliot’s glum response as she waved goodbye to him earlier, she couldn’t help but feel less than chuffed.

The guy didn’t even look like he knew what he did was wrong! He just looked unbothered as if he wasn’t the one guilty of misconduct.

Driving for a cup of coffee to her favourite spot to alleviate her irritation, Anna sighed for the hundredth time that day as small drops of rain knocked on her windshield. Looking around for an umbrella yielded nothing. She probably left hers in her locker.

_Damn it._

But she wasn’t going to let a little rain get in the way between her and her coffee. Speeding up to Myer’s with just a jacket above her head, Anna smiled as the fresh smell of the café hit her.

Considering it was about to be eigh, the café was empty, save for a few patrons here and there. Greeting and ordering from a different bartender that was definitely not Dill, she sat on the couch gloomily.

Sometimes shit gets tiring.

Unlocking her phone, she quickly texted a message to Elizabeth, hoping to forget the events of the day as she waited for a response. In the few minutes it took to prepare for coffee, Anna didn’t receive a reply.

Shrugging, Anna decided to climb up the second-floor of the café to let off some steam alone.

And if fate didn’t have enough nuisances to throw at her today, it did now. Anna’s mouth hung open as her coffee spilled on a pristine white coat, the liquid quickly seeping into the material. Trying to remediate it with a hand, she brushed the drops off to no avail.

“Shit, I am so sorry. I wasn’t watching where I was going and…” Anna bit her lip remorsefully as she met the eyes of her victim.

“It’s alrig–”

And was surprised to see a surprised pair of blues.

Elizabeth looked at her uncomprehendingly for a second before recognition sets place in her eyes. Her eyelid fluttered, a smile appearing slowly in her face. “Anna?”

Not knowing if she should laugh about the coincidence or apologise once more, Anna let out a sound akin to a startled dog before clearing her throat in greeting. Wincing, she chirped, “Hey, Elizabeth!”

The blonde looked happy to see her even if her expensive-looking white coat was spoiled dumbly. A man, who Anna recalled immediately from days ago as Jack, ran to their aid as soon as a second.

Upon seeing her, he blanched for a moment before smiling and wiping Elizabeth’s clothes before getting swatted by the blonde. Jack asked, “Are you getting your revenge?”

Anna giggled at that, shaking her head. “Believe it or not, it was an accident.”

She waited for the blonde to react but all she gave was a confused smile. “You two know each other?”

A beat passed.

Then two.

Anna was looking at Elizabeth curiously, eyes shifting to an open-mouthed Jack. Elizabeth looked genuinely interested in what her answer would be and she couldn’t help but feel… baffled.

The man beside them coughed, then laughed forcefully. Anna’s gaze stayed locked in Elizabeth and blue eyes wandered to hers inquiringly.

“Uh… no.”

Jack clapped his hands in front of him, making the two girls jump. “We met _here_ , El.” His mouth moved without opening, crumpling and pointing to Anna and snapping back to normal as he met green eyes. “Uh, yeah, we met here _already_ remember that?”

Unconvinced with what’s happening, Anna nodded, going along Elizabeth’s momentary lapse in remembering. “Yeah, we did.”

As if catching on a joke, Elizabeth bit her lip and nodded with wide eyes. “Oh, yeah.”

_Yeah._

Elizabeth sighed loudly, looking at the half-empty cup in Anna’s hand and the stain in her coat. “Well, why don’t we, uhm, have coffee for a bit? I’ll pay for yours.”

Anna liked that offer. Uttering an apology once again, Anna let a hesitant Jack take both of their orders as he told them to find a seat they’d like.

With the blonde trailing her, Anna invited her upstairs as they waited for Jack.

“How’s your day?” Elizabeth asked pleasantly as they settled into their seats. “Are you just about to go home from the hospital?”

“Yep,” she smiled. “I had a _tiring_ day and decided to come get my caffeine fix to help my mood.”

Elizabeth giggled at that. “I didn’t know you like Myer’s, too. What a coincidence.”

Taking her lips between her teeth, Anna stared at her and nodded slowly, all the while wondering what the actual fuck was happening. “Yeah.” She should probably just play along. “We met here, right?” Ah, shit.

Her mouth had a mind of its own. Anna had long known that fact but today, it was hard to reign control of it.

Blinking slowly, Elizabeth avoided her eyes for a moment before nodding at her with the same deer-in-the-headlights gaze she had earlier. “Uh, of course, but… but I didn’t know that you… like coming here… often.”

That sounded like a good save, but Anna was more interested in Elizabeth’s apparent amnesia, but she knew what anxious glances and nervous tics meant as the woman in front of her shuffled meekly.

Anna decided to just let it go.

“I’m so sorry about your coat. Really,” Anna admitted with a grimace, looking at the clothing as Elizabeth took it off and placed it to the seat next to hers.

Chuckling, Elizabeth waved a hand off. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. I could just wash it.” Anna opened her mouth. “No, really. It’s no big deal.”

“Fine, but consider your debt paid.”

Anna watched Elizabeth swallow minutely, she nodded at her, but Anna was sure she didn’t know what she was agreeing to. “Right.”

“What about you? Are you on your way home, too?”

As Elizabeth told her all about her day, which consisted only a few things by the way. Anna was laughing with her minutes later.

“So did he fix your guitar or what?” Anna asked with a smile. Elizabeth’s anecdotal narration was amusing. She just told Anna that Jack had mistakenly tripped on her eight-hundred-dollar acoustic guitar and spent almost the whole day trying to hide it from her.

Elizabeth’s eyes crinkled on the edges. Somehow, seeing that little detail about her made Anna swoon. “It’s still on the backseat of the car, broken. I might just say something about throwing it out so he’d think of ways to actually get it fixed over assuring me that ‘it’s not that bad.’”

Complete with hand quotes, the blonde mocked him light-heartedly. Anna wondered why she was so enraptured with how pink lips moved and dark-purple eyelids fluttered but she was captivated enough to not question herself right at the moment.

It was this feeling that Anna liked. Talking to Elizabeth never generated awkwardness. Anna was chatty, she’d admit that to herself, but Elizabeth was in a way that it was seamless, natural, like she just knew what to say or what _not_ to and actually, Anna was enjoying seeing the blonde again after all this time.

Even if they FaceTime, like, every two days.

Jack, who was obviously taking his time – _or dispatching the butchered guitar,_ Elizabeth joked – could take another four hours to get their coffee.

“You said you live on… Mayberry Apartments, right?”

Or maybe another eight.

“Mayberry _Street_ ,” Anna corrected. “On Hillshire Apartments.”

“You sure are very comfortable sharing that bit of information with me, Anna,” Elizabeth observed with a smirk. “Aren’t you scared I’m a serial killer or something?”

“Nah. I trust you,” she winked. The action was unexpected by both parties as she tried to keep her cool by making an unbelievably smug smile, an effort not too hard to exert when she saw pale cheeks reddening deeply.

Elizabeth ducked her head and exhaled silently through her nose. “So you live in an apartment?”

“Aye, sir.”

“But what about your fireplace?”

“Don’t have one.”

Elizabeth looked seriously puzzled about that. “But what about Santa?”

Anna cracked up with the offended look on the blonde’s face. She shouldn’t be this cute. “You still believe in Santa? What are you, twenty-four?”

“I’m actually twenty-seven, thank you very much,” Elizabeth clarified with a tickled grin.

Anna’s brows shot up. So she was older than her? The auburn-haired woman never expected that. The woman before her, albeit not lacking in maturity or anything – _actually, she believed in Santa so scratch that_ – looked young.

Or maybe it was just good genes. Skin that looked as smooth as porcelain as the mood lighting of the table played in her eyes, Elizabeth was, quite frankly, gorgeous. With the blonde smiling at her playfully, Anna decided that it was both.

“I’m not as young as you are.”

Anna blinked at her incredulously. “I’m twenty-six.”

“Hmm,” Elizabeth tilted her head with a frown, gentle blues glinting on the low light above them, looking every bit like an angel with how _nice_ she looked. “You actually look younger.”

“So do you,” Anna snorted, shaking her head at the woman, “At least I don’t believe in a magic reverse-thief who goes down chimneys at Christmastime.”

“Are you telling me you’ve always been a nonbeliever?” The blonde challenged with a teasing smile. “You believed in him, too, once upon a time.”

“Well, yeah, not after growing up and paying my own bills, though.”

Elizabeth didn’t lose the spark in her blues as she rolled her eyes. “Okay, then.”

Anna guffawed at the poorly hidden humour in her action. The night rain outside Middleton had come down in torrents and Anna was thankful that she was dry and warm inside the coffee shop.

With a free coffee coming right up.

And a beautiful lady making her laugh.

“Why? Do you still believe in him, El?”

If Elizabeth’s eyes were sparkling, right now they were incandescent, brighter than anything Anna had ever seen. If her day started bad, then it was turned wonderful.

“The kids love him,” she answered quickly, but she didn’t appear to have thought the words over as she closed her eyes with a grimace for a second.

“You live with kids?” Anna probed, not knowing what to think about the question.

Elizabeth nodded timidly.

Anna gulped the uncomfortableness that swallowed her throat. The blonde looked like she said something she shouldn’t.

_Wait… does that mean that she’s got kids already?_

It was not really a deal-breaker to Anna. Why not, right? But she shouldn’t even be thinking about it when they were not even dating. Oh, well. She still liked Elizabeth even if she _did_ have kids.

She was saved from introspection as Jack, two cups of coffee in his hands, rushed to their seat, suspiciously dripping wet.

“Anna,” he implored, dropping the beverages on the table. Elizabeth looked at him bewilderedly. “You have to see this.”

With just a glance to the blonde, Anna followed him back down quickly. Jack led her to the streets outside, heavy rainfall faced unbothered as Anna gasped at what looked like three lunatics circling her car.

The biggest one was holding a small silver hammer and was hitting her side door window with a force of a rhino.

“Hey! Stop that!”

Anna ran closer to them, but not enough to have any possible physical contact. She couldn’t believe it. Her newly bought VW Golf being treated like shit was unbelievable.

Jack was quick to back her up. “We already called the cops.”

Anna wasn’t sure if he was telling the truth but the mention of it made the offenders spring to attention. It only took a moment before she was hit with recognition as one of the hooded gangsters looked up to her.

“Lukas,” she murmured, already fuming.

The man immediately chortled at her, tapping his friend in the shoulder. “If it isn’t the bitch who got me fired. Eh, we had to follow you here in the rain, y’know, just for a talk.”

“You fucking piece of shit. What do you want?” The amount of aggression she was showing was justified as the other guy continued his assault to her car. “Stop that!”

“Just a bit of a revenge,” Lukas smirked.

She was about to deck him in the face when Jack grabbed a hold of her arm and stopped her, whispering about how it wasn’t worth it. Anna let herself be dragged back but Lukas seemed to think her lunging was a challenge as he advanced towards the pair.

“Anna! Jack!”

Elizabeth sprinted up to them, the woman quickly getting drenched as she observed what was happening. Jack was quick to drag Anna back, yelling for Elizabeth to not get closer.

“Aww, you have a little pity party with you, Nurse Anna?” Lukas stopped in his tracks with a wide grin. “Boys, I think we have a bit of a problem here.”

Now Anna didn’t know how two scrawny blonds were a problem but Lukas’s men snapped up. Whistling, the huge guy stalked closer to Lukas, looking behind the two – to _Elizabeth_ , Anna bristled – and said, “Well, hello there, good-looking.”

Anna didn’t like that one bit – neither did Jack as he took a warning step forward. “Back up, _bro_.”

Bro was never used as threateningly as this before. Anna didn’t know how to react to the angry sneer on Jack’s face. The three guys laughed at him.

“Oh, yeah, bro?” the man challenged as he stepped closer to him, “Whatcha you gonna do, _bro_?”

Elizabeth called for Jack again and Anna actually looked at her this time. She was _frightened_ , hands wrapped around her body as her steps shifted back and forth, in between coming forward or running. Anna was about to run to her side when a loud smack rang in the air.

It was all too fast to see. Jack was already on the ground, holding his face where Lukas hit him.

Oh, shit. Anna didn’t realise that this _was_ trouble. Trying to intimidate him, the redhead rushed forward, pushing the guy off of the poor blond. Anna didn’t retract in time, though, as Lukas grabbed her by the arm, pulling her over.

With adrenaline running in her veins, she readied a fist for him but was surprised as a vigorous punch hit her target before she did. Lukas lost his grip on her, falling to the ground, knocked out cold.

Anna couldn’t believe how his two friends ran as soon as he hit the ground. Jack was still lying on the asphalt, his nose bleeding. Her eyes drifted to the blonde next to her, shaking her left hand in the air slowly. When Anna heard her speak, she stopped believing in anything for a good while.

“Well, that’s bound to hurt in the mornin’.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter had been leaked because of my own stupidity... thank you ff.net for being so hard to use. anyways, take care my dudes xx


	10. elephant in the room

**chapter six: the elephant in the room**

Jack looked like he needed a nap.

The mood of the café was dominating their silence. Other customers had already come and gone, leaving the drenched trio and one worried bartender to themselves. It was just about nine o’clock but Anna could relate to his tiredness. Green eyes stole a peek at the woman sitting at the table next to her, working her jaw as she watched her friend, brother, whatever get his face stabbed with antiseptic by the unwitting café worker.

Anna should have probably helped – she was a nurse after all – but she didn’t have it in herself to offer assistance. Instead, she stared at Elizabeth like she had three heads intact and four more hidden.

“D’you want to go to the hospital?”

And that _damned_ accent was making Anna’s brain shrink into the abyss. She and the woman had been talking before everything went to shit and there wasn’t even a hint of accent in her tone. That was until now when she sounded like she swallowed a ball or burnt her tongue in something hot.

Jack shook his head. “Let’s just go home after this.”

The blonde hummed, turning and catching Anna’s eyes in one swift motion. “You okay? You’re not hurt, are you?”

Anna must’ve been knocked out earlier and was now suffering from a concussion. Her confusion was making her dizzy, that was for sure, her mind was split between thinking about the repairs her car needed and the girl right next to her who could shame a grown man in punching.

“I’m… fine.”

Staring at those blue eyes, Anna could pinpoint some difference she didn’t see earlier. Elizabeth stood a little taller than before and her shoulders were drooping slightly lower than she did an hour ago. Her blues now, somehow, were stronger and bolder as she looked right back at her.

The cops had made a swift move collecting the thug-ass jerks and driving off without a hitch. And so, Anna was left with these two and a broken side door window. Still, she felt something in the air had shifted and it was making all of them drown in uncomfortableness.

One second she was looking at Elizabeth shake underneath the rain and the next she was punching a man unconscious. If Anna had a whiplash today, it would be because of the blonde.

“Are you okay?”

Elizabeth shrugged, giving her a lopsided smile. “Yep. Nothin’ hurts.”

“Right.” Anna seriously needed to get checked because she felt like she was talking to a different person. Maybe she was suffering from Capgras Delusion.

Only Anna didn’t know who was real or not.

“How did you know that it was, uhm, Miss Anna’s car that was being smashed outside, Mr. Jack?”

Hmm. Anna was also interested to know. Jack thumbed through his nose, feeling the wound on it ache as he did so. Wincing, he sighed and gave the redhead a sad smile.

“I forgot my money in the car so I went back… and I kinda recognised Anna’s car because, well, she’s here and there was no other orange car in a ten-mile radius.”

Crinkling her nose, Anna snorted. “And you ran back inside–”

“–while _also_ takin’ our drinks as you climbed up–”

“–without calling the cops first?” the one in the apron finished.

Jack seemed flabbergasted as the women overlapped each other’s words but still managed to get the same thought out. He sputtered, cheeks growing red as he tried to explain himself, “Well, uh, I thought they knew you or something.” Anna raised an eyebrow. “They weren’t doing anything yet when I was outside! But once I was on my way up, I saw them hitting your window.”

Anna sighed, nodding at him with a faint smile. “Yeah, I’m just... Thank you for telling me.”

This day couldn’t get any worse, could it? Anna tried to erase that thought from her mind. The last time she thought that was hours ago and she ended up drenched in a coffee shop with a man whose nose was bleeding and a girl with red knuckles.

“You could sue him for, like, damage to property,” Jack suggested. “Maybe it could cover the expense of your window.”

“That sounds like a good idea.”

“Are you safe to go home? I mean, you heard what he said to you, they followed you here. What if he’s got… a back-up plan or something as bad?” Anna wasn’t actually scared of what Lukas said, but Jack looked legitimately worried. “Maybe you should call someone to stay with you.”

That might be a good idea, but now that Lukas was arrested she didn’t have to worry much. “I’ll be fine. He’s just an asshole who unknowingly got himself fired. It’s not like I intended for it to happen.”

Mich – the bartender’s name as indicated in her tag– gave them a heads-up that she would be closing up soon as she packed the first aid up. Jack remembered their cold coffee upstairs and went ahead to get them and their few left behind belongings.

Elizabeth had been staring on the floor quite intensely. Anna was a little intimidated to catch her attention but it was given to her wordlessly as the blonde gave her a half-smile. Her fingers were brushing her hair softly, treading along damp strands. The black material of her cotton shirt was sticking to her skin. Anna knew exactly the uncomfortableness she was in.

“So… what’s up?”

A lot, actually. Anna didn’t know if she should take Elizabeth’s question seriously. She gave a half-shrug, weirded out since that question shouldn’t even be asked anymore. Elizabeth had been talking to her earlier, right? And she was there when Lukas and his boys were assaulting her car. “Umm… except for the obvious, nothing much.”

“That’s cool,” Elizabeth commented, “You have work tomorrow?”

Ears sharp, she observed and scrutinised every word coming out of the woman’s lips. Anna was looking for a hint that could give her an answer about the… mystery in front of her. Something was off. With Elizabeth.

Anna was sure about that.

For the almost three weeks that Anna spent FaceTiming Elizabeth, not once did her accent appear, but why now? And why at all?

She was being beyond nosy. Anna could just ask, but something in the way Elizabeth was watching her made Anna recognise the fact that _she_ was being watched, too.

For a clue or a hint, Anna didn’t know, but two were playing this game.

Anna smiled at her indolently, careful not to show her thoughts on her face. “Yeah, which sucks since I got hit by a wild case of bad luck today.”

Elizabeth thought of her words for a while before nodding. “Happens to the best of us, sometimes.”

“What about you? How’s your day been?”

The gulp the blonde took must’ve hurt. She flinched as soon as she heard the question. “Uh… umm… as you know, it’s… pretty alright.”

Although not so smoothly, Elizabeth had evaded her question. Jack chose that moment to come back down. The tense air between them was alleviated in a whim.

“You gonna be drivin’ home, Anna?” Elizabeth asked as Jack put her stained white coat around her shoulders.

Anna blew air out of her mouth and moved her head up and down, following suit as the blonde stood up. “Yeah. Here’s to hoping I could still make it home with a broken window.”

The two laughed at her. Waving their goodbye and thanks to Mich, Elizabeth and Jack made their move to leave. Mindlessly, Anna called Elizabeth, pointing to the stain on her coat. “You should get that to a dry-cleaner.”

Elizabeth shook with silent chuckles. Glancing down at the stain, she thought, “I don’t even know how this got here.”

It didn’t sound like a joke.

Anna achieved a face in which her eyebrows were stuck halfway up her forehead. Elizabeth’s weirdness could be chalked up to awkwardness earlier but Anna saw the slip up. The widening of blue eyes and the abrupt sinking of her smile.

The realisation in the blonde’s face as she figured that Anna saw, _knew_ something – Anna didn’t, of course – appeared to be important, as she saw Elizabeth’s smile fading completely as Jack pulled her alongside him.

“Come on.” Anna heard Jack whisper to the blonde as they exited the building, the girl looking back at Anna with a frown. “It’s been a long night.”

* * *

“Nurse Anna~”

Sounds were slowly filtering in Anna’s mind as she tried to burrow her head deeper into her pillow. It was a bit cold in her room, which was weird since she always, always turned the heater on when she felt the cold creeping in, but this time, she shrugged it off, opting to return to the arms of sleep.

“Anna.”

The cold was actually comforting, like waking up to rain on a school day. Anna wondered if she should stop wasting electricity and turn the heater off every-so-often. Her grip on her blanket tightened as she inched closer to her already forgotten dream.

“Laurent!”

But reality soon crashed down on the auburn-haired woman as a particularly loud push jolted her awake. Anna gasped, looking around in alarm before the unsmiling face of Mrs. Megara met her gaze.

Her environment hit her a second later. She was still in the locker room, her jacket crumpled in her fingertips as she blinked at the Head Nurse in front of her.

“M-Mrs. Megara,” Anna started, wiping the sleep from her face and brushing her lips of the drool that might’ve graced it. “I-I’m sorry. I’m just trying to take a lunchtime nap and I… didn’t realise the time.”

“Appears so,” the woman’s lips curved upwards as she stood up and opened her own locker door. “It’s already quarter to two, though, so you can forgive me for waking you up.”

_Wait, really?_

Anna shot up immediately, startling her company as she tried her best to straighten her crumpled scrubs and look at the time on the wall. Indeed, it was 1:45, and Anna quickened her actions, an explanation on the tip of her tongue.

She was held up by Mrs. Megara’s finger, however, and she shut up instantly.

“I heard what happened from Nurse Tiana,” she said as she gave Anna an analytical glance. “Did that Lukas guy really smash your windows?”

Ugh. That girl sometimes didn’t know when _not_ to talk. Sending her a solemn nod, Anna squeaked, “Yep.”

That was all Anna could say about the situation. Mrs. Megara seemed to understand more than she let on as she patted the younger woman on the shoulder. “Don’t worry. Insurance should take care of that. From now on, keep a keen eye on your surroundings. You never know what might happen. You’re lucky you were in a public place when the confrontation took place.”

She was, indeed. Truthfully, Anna didn’t know what she would have done if she went out to the streets, at eight in the evening, and saw those crackheads alone. She was active, and maybe a little strong, but she definitely wouldn’t have been able to stand her ground against _three_ men.

“Of course, Mrs. Megara,” Anna uttered gratefully. “Thank you.”

“The world’s getting messier as the days pass. Sometimes the real whackos you encounter walk outside of here.” The Head Nurse pulled a face. “And there’s not much we could do about it.” Nodding at her one last time, she turned to leave only to pause at the door, “And Nurse Anna.”

She sighed, readying herself to get reprimanded for sleeping in the lockers during working hours. Instead, Mrs. Megara motioned to her clothes – still wrinkled – and said, “Gran Pabbie called for you. I think everybody would appreciate it if you fix yourself first.”

In record time, Anna was able to do as told. She knocked on the Director’s office and waited for an answer as she blinked away the drowsiness in her eyes.

“Come in.”

Doctor Pablo, as always, was leaning back in his chair with a neutral look on his face. Anna quickly sauntered inside and waited expectantly for his instructions.

“You called for me?”

“Mhmm.” With a lazy hand, he picked up the folder in his table and presented it to Anna. “How’s your car?”

_News travels fast, doesn’t it?_

Anna was actually impressed that Tiana had managed to tell almost everyone what happened within a two-hour window. “It’s fine. The side-door window is broken, though.”

Gran Pabbie’s mouth formed an ‘o’. “You should call your insurance about that.”

And he said almost the exact same thing Mrs. Megara did. Sometimes, Anna couldn’t help but think that their minds were connected in some way. Taking the proffered file, she gave him an inquisitive glance before opening it.

“What’s this?”

“Patient records,” was the simple answer. “And Nurse Anna.” The redhead stopped reading the first word. “I know I don’t need to remind you about confidentiality, but please, take more discretion than you usually would with our new patients.”

A guilty smile popped out on her lips. “Of course, Doc.”

The medical records in her hand were thin. Flipping the pages, Anna read about the first patient and picked out information that stood out most.

_Iandore B. Lightfoot, male, sixteen, referred from a psychiatric hospital in Illinois. Problems consisted of: Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, Paranoia, possible Delusional Identification Syndrome (Fregoli Delusion variant)_

Anna blinked, already overwhelmed by the list she saw. She stole a glance at the Director in front of her but he was busy tapping on his phone to care for her reaction. The nurse continued mutely.

The patient suffered a car accident resulting in Traumatic Brain Injury. Anna guessed it stemmed from that, or maybe a loved one died?

Refusing to overthink this early on, she flipped to the notes, noticing a few things here and there that indicated the severity of his disorders. It seemed that Anna was correct in _both_ her initial assumptions. Lightfoot’s older brother died in the incident which marked the first appearance of symptoms.

That was patient number one.

Turning the pages, Anna arrived at the second record, the file relatively shorter. This one was of an eighteen-year-old female named Merida DunBroch. She was under-treatment for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder two weeks ago and was halfway through a four-month therapy session with stable reactions when a relapse occurred.

Anna sighed. _Well that wasn’t as bad as I expected._

Doctor Pablo’s eyes were on her when she finally looked up again. He seemed to be watching her for a while now, his phone dormant on top of the table. Anna closed the folder and returned it to him.

“Are they to be relocated here soon?”

“Mr. Lightfoot is set to arrive five days from now, and if everything goes according to plan, Ms. DunBroch will arrive tomorrow. Both will be admitted for residential care until further notice.”

A look of bewilderment crossed Anna’s face. “Even Ms. DunBroch?”

“Yes. Her previous doctor recommended it after her unexpectant relapse. It is not in the records, but he sent a letter alongside the files suggesting Factitious Disorder.”

Anna pursed her lips but nodded still. “Alright. Do you have my new schedule already, Gran Pabbie?”

“Yes, yes,” he replied with a jolly smile, most likely happy with her reaction – even if it was a little anticlimactic. “You can ask Nurse Megara for the copy if you want to, but I divided your week – which will be from Monday to Friday – between the two. You’ll spend more time caring for Mr. Lightfoot since Ms. DunBroch will have frequent psychotherapy sessions with Mr. Naveen. Your off days are Sunday and Monday.” He nodded at her once. “Ms. Patricia and Mr. Warren will assist your patients alongside you. I’ll brief you later when our patients arrive.”

Anna went out of the Director’s office with tired legs and a steadily beating heart. Stretching, Anna prepared herself for the challenge she was going to face with a strong smile.

 _May the path to recovery be tough but passable._ “And _worth it_ ,” Anna added as she yawned, reorienting herself for her duties that day.

* * *

_‘are you busy?’_

_‘if you have time let me know x’_

Those two messages were sent three days ago.

She ought to feel upset. Was this what being ghosted felt like? Elizabeth’s typical replies tended to arrive between two to five minutes after Anna had sent her text. Obviously, her three-day absence was a divergence that the redhead didn’t expect.

Anna didn’t know what to do with herself now. Overthinking things was easier to do than moving on so that’s what she did, think about everything that could’ve driven the girl away.

Was it what happened at Myer’s? It felt too long ago when it couldn’t be but a week. She had actually exchanged a few texts with Elizabeth once she reached home and for the following days after but since Anna’s last text message, nothing followed.

It had been three days. Anna felt homesick, or maybe even heartbroken, but everything seemed a little drearier without the short interactions she and the blonde had.

The worst part of this was they weren’t really anything but friends. Their messages weren’t romantic in the slightest, save for the few thrown about winky faces. Anna did think Elizabeth was beautiful, but they weren’t really on their path to true love. It was just that the blonde had been part of her day-to-day activities and _why the hell was she not replying_ and _friends usually don’t ghost their friends, either_.

Dang.

Either way, Elizabeth was not replying and Anna was slowly losing her remaining wits staring at their conversation thread like a lost puppy.

And while she was thinking of the reasons why she was being ghosted, Anna was also thinking about their last meeting.

Talk about a total 180.

Elizabeth really did surprise her. It was unexpected and Anna was slightly suspicious of her friend’s actions. Just remembering what happened still confused her but she was far less interested in the change that happened and more to _why is she not replying?!_

Stupid crush was making her feel like a teenager once again.

In an effort to try and brighten her own mood, Anna dialled Tiana’s number but her call went straight to voicemail. Undeterred, she called Cassandra, but the girl’s phone rang once and was rejected.

Anna was unfazed. Cass was known to hang calls up without caring what it was for when it was, like, in the middle of the night.

Which it was.

Her phone was thrown to the other side of bed, bouncing once and landing with a buzz. Anna quickly turned and picked it up, somehow hoping for _someone_ to be calling her, but when her mom’s number popped up, she couldn’t think of anything else as she answered it frantically.

“Mom?”

It was unusual for her mother to call at such a time and she was more than a little alarmed. A steady breath left her lungs when she heard the voice on the other side, now making sense for a bit.

“Anna, honey, how are you?” her father asked cheerfully.

Anna beamed at his greeting, chuckling as she answered, “I’m fine, dad. How about you? Everything going well?”

“If I’m going to be honest, everything seems a little tough, but we’re going to be fine.”

“That’s the spirit!” she cheered, hugging a pillow to her chest. “Are you able to sleep well? Isn’t it a little too late to be awake at this hour.”

Her father gave a hearty holler. “Anna, I’m old. I get little sleep either way.”

“But still… are your meds treating you better?”

“They are! But there’s so much they want me to do. I just do it so I can go back to you and your mom as quick as possible before dinner.”

Her father’s wording was a bit odd. Anna took a deep breath and sighed. “That’s… that’s good, dad.”

“How about you? What have you been doing these days?”

“I’m doing great,” Anna replied, although less loudly. “Uhm, I get to do Private Duty with the Director’s patients and… and I think it’s a wonderful job. A bit hard, but I can handle it.”

Her father chuckled at her, the kind that expressed comical relief instead of acknowledgement. “That’s great. Are you with your best friend?”

“Umm… who?”

Her mother must’ve told him something she said earlier but Anna had no clue about who it could be. Maybe it was Tiana or Cassandra. She had no hunch. The redhead was talkative, she said a lot of names of friends to her mom and identifying them would be looking for a needle in a haystack, not an elephant in the room.

“The blonde girl!”

Anna furrowed her eyebrows. She couldn’t remember telling anyone about Elizabeth, not even Tia and Cass. How did her father knew ab– 

“Don’t tell me you fought with her again.” He clicked his tongue. “You know Elsa might be nice but one day, she’s going to be mad at you if you continue ignoring her like that.”

It was like being splashed with a glass of ice water. Anna’s mouth plopped open and closed almost immediately, forcing a soft laugh out of her. “Oh…”

“Yes, _oh_. I asked her the other day if it was already harvest season but she said it wouldn’t be for a while! That girl is so smart, really. And she’s so nice to you. If I could, I would’ve adopted her so you could have an older sibling.”

“Dad…”

“I want to do that for real, actually. Do you think your mother will agree to my decision?”

“Uhm, dad…”

Her father continued rapidly, “Well, I don’t think so. I don’t think the girl would agree, either, but Anna, can you please play with her again so she could at least feel happy even for a while?”

Tears were hanging on the corners of her eyes as Anna nodded, sniffing through the sadness that enveloped her. She wasn’t sure if it was for her father who was lost in the time or the blonde girl stuck in his memories – in both of their memories. “Sure, dad.”

“That’s wonderful! You know I don’t really like her dad. He smells like trouble. And don’t think that we don’t know what’s happening! But even with everything he’s been doing, his girl loves him so much. Tsk, tsk. Some people shouldn’t have kids.”

Earlier, Anna felt energetic. She missed her father, but, like her mother said, he wasn’t doing great. Anna wanted to be by his side, but she knew it would only be a little while before deteriorates further.

Anna couldn’t take it seeing her father like that.

Her mother must’ve known, thus her insistence in taking care of him alone.

“T-That’s right, dad. He… shouldn’t have done those things.”

Guilt was nibbling at her chest as their conversation fell into a stop. What was it about Anna that could help strangers but not the people that she loved? 

Nights weren’t good for introspection. Knowing the tunnel that she’d be getting herself into, Anna forced herself to halt. No. It was not her fault. Elsa’s situation and her dad’s were out of her control. She couldn’t very well turn back time.

“I don’t know when I can go home, Anna. I’m sorry about that. Just sit tight and wait for me there, okay?”

Anna nodded. “Don’t worry, dad. I’ll see you again soon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not much going on this chapter.... maybe the next one will be a lil more entertaining ;) thanks to SheAlwaysDies for being the perfect editor uwu and thanks to everyone who's reading and commenting! keep safe and warm xx


	11. seven

**chapter** **seven: seven**

Iandore, or Ian as he preferred, was a slim yet tall young man. Anna could immediately tell that he was a kind person and not even his never-ending awkwardness could eclipse that.

He reminded her of herself when she was young – hell, even of the Anna she was now. The trying-too-hard schemes and the people-pleaser actions, Anna knew it well.

Maybe that was the reason why she got him to open up not two weeks after his arrival. Ian didn’t leave his room much on his first few days. He was encouraged to, but the boy knew himself more than others. Under observation with his new medications, he stayed in his room sleeping, and when Anna asked if he wanted to take a walk, he’d refuse ardently.

It was because he knew he would see his brother again. Ian told Anna that one Thursday morning, and she listened as if it was the last time he’d talk. The hope, that would get squandered every time someone would say that it wasn’t him, was a killer.

Ian still couldn’t accept the truth.

Fregoli delusion was rare. Even rarer was Ian’s, for he was sure that it was his brother he was seeing. He claimed his brother was _not_ an abuser and this curious case was made even more unusual.

Gran Pabbie hadn’t suggested therapy yet for the boy was still in shock. According to his observations, anyway. Anna spent most of her time watching from afar, sometimes even talking to him, and shared the Director’s conclusions.

Ian looked normal, if you weren’t looking closely, but Anna had been a registered nurse for five years now. She knew what to look for. The subtle mood changes, unnoticeable if you were to pay attention to one thing more than the other. The inconspicuous blinking that would have seemed normal if it weren’t for the unremarkable twitching of the facial muscles. The breaths, held and detached, told more than what was being said.

That’s what she’d learned in her time in the field, especially in psychiatry.

And that’s why she _knew_ there was something up with Elizabeth as she was startled awake by a video call at two in the morning.

“’ello?” Anna muttered without even looking at the caller, too out of it to even open her eyes.

“Anna?”

Hmm. Sounds familiar, but not overly for her to immediately know who it was. And then it was her. Green eyes widened as she brushed her dishevelled hair aside, Anna looked into her phone with disbelief in her face.

Elizabeth was smiling at her from the screen, hair tied up in a messy bun as she waited for a reaction, large blue eyes waiting for a response.

“Elizabeth?” Anna muttered as she tried to fix herself as quick as she could, opening her bedside lamp as the golden glow illuminated her face for the blonde to see.

Anna wondered what made the blonde call her. After almost a month of being ignored, she couldn’t muster the happy smile she usually would give people (even at two AM). Instead, Anna stared at the screen, pondering if she was still dreaming.

“Hey, Anna,” she replied with a small smile, scratching the back of her neck as she did so. “Is this a bad time?”

Would it actually be worth it to talk to a literal stranger who ignored her for _days,_ at two in a Sunday morning, on her day off after working her ass off for a week?

The answer must have been yes for sleepy Anna as she replied quickly. “N-No, uhm, not really. I’m just sleeping – yeah, just a nap. Uh, what’s up?”

Elizabeth was absolutely delighted as she nodded at her with a grin, but it weakened as her question sunk in. “Umm, not much. I, uh, I’m sorry for not answering your texts and calls, I’ve been… busy.” Straight to the point. Not just appearing out of nowhere. Elizabeth seemed unconvinced with her own reason as she shook her head. “Umm, I… was undergoing some things and I… couldn’t reach you because I… can’t.”

Anna didn’t think she was worth an explanation but the blonde’s nervous mutterings told her Elizabeth thought she was. That was… comforting. At least, Anna knew the girl felt a bit guilty for the ghosting she did.

Anna had to stop calling it that.

She did feel the blonde’s absence in her life and had spent days wondering what she did wrong but her days were filled with so much activity that it didn’t hurt as much. Anna believed in second chances, though, and so she sighed with a disproving shake of the head.

“I was sure you got tired of me or something,” she quipped, and it lessened the awkwardness they both felt.

Elizabeth laughed but it came out as a tense sigh. “Or something… It’s – it’s definitely something else.”

Okay. Anna could work with that (even if a voice in her mind said she shouldn’t). Rubbing her eyes, she waved a hand in front of her, gesturing gracelessly. “It’s fine. It’s… stuff. Don’t sweat about it, but I _would_ appreciate a head’s up.”

Seeing her throat bob up and down with lips pressed into a thin line, Anna knew Elizabeth got the memo. She didn’t really have it in herself to be mad, or anything really. She just shrugged her shoulders and went with the flow.

“I… yeah, I know.” Lips getting worked in between teeth, Elizabeth nodded at her. “I’ll… I’ll try not to do that again.”

“Was it work?”

Anna didn’t know if she was lying when she replied, “Umm… yes. With the videos and… stuff.”

Elizabeth didn’t look like she knew why she called Anna in the first place as their conversation stalled after that. Anna was just content staring at her from her screen and waiting for something to be brought up naturally but when nothing happened at her silence, she figured she’d have to make an effort to talk the uneasy glances sent her way.

“So… are you making new music?”

Elizabeth said nothing, just tilted her head to the side and moved her head in confirmation. Without anything to really distract Anna from shamelessly gawking at the woman, the blonde’s appearance filtered through her brain.

The blue shirt she was wearing seemed too big to fit her so it hung on her neck loosely. Her platinum hair was bundled up behind her head, face bare of any noticeable makeup. Anna concluded she looked more like the person she met at Myer’s… that without the accent.

Her accent was still boggling Anna’s mind.

“What are you doing up this early, El?”

Elizabeth seemed to like that nickname as it brought forth a beautiful grin, the ones that made her cheek bunch up and the corners of her eyes crinkle. “I just woke up and… I wanted to talk to you.”

 _How cute._ Anna was staring love-sickly at the expression on Elizabeth’s face and had to snap herself out of it if she wanted to not weird the blonde out.

“That’s sweet.” It had to be Anna’s crush that was doing the talking, so she cleared her throat and changed the subject quickly. “Did you eat already?”

“I… think so?”

“That sounds like a question.”

Elizabeth shook her head with a smirk. “Yes, I think I did.”

“You’re still not sure.”

“Okay,” the girl huffed light-heartedly, “I ate already. Better?”

“Much better,” Anna agreed with a smile of her own. “If you’re not gonna ask, I, too, have eaten already.”

Elizabeth scrunched her nose. “I wasn’t going to.,” she laughed. “But thank you for telling me.”

“Anytime.”

This was what Anna missed. The light conversation, the kind useless banter. It was actually enough to keep her mind of what happened the last time she met, although not completely. There was just something different with Elizabeth sometimes. Subtle changes, and not-so-subtle ones, had passed before Anna’s eyes and they were hard to miss, especially when she was looking for them.

Those changes happened again, but not in the way Anna expected them to minutes later. Their conversation had somehow gone from what dinner they had to breakfast in Disney World and that was when Elizabeth stalled.

Like, really stopped in the middle of a statement about how food in the park was actually good. Her eyes were zeroed on what appeared to be the bottom of the screen and Anna didn’t know what she was looking at.

Glancing down at her shirt, nothing was amiss. Elizabeth must be looking at her own device.

“Elizabeth?”

Nothing. She was still staring at it, blinking slightly as seconds passed.

“El?”

Anna would’ve thought that her screen froze if not for the girl’s steady movements, leaning back as she laid her head on the couch behind her. Scratching her scalp, she was left to watch what’s happening on her screen.

She counted as she breathed, in sync with Elizabeth as time passed.

_One._

The blonde seemed to snap out of it but come back to the same state she was in. Again and again, it happened as quickly as the seconds ticked by.

_Two._

_Three._

Anna was holding her breath, too focused on the woman to actually think about what was happening.

_Four._

Elizabeth finally managed to come out of her stupor as her eyes wandered back up, brows furrowed curiously as she exhaled.

_Five._

A smile widened from her lips and her mouth opened but was closed in a moment, blues darting from her left to the screen.

_Six._

The blonde actually giggled this time, waving a hand on the screen as she shifted on her seat.

_Seven._

“Hi!”

Anna was sent back to the present. Elizabeth seemed energetic, her movements turned more noticeable than it was just seconds ago. Cocking her head to the side, Anna trailed off. “Hello…?”

“What happened?” was the innocent question, maybe even high pitched. Anna didn’t know what she was asking about.

Elizabeth frowned in just a second, lips moving as she read something out of shot. Anna was about to ask what the actual hell happened but the blonde pursed her lips, spared her a glance, and proceeded to shut the laptop she was using, the line getting disconnected instantaneously.

Anna stared at her screen for seconds before murmuring, “What the actual fuck?”

* * *

Elizabeth gave her an explanation later but Anna wasn’t satisfied with it.

She should be since, first off, her texts, even if it took longer for the blonde to respond than her initial messages, were answered. Anna thought that maybe she was busy, she was a singer, after all, and wrote it up to that.

But when Elizabeth called her, it seemed that there was something else going on. The blonde looked like she actually wanted to talk to Anna and was apologetic with the delay in her messages and the discontinuing of their usual FaceTime conversation.

Citing something about recordings, or writings, or meetings, Elizabeth sounded genuine whenever she talked to Anna, albeit a little unbelievable as her explanations were… inconsistent, so to speak.

Like the other day when she asked her why she hung up the call, the woman said something about the internet cutting off, but Anna had legitimately seen the blond reach to close the laptop lid.

And after asking in their texts if the blonde saw the thunderstorm warning and Anna was actually confused when Elizabeth brought it up the same day later via call.

Anna just decided one day that the blonde was weird. Telling herself to not think about Elizabeth too much – and dissuading herself from liking her any further than a crush – which was a daily occurrence.

It proved ineffective as Anna realised how attached she was when Elizabeth told her one day that she wouldn’t be able to talk with her for a while.

“What do you mean by a while?” Anna quizzed gloomily. “A week? A month?”

“I… don’t know.” Elizabeth looked down to her hands, their late night conversation made early by the rising sun on the windows. “It might be months.”

Anna didn’t know what to say to that. She felt hurt nipping at her and a small ball of anger hit her in the chest. “But why?”

Elizabeth was stunned by her question, inhaling rather deeply as her face fell. Fair enough for it was the first time Anna actually asked outright for a reason, but she should do it now, or never at all, since the blonde didn’t appear to want to answer her question.

“I thought we had something going on.”

A little farfetched really. There was never really anything going on between them except useless conversations about nothing at all, but Anna had grown attached. Elizabeth suddenly cutting their communication _hurt._

And Elizabeth wouldn’t even give her a reason why she was doing it so.

Anna might not have been the most interesting conversationalist there was, heck, she might not be an interesting person at all, but getting cut off just like that was just plain mean.

“What… what do you mean?” Elizabeth asked, peering at her from behind the screen.

_Oh, great. She doesn’t even feel the same._

It was the bitterness getting the better of her that Anna sputtered, “Nothing. It was nothing.”

Elizabeth bit her lips, looking at her pleadingly and Anna wanted to tell her that if she wanted to say something, she should just spit it out, but the blonde stayed silent.

It didn’t seem like Anna was actually waiting for anything anymore. “Okay.” She swallowed the disappointment in her throat and nodded one last time at her. “Goodbye.”

And then she hung up.

Anna didn’t answer the calls that came afterwards.

* * *

“You look like somebody ran over your dog.”

Anna gave Tiana an unamused glare. “Ha ha.”

Cassandra quickly came to the other brunette’s rescue, shaking her head at Anna. “No, she’s right. You _do_ look like you got your heartbroken.” Anna didn’t answer her, just stared forward to the back of Ralph’s head as he sat at the table before them. “Is it the Keaton’s girl?”

Anna didn’t answer, opting to shove a bunch of instant noodles in her mouth as she tried to evade the question. Tiana gasped at that, eyes widening as she leaned closer in Anna’s space. “It is, isn’t it?”

At her semi-angry glower, her two friends shared a look of realisation before coming down on her hard. “Did she break up with you? When? And why?”

“Wait,” Cassandra halted, “Were you official? ‘cause if you were then I’m gonna beat your ass for not telling us.”

“Cass, they _obviously_ weren’t. They went on one date. _One date.”_

The short-haired woman gasped, further irritating Anna with her overdramatic schemes to get a rise out of her. She didn’t react, just continued boring a hole into Ralph’s head. The boys on the next table were awfully quiet. No doubt they were tuning into this week’s rumour mill.

“But they’ve been talking for almost three months now, wait… three months going on four,” Cassandra stated with fingers held up in the air. Anna didn’t know why she was keeping track of someone else’s relationship but the dedication was astounding. “There was bound to be something there. I doubt Anna would just let a girl string her along with nothing.”

Tiana sent Cassandra a _look_ – you know, the one where you chastise the other person for being way meaner than what was acceptable _._ Anna hoped it just went under her radar.

Her friends were sometimes really incorrigible.

As she got bombarded with questions, Anna decided to throw an internal pity party for herself. A part of her was guilty for not telling her friends about Elizabeth but now she was relieved. The teasing that they’d put her through if they knew Anna _did_ get strung along would be horrendous to endure.

But they were good friends. Obviously so unlike Elizabeth who couldn’t even give her a reason for cutting her off. This was what Anna got for giving too much time to people who don’t deserve her, but maybe it was just karma for what she did when she was younger.

Anna had no idea why the guilt of not being there for Elsa was so strong, but once she had thought of the girl not a year ago, she was hit with realisation, hit with all the puzzle pieces coming together. Which was, well, unexpected since younger Anna couldn’t give a shit about her more than what was normal. But now she was obsessing about what could have been and thinking everything was happening to her was a punishment from a cosmic god.

The mind’s so weird.

Checking her phone as she slipped from Cassandra and Tiana to the garden outside the hospital to provide relief to her aching heart and ringing ears, Anna sat herself on a bench right under a thick lustrous tree. The shade would be amazing against the sun if the sky ever decided to let it through its blanket of greyish clouds.

Elizabeth’s last messages to her dated back to two days ago.

_‘Anna, I’m sorry about this. Really. I really like talking to you and hearing from you.’_

_‘I can’t tell you what’s going on because it’s confidential. I hope you understand.’_

_‘If you have time, will you please answer my calls?’_

_‘I have to go now. I’m really sorry about disappearing like this.’_

_‘Take care, Anna.’_

Groaning as she tried not to feel bad for the girl, she shook her head awake.

“ _Anna, you have a right to be mad_ ,” the little devil on her shoulder crooned. “ _Just ignore her and block her number forever. That would show you’re not a pushover.”_

She was about to nod and listen when a white poof on her right said, “ _But what if she really has a reason for doing this? Don’t be mean, Anna. Try to understand her._ ”

“ _No. She’s thinking she could just put you on the back-burner and return when it’s convenient. Move on. She doesn’t like you,_ ” the devil rebutted.

Anna must have been going crazy.

But yeah, both of the mythical creatures on her shoulder made sense. Anna realised that she should just learn who to befriend or not. Approach people who were more thoughtful! Be friends with the literal people around her so they wouldn’t be able to disappear without a trace.

She sighed. She couldn’t really just shrug it off this early. Then again, Anna had done this before in just a couple of weeks. Maybe after a while, she’d forget about the blonde.

Crushes never went well for her, anyway.

Somehow, as her day passed waiting by Merida, Anna couldn’t get rid of thoughts of Elsa. It was silly. For real. But thinking about Elizabeth was futile and thinking about Merida suddenly running off was stupid, so her mind fixated on her blonde childhood friend.

Anna was really excited for her hard work to pay off. Maybe someday in the near future she could finally satisfy her interest about her. Sutterton would be a long drive from Middleton, but still, Anna would someday get her butt in her car and ask around for the girl.

Maybe to reconnect, or maybe to just talk for a while, but Anna was sure she’d meet Elsa again. Smiling, Anna recalled how she ran through golden fields near sunset, and how she’d be so wild and free. She couldn’t do that now, but remembering was enough to bring sunlight to her day and ward off any negative thoughts that threatened to cross the lawn.

* * *

Anna spent the day chatting with Merida and taking note of her vitals. When Gran Pabbie had brought up malingering, she was actually a bit suspicious. Now that she could see sudden changes and burst of instability with the girl, she was getting more or less the same impression. 

But something still didn’t add up.

Merida, a bright and sprightly teenaged girl, somehow sounded like she was giving an exaggeration of her symptoms. Anna definitely could see ADHD symptoms in her but not to the extent that the girl was complaining about.

Her first hospitalisation was due to a car accident and with that, her parents had both agreed that treating her would make a ‘better person’ out of her. Anna had a few things to say to them if given the chance but alas, she should just do her job.

There must have been a reason why Merida was doing this, and Anna had a hunch that it was nothing as complicated as Factitious Disorder. Their patient was not hurting herself in a way that could be considered mutilating. Aside from her own statements that, yes, her emotions and thoughts were out of control, Merida didn’t seem to be, in fact, deeply affected by it.

Her temper did flare up on more than one occasion and she seemed to be highly concerned about her body image. Anna had taken notes on it and was told to keep a closer eye since there was a chance something else might be determined.

Reading the notes on her chart as she walked to the nurses’ station, Anna thought over what everything could mean. She was curious about Merida’s case but she also knew that only time could give her the answer to her questions. Humming to herself, her attention was quickly diverted when she saw a frantic Gran Pabbie walking down the hall. Frowning, Anna was about to see what was going on when he spotted her. The sigh of relief that he gave was a huge indication that it involved the redhead.

“Nurse Anna,” he greeted with a smile as he pulled her to the Director’s Office. “Please come with me.”

Sending a concerned look to Mrs. Megara and Eugene behind the desk – both nurses just as confused as she was – Anna meekly followed him.

Doctor Pablo never looked so frantic as he closed the door behind them and rummaged through his drawers looking for something.

“Uh,” Anna drawled as she watched the man scamper around. “What’s happening?”

“Nurse Anna,” he said in between pants, “Would you actually be mad at me if I told you that we’ve got a new inpatient coming now?”

“Well, if they’re actually assigned under me, it would be a half-yes and a half-no.” Gran Pabbie’s words caught up with her a second later. “Wait… what do you mean inpatient?”

“I mean exactly what you think.”

Oh no. Inpatient admissions tended to be a little… challenging. Anna’s body went on alert mode as she scrutinised the Director who almost looked like a headless chicken with the way he was running around.

“Are they here already? What are they here for?”

“No, not for a few more minutes, but they’ll be here sooner than later.” Managing to finally find the file he was looking for, he sprang up to Anna. The man’s franticness turned out to be enthusiasm as he neared the nurse with a nervous smile. “Read this. This patient will be assigned to you from Monday to Friday, until they get discharged or their admission changes.”

Anna blinked. _Well, that was sudden. And unexpected. Were they his patient already?_

“But I already have–”

“–Nurse Anna,” Gran Pabbie interjected, “You’re the only one I trust this much in this hospital.” Anna swallowed due to the intensity of his gaze. “I would really appreciate it if you could help me with this patient.”

Quickly, the man turned to the door, rushing his old bones out as Anna stared at his back.

“But–”

“No buts,” he called back, looking at her finally as he slipped out the door. “Read it now. They’ll be here.”

_Ah, Jiminy Cricket._

Slumping on the closest couch, Anna had no other choice but to follow the Director’s order even if it was made in what appeared to be an impulse. She’d have to go and break the news to her two new patients if this was truly the case.

Wishing for the strength that would help her get through this, she closed her eyes and nodded, exhaling as she calmed herself down.

Looking at the clicking clock on the wall, the time showed 7:13. Anna’s shift was over thirteen minutes ago, but she was in for an overtime today. If she was meeting a patient as unprepared as she was, the auburn-haired nurse knew it might be long before she went home.

Moreover, it was the first time she saw Grand Pabbie get frenzied like that. This must have been an important patient, or a case study for him. Anna just prayed that it would end well for all the parties involved, including her.

_Butts. Well, guess it can’t be helped._

She was really looking forward to binging her favourite show for the umpteenth time, but she chased Monica and Chandler out of her mind for the meantime and faced the folder in front of her.

Turning the page, she read the name on the file and thought over what greeting she should make to not make a fool out of herself. Hopefully, their new patient was a voluntary one. God knew how hard it was to handle those who were not.

Anna started with an enthusiasm she had mastered from so long ago and the words written on the page didn’t register until she was already on her way down the page. Her movements stilled and the nurse was unbelievably frozen as she stared at the name, trying to make sense of the tightening in her chest.

_Elizabeth L. Arendelle_

At first, she was hit with the most curious case of breathlessness. Elizabeth? The chances were slim that it could be her Elizabeth, right?

Anna might have been correct with that one, but the last name… her memory stirred like a fraudulent child faking sleep. It had been so long since she last heard it, said it even, but she was sure that she’d never met anyone with that last name recently.

Only one, a long time ago.

The possibilities were appalling. It couldn’t be. No. It was definitely not that Elizabeth and not _that_ Arendelle.

Anna might have skimmed through the page in her hands but nothing had entered her mind, an unspeakable feeling in her lungs overtaking her. It tasted like foreboding and Anna tried to shake the intrusive thoughts in her head as she steadied her breathing.

_It couldn’t be._

It was a sick joke the universe was playing on her, that was for sure. As green eyes hesitated going through the words, the dread in her chest crawled further and further, to her stomach, in which it stayed and made a burrow for itself.

_Elizabeth L. Arendelle, female…_

Anna felt her throat constrict.

_Twenty-seven years old._

_Problems consisted of: Complex-Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, Somatization Disorder, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, Antisocial tendencies, Dissociative Amnesia… and Dissociative Identity Disorder._

Holy fucking shit.

There were a couple pages more attached to the record but Anna was feeling faint already by the first page. She closed it silently, fingers shaking as she wished and prayed and _hoped_ that it wasn’t who she thought it was.

That would be too much, a punishment, and Anna knew her childhood friend didn’t deserve it. Even the blonde woman she grew so accustomed to didn’t. No. _It couldn’t be._

It was through knowing herself most that she recognised the reaction she was giving at the moment. Sweat was littering her forehead and upper lip, breath came in short as she forced herself to slow down. Her heart was threatening to burst out of her ribcage. Anna took several measured breaths.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Standing up, Anna went and opened the large window behind the Director’s desk. The cold breeze indicated rain soon and it was familiar enough to ground her to reality. She was still in complete denial, though, and she had convinced herself that no, her new patient was none of those girls she knew.

_C’mon, Anna. Toughen up. You can do this._

She wasn’t convinced by her own pep talk but it had to do. Game face on, she steadied herself as she inhaled loudly and expelled it out heavily.

She could do this.

Seconds later, Anna heard the jiggling of the doorknob and she paled. The door opened and came in Doctor Pablo. A familiar blond man followed right after.

Jack recognised her as soon as he came in but he didn’t react much save for the widening of his eyes. He swallowed, turning and assisting Anna’s new patient.

Thinking that made her heart ache immensely.

Elizabeth – _her Elizabeth_ – was staring at Grand Pabbie’s back as she entered the room, platinum-blonde hair tied into a ponytail and a thick, brown jacket around her form. The woman seemed oblivious of her presence as she slowly walked towards the couches. Anna knew she was nervous from what the subtle crease in her forehead showed, but Elizabeth was calm as she followed the two men before her.

When blue eyes wandered up to green ones, Anna watched everything unfold in real time.

It was quick. The switch happened the very moment the blonde saw her. Her movements stilled, blue eyes clouding for a moment before she blinked and suddenly, Anna knew that there's a different person driving the wheel. It was more obvious now that she knew what changes to look out for, what it all really meant.

Cases like this were shrouded with mystery but it was not an unknown disorder, it was actually more common than what people would normally think. Anna had yet to see one for herself but her heartbreak seeing it on the one person she didn’t expect was enormous.

It really was her. Elizabeth. Maybe even _Elsa_. And now that she was faced with her patient, Anna didn’t know what to do. For the first time in a long time, Anna didn’t know what to do. She had always been quick witted regarding what was supposed to be done, but now, the redhead was at a lost.

Whoever it was that entered the room wasn’t the one sitting on the couch across from her as Doctor Pablo invited them to sit. Jack was sparing glances at her and Elizabeth… whoever this was, was biting the inside of her cheek.

The blonde recognized Anna, that was for sure, as she was sent a guilty smile thereafter. Gran Pabbie was quick to notice the change. He looked at the blonde like seeing a new person enter the room, acknowledging her with a bright nod.

“Have we met before?” the Director seamlessly asked. Anna was impressed with how smoothly he handled the transition, especially since he didn’t see it happen right before his eyes. He just _knew._

The blonde chuckled, licking her – _their_? – lips with a bob of the head. “’course, we have, Doc.”

Ah. Anna’s mouth dropped open. _This… explained the accent._

And whoever it was that was sitting right in front of her, was who Anna met at Myer’s with the damned butterfly.

“Do you know why you’re here right now?”

“Yep. One way or the other,” the blonde answered, looking at him directly. Doctor Pablo nodded at her, sitting straighter.

“Can you tell me who I’m talking to?”

“It’s me.” The smile that appeared on the blonde’s face was bright, polite. “Seven.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i dupe you into thinking this ain't gonna happen so soon? ahehehe anyways, take care and stay safe xx


	12. technicalities

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: implications of sexual abuse, mentions of suicide, general DID terms

_**c**_ **hapter** **eight: technicalities**

Doctor Pablo gestured a hand before him, crossing his legs as he settled in his seat. “You three know each other?”

A pretty swift assessment and an accurate one at that. Anna couldn’t look at anything but the blonde, much to the woman’s coyness. Jack refused to even look at her, his gaze locked at the Director on the one end of the couch. Avoiding a person right in front of yourself was hard though. She could see Jack glancing at her from the corner of her eye.

Nobody answered.

Gran Pabbie turned his head at the redhead. “Nurse Anna.”

“Yes?” Anna sighed as she was put on the spot. Tearing her gaze away from the blonde – Seven right at this moment if she understood right– she answered truthfully, “Yes, we know each other.”

“Hmm. That could be complicated.”

It could, but even with her heart going crazy and her mouth running dry, Anna was slowly and all too suddenly way too invested to even think of that and what it could mean.

This was Elizabeth, a friend she had known for a while, and she didn’t like to think of the likelihood of anyone taking care of her but she herself. Hell, if she was right, this was _Elsa_ , her childhood playmate that brought magic to life and that was enough for her to actually, really be interested in this patient.

Even if her stomach churned the worst way.

“You won’t happen to be family relatives, are you?” Gran Pabbie asked.

Anna shook her head fervently. “No!” It came out far too loud. She bit her tongue and reinstated, “No, uh, we’re not.”

That earned her a weird look from Jack and Eli… Seven. Anna gave an apologetic smile and bowed her head embarrassedly. 

“Don’t be too scared now, Nurse Anna,” Seven chuckled at her reddening face, gathering the flowing locks of platinum on her neck and tossing it to one side with a disenchanted look. “DID ain’t genetic. There’s nothin’ wrong with bein’ related to me.”

Seven’s conclusion daunted Anna. She didn’t mean it like that! “No, uh – I mean I’m not a relative or someone who could–”

Anna was interrupted with Seven’s light laughter, raising a hand out to placate the redhead kindly. “Oh no, it’s just a joke. Don’t take it seriously. Please.”

The dancing mirth in blue eyes was enough to soothe her and she smiled in relief. That was something Anna was truly afraid of, her patients thinking that she was judging them, or God, scared of them. That literally would break the foundation in which a nurse and a patient could build trust. Instead of starting from zero, they’d start at negative one-hundred.

The doctor hummed at their exchange, nodding at nothing. “Well, I brought it up since health workers taking care of family members are unadvisable, particularly in this field.” Gran Pabbie leaned forward in his seat, looking at Seven seriously. “So, did you tell the others about what’s going to happen?”

“More or less,” was the unsure answer. Blonde brows crumpled among themselves as Seven added, “They didn’t really have any strong reactions.”

“I talked to El earlier at the front desk but she left before we could discuss any details of your admission. Would it be alright to talk about it with you?”

“Of course.” The confident, roguish grin was signature, clashing from the soft, gentle smile Anna was used to seeing on the screen. She wondered how the hell did she not pick that up.

Wait. Anna did, but it seemed so inappropriate now, especially with the careless way she thought of it when they were in Keaton’s months ago. She wondered who she was talking to the whole time they were texting and calling. It was definitely not Seven – although she was the one she met for the first time in the café – the accent was a huge indication.

It was unbecoming how Anna couldn’t think of anything else but her own personal thoughts. Shaking herself out of it, she reminded herself to be professional. This wouldn’t do if she was to be the blonde’s nurse.

Which she wanted to be r _eally_ bad.

“You will be admitted here in Middleton Psychiatric for at least twenty-nine days for observation and treatment. Your stay can be extended depending on what my diagnoses will be as time passes. If you wish to leave before then, an assessment is to be done before you can do so, to discern if you are fit enough to be discharged.”

“I assume you have talked about the additional details with El?” The blonde asked, looking from the Director to Jack. “You know exactly what to do in case…?”

“Yes, Sev,” Jack assured with nod, an answer that was taken wonderfully.

Gran Pabbie picked up a pen and showed the paperwork he had prepared to the blonde. “If you wish to review everything, you are free to do so. When you’re done, you have the decision to sign these papers or not. It’s up to you, Seven.”

Pressing her lips together, Seven stared at the paper, reading everything on it carefully. Anna was holding her breath as the blonde did so, almost unreasonably affected with what Seven’s decision would be. Swivelling to Jack, she whispered words that were too light to hear. The auburn-haired woman turned to Doctor Pablo to give them their privacy, the old man raising both of his eyebrows in suspense with her.

Done after a couple tense minutes, Seven sighed loudly. “You know, I don’t really fancy the–” they swayed her hands about the room, “–hospital thin’ a lot.” A forlorn expression crossed those brilliant blues. “But the past few months’ been real tough. So yeah. I’m goin’ to sign this. Pass me the pen, please.”

The doctor gave her a small black stylus and Seven took a second to finalise her decision before signing the document.

Giving it back to the Director, she smiled goofily at Jack. “You could go and have a holiday for a while.”

The man chuckled. “I might stay with my family for a bit.”

Anna felt like an outsider during this entire ordeal. She didn’t know what to say, didn’t _have_ anything to say, and so she stayed silent, waiting for the time where Grand Pabbie would acknowledge her presence.

Seven spared her a glance and a smile, nodding once. The blonde was wearing a loose white t-shirt and black skinny jeans. Even with such a casual outfit, the person right in front of her was as attractive as a movie star. It was hard not to stare at her face, gorgeous even in the low lighting of the office.

Anna was frozen in place, not knowing what to do. As if everything couldn’t be any worse, Doctor Pablo stood up and invited Jack for more paperwork signing downstairs, leaving the two girls with each other.

“He seems to trust you quite a bit,” Seven commented as she leaned back on the couch, crossing her legs for comfort. “Are you goin’ to be my nurse?”

Anna offered a faint smile. “I think so.”

“Heard you and El fought. Truth be told, I’m a little mad at you,” Seven said seriously. Anna’s confidence vanished and her heart sunk. Swallowing the knot in her throat, she listened to the blonde’s subsequent words. “I’m the protector, after all, but be nice to us and I’ll think about not bein’ mad anymore.”

“Aye, sir,” Anna replied, back straight. Protector didn’t ring a bell in her head. She knew little about DID systems. If given time, she’d learn all about it. Anna would, especially now that the patient suffering from it was under her care _and_ her friend.

_El, huh?_

“Great!” The jolly grin on the blonde’s face was back. Seven could look scary if she wanted to, just the tone of her voice was intimidating. Good for her, Anna thought. After a while, blue eyes suddenly widened as the blonde made a quick realisation and hastily extended a hand to the redhead. “Oh, I forgot to introduce myself properly.”

Anna took it with a low chuckle. “I don’t think you need to do that.”

“Well, yeah,” Seven rolled her eyes. “But you thought I was a woman the last time, didn’t you?”

Erm… Anna still thought that Seven _was_ a woman. Biting her lips, she shook the hand in her own. “Uhm, what are you, then?”

“Definitely the opposite of that. My name’s Seven.”

“Uhm….” Anna stalled, looking curiously at Seven and thinking hard about what _that_ meant.

The blonde watched her in return, waiting for a reaction. When Anna’s took too long to appear, Seven stated its meaning slowly, like saying the words should be obvious but they were scared to say it out loud. “I… I’m a guy.”

Anna was amazed and surprised with everything Seven was. Now that she was told about it, Seven did seem to carry himself differently from El. He was, in a sense, more masculine with the way he talked and acted. Like a real boy.

_And he really is, isn’t he?_

It was not that hard to accept, but Anna had been used to thinking that Elizabeth, well, as a woman, but as the blonde – Seven – looked at her, the nurse knew the difference. The stance, the smile, almost everything. It was in his aura. This was a different person.

She guessed she should call him accordingly to what he wanted, treat him like a male, a separate person. His actions during the three times she’s seen him were fitting. Mindlessly, Anna asked, “Were you the one who punched Lukas?”

“You bet,” Seven smirked. “Dude deserves it anyway.”

The paperwork Jack and Gran Pabbie were working on must have been done for the pair entered soon after. Jack was holding a huge bag – Elizabeth’s belongings – and deposited it on the table heavily.

“Well, before we show you your room and prepare everything for your stay, can I ask you something?”

“Fire away,” Seven exhaled, resting his head on the back of the couch sluggishly. Anna wondered what made his energy rapidly disappear.

Then she remembered seeing CFS on the blonde’s record and it clicked into place.

“I will assign Nurse Anna as your personal nurse. She’ll be the one to monitor you and supervise your stay, that means that she will be by your side most of the time. Is that okay?”

Seven squinted at her, silent for seconds. Anna awaited his decision with hope, nervously peeking at the Director.

“I think that’s just fine.”

Anna let out a quiet sigh. She didn’t know what was making her feel like this was a personal matter, didn’t know why she was literally neck deep with this.

It was a personal matter, her mind supplied, and once Anna could think about this alone at home, she was sure that this wouldn’t be just another duty to just another patient.

* * *

“El will kill me,” Seven muttered, brushing a hand to his face.

Anna still felt a little weird calling the blonde a he, but it was one she’d get used to in time. Respect could go a long way and could even cross mountains. And also, very importantly, it was the seed of trust.

“Why do you say so?”

Anna was helping the blonde put away… their things. Actually, she had the responsibility all to herself since the blonde had collapsed on the white linen bed. It wasn’t much, a couple of self-help books and a children’s novel called _The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane_ were placed on the last layer of the shelf beside the blonde’s bed. Two medium-sized stuffed toys and a what seemed to be silver harmonica – Anna almost pocketed that since it was likely contraband – rested on the top layer.

The middle was left bare, the clothes still yet to get checked.

“I just _know_ ,” he laughed, lying down and leaving the redhead to finish the unpacking. “Excuse my laziness. I feel a bit… unwell.”

“Do you need anything?”

“Sleep. I need a lot of sleep. As for thin’s, I’m good, thanks.”

Anna liked Seven. In fact, it was hard not to when it was his fault that Anna liked the idea of Elizabeth, but thinking about that all at once was mind-boggling. Today was a shocking day full of unexpected surprises but it was not the good kind. 

Moving almost on autopilot, Anna buried the better part of her mind as she continued fixing the blonde’s belongings. She’d have more time for introspection later when she’s alone. Right now she’d just have to survive this as professionally as she could.

The blonde’s room was in the new wing of the hospital and Anna adjusted a bit to its size. Middleton Psychiatric was big – and from what she knew expensive – but the new rooms were considerably larger than the old ones.

Merida was also in this part of the ward but Anna didn’t get to be in her room much for the girl was freely roaming around and interacting with everyone she came across.

Now that Anna was thinking of it, she knew that she’d miss waiting by Merida and Ian.

Anna didn’t know what being on full-time private duty would mean, but she looked forward to learning.

“Are you comfortable enough in your bed?” she inquired as she levelled up the books finally. “Do you want more pillows?”

When she didn’t hear an answer, Anna twirled to the side, looking at her patient.

Seven was already fast asleep, face down on the pillow and body completely covered in a blanket. Anna was given a semblance of relief as she was saved from further interaction.

She was still shuffling around, looking for a steady ground to stand on, and now, she could go and talk to the Director to let him help her.

Closing the blinds and tucking the empty bag under her arm, Anna checked the blonde. She fixed the pillow and smoothed out the blanket she had laid underneath.

Pale brows furrowed as she set off on an open-mouthed slumber, the blonde didn’t rouse. Sending one last glance, Anna turned off the lights and walked out of the room, feeling hollow on the inside all the while.

* * *

It was past one o’clock in the morning when she arrived at the Director’s office.

Hercules almost jumped out of his skin when he saw her walking down from the second floor, certain he only had Tadashi as company for the night. It made for a great mood-lightener. Anna was feeling slightly better as she knocked on the door.

“I’m really sorry about all this,” Gran Pabbie said, taking off his glasses as he rubbed his eyes. “I received the call shortly before I went to find you, and I don’t think I could trust anyone else with this.”

He said it again, just like before. Anna didn’t know what he meant so she made sure to ask. “Does that mean you don’t trust most of our staff?”

“Everyone has been nothing but wonderful,” he reassured. “But why do you think you’re the first one I trusted to take care of one of my patients? Take note, I haven’t treated one a long while. Mr. Lightfoot and Ms. DunBroch – now including Ms. Arendelle – are my first patients in almost two years.”

Anna didn’t know that. She knew the doctor refused to take in new patients but she figured he was just fine being the Director after all those years in the field. She gave a shake of the head. “I have no clue.”

He didn’t say anything for a while. Gran Pabbie just looked at her, gaze lost in thought. Anna had never seen him look so downhearted. He was usually so jolly and unperturbed by anything. Now, his eyes were swimming with a certain kind of sadness, the one that made him look almost broken.

“Can I share something with you, Miss Anna?” With a slow dip of her head, he continued. “Eight years ago, I was met with a… rather difficult patient. I will not go into too much detail, but he grew on me like grass on a barren land.” He chuckled, “That’s quite a bad metaphor, isn’t it? But it was as unexpected as growth over a solid, unfertile soil. He was one of the hardest patients I’ve dealt with. While patients generally resist help initially, he tried to put me off for almost five years.”

This sounded deeply personal. Anna chose to listen carefully as he told his story with the blues in his voice.

“But I managed to convince him to let me help, and managed to aid him in his recovery from the traumas life gave him. He was okay after a while. I knew he was.” Gran Pabbie sighed. “I was wrong. Soon, he returned to me, to this very hospital, asking for my help.”

He looked up to her, beseeching, “I treated him again, and by this time, he was the son I never had. I trusted my nurses to take care of him. I trusted this hospital. It didn’t end well.”

“What happened?” Anna asked after the man went silent.

Gran Pabbie scratched his face, giving her a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “I… His nurse got his abuser through the hospital’s security system and allowed them to speak.” The gravity of his words was magnified by the cracking of his voice. His lips quivered. “He killed himself the next day.”

This was a horror story. While Anna was detached from this stranger, any psych nurse would be left in shock. She had sour taste in her mouth as she tried to figure out what to think of this information.

“There are a lot of people who mean well, but not all are successful. His nurse was once the best in Middleton Psychiatric, but she was not as perceptive as she would seem.”

It didn’t make sense, explained nothing. Gran Pabbie was back leaning against his chair, carefree expression on his face. “You know how to handle people well, Anna. Most of all, you’ve got empathy. I trust that you won’t make a mistake like that.”

The problem, it seemed, was very situational.

Doctor Pablo’s concern stemmed from a unique, though very heart-breaking incident. Anna had no idea how it related to her. Granted, it seemed like something he’d put together with a lot of thought, but still, his story regarding the best nurse actually mirrored their situation.

“Are you saying this nurse wasn’t emphatic?”

“I’m saying she seemed perfect,” he clarified. “And you do, too.”

Anna blinked, distinctively lost. “Uhm… what?”

She really had no brain cells left after having met Elizabeth earlier. Anna felt weak, like she was just running on cortisol, her mind begging for a break. Did she remind him of this nurse? Was he doing this so he could control the situation better?

Nothing made sense anymore. Maybe she was not as emphatic as he’s saying. 

“You won’t end up like her,” Gran Pabbie said. “I know it.”

Throwing her hands in the air, Anna sighed, “I give up. I don’t… really understand.”

Chuckling, he nodded. “I’d be scared if you did.”

The Director looked at her like he was waiting for something to sink in. When nothing did, he smiled, pulling the file over and lending it to her.

“Let’s talk about Ms. Arendelle.”

That caught Anna’s attention. It was really the only reason she was there. If it wasn’t for her want of information to help Elizabeth, Anna would have left the hospital already. “Right.”

Opening the folder, Anna was met with the blonde’s medical record again.

“Ms. Arendelle started treatment and therapy when she was thirteen years old. Like most of dissociative disorders, she was misdiagnosed with schizophrenia for the first few years of her treatment but finally, they identified her with DID.” He met her eyes. “Do you know much about DID?”

“Only that people who have it live with… a system of personalities that take on different aspects of life,” Anna replied as she thumbed through the folder. “It’s characterised with a disrupted sense of self and develops through childhood.”

“Due to severe trauma. I can lend you a few books if you want to know more, but it is treated the same way as posttraumatic stress disorder. I have gone through private at home sessions with her. The notes written by the end were made by me.”

Anna nodded and he motioned for her to flip to it.

“Written there are Ms. Arendelle’s dissociated identities, or alters if you prefer. Their types are included, too, well, at least the ones I’ve spoken with. The other information was given to me by Seven, as not all of them were willing to talk to me. Please treat these alternate identities suitably.”

Most of the labels didn’t make sense but Anna threaded through, willing to wait until the end to ask questions. Her neck was starting to hurt from weariness. She lied down on the couch without as much as a warning, shoes resting on the armrests.

Doctor Pablo chuckled at her, reclining in his office chair as he, too, rested. 

**_Major Observations:_ **

  1. _Showed four (4) total alternate identities, reported seven (7) in total_
  2. _Two (2) Apparently Normal Parts (ANP), One (1) reported Emotional Part_
  3. _Experiences Dissociated Amnesia through switches_
  4. _Recurrent gaps in recalling everyday events_
  5. _Total amnesia in the trauma that had been/ is experiencing_
  6. _Observed Complex Posttraumatic Stress Disorder_



**_Alternate Identities_ **

**_1\. El (ANP/Host)_ **

  * _Female_
  * _27, follows the age of the body_
  * _Stable, logical_
  * _Handles everyday life_
  * _Little to no recollection of trauma_



**_2\. Seven (ANP)_ **

  * _Male_
  * _27, follows the age of the body_
  * _Protector Alter_
  * _Handles stress and perceived threat_
  * _Little to no recollection of trauma_



**_3\. Beth_ **

  * _Female_
  * _Ageless_
  * _Caregiver Alter_
  * _Handles business and work_
  * _Withholds information regarding trauma, possible trauma holder_



**_4\. Lilly_ **

  * _Female_
  * _17, retains the same age_
  * _Sexual Alter_
  * _Handles uncomfortable advances and events_
  * _Trauma holder_



**_5\. Unknown_ **

  * _Male_
  * _8, retains the same age_
  * _Child Alter_
  * _No information regarding trauma_



**_6\. Unknown (EP)_ **

  * _Gender unknown_
  * _Age unknown_
  * _Persecutor Alter_
  * _Trauma holder_



**_7\. Unknown (EP)_ **

  * _Gender unknown_
  * _Age unknown_
  * _No information regarding trauma_



There were a ton of words that intimidated and confused Anna. She stretched on the couch and sat up immediately after, exclaiming loudly, “I have zero working brain cells to process this information.”

“At least you tried.”

“What do ANP and EP mean?” The terms sounded like military codes, actually. Anna closed the folder with a sigh. “And what the fuck is a _sexual alter_?”

“Language, Nurse Anna,” Pabbie chided. Anna gave him a bored look. “Apparently Normal Parts, ANPs. The identity who handles everyday life and the ones that could pass off as ‘normal’. El and Seven are ANP, but Beth, from the sole occasion I spoke to her, is also an ANP despite seeming knowledgeable about the abuse.” Doctor Pablo took a deep breath, watching if Anna was still listening. “EPs refer to Emotional Parts, alters who hold traumatic memories. Not all do that, though. Sometimes they just get triggered by certain emotions or are meant to hold specific memories, like Sexual Alters.”

“I guess Sexual Alters carry memories of sexual… abuse?” The notion was nauseating. Poor Elizabeth. Anna could only imagine the suffering she had to endure. It must have been unbelievably cruel for her to create multiple identities just to continue living. 

And to think she was the blonde girl from Sutterton made it more tragic. Anna felt bile rise to her throat, the images of dark bruises littering otherwise untainted skin. _If only I could have helped…_

No.

No more. Thinking about Elsa would absolutely render the nurse hopeless and guilty and likely an unrecoverable mess. Taking a deep breath, she shook her head and told herself that no, Elizabeth was not _her_.

Anna wouldn’t be able to take it.

“I would say so, yes.”

Gran Pabbie’s answer was an unwanted confirmation. Anna took a shaky breath, wishing she had a glass of water to drink to dislodge the ball of anxiety in her throat. Instead, she swallowed drily. “You have a reference I could read to learn more about?”

“Yes. I’ll lend you one so that you could learn about the technical terms and… all the other technicalities.”

Anna held a palm out, bloodshot eyes staring at the equally weary doctor. “Will you give me the book now?”

“If you want.”

“Will you also let me have a day-off to study this assignment? Tomorrow?” Anna glanced at the clock slowly. “Oh. I mean today.”

Gran Pabbie studied her for a moment before nodding. “Go ahead. I’ll have Nurse Ralph take care of her.”

“Wait. Why not Mrs. Megara?” 

And why Nurse Ralph? There was nothing Anna had against him, really, but why not the Head Nurse if it was as important as the doctor made it seem? She was given a shrug as an answer. “She’s already too busy with the trainees and general management. Nurse Ralph should be the next best thing.”

Okay. That’s… reasonable. Doctor Pablo was already picking out books from the bookshelf behind him, coming up with three hardbound texts. At Anna’s lethargic frown, he made a gesture, shooing her away.

“What?” she asked sharply, offended with the rudeness as she collected it.

“Go home. You look like death.”

Anna changed out of her work clothes and waved goodbye to Herc and Tadashi with the drowsiest smile she could muster. Gran Pabbie’s books were heavy in her bag and she could only be thankful she was way too tired to think too much about things. Once Anna had gotten inside her car with a makeshift plastic as a window, she almost dozed off.

Thankfully, Mr. Pitch was quick to scare the living daylights out of her with a flashlight, effectively waking her up so she could drive home through the rainless night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'ello! I am here again to thank SheAlwaysDies for being a saint and saving me from the hell of my mistakes. Seriously, AMGA is the story it is all because of their miracles and magic! To everyone who's following the story, thank you so much! Have a good one y'all xx


	13. spotlight

**chapter nine: spotlight**

Staring at the mirror inside her locker door for a solid minute proved futile as Anna found herself still unsatisfied with how she looked.

There was nothing out of the usual about her appearance. Her hair was in the tight ponytail she always wore during work, face with just a light dusting of makeup. The navy blue scrubs she had on stopped being new two months after she was employed, the name of the hospital sitting on her left chest familiar enough that Anna could imitate the lettering it was embroidered in even if she was asleep.

But that was the problem. Nothing was out of the usual with her getup, yes, but it only took now for Anna to realise that holy hell, she looked boring _._ Uninteresting, not in the least eye-catching, just mind-numbingly _boring._

Anna slammed the metal door with a groan, the action strong enough she felt something falling inside her locker reverberate in her hand. She couldn’t help but feel jealous of the numerous psychiatric hospitals which allowed their nurses to wear anything they wanted. The No Uniform policy sounded so good to her right now.

Lacking a distinct style never bothered Anna before, and at the back of her mind, she knew it had to do with her new platinum-haired patient. She felt as conscious as a teenaged girl going on her first date and it was _not_ funny.

She wasn’t there for a date. Anna was there to monitor and care for a patient who had suffered tremendously, with a disorder that distorted her sense of self. Thinking about that was enough for her nerves to calm down, but also caused them to flare up almost instantaneously.

Nothing about this was about her. This was about Elizabeth Arendelle, a person with DID and multiple personalities, the singer behind mosaicxrecord… her probable childhood friend, her long-distance crush.

The person who’d been stuck in her mind for days even before she got admitted to the hospital.

Smoothing out her clothes and jogging in place, Anna huffed, warming herself up before she exited the locker room, clearing her thoughts.

_You can do this, Anna. You were born ready!_

And so Anna trotted upon the door… only to deflate once she stepped out to the halls.

Damn it! Her conversation with Gran Pabbie that morning played in her head. Anna had come in earlier than she was supposed to, knowing his briefing wasn’t over yet but now that it was over with, her brain cluttered up faster than she could organise her thoughts.

Spending her spontaneous off day dating Colin A. Ross in the afternoon as she read _Dissociative Identity Disorder: Diagnosis, Clinical Features and Treatment of Multiple Personality_ and her night-time mulling over _The Dissociative Mind,_ Anna was sure she’d had enough of reading for at least ten months.

And she hadn’t even finished both books yet. There was one left untouched. She gave up, succumbing to her tears and a third panic attack of the day and slept uncomfortably through the night.

She remembered Doctor Pablo telling her to keep a vigilant eye on switches and especially on the personalities’ behaviour. With a quiet sigh, he pointed to his records – now hers, too – and said, “You are here to help fill in the blanks. It’s quite bare, isn’t it?”

Anna wondered if it would be too late to quit now. Not that she would. But it was nice to entertain the thought for a second as she passed the silent halls. Peeping into the window by the door, she saw that Ian was up already.

Coming in with a knock, the explanation she gave of the sudden changes was met with sad eyes and a gloomy nod. Anna assured him that he’d still see her and she was only a few steps away in the morning. That made him look slightly better as his new nurse Ralph (unsurprisingly) entered the room with a gentle smile.

Ian looked happy to see him if his lit-up face was anything to go by.

“I was a bit worried that he won’t be fine with you,” Anna confessed, sparing the black-haired boy a glance as they left the room for a moment. “You kinda have the same built as…”

“As his brother, yeah,” he finished for her, “but he responded well to me. Hopefully, it’ll continue like that.”

“Did Gran Pabbie also give you the long-ass speech before assigning you to him?”

Ralph let out a throaty laugh, sending her an innocent shake of the head. “Not really. He gave me your notes, though, so thanks for that.” He gave her a once over. “You feeling better now?”

“Yeah,” Anna chuckled. “You took care of Ms. Arendelle yesterday, right?”

“Mhmm. She was… asleep the whole time… I think I talked to a guy named Seven, but aside from eating, she… um… he? Uhm… they didn’t do much.”

“Was it the fatigue?” Anna asked, smiling considerately at the man who was getting his pronouns mixed up.

Ralph pursed his lips, nodding, “I handled a DID patient before, during my practicum days on Warwickshire.”

 _Oh_? Anna didn’t know that. Maybe he really was a better suit than Mrs. Megara for Doctor Pabbie. She would have to ask him for advice next time.

Ralph turned his head to the side with a frown. “I think she’s experiencing rapid switches, maybe that’s why… the body is so tired. I asked Seven this afternoon. He said that he felt really dizzy and that his head ached like a bull.” He sniggered at that. “I like that guy.”

“Same,” Anna laughed as she patted Ralph on the back goodbye, spinning on her heels to Merida’s room.

Merida handled her head’s up better than Ian. In fact, she was more excited to have a new nurse who could talk to her about sports and archery and baseball. Ralph really was getting a warm reception from his new patients.

Which made this easier. At least now, Anna could focus on thinking about her new charge. Not that she wasn’t already, her past day filled with aimless thinking about her… them. Whatever.

Anna cracked her fingers as she stretched, staring at the white-painted door of room 031. With a deep breath, she knocked, swinging it open slowly when she didn’t receive an answer.

The blonde was still sleeping.

Wearing a brown cotton jacket, her patient laid supine on the bed. Curiously, she (Anna sighed and shook her head) – _they_ were wearing loose shorts. The blanket on the floor so the cold, if they were feeling it, wasn’t fended off quite well.

Middleton Psychiatric allowed its patients to dress in everyday clothes, requiring that the staff would have to go through it first, of course, and it made for a sense of normalcy. Some patients were not permitted to wear long articles of clothing, though, like long-sleeved shirts or pyjamas, and it relieved Anna that the blonde didn’t have that restriction.

The implication was comforting.

Gran Pabbie’s treatment plan had been detailed and comprehensive at the same time. Anna stared at the sleeping form for a moment before she realised that she left her clipboard on the nurse’s station as she logged in.

 _Wonderful._ Anna rolled her eyes at herself.

Thank God she hadn’t woken up the blonde yet. Closing the door after her, Anna jogged to the other side of the hospital for it. Mrs. Megara was sat behind the desk this time and Anna was given a reprimanding scowl as she picked her forgotten notes. She offered her a guilty smile and booked it out of there in no time. Once she was back in Elizabeth’s room, the redhead was expecting them to still be asleep but when she opened the door and there was no Elizabeth on the bed, her body went alive in alarm.

The forsaken blanket was still on the floor. Anna touched the bed.

It was still warm.

Peeking underneath the bed and spinning around the room showed no signs of the blonde and Anna hurriedly went back out, already forgetting about where she dropped her clipboard. She didn’t care, looking around as she thought about going back in the lobby to page Doctor Waldo.

Shit sticks. It was just her first day with Elizabeth and she’s already sweaty and out-of-breath. Anna expected this to be hard but not enough for her to be missing her patient within the first fucking _hour_. Walking out to the gardens, Anna scanned the place down before going back in dejectedly. Where could they be?

_Whoever it was in the body, that is._

Anna had never thought she’d be experiencing panic attacks even while at work because of Elizabeth, but frankly, it was what’s happening. Their date on Keaton’s was actually a good day, but she guessed it’d be the best of the times that she would ever spend with the blonde.

She didn’t even really know who Elizabeth really was. She knew El, at least that’s what she told herself, and Seven, but the others were a mystery.

The nurse had a chance to solve it, a chance to know more as her eyes caught brown in the empty canteen. Anna almost collapsed on the spot, happy to see the blonde sitting on one of the chairs, their back against the nurse. Walking towards them, Anna stopped a couple of steps away with a greeting.

“Hello,” she panted as blue eyes roamed to hers. Anna felt her throat clamp up because she didn’t receive a response, only a bored once-over as the blonde returned to tapping their fingers on the table with their head resting in their right hand.

This was obviously not El or Seven. Anna felt awkward, as if she approaching a stranger out-of-nowhere. Clearing her throat kindly, she smiled. “I…I’m Anna. Your, uhm, private nurse during your stay here?”

Seemingly interested, the blonde hummed, staring her hard in the face and Anna could feel every single one of her freckles pop out as she paled under the scrutiny she was receiving.

Whoever this was probably liked what they saw as a smile graced their lips. It was startling how different it was from El’s and Seven’s. This one’s more… well… immodest, superficial. It curled at the edges, a celebrity’s smile she could see on TV, and it reminded her of a bitchy runway model.

Anna couldn’t believe she just called someone a bitch just because of their smile but there was no more apt word to use.

“You don’t look so bad,” the blonde commented, clicking her tongue as she smirked, “Maybe you’d look better with more makeup on, though.”

Anna didn’t know if she should feel offended, and so she just focused on the tone of the blonde, a little higher pitched than the two she knew and a little… squeaky. A shrill laugh brought Anna back in front of her. She jumped, reminded of a teenage drama queen’s amused laughter.

_Wait a minute…_

“It’s just a joke,” she giggled with a roll of the eyes when Anna didn’t answer right away. “Don’t look so sad.”

Anna wasn’t sad. She was busy thinking about the records that she read earlier today. _Could it be Beth? She’s ageless – whatever that meant – right?_

Blue eyes watched her through thick lashes, smile not fading as she waited for a response. “Are you going to say something–” the blonde drawled as her head leaned to the right, “–Nurse Anna?”

_No... she’s definitely using an intimidation tactic teenagers think works… teenager… who could you be?_

Anna lit up in an instant, snapping a hand in front of her. _Right!_

“Are you Lilly?”

That brought upon a change to the blonde’s face. Her smile looked more genuine now, eyes twinkling as her mouth opened in delight. “Oh. My. God. You know me!”

The squeal she let out made Anna chuckle. Lilly held her hands out in excitement and the auburn-haired woman held them in hers.

“Oh God, you have no idea how happy I am,” she told her eagerly, waving a hand in her face as she fanned the non-existent tears in her eyes. “Nobody had ever called me that before!” Lilly blinked, her smile falling flat. “Except that sleazy looking doctor the other day. And Jack.” She brought back her bright smile. “But it’s okay now that you know me. Ahh!”

This was really a curious thing. Here Elizabeth was, a person Anna had seen on more than one occasion, but as she observed the blonde right at that moment, she knew that she’d never met this person before.

It was bizarre. Disbelief still nibbled at her. Anna didn’t know what to think seeing this first-hand, the huge changes that were hard to miss blatantly telling of the oddity of their situation. Lilly _talked_ different. Anna never thought she’d hear Elizabeth talk like an overexcited sassy young lady, but here she was, so different, but still very much the same.

It was a switch in the consciousness and now Lilly stood before her, appreciating the fact that somebody had acknowledged her existence. Her grin was brighter and open as she ushered for Anna to sit beside her with short, quick motions.

Anna regretted implying she was a bitch.

“I like you already,” Lilly confessed and rolled her eyes again with an apologetic grin. “And I think you’re pretty… but you’d look better with makeup!”

Her eye twitched, smile falling slightly as her temper was poked once again, but the blonde looked happy, like really happy as she started going on about good makeup styles that would flatter Anna best. She had to force herself not to show her incredulousness, nodding at her dumbly.

It was the thought that counts, Anna thought, as she listened to the girl’s rambling.

“Ooh, I know,” she paused as she squinted her eyes at Anna, hand hovering before her face. “Warm colours would suit your eyes best, but not the cheap ones ‘cause it’s not going to be that pretty, but yeah, warmer colours. Like brown, maybe gold but not the yellowish one. Burgundy red as eyeshadow would look r _eally_ good on your eyes, though. It would pop more, especially with your hair.” Fingers treaded over Anna’s ponytail, much to the redhead’s amusement. “I _love_ your hair colour! It’s not bright orange like a cat’s but a more of a… rich, deeper one. I’ve never seen anyone with this hair before. Maybe that’s why I think you’re so pretty.” Anna giggled at that. Lilly sighed dreamily, “If only I have hair like that, I’d be walking Victoria’s Secret.”

“But you can, even right now,” Anna found herself saying. The blonde hummed, interested. “I mean, have you seen yourself? You look _gorgeous_. You don’t even need makeup! You could easily push Cara Delevingne off the catwalk.”

Lilly giggled at that, flattered by what she heard as she brushed her hair out of her face. Blonde bangs came right back as she fiddled with strands of platinum. Biting her lips as she smiled, Lilly exclaimed, “Oh, thank you! I’d never gotten a compliment like that before.”

Anna didn’t know if she was being coy or telling the truth, but it was surprising since that was the first thing she noticed when meeting her at Myer’s. She nodded at Lilly, chastising herself that no, this was not the person she met at the café.

This was a different one.

“Well, I’m not pulling your leg. You really are beautiful,” Anna admitted, cheeks reddening slightly.

Lilly smiled wider, shyer as she poked a tongue on the inside of her cheek. “Thank you~”

Anna had definitely got through to Lilly as she received a warm smile from her. She was about to celebrate her victory internally when the doors to the kitchens opened, food carts being wheeled by nurse aides and kitchen staff rolling out in batches.

That reminded her…

“Lilly,” Anna said as she jutted a thumb out, “Food’s already being served. Let’s go back to your room now, okay? So you can have breakfast.”

Making a face, Lilly shook her hands in front of her. “Ew, hospital food.”

“It isn’t bad at all,” she reassured her softly. Lilly hummed noncommittally. “Do you have any requests, then?”

Lilly turned to her fully, mouthing, “Black. Coffee.”

Anna wasn’t expecting that from a teenage girl but she nodded. “Okay, what about anything that could fill you up better? Toast? Eggs and bacon?”

“Isn’t this a hospital?” the blonde asked. “Why are you making it sound like a bed-and-breakfast?”

Shrugging, Anna said, “The patients love them. And we want to make it as if they’re right at home. So? What would you like?”

“Black coffee. Or strong tea.”

“I can pull some strings for you,” she nodded at Lilly once again. “But you also have to eat something else for breakfast.”

Lilly scoffed. “But why?”

Anna considered telling the truth. The blonde looked like she’d appreciate being told the truth. Licking her lips, she explained, “Well, taking medicine on an empty stomach is unadvisable as your new ones are quite stronger than what you had before. To prevent side-effects, you should eat something hearty first.”

It wasn’t a lie. Anna had seen the blonde’s previous medications and they were significantly lower than what was prescribed now. She didn’t know the whole reason why the blonde was there yet – only that she was experiencing more difficulty with everyday life – but she was sure it wasn’t good.

Anna would know in time. She had a month left after all.

“Ugh,” Lilly grumbled. “If I eat, like, right now then Seven would definitely snatch the front seat, _again_.”

“Is that a bad thing?” Anna asked innocently.

Lilly shook her head with a sigh. “No, not really, but he’s got a tight grip on the front, for like, so long and refuses to share the stage. I don’t know when I’ll get to come out again.”

This time, there was no haughtiness in Lilly’s eyes. There’s just sad contemplation, a confession that she knew would hold true over and over again. Anna felt bad for her, thinking about never having the chance to do what she wanted entailed a distinct kind of sadness.

Anna had read about alters feeling constrained when she was doing her assignment and she could see that through on Lilly’s frown. Blue eyes looked at her with a silent plea.

She didn’t know what they were saying.

“Okay,” Anna sighed. “I’ll get you your black coffee _but…_ ”

Lilly waited for her condition. Anna couldn’t help but pat herself for being so good at bribing her patients.

“But…?”

Anna smiled widely. “But you have to do my makeup for me the next time you can.”

Lilly wasn’t expecting that. Anna herself wasn’t in any need of that, too, but she figured that it would make the forlornness in those blue eyes disappear. The blonde’s lip shook before spreading widely, the ends of her lips pressed tight as she agreed to that clause. “Of course!”

One way or the other, Anna succeeded in pulling Lilly back into room 031. Sending a little request as they passed by Mr. Warren, the blonde was appeased as she lied down on the bed.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“What kind of question?” Lilly shot back at her with a raised eyebrow.

Picking up her wayward clipboard, Anna checked their agenda for the day with a bemused smile at the blonde. “What were you doing at the canteen earlier?”

“Oh that. Well, this room’s a bit boring,” Lilly told her bluntly. “Boring wall, boring curtains, boring bed.” She sat up and checked the shelf, mussing up the things resting on it. “Boring books, boring toys, boring…” Blue eyes strayed to the nurse. Anna was suddenly too conscious, expecting herself to be the next boring thing. Unexpectedly, Lilly beamed at her. “Well, you’re here now,” she breathed cheerfully. “At least there’s one interesting thing here with me.”

That was a huge relief. The fear of being boring left Anna as soon as she heard Lilly’s comment. Laughing softly, she sat on the grey sofa, the blonde walking towards her almost immediately.

“So, Nurse Anna,” she started with a smile, “Do you, by any chance, know that tall Asian guy we bumped to on our way here?”

“Who? Mr. Warren?” Anna inquired with a curious gaze, sparing her notes a glance and plucking the pen tucked in the clipboard to begin writing today’s assessment.

“Is that the one who had a cap on who waved goodbye to you?”

She should’ve known it was not the stout, middle-aged man who was kind enough to pick up some coffee for them that Lilly was talking about. Anna gave her a smirk. “Oh, that’s Mr. Tadashi. He’s a nurse aide like Mr. Warren.”

“I like him,” the blonde shamelessly announced, her face contorted in a leer. “He’s hot.”

Anna wanted to laugh, didn’t, and hummed as she diverted the blonde’s attention. “How are you feeling today?”

“Slightly better,” she said, and gasped as she turned to Anna, “Do you think he has a girlfriend?”

Really, Anna had never expected to have this conversation with Elizabeth as the girl literally made heart eyes at the thought of the guy.

_But this is Lilly…_

Anna didn’t know what to feel hearing the blonde gush over another person. Her crush didn’t exactly leave overnight – even if thinking about that made her feel all weird – so it was a bit of a surprise.

Jealousy was it, but not the kind that was irrational. Anna watched as Lilly curled her hair on a finger, haughty smile still on her lips as she sighed love-sickly. In a way, a part of her knew that she still had a chance. Lilly was not really the one that she’d been talking with, anyways.

From the way she held her head up to the minuscule movements she made, Anna could conclude that this was really a stranger she’s hanging out with for the first time.

Good thing Anna liked making new friends.

Finishing her notes as Mr. Warren knocked with Lilly’s coffee, Anna wondered if she should tell her their agenda for the day which only consisted of cognitive therapy with Doctor Pablo at 2:00 pm. The clock showed it was not long before eight, so they still had plenty of time to spare.

Lilly seemed comfortable with her, babbling about what she would do to her room if she got a chance. Her medications were taken without question as she sent Anna a pout. “Nurse Anna.”

Packing up and writing down her charge’s behaviour, Anna raised her eyebrows. “Hmm?”

“Can I wear makeup?”

Anna paused for a second. “Uh, the hospital doesn’t really allow patients to use it unsupervised but I guess since I am here you can.”

“Really?” Lilly clapped her hands joyfully, standing up to give the nurse a hug. The redhead stood frozen in the five-second hug, but she relaxed once she saw the large grin on her face. “Thank you! You’re, like, the best ever.”

“But I don’t think you brought makeup with you.”

Blue eyes blinked. “What? Don’t tell me Seven forgot to bring it all again.” Lilly went to the shelf again, rummaging around for her makeup kit. After books and clothes and toys got rumpled, she gave up with a loud sigh. “It’s not here.”

“Uhm, did you tell… Seven to bring it?”

Talking to a person about another person who happened to live inside the same body as the first person was whack. Then again, Anna was doing it right at this very moment. _I’ve got to get used to this._

“Yes!” Lilly complained as she sat on the floor, brushing her hands on her face. “I swear to God that… that _boy_.”

Anna never heard someone saying the word with so much disdain. She bit her lip to keep from laughing at the obviously frazzled lady.

“What am I going to do now?” she lamented out loud. Actually dramatically so. “How can I take living without my _wondrous_ makeup?”

Her eyes landed on Anna.

The nurse had an inkling of what was going to happen next. Her large doe eyes latched on Anna’s as she pouted cutely, sniffing imaginary tears away.

She was going to be guilt-tripped, Anna was calling it. 

“Nurse Anna?”

_Here it goes…_

“Yes, Lilly?” she patiently asked from where she was sitting on the couch.

“Do you, by any chance, have any I can borrow? I mean, Seven didn’t bring any, and there’s no way I can borrow from anyone else but you.” Blonde lashes fluttered prettily at her. “Just imagine how _bored_ I’ll be without it.” A forced frown decorated Lilly’s lips. “I’ll be _very_ bored.”

_Called it._

“Well,” she breathed out calmly as the blonde expectantly looked at her. “It’s not as nice as what you probably have – actually, I think it’s trash compared to what you have so you’d definitely not like–”

“I’ll take it,” was the breathless answer, bright eyes wide as she nodded excitedly at the nurse. “I don’t care what, I’ll use it.”

“Really?” Anna raised an eyebrow.

Lilly sighed heavily, frown on her face as she thought about the prospect of using less than stellar cosmetics. “Well, as they say, beggars can’t be choosers.”

Tittering at her, Anna decided to give the girl a chance. Turning to stand up, she glanced at the blonde, “I only have a couple though so don’t get your hopes up.” 

Lilly didn’t answer her. Anna guessed she had nothing else to say, but as she looked over to where she was sat, the redhead thought that something was amiss with her silence.

It had been almost an hour since she first met Lilly, but she had never stayed quiet the whole time she was with her. Anna might just be overthinking things, so to assure herself, she walked up to the girl and knelt before her on the floor. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” the blonde answered, but her far-off gaze to the ground wasn’t all that convincing.

Anna tried again. “What are you feeling right now?”

The blonde didn’t look up, just stared at the floor with even breaths. Anna wondered what was happening to the girl right now, and she recalled the texts she had read yesterday.

She looked like she was spacing out, eyes glazed over and face slack. Lilly didn’t respond to her, deaf to her question.

It could be dissociation – a feeling of disconnection from the body or the outside world. Anna expected it to be that, and sat beside her, not talking or touching, but only as a mere spectator, waiting for something to happen.

A couple more seconds passed when the blonde brushed both hands over her face and glance around, looking for something. When she saw Anna beside her, she blinked twice, humming lightly, “Anna?”

“Yes?” she answered, voice sweet and gentle. “Do you need anything?”

Anna was startled as the blonde shook her head, shaking off something the nurse couldn’t see. Blue eyes looked at her mindlessly for a second before the blonde chuckled, “Sorry ‘bout that. I completely blanked out.” Eyes closed themselves tightly and opened wide afterward, a guilty smile on pink lips. “Yep, I have no idea what we’re talking about.”

Though not that apparent, Anna could hear a hint of change in the intonation of the blonde’s voice. It wasn’t telling at all. It wasn’t high-pitched like Lilly’s previous style but it was close to it, this time mixed with something else. Thinking of it, it slightly reminded her of someone’s swagger.

Might have it been a switch?

Anna took a huge guess. “Seven?”

The blonde stared at her, unblinking. A huge yawn broke their eye contact which made Anna’s heart swell with warmth. _How cute._

Actually, her charge wasn’t just cute. Elizabeth _was_ more than pretty. The blonde was, as Anna said earlier, gorgeous enough to be on the runway. Blue eyes stared at her unfocusedly, blinking twice in an attempt to see her better. It was so different from how Anna’s green ones were set oh so securely on the face before her. 

“I don’t even know,” the blonde replied as they (she?) leaned on the shelf beside them, resting a platinum head on the wood.

Anna pressed further, confused. “What do you not know?”

Another yawn. Fingers brushed closed eyes while replying, “I don’t know who’s home.”

 _What?_ It took a second of thinking before Anna realised what was being said. _They don’t know who’s out in the body? Was that possible?_

It was, Anna figured, and it seemed like a normal thing. She guessed there were a few on the stage at the moment, sharing the spotlight. Whoever they were decided to stand up, balancing on their feet unevenly before walking to the unmade bed, slumping at once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> take care and stay safe my dudes! xx


	14. tattletale

**chapter** **ten: tattletale**

It had been three hours and three minutes of waiting outside the Director’s Office.

Before, Anna found herself wandering about the hospital and seeing how everything was and returning there after approximately an hour. It was efficient in passing the time and she could catch up on her favourite patients.

Ian had received her with a large smile last Wednesday, telling her all about the board game Ralph had bought to play with. Anna actually managed to sneak in three rounds before she had to leave, and Ian bid her goodbye with a lovely grin.

On Thursday, she happened upon Merida who was busy bonding with Alice outside to the gardens, both in front of a huge canvas and channelling their inner Van Gogh as they painted to their heart’s content. Alice depicted the largest tree in the garden – a sycamore – complete with the orange sky on the clouds. Unlike the real deal, it was blinding on the canvas, big and warm and hot, as it watched over the garden. Merida decided to painted something from memory. A horse, from what Anna could tell, galloping on a country road. They conversed with the nurse for a while before she realised that with her there, the two girls were against a distraction, and excused herself after a few minutes.

And then came Friday.

Doctor Waldo was almost paged when she saw Mr. Anthony Wilde peering over the gate. It didn’t come to that, though, as the brunet calmly came back inside with Anna’s guidance, telling her how he missed the road – and her – as they entered the building yet again.

Anna always walked the blonde to the Director’s Office. Seven was always the one to make the stroll outside the room to their therapy sessions, and aside from meeting Lilly, it was the highlight of Anna’s days regarding the blonde.

Having an expectation that taking care of Elizabeth would be interesting based on her first day with Lilly was actually a mistake.

She’d never had a patient that was so… so unexciting to be with.

Now, Anna wasn’t trying to be mean. It was just that, seriously, all Elizabeth did was _sleep_. Her early morning with Lilly was a one-time thing as she never went out again. When Anna was checking the blonde, or waking them up for medications, it was always Seven who answered.

And it wasn’t the cool, chill Seven she thought she knew.

Anna wasn’t sure what being a private nurse was but aside from checking on her designated patients, taking care solely of Ian and Merida wasn’t this mind-numbingly boring. The two teenagers were talkers, although not immediately, but they were great company.

 _God,_ she was so tired of watching someone sleep. Having so many questions unanswered regarding her patient threatened to make her brain explode. That was why whenever it was Elizabeth’s therapy sessions with Gran Pabbie, she’d take her sweet time interacting with all the other awake people in the hospital to try and make sense of the anxiety she felt while watching the lump on the mattress lie.

She’d never tell anyone she was bored out of her wits, though, no. _That_ would be mean, and so she watched Seven sleep in the body of Elizabeth and wandered off whenever she had the chance.

Oh boy, oh boy, was she making a huge mistake.

Friday came and the usual happened. Elizabeth’s fatigue was still in full effect. She and Anna stalked to the office with a lazy gait. As soon as she saw that Seven was comfortable in front of Gran Pabbie, off she went to the next wing of the hospital, looking for someone to talk to.

But Mr. Wilde had entertained her to the point that she forgot the time and when she came back to the second floor where the director was, she was surprised to see a confused Gran Pabbie.

According to him, Elizabeth left an hour ago before she came back.

This time Doctor Waldo was paged.

Mrs. Megara stumbled upon Seven on the rooftop, tears on cheeks as he was escorted back to his room. He refused to talk to Anna for the rest of the day. Until this morning, he hadn’t answered her assessments or even looked in her direction.

That was how she knew she made a mistake.

Her thoughts were keeping her busy as she waited the three hours in silence outside the Director’s Office. She couldn’t even think of going away after what happened last week.

Steps echoing on the stairs caught Anna’s attention. He exchanged confused glances with her as he came inside. Minutes later, Anna was met with a down-gazed blonde as Ralph took what seemed to be Seven back to room 031.

“Nurse Anna?”

Snapping up, Gran Pabbie invited her in. A ball of anxiety rolled through Anna as she followed suit, sitting in front of him on the couch with a grim look on his face.

“Seven told me about what happened last Friday,” he said.

“Is he mad?” Anna asked, deflating at the thought. “I swear I didn’t mean to be gone too long. I should’ve been here as you guys finished.”

“Hmm,” Gran Pabbie acknowledged, bobbing his head. “Last Friday, for the first time since Ms. Arendelle arrived here, El came out.”

Anna stared at him, mulling over what he was implying. The doctor gave a half-shrug.

“Nurse Anna,” he started again, more serious this time as he shook with a silent sigh that justified his disappointed stance.

“Yes?” she replied, brows furrowed as she went over his words in her head. El coming out must’ve meant something, right? Anna knew that, but decided to just focus at the doctor for the meantime. The alter that was in the body _right now_ seemed to be upset and it was wise to figure it out as soon as she could before it worsens.

“Do you know what hosts are in terms of Dissociative Identity Disorder?”

Racking her mind for an answer, she came up with, “It’s the personality that’s out most of the time. I, uh, some believed hosts are the core personality.”

The simple answer made him nod. “Correct. That term is believed to be outdated by some through countless discussions, but, for the sake of simplicity, let’s call El the host. Now, what about a protector?”

Anna felt like she was being quizzed and she didn’t know if she had all the right answers but she pushed through, faith wavering. “The protector is an alter who protects the body or other alters from harm or any kind of abuse, perceived or not.”

“Also correct.”

Swallowing the lump on her throat, the redhead waited for him to further explain.

“Now Nurse Anna,” he began again with a frown. “Why do you think, with Ms. Arendelle’s one week stay in Middleton Psychiatric, that the protector was out all the time instead of the host?”

Anna never stopped to think about that. Somehow, she made an assumption that alters could come and go as they pleased.

Which she shouldn’t have made especially with Lilly’s statement on the canteen.

Or the books she read that said otherwise.

When Anna’s guilty silence ensued too long, Gran Pabbie decided to let her off the steamer. “It means the protector thinks they’re in an unstable or unsafe environment.” He checked Anna’s progress notes for the past week for a minute and returned his attention back to her. “Was Ms. Arendelle really sleeping the whole time she was here?”

Hesitantly, she nodded, “I stayed with her all day every day last week. The only times I couldn’t was when you’re in session.”

“Hmm. What about physical activities? None?” Anna shook her head no making the doctor click his tongue. “That won’t do.”

As the doctor studied her notes, the thought of what Seven said about last Friday plagued Anna’s mind. Gran Pabbie said that El came out but when Anna arrived at the rooftop, she knew it was Seven by the way he talked to Mrs. Megara.

Anna wasn’t so sure afterwards, though. The blonde had been all but mute that afternoon. She knew it was because of something she did because Seven, even with sleepy eyes and drowsy voice, talked to her before that accident.

“Was… was El the one who left here last Friday?” 

“Finally, your brain managed to start working. I was scared you’re losing your touch,” Doctor Pablo sighed loudly, sending her a judgemental stare. “It was El. And then, Seven came to the front with her distressed and alone on the rooftop. It was quite jarring for him, especially a protector.”

“Was he mad at me?” Anna repeated her initial question, becoming much more nervous when the doctor _scoffed_.

“What do you think?”

Anna rolled her eyes tiredly. “I think he is.”

It’s obvious he was. Gran Pabbie’s lack of answer said a lot, too, and now she had an angry protector to deal with.

“He… hasn’t answered any of my questions since Friday, and didn’t listen when I told him to take the medicine this morning,” Anna groused. “I don’t know what to do next.”

“Protectors are usually unpredictable,” Gran Pabbie explained at her troubled look. “They would do anything to eliminate a threat even if none exists. The fact that Seven was forcefully triggered out with El crying… well, you can understand his silent treatment. He thought something happened.”

“What should I do?”

Gran Pabbie shrugged, kicking his feet up at the desk. “I suggest you start getting on your knees.”

* * *

Anna walked to room 031 with heavy steps.

Nurse Ralph wasn’t there anymore when she entered, the blonde once again swaddled in the blanket like a burrito.

Fixing this would be hard, especially since Anna had no concrete idea of what she did wrong. She knew she _did_ something bad, but as to what it was, the nurse had no clue.

Maybe it was because Seven thought that she’d left El to wander to herself?

Or what if he thought she was the one who made her cry?

Those were the only thing that came to mind. Anna chose to be the bigger person as she closed the door behind her, repeating a heartfelt apology in her head. A packet of bribe crinkled in her back pocket.

“Seven?”

No answer.

As expected.

Anna approached the lump inside the blanket warily, kneeling on the floor beside the bed. “Seven?”

Placing a hand on the space beside the blonde caused a quick reaction. Scrambling about, rolling in the blanket as he tried to get himself out of the cocoon he made himself. Anna’s hand hovered above the air, not knowing if she should help or not.

At last, the blonde freed himself from the confines and glared at her sharply. “ _What_?”

For someone who was rolling silly just seconds ago, he made for quite an intimidating person. Blonde brows were crossed as Seven tried to shimmy further away from her, the scowl on his face unfamiliar to the redhead. 

He was usually so happy and jolly, but Anna could see what made him the protector. Just from his glance, she was scared that she’d spontaneously combust.

Or get punched like Lukas.

As feminine as the face in front of her was, Seven exuded virility. From the way his forehead was scrunched up, Anna instantly thought of an alpha male trying to daunt an enemy.

Maybe the chocolate chip cookie wouldn’t be enough to calm him down.

“I, uhm,” Anna stuttered as blue eyes drilled holes on her face. “I… I’m sorry.”

“For what?” he bluntly challenged.

Oh, shit. Anna didn’t know what she was apologising for. Winging it, she mumbled, “For leaving you alone last Friday.”

Seven looked like it was what he was hoping to hear but not in a good way. “You’re a nurse, aren’t ya?”

“Yeah,” she meekly answered.

“And you are _our_ private nurse, right?”

Anna didn’t like where this was going. She nodded, biting her lip.

“Then you shouldn’t leave your patients just like that,” he said calmly, but Anna could hear the anger written on his voice. “I mean… it’s alright with me if you were to leave, but I’m not the only one around here.” Inhaling deeply, Seven shook his head. “Y’know what? I agreed with El’s decision to get us locked up here _thinkin’_ that we’d have someone watch our back while we’re doin’ crackhead therapy sessions.”

Taking care of someone who didn’t want to be in a psychiatric hospital was something Anna was used to.

Ms. Ursula certainly didn’t want to be here, of all places. Listening to her curse each and every soul she saw while adjusting – which was a long time – was one of the worst and best moments of her life.

Worst, because seeing someone who felt they didn’t need help was forced to take it involuntarily, and best, because as time passed, the woman was slowly getting to where she was supposed to be, even if she sometimes threw her tray of medicine away or set her bed on fire.

The road to recovery wasn’t something every individual wanted to thread, most likely because a.) it was hard, or b.) they didn’t think they needed it.

The list could go on and on as each individual was different. Sometimes the pain would be too much to face, or sometimes they’d been lost for so long they didn’t know how to find themselves again.

In Elizabeth’s – or Seven’s for that matter – it was still a little bit confusing.

From Seven’s words, he didn’t seem to like the idea of getting admitted, but in the same sentence, he said that _El_ wanted to be.

_How do people have such different opinions about the same thing, especially when they live in the same body?_

But Anna wasn’t supposed to focus on the absurdity of the blonde’s words. She should be thinking of an answer to a subtly livid guy clutching the blanket like he wanted to kill it.

“What if a child comes out?”

Anna blanched, the blood draining from her face. Knowing just a handful about littles – child alters – was a big no-no since she was taking care of someone _with_ DID. Hearing the blonde in front of her lose all hardness in his voice and just look at her with a dejected frown was heart-breaking all the more.

“What if I didn’t come out in time and instead of El on the rooftop, it was a little, huh?” It might have been the way his voice shook, but Anna knew Seven had lost all his anger and was replaced with anxiety. His question wasn’t a rhetorical one. Anna needed to answer.

Child alters, from what Anna knew, processed information just like a regular child would. They were easily frightened, easily manipulated, and the nurse knew how helpless the protector was feeling right now talking to her about it.

In the four days that she was with Elizabeth, Anna didn’t realise that Seven had trusted that much already. Maybe it was because Seven never really left excluding when Lilly came out, but there was already so much trust there.

He let her near him, knowing that he was not the only one that could come around.

There were literally children in the blonde, and just thinking of letting a vulnerable person trudge upon an unfamiliar environment was enough to draw acid to her tongue.

“I have no explanations,” Anna admitted apologetically. “And I have no excuses to have not thought about that. I realised just now that what I did was… very unprofessional and I promise not to do that again.”

Safe as Middleton Psychiatric was, there were still unexpected accidents that could happen. Anna knew that more than the person in front of her did. For a dangerous while, she had thought of the blonde as normal.

Just like the girl she met at Myer’s or the person she went out on a with date at Keaton’s.

Anna had, for the worst part, treated the blonde as a recovering charge instead of an inpatient. She was bored like she’s expecting Seven or El to come out just to talk with her like back then.

She forgot she was dealing with a patient.

A patient dealing with an overwhelming amount of trauma, and even if Anna didn’t know anything about it, she should’ve acted accordingly so.

Hearing Seven talk to her about a little was enlightening. He was _scared_ but jumped in because he thought it would be better for them and coming into a distressed host was probably a red signal to him.

“Did you make El cry?”

Anna shook her head softly. “I… no, I don’t think so. When the session was done, I didn’t get to come back in time and I didn’t have the chance to see her.”

Blue eyes looked at her hard for a second. Anna held her breath as the blonde’s jaw worked itself, grinding teeth against each other as he thought over her answer.

Having an idea what made Seven mad was not a good feeling. Although she didn’t have a concrete reason, Anna knew that the blonde was dealing with everything that was happening inwardly. When Doctor Pablo asked her if she was sure that her charge was sleeping, Anna might have lied.

She couldn’t find herself approaching the blonde candidly, not even professionally. Every time she looked at that blonde head, her mind was racing. She couldn’t stop thinking about Elsa, the child on the vintage cottage, and no amount of logic was enough to convince Anna that no, it wasn’t her fault that she was like _this_.

Anna didn’t want to think about that, wanted to bury the thought in a toxic waste dump.

So she pretended that the blonde was just another patient, but in the way of doing that, she had forgotten she had a duty.

To take care of and help the person recover.

There hadn’t been much of recovering done, and it was not only because of the blonde’s fatigue. Anna had a job to do, but she wasted it introspecting and avoiding work.

Seven finally gave a hint that he was calming down. His gaze turned downward and with a scratch on his neck, he sighed. “Please don’t leave our side again.”

The feeling of guilt resonated deep within her, and she nodded, confused and ashamed by her own emotions. Seven was oblivious to everything happening to her. Justly so. He didn’t seem to recall the little pigtailed ginger at the two-floor house in Sutterton.

It might have been for the best _if_ that was the case. Anna didn’t know for sure – ( _didn’t want to believe_ ) – and it might stay like that for a bit. God knows who Elizabeth Arendelle was.

“I won’t,” Anna guaranteed with a smile. “I promise.”

Standing up from the floor, the auburn-haired nurse still had zero ideas of what was really running on Seven’s head, but at least now, he looked… more secured. Forehead smoothing and lips twitching, Seven’s uncertainty regarding Anna vanished. His countenance improved significantly, suggesting a calmer train of thought.

Reaching out behind her, Anna snatched the bag of cookies on her pocket, offering it to the blonde with a hopeful gaze.

Seven looked at the offering, then back to her, then to the packet once more. “Is that a bribe?”

_Oops._

Well, Anna was bound to be busted one of these days. Pursing her lips, she mumbled, “Well, if you don’t want it then–”

“–If I take it, that don’t mean I’m not mad at you anymore,” Seven grouchily grumbled.

“I’m not saying you _aren’t_.”

Glaring at the mint-flavoured snack, Seven sent her one last obviously-fake glare. “You ain’t gonna tell me what to do _if_ I take it.”

_As if you won’t take it._

Anna smiled innocently. “I’ll never.”

Warily reaching out and grabbing the blue pack, Seven efficiently lost the threatening aura around him. With a poorly-hidden smile, he opened it at once, taking a huge bite that almost took the whole cookie.

“It’s good!” he exclaimed with a mouthful, munching down quickly as Anna laughed at his enthusiasm.

Stretching lazily, a question popped up inside Anna’s mind. With the lighter air around them, she took the plunge. “Seven?”

“Hmm?”

Albeit still too engrossed in his food, she was spared an open glance. He really didn’t look mad anymore, whatnot with steady crunching as crumbs litter his chin.

“Uhm, can I ask if you knew what El was crying about?”

Figuring out if it was because of an outside cause or an inward one was important. Anna waited as Seven swallowed slowly, tilting his head to the side. “That’s what I was wonderin’ about, too.”

“You… don’t know?”

Rolling his eyes, Seven snorted. “We share the same body, not the same brain,” He paused. “Okay, we also share the same brain, but I don’t know what she knows unless, y’know, she tells me.”

Okay. Now Anna was more confused. “How do you talk to each other?”

Anna read of alters speaking to each other on their heads, like a co-conscious thing in which two personas were in the front, making communication a tad bit easier. Some couldn’t communicate with each other inwardly at all and had to use outside means like notes and letters to let the other know what was happening.

Anna had been interested in that since last Wednesday, with the blonde telling her that she had no idea who was up fronting after meeting with Lilly.

It really was an interesting case. Anna still had more to learn

She guessed it was the former with Seven and El and the others. With being so in tune during their date night in the garden – assuming that it was El she met before dinner was served who switched out to Seven – Anna figured they could somehow communicate inwardly.

“Sometimes we can talk to each other, y’know.” He pointed to his forehead, and then shrugged. “But she hadn’t spoken to me for a while so I’m a little worried.”

“Uhm, then why do you think that it was me who made her cry?” Seriously, did Anna look like a sketchy person?

Seven hummed, picking another piece of cookie. “You made her cry the last time I know.”

Huh? Anna didn’t know what he was talking about. She hadn’t seen El ever since she came in the hospi–

_Wait._

“Was that when she told me that… she’d not talk to me for a while?”

“Bingo.” Seven met Anna’s eyes. “She took it hard that you ghosted her before she did.”

Ghosted?! _Anna_ was the one who was ghosted, but she figured it definitely didn’t look like that on the other side. At least, Seven was being humorous about it. Still, she couldn’t help but feel bad.

It wasn’t like what she thought at all.

“Wait… was she the one who was talking to me the whole time?”

“Yep. I mean,” Seven scrunched his nose, “I like you, don’t get me wrong. At first it was me who was textin’ you for the shirt and all buuuuuut,” he burped, “Since she saw you at the garden she was like… infatuated or somethin’.” 

Seven didn’t seem to like what El was feeling as he stuck a tongue out. Meanwhile, Anna’s heart went wild with the prospect.

“Then if she’s the one who liked me,” Anna thought aloud, “Then why won’t she come out? Is she… upset?”

“Probably,” Seven mused with his fourth cookie. “It’s not really ‘bout you, though. I think it has somethin’ to do with what happened last time at Myer’s.”

_So it has nothing to do with me?_

“Pretty much,” he answered, unaffected. “But also, kinda no.”

Anna blinked before realising she said her thought out loud. Biting her tongue as she blushed slightly. “Huh?”

“I think she’s nervous around you. Just a hunch, though.”

The question was why, but Anna doubted he knew that. With all of DID’s eccentricities, was dissociative amnesia. Basically, Seven was a different person from El, and just like he didn’t know what upset her, he wouldn’t know her thoughts.

Anna’s head was starting to hurt.

“Did El come out again today?”

Seven shrugged. “No, I don’t think so. I only talked to Doctor Panda about encouragin’ the other alters to front. Other than that, we didn’t talk ‘bout much.”

_Panda?_

Seven’s words didn’t seem to add up. Anna reckoned being told by Gran Pabbie that he told him about what happened.

Suspicion flaring up, Anna cleared, “Are you saying you didn’t talk about anything with him inside those three hours you were in session?”

Blue eyes blinked at her. “We talked ‘bout the other alters and how to get them to front without forcin’ them. I don’t think we talked ‘bout El… and I don’t think she came out, too. Who knows? Why don’t you ask Panda?”

“ _Pablo_ ,” Anna corrected. “Doctor Pablo.”

“Whatever, Annie,” he smirked as he lied back down on the bed, closing his eyes as he finished his cookies. 

That went better than she thought it would be. Anna thought he’d be… harder to talk with, but it was actually quite easy. Anna nodded at him and stalked to the couch, watching him eat.

“If you want to know what El was thinkin’…” Seven trailed off, “I guess you should ask her yourself.”

“Oh.” Anna didn’t know where the advice came from but she took note of it. “Will you tell me about it if I couldn’t?”

“Nurse A,” he started, looking at her with a sluggish smile. “I ain’t a tattletale.”

* * *

The blonde was playing the harmonica.

Anna wasn’t surprised when the music hit her ears. Soft melody echoed in the room as the lazy afternoon rain fell, clouds hiding the sun away as it always did. With yesterday’s conversation, the nurse and her patient had somehow gotten along better with each other.

Seven was still at the front, and he was still so tired, but with a bit of coaxing from Anna, he was able to stay up for the rest of the day.

Anna even got him to eat outside in the canteen. Perking up, Seven enjoyed his afternoon with her before counselling with Gran Pabbie. Learning her lesson this time, she waited for the blonde to finish. Forcing her patience to last longer hadn’t been easy.

Afterwards, Anna sent the doctor a sharp glare as she was collecting her patient, an action met boldly by the smirking man.

They went back to room 031 after an hour. From what she heard from Seven and the director, there was not much progress happening.

She didn’t know how hard it was but the other alters refused to front. Seven told them that maybe it was because El still hadn’t been back yet. Although her knowledge about DID didn’t explain how that was a significant reason, Anna accepted it.

The guy knew more about their system than Anna did. Who was she to refute anything? She was just a nurse.

But Anna knew that a nurse’s job didn’t stop with taking assessments and making sure the medicine was taken. No, they were also there to ensure healing takes place.

So now, Anna had to take the steps needed with this particular patient. First, building a good relationship.

And what better way to do that than start a conversation.

The blonde was skilled with the instrument, easily shifting through notes with deft fingers, playing continually as the tune tugged at Anna’s memory. She had heard it before, but couldn’t quite identify where.

The song passed like a soft breeze and the sustained notes was mesmerising. Anna closed her eyes, humming alongside the melody. She did know the song, but the title evaded her as the parting notes played and the performance ended.

Anna clapped slowly, receiving a sweet smile in return. “That’s probably the most beautiful thing I’ve heard this month.”

Bowing dramatically, the blonde chuckled. “Thank you. Thank you, milady.”

“When did you learn how to play the harmonica?”

“Just when I was ‘bout… fifteen years old,” Seven boasted with a cheeky grin. He turned to her side of the couch fully, thumbing through the silver instrument. “It was quite hard to practice it since I couldn’t do it all the time… but I did and… now I can play it.”

“Does playing it make you feel good?”

His answer was an instantaneous nod.

Anna smiled at that, musing aloud, “Then maybe you should play it more often.”

“I don’t really have any interest in it, to be honest. The harmonica I mean.”

That made Anna take a step back. Seven was _that_ good, and she knew that to be even okay at playing instruments you would need a lot of time with it. “Then why do you play it?”

Seven rested his head on his propped hand as he stared out the window, eyes faraway. “It helps calm them down.”

“Who?” Anna pressed gently, copying his actions as she leaned her head on the window sill.

She heard a sigh and the smile on his voice. “The people around.”

That could be interpreted both ways. Maybe he was referring to the audience watching him, like Anna, and he _knew_ his music had a certain effect on people. Then again, he might have been talking about his alters, knowing that even if they weren’t solely there, they were around.

“Does it make them happy?” Anna asked, turning her head to him. Seven was still watching the sky fall in drops.

“I hope so.”

Anna hummed, keeping a close eye on the distant blues beside her. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Does making them happy make _you_ happy?”

Her question made Seven frown as he thought deep about the answer, his quiet exhale fogging up the windowpane. There were questions that was never asked before, and Anna knew hers was one of them.

It brought upon a serious thinking face like he wasn’t so sure if he knew himself enough to answer. Seven rumbled with quiet laughter, making Anna raise an eyebrow.

“What’s so funny?”

He shook his head, the tied up platinum on it swaying. “It’s… it’s a fair question.”

“But…?”

Blue eyes met green ones. “But nothing. I think it’s a fair question.”

One that would be left unanswered, Anna knew. The seconds passed as the sky darkened, but Anna’s eyes never left the pale cheek it was transfixed on as the blonde returned to watching the indolent Middleton sky.

From this angle, the blonde looked stress-free. Even when Anna was looking straight at blue eyes, it was the same, but just basing off of her unassuming answer being met with uncertainty, she knew there was more than meets the eye.

The blonde swivelled back to her, lips twitching. “How much time do you have left before you leave?”

Anna checked the clock on the wall abstemiously. “A couple more hours. Maybe seven o’clock.”

A snigger left the blonde. “Do you do much outside of your work?”

She couldn’t help the snort that came out of her. “Sometimes.”

“But not all the time, huh? Is that why you had all the time in the world to talk to El?”

Anna didn’t know what to say to that. Pink nipped at her cheeks, knowing the reason she spent so much time chatting with her was only because she liked the blonde quite immensely. Frankly, Anna wasn’t feeling so tired after a day’s work because talking to her was, well, soothing.

Smirk creeping up on the edges of the blonde’s lips, Seven nodded cheekily. “Do you like El?”

O-kay. That wasn’t what she was expecting to come up next. Flushed cheeks warmed considerably as she composed herself, tearing her gaze away from the blonde. “W-What? Where did that came from?”

“I think you do. Don’t deny it,” Seven taunted smugly. It was every way irritating as it was embarrassing. Anna was looking at the very same features she – as what Seven said – _liked_. How the hell could she even reply to that while looking at blonde with a straight face?!

“Why do you say that?” Anna challenged lightly, thinking of ways to defend herself.

“Mhm,” the blonde replied, staying from where she was staring at the nurse. Invisible sweat dropped on Anna’s neck as her patient smirked at her.

“What made you say that?” she choked out with a forced chuckle. It sounded as fake as it truly was and Anna cringed. Seriously, she was getting insanely worked up as her mind short-circuited.

_Oh shit. What am I even going to say about that? I can’t just say yes, she’s… well, they’re my patients, but saying no would feel wrong because that will be essentially lying… Wait… Am I really thinking about telling him I had a crush on the host?!_

Anna paled. This was getting out of hand, it seemed like.

“Yeah.”

“What do you mean yeah?” she breathed out, glancing at the blonde from the corner of her eyes. “I haven’t said anything.”

“Mhm.”

Anna glared at him, knowing she was getting teased by the guy. It was still so weird that they’re talking about the blonde _herself_ , with a guy who shared the same body as her crush.

Well, actually, if Anna was to think objectively, she _did_ also have a crush on Seven since he was the one she met first.

This was so confusing.

“You’re being incorrigible,” she stated simply, huffing as she returned back to where she was sitting.

“How so?”

Anna blinked at him. “’cause you’re literally bullying me.”

It was the blonde’s turn to blink. “But I… didn’t do anything.”

She wouldn’t have noticed it if it wasn’t for the gentler tinge on the words spoken and the lack of accent marring it. There were no warning signs, no out-of-place blinking, no spacing out. The blonde only exhaled once and then…

And then she sounded completely different.

Frowning, the blonde stared at her, confused. “D-Did I?”

She’d only seen the blonde switch right in front of her three times before. At Keaton’s, during their middle of the night chat, and Lilly on Wednesday morning. Every time there was at least an indication, no matter how discreet.

This time, Seven left undetectably. Anna smiled warmly at her new company. “No. I was just kidding.”

The blonde’s lips crept upward slowly, the tension in those blues leaving.

“I’m Nurse Anna,” she said brightly, introducing herself in case it was somebody who didn’t know her.

Lightly chuckling, the blonde nodded. “I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey you dudes. hope everything's well and everybody's making the right choices :)


	15. visible

**chapter eleven: visible**

“El?” It couldn’t be Seven, obviously. The blonde didn’t show an exaggerated, girlish disposition that could indicate the teenage alter either. It could only mean one thing.

She smiled, hiding behind her lashes as Anna confirmed that, yes, this _was_ El. Anna couldn’t help the grin that came to her as soon as she figured that out. Meeting her again was way overdue. She was glad to see her.

The host was back.

“Hello,” El greeted quietly, still unsure of what to say as she bit her lip. The blonde was shy, that much was evident. Amusing enough, the way blue eyes peeked at the nurse every so often was brave even if their owner wasn’t.

Anna’s beam grew wider. “Hi. How are you feeling?”

“A bit dizzy, but nothing out of the usual,” she said, eyes darting around the room, surveying her new environment. “Are we in…?”

The brain had switched into another identity. Anna knew that the girl in front of her had really no idea where she was right now. The amnesiac walls separating her from Seven or any other alter were high up.

“We’re at Middleton Psychiatric Hospital,” Anna supplied patiently. “In room 031.”

“Oh, I… I think Doctor Pablo told me that already.” Brushing a hand on her face, El asked, “Has it been long?”

Anna didn’t have the answer to that – her hunch was an insecure thought, so she countered with, “When’s the last time you remember?”

“Uhm, I remember… afternoon counselling with Doctor Pablo.” El squinted her eyes briefly, recalling the details. The blonde looked lost in thought before meeting Anna’s eyes once again. “I think I was about to come… here.”

“This room?”

El nodded, blinking a few times as she did so. “Yeah, I think so.”

“Alright.” Anna’s smile was soft, calming. “Were you able to make it here?” Her gentle questioning was going somewhere. Anna knew El didn’t, of course but asking outright inquiries might be considered invasive.

She settled with unassuming ones.

El was rubbing her eye lazily as she yawned. If it wasn’t for her bright orbs looking at Anna so attentively, the nurse would’ve thought the blonde was sleepy. Then again, it was almost evening. Shaking her head, El said, “I don’t think so… I think…” the blonde sighed as she met Anna’s gaze again. “I think somebody else... might… have.”

The blonde sounded as unsure as she looked. Anna took a mental note of everything she heard. Based on her answers, El might not know who she switched to. “Was it Seven?”

“Uh… I don’t know,” she confessed ruefully. The crumpling of her forehead implied El was telling the truth. “I don’t really know most of the time who fronts after or before me.”

Understanding struck the redhead. The walls made sure of that. She nodded, adjusting herself in her seat. Ann let the topic go, wondering all the while who it was that brought them to the rooftop.

There was a bit of wariness in Anna. She’d have to review the blonde’s chart again and attempt to identify this alter. Definitely not Seven if his words yesterday was anything to go by. It could have been Lilly,

Maybe she should ask the director what he thought happened. The other alters refused to switch according to Seven, but maybe whoever it was, woke up confused.

Her heart thumped as she was hit with a thought. _What if it was a little?_

“That’s fine,” Anna smiled through her anxiety. “Are you still dizzy? Do you want to lie down?”

El busied herself staring at the floor as she said no. The blonde had been chewing on her lip for a while now. Anna was actually scared she’d draw blood if she didn’t stop anytime soon.

Catching the blonde’s eye was futile as El’s attention was solely focused on the ground, on the wall, on the window just beside them, everywhere except the space Anna occupied.

The air between the two of them grew heavy, and heavier until the thoughts of their last conversation hit Anna like a truck. Knowing how everything ended up, how _she_ acted, well, it was a cause for shame and discomfort. El didn’t have the opportunity of setting everything right between them the last time she could, and so Anna had to think of ways to make sure she, herself, would.

Because, honestly, if Anna wasn’t such a _bitch_ , then there’d be a chance El could look her straight in the eye.

It’s amazing how with Seven and Lilly in front of her, Anna hadn't thought of their relationship outside of the hospital – if you could call it that – not in-depth anyways. It was always like talking to new people, strangers even. Her butchered up friendship with El only came to the surface when the host returned.

And that was the hard part. Anna was faced with El now, the girl she just so happened to have budding feelings for. She couldn’t help but be conscious of herself, recalling Seven tattling about El’s nervousness around her. That was something Anna couldn’t work with. If her presence made the blonde uneasy, what else could she do?

“ _You should’ve been nicer to her when she told you that she’d have something to do back then_ ,” the devil in her shoulder taunted her. “ _Then you wouldn’t have this problem_.”

On her right, the little angel shook her head, adding, “ _He’s right_.”

Anna breathed heavily, shaking the invisible creatures away. El’s presence was making the redhead uneasy, too. It was more because of the butterflies than anything else. El, however… Anna wasn’t sure what the host thought of her right now.

She sat up straighter but it failed to catch the girl’s attention. Clearing her throat atrociously wasn’t successful in doing so either. El was content with the view of anything else except Anna. The latter leaned back on her seat, feeling a little prickly with the silence.

_Was she dissociating?_

It didn’t seem like it, but what the hell did Anna know? The blonde was avoiding her watchful gaze. The social butterfly in the nurse died at least twice, mounting a pile of obviously stifling air around them.

Not knowing where she was going with this, she leaned closer to where the blonde was looking, trying to catch blue eyes. “Do you want me to go?”

El shot up at that, body jerking back as she stuttered, “W-What? Why?”

_Finally!_

Anna resisted the urge to smile. Rubbing her nape, she shrugged. “Are you uncomfortable with me? Do you want to–”

“No!” El yelped, shaking her head before coming back to herself and adding quietly, “I, uh, I don’t want you to go.”

Anna didn’t want to go, either. With a smile, she relaxed, even if just a little, but the silence came back afterwards. Blue eyes dropped to the white tiled floor and Anna was boring holes into a blonde head.

This was harder than what Anna thought it would be.

She wanted to talk to the blonde, but the words kept getting stuck in her throat. The imaginary creatures on her shoulders were right. It was _kinda_ her fault. Not that she could be blamed, but still. She should apologise. Really. Just clear the air between them by admitting that she was wrong and that she shouldn’t have–

“I’m sorry.”

Anna snapped her head so fast she was sure she experienced whiplash. Just when she was starting to second-guess what she heard, the blonde looked up to her slowly. So slow, Anna could count the seconds as they passed by.

“I’m sorry,” El repeated, blue eyes wide with guilt, sighing deeply. “I didn’t mean to leave you hanging.”

And what was Anna supposed to answer to that? The blonde didn’t owe her any explanation, especially now that the redhead fatefully knew what it was that the woman was busy with. It wasn’t a nice reunion at all. Not something anyone could have expected.

“You don’t have to apologise,” Anna started gently, because, really, El _didn’t_ have to. “I… was hurt, yeah. That’s why I didn’t answer your texts but…”

But meeting her as she was getting admitted was enough of a reason for Anna to start taking back every bad thought she made about Elizabeth and enough for her to kick herself in the ass each time she saw the blonde.

Especially now as she talked to El.

The blonde didn’t want to lose contact with her. She knew it from the numerous texts and calls she received. If Anna only had stopped for a second to think, it wouldn’t have ended there. But it was too late for regrets, she figured. Hopefully, Anna could make it right.

Anna wanted to make it right.

“–but I realised how stupid I was for just ignoring you like that.”

El swallowed, shaky breath leaving her body. “I… I couldn’t tell you about this… the way you saw me would change.” Sadness swum in her eyes. “And it did.”

In a way, she was right. Anna’s view of the blonde had changed. El’s condition guaranteed that – but that was not her patient’s fault in the slightest. None of these were. That fact only made Anna feel ashamed of her response. Nervous eyes surveyed her face, an action that warmed Anna’s heart due to its tenderness.

“It did,” she confirmed. The blonde flinched at that. Anna continued quickly, “But not in the way you think it did.”

El was at a loss of words, brows drawing together slightly. Blue eyes stared dolefully at her, puzzled. Anna just shrugged, offering the best smile she could muster.

“W-What do you mean?”

“What I mean is,” green eyes turned coy, “it’s not that important.”

That caused the blonde to deflate. “I don’t think that it isn’t important.”

The way El was glancing at her – skittish like an untamed cat – Anna could tell that the girl really was curious about what she had to say. Wary, yes, but there was a certain kind of warmth and emotion behind those blues. It was one Anna had never seen before, not on Seven or Lilly. By chance, it made a sense of hope pop inside her chest and struck a dizzy spell in her head.

“Actually, it isn’t,” Anna reinstated, quieter, but made no further arguments.

It just wasn’t. The nurse in her was rousing, not a crush or a childhood friend could lull it back to sleep. Although overdue, her sense of duty was being poked awake.

It was not important what Anna thought or meant. It was irrelevant, insignificant. What was important was for the blonde to get better, here in Middleton Psychiatric or anywhere in the world, and Anna, as her nurse, had to make sure of that.

Call it a little happenstance – or a fucked up saviour complex – but Anna was more invested in what could happen than what did. With the way El was looking at her, a little baffled and a little mesmerised, her opinion only got louder.

_Take that angel and devil sitting on my shoulders._

Anna’s guilt could only go so long, deciding right now to focus on her patient’s condition was better than anything she could come up with. El’s eyes, although still as beautiful as ever, held something Seven or Lilly didn’t.

Anna had seen it countless times on the patients she’d known. There was this gravity, this complication that lied within it. It might’ve taken steady eye-contact with the host herself, but their situation right now was sinking in.

When El realised that Anna wouldn’t clarify what she meant, she sighed, rubbing along her arm as she resigned herself to never knowing. “If you say so… but still, I should’ve told you something.” Anna kept perking up with every word she said. The blonde took a deep breath. “I… am here, uhm, because I–”

“You don’t have to tell me anything,” Anna swiftly interjected with a shake of the head. That’s definitely a conversation for another day. “I… you don’t owe me anything. Really.”

“But I do.”

Anna’s eyebrows climbed up, El was certainty shining through the words she was speaking.

She could see where the girl was coming from. In fact, Anna was sure that it was the same place she had been. This could get complicated really quickly. She had to make sure it wouldn’t be, even if a little part of her didn’t want to.

Having your crush as your patient sucks.

“Then do this,” Anna began, grabbing the blonde’s interest. “Tell me about it when you’re really sure you want me to know.”

El considered her for a moment, studying her green eyes cautiously before a giggle escaped from her. Anna smiled inquiringly at that.

“Aren’t you, my nurse? I think you should be overly interested in what made me end up here, of all places.”

That cheeky grin was what Anna remembered best. Laughing lowly, she moved up her shoulders. “I’m _just_ your nurse. I think that’s Doctor Pablo’s field of expertise.” But after a second, she seriously added, “If you’re going to tell me, then I want it to be because you trust me, not because you think you owe me an explanation.”

“As a friend?” El asked tentatively.

Anna shook her head, a wistful smile on her lips. “As someone who could help you.”

* * *

Taking care of the blonde was more exciting now.

Anna shouldn’t have been thinking of work as something either boring or exciting, but really, her life _was_ the hospital. Being professional even in her own mind wasn’t something she could do, as good of a nurse as she was.

So she looked forward to the little things. At least now, even if the blonde spent most of her time still tired, her patient was more interactive.

On the day El returned, Anna went home with a giddy fluttering in her chest. Of course, she did remember her decision of focusing on the blonde with more professionalism than she used to, but seeing Elizabeth, may it be El or someone else fronting, was turning to be her favourite part of her job.

If she was going to be truthful, then maybe it was because El hadn’t switched yet again. She figured it was because she felt better now, more comfortable, that her alters weren’t making an appearance.

Anna was happy with herself. She thought the host was well now, but as she and El walked back from a stroll from the gardens today, Lilly came out and went after a flustered Tadashi. The teenaged girl spent the rest of the day talking to him, and Anna wondered what brought upon a switch when El was happily talking to her about Mr. Wilde’s latest antics.

Learning more about her charge wasn’t always easy. Just when Anna thought she had it all figured out, it was different from what she believed.

“What about Seven?”

Right at the moment, Anna was doing her weekly report in the Director’s office. The doctor was busy jotting down notes as he asked the nurse for the things she’d observed over the blonde’s stay.

“If I recall correctly, Lilly was wary about eating breakfast once because she said that Seven would ‘snatch the front’. I think food is a positive trigger for him.” Anna pressed her lips in thought. “But since Wednesday, when El has eaten, she hasn’t really switched to him.”

“Alters don’t come out in a fixed manner,” he told her. “Triggers, even positive ones don’t work all the time. It has something to do with chance or the overall emotion of the system, that brings about switches. Stress is one thing for certain but also are other feelings. If the system had a complete manual of everything that could trigger a switch, then people with the disorder wouldn’t have much stress handling it.”

“Does that mean that even if there’s nothing notable happening different alters could still front?”

Grand Pabbie looked up to her from where he was writing, giving her a measured stare. “Yes. You can’t expect a system to work without the other would you?”

Anna never thought of the system as that way. She figured that alters take on roles the host didn’t want to deal with. “But the whole system exists to protect the host, doesn’t it? So if there was no stress or problem happening outside then… they wouldn’t have to switch.”

“Nurse Anna,” the doctor started, clicking his tongue. “It doesn’t really work that way. Although it is similar, the system doesn’t revolve around the host. Alters are individual parts of the self, not an extra or an armour made to shield away the world. Their role is to assure the system function at its best. Technically, the host is also an alter. They’re just meant to face the everyday part of life.” He gave her a weighty nod. “The host is a part of the system, not the whole.”

Certain that an alter could only come out when triggered, Anna was proved wrong once again. Still, she was feeling better now that El felt secure enough to come back.

“Is it true that the fatigue happens because of recurrent switches?”

She had thought over Ralph’s words from before. Researching it through her texts didn’t tell much. The discourse online was something that she hadn’t finished yet. Studies showed when an individual’s brain had to change to different phases when switching. It could cause the body to react accordingly.

“When switches happen, the fight-or-flight response is most often triggered. The brain processing the information takes time. Due to the course it undertakes, more stress is added to it, probably causing exhaustion. Is Ms. Arendelle still bed-ridden until now?”

Anna shook her head, tickled by the choice of words he used. “El still complains about being tired all the time, but she wasn’t spending all day sleeping anymore.”

“That’s good,” he remarked with a smile. “We’ll just have to work down to where the problem lies and we could finally make progress soon.”

As Anna left Doctor Pablo’s office, the downward turn of her lips was apparent. Did he mean that there wasn’t much progress was happening?”

El didn’t really show much distress, although that could be attributed to her being the host and an Apparent Normal Part.

That meant that she didn’t have traumatic memories. Anna weakened as she thought about it. The blonde’s stay at Middleton Psychiatric was already half done its course. Nothing had been resolved yet.

Maybe she shouldn’t have interrupted El when she was about to tell her the reason she was here. Anna couldn’t very well ask Doctor Pablo outright, her words to the blonde would be obsolete if she did so.

The redhead just had to think of ways to figure it out, and soon.

The outpour of evening rain outside was making Anna more lethargic as she changed her clothes. It was Friday, which meant that Anna wouldn’t see the blonde for another two days. This time last week, she was sweltering due to Seven’s silence, dreading the next Monday to come, but as she put on her shoes lazily, she wished it would come quicker than ever.

“I wonder why she’s acting like she’s the heroine of a coming-of-age film. Right during the scene where she’d have to leave her love interest which she met, like, a day ago.”

Anna’s ear prickled, sniffing loudly as she placed her phone back on her bag.

“I know right. Days ago she was wilting because the Keaton girl broke up with her and now she’s looking more in love, like a sad puppy waiting for her princess.”

“Do you think they reconciled?”

“Maybe. It’d be a miracle if she told us anything, though.”

Anna closed her locker door, glaring at her friends from the corner of her eyes. “I can hear you.”

“That’s the point, banana,” Cassandra rolled her eyes.

Anna’s friends could be such dunces sometimes. She turned around, unamused. “And what for?”

“For you to at least consider telling us what’s up with you these past days,” Tiana provided with a smirk of her own. With their shift over, they, once again, met on the four walls of their locker room.

They weren’t alone though.

Silently listening to their conversation were their new colleagues. Ella, Ariel, and Mulan were smiling at them from across the room as they, too, packed up for the day.

They were a nice addition to their growing family. Their three new nurses were still adjusting to their new life but seeing new faces aside from familiar ones was enough for Anna to welcome them with open arms.

But not like this, though. Blowing through her nose, Anna tried to wave the statement off. “Psh, there’s nothing _up_ with me,” she huffed, “I think boredom has incapacitated your judgement skills and now you’re making rumours up.”

“As if I’ll ever be Nurse Herc,” the curly-haired woman retorted. “But seriously, Anna, what’s up with the,” she gestured to her face, “I’m-so-in-love-but-the-world-couldn’t-know eyes?”

That was, quite frankly, bullshit. Anna _did_ not have a lovesick look in her eyes. Worried, maybe. Loathing to leave, possible. But so-in-love eyes? Nope, not a chance.

“What do you know about love?” Anna scoffed making the other woman gape at her.

“You’ve gotten better at avoiding our questions!” Tiana exclaimed, “That girl must be changing you. The changes are blatantly visible.”

Groaning to herself, she ignored her old friends and decided to change the conversation by talking to the other redhead in the room. She heard Cassandra mumbling about how _not_ fun she was being but she paid it no mind.

“Ariel,” Anna chirped, “Did you get to tell Mrs. Meg about Ms. Ursula?”

Their patient had developed an antagonistic attitude towards the new nurse. Ariel had told her about it just a few days ago. Anna had advised the woman to tell the Head Nurse so she could change turns with anyone available when dealing with the woman.

Ariel nodded at her, smiling gratefully as she replied, “Yes. Thank you for telling me about it. I would’ve just sucked it up if you didn’t but my days are actually easier now, thanks to that.”

“Actually,” the blonde in their group piped up. “She pussied out and told me to tell Mrs. Megara about it.” She gave a pointed look to Ariel. “So I should be thanked also.”

That got chuckles to erupt in the room. With a teasing tone, Mulan added, “I’m sure you were quite nervous, too, so maybe the both of you should just stay quiet.”

“Ha!” Cassandra wheezed, clapping her hands and pointing to the brunette joyfully. “I like you, Mu, you’re exactly my twin-soul.”

As the short-haired girl crossed the room, she met Mulan with a high five, much to the discontent of the two girls.

“Alrighty then,” Ariel rolled her eyes. “We’re sorry we’re not a buff gym rat that’s not scared of anything or anyone in this hospital.”

“Well, it’s not like you should be.” Anna gave her a _look_. “There’s nothing to be afraid of in this hospital.”

Especially not the patients. Although troubled and unpredictable, Anna knew fear would only serve as a hindrance to the healing process. For healing to take place, it needed to be in an environment where it could be done so freely, wholeheartedly by the patient and their carer.

“It’s not like it could be avoided, Anna,” Tiana mused out loud. “They’re new, still getting used to everything. It takes time before they feel comfortable around here.”

Anna nodded, seeing her point. “Well, you got a point there.”

“Not everybody could be like you, Nurse Laurent,” Cassandra jibed, tossing an arm over her shoulder. “Give the newbies a break.”

“Yeah, right.” Anna laughed at her silliness.

Ella looked between the two, curious as to what Cassandra was talking about. “What does being someone like Nurse Anna mean?”

“Fearless,” Tiana replied immediately without thought. “Jumping head-first into anything no matter what’s happening.”

“Friendly as fuck enough to tame Cruella the Devil,” Cassandra mentioned.

“Nice to everyone and anyone.”

A smirk. “Crazily determined.”

“Unbelievably hard-headed.”

“Stupidly optimistic.”

“Hey!” Anna interrupted with a frown. “That’s just nicely-phrased insults now.”

“We haven’t said one bad thing,” Tiana fluttered her eyelashes at her innocently. “You’re jumping into conclusions.”

Their new colleagues laughed at their antics. Anna pouted, sliding away from Cassandra’s half-hug and returning to her locker to continue organising it. “Whatever.”

The girls went back to their previous occupations. It was getting later and the outpour of the rain wasn’t even nearing its end. None of the nurses wanted to try their luck on the storm brewing outside and so, the light conversations they were having kept them company as they waited for it to stop.

At one point, Mulan sat next to Anna, giving her a bewildered look.

“How the hell did you tame Ms. de Vil?”

Anna giggled at the incredulous expression on her face, folding her scrubs neatly in place. “By not thinking of ‘taming’ anyone.”

“She threw her plate of food to my face the other day,” Tiana shared with a poorly hidden scowl. “If that’s just your secret, she would’ve been nicer to me by now.”

The hospital, even if they’d tried their best to transform it into a safe space, was not always a fun place. Anna felt bad for her friend, knowing that sometimes things could get stressful, if not outright tiring. Cruella had always been one of their difficult patients and until now, Anna didn’t know what she was doing differently than the rest to earn at least a spoon of respect from the older patient.

Anna sighed dejectedly, not knowing what to reply to the nurse’s grievances.

“You’re just plain unlikable, Ti,” Cassandra tried to lighten the mood from beside her locker. “Don’t take it personally.”

“Hardy har. As if you’re any different,” the girl sassed back.

“At least I don’t complain about it.”

“Well, not everyone could take care of a sweet little angel that looks like a Hollywood actress, can we?”

Anna, for the most part, didn’t think the statement pertained to her as she listened along, but Cassandra was quick to let her know it was by pushing her on the shoulder roughly, whispering loudly, “So what’s up with your new charge, Nurse Anna? She seemed pretty normal to me. And that face,” she whistled, “Well that’s what you call a bombshell.”

Credits to the auburn-haired woman, she didn’t actually make any obnoxious outward reactions with what Cassandra said even if her heart went crazy at the mention of her charge. Her movements just stilled, not liking that the attention turned to her blonde patient.

She didn’t answer, opting to send a shrug to the teasing. Cassandra poked her again in the shoulder, sighing dramatically. “Okay. I know you’re pissed that we won’t leave you alone about the Keaton girl and all that shit, but please, that’s no excuse to withhold information from us.”

“Yeah,” Mulan piped up, “Although I remember code Waldo being called because of her last week, right?”

Anna had never really been a stuck-up bitch that acted like she had more upstanding morals than the next nurse out there. She had talked shit behind patients’ back, too, in this exact room with the people she was with, but the information, as Cassandra called it, regarding Elizabeth and the system was lodged firmly in her throat with no means of getting out.

In a way, Anna didn’t want to share the blonde with anyone else, so she gave her friend a blank look. “I don’t know. We don’t really talk that much.”

“As if,” Tiana scoffed. “You don’t even spend lunch with us anymore. You’re glued to her side all thirteen hours of your shift. What, is she combustible that you need to be there for her _all the time_?”

“That’s literally my job, Ti,” Anna defended herself.

“Is it because she’s hot?”

Anna blinked at the smug look in the nurse’s face, disbelief in hers.

_Unbelievable._

But not unexpected. An alarming amount of reasons piled up on the end of her tongue, thinking of ways to shut down the harmless joking.

Opening her mouth, she stuttered, “Well, not everything is–”

The door slammed open, banging on the wall and interrupting the pathetic excuse she was starting. All heads turned to the gate crasher, the room hushing as they scrutinise their surprise guest.

Wearing a brown jacket Anna was so familiar with, their visitor took one sweep of the room, blue eyes landing finally on the green-eyed girl sitting by the lockers.

Arriving like she was summoned randomly, the blonde, barefoot and with perfectly braided hair, entered the room, stopping in front of her gaping nurse with a devilish grin.

“Hi, Nurse Anna!” a high-pitched voice greeted her, “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

Taking advantage of the surprised nurses, the blonde squeezed herself between Mulan and Anna, studying briefly the faces in the room as she scoffed, “ _God_ , it’s a boob-fest in here.”

Anna shut her mouth with a click. “Lilly?”

So she hadn’t left yet. Or slept. Her afternoon after-sessions was spent with Lilly. After managing to pull the blonde’s claws out from a suspiciously entertained Tadashi, she swore that she was a bit successful in putting her to bed already.

Okay, that was possibly an hour prior, but that was ample time for the hyperactive alter to calm down and sleep, right?

Especially since it was already 8:30. Their residents were asleep by this time.

Well, except for Lilly that was.

“Yes, hello,” the blonde replied to her, grinning from ear-to-ear. She didn’t look sleepy, not one bit.

She should ask her a lot of things. For one, maybe ‘what are you doing here?’. ‘How did you manage to get here?’ was another. ‘Are you okay?’ was a safe one.

Instead, Anna blurted, “Why are you barefoot?”

The nurse could hear the collective blinking of her colleagues and the need to hit her face with her palm grew. Lilly looked at her sceptically then peeked at her feet with a puzzled expression. “Oh, I didn’t notice.”

As the girl eyed the other nurses in the room, her face brightened upon seeing Tiana, leaving the dumbfounded redhead on the bench. “ _Oh my God_ , your eyeshadow game is _so_ a-mazing.”

Tiana blinked before realising what she was being told. She giggled, brushing her hair to the side of her face. “Thank you, uh, Lilly.”

“What are you using, pray tell,” the blonde asked kindly, genuinely examining the artwork drawn on Tiana’s face.

“Uhm.” The woman’s eyes flitted to the patient in front of her and to the gobsmacked private nurse on her side. “Stila Matte, I think.”

The blonde’s face grew brighter at that. “That’s actually wonderful! Can I borrow it?”

With slight hesitation, Tiana obliged and reached to the locker behind her. Anna, having come out of her stupor, gently approached the blonde with a hand on her arm. “Lilly? What are you doing here?”

“I was looking for you…” she trailed off, stopping with a frown on her face as she exhaled heavily. “Yeah, I _was_ looking for you.”

“You’re not supposed to be here,” Anna said, chiding gently. “C’mon, let’s go back to your room.”

Gripping the blonde’s arms softly, she tried to steer her patient away from Tiana. Rolling her eyes, the blonde snatched it back harshly, “I’m seventeen now, Nurse Anna. I don’t have bedtimes.”

“You’ve been seventeen for a long while,” Anna rebutted, “C’mon. Let’s go.”

“No,” she whined, looking around to the pairs of eyes watching them from the side-lines uncomfortably. “I’m still talking to Ms. Gorgeous over here.”

At the subtle yet strong resistance against her, Anna conceded, noticing the widening of blue eyes and what it could mean.

Tiana came to Anna’s rescue in a second. Holding the palette to the blonde with a warm smile, she said, “Don’t worry. You can return it tomorrow if you want.”

Lilly gasped, the twinkle in her eyes returning. “Really?”

“Really,” Tiana confirmed.

With a squeal, Lilly gave the nurse a hug and retracted back swiftly. “ _Thank you,_ thank you! You’re the best!”

Anna successfully dragged her patient back to her room after that, not without the blonde taking _her_ makeup kit and essentially shutting the door on her face as they reached 031.

Lilly was starting to interest her, that was for sure. Her eyebrows were stuck in her forehead as she chuckled at the door. Poking her head back in a minute later, she saw the blonde silently humming to herself as she applied lipstick from her bed, her smile visible from the small rounded mirror on her hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, my dudes! I totally didn't take a break from updating, swear! There's just these two hugearsed storms the past two weeks and.... yeah. Shout out to SheAlwaysDIes, my beautiful, wonderful editor, thank you so much for the work you've put in here. I appreciate it more than I could ever say. My dude AR, advanced apologies because unfortunately this ain't the chapter (it's the next one :( ) 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who reads AMGA and I hope you enjoy this chapter! The second arc's coming to town soon so there's that to look forward to (or be scared of)! Hope everyone's safe and choosing the best for themselves! cheers xx


	16. phases of the moon

**chapter xii: phases of the moon**

Saturday and Sunday went by like a blur. It might have been because Anna had done nothing but sleep on her bed as the storm beat through the weekend and seeped into Monday like a curse that couldn’t be lifted.

That was the only possible reason as to why Middleton never experienced a sunny day. A witch had probably been laid to rest here and the whole town was cursed forever with rain. Thankfully, between now and then, Anna had called her insurance about her window and was now driving uncaringly of the heavy drops that spilled torrentially.

Sweet old Middleton was on its fourth day of heavy rainfall. At least back then, the showers falling from the sky knew how to stop every once in a while, but now, when the sun was supposed to peek over the horizon, there were no golden skies.

Just cold grizzly mornings.

After getting her shoes wet as she ran for a cup of Myer’s, Anna had somehow felt worse and better at the same time. Looking forward to seeing her patient, she sprinted all the way from the parking lot to the building with an umbrella over her head.

Almost slipping on the tiled floor, the nurse made her way to the locker room with no additional incidents, only thinking about the mess the grumpy janitor would grumble about later. Knowing him, he’d immediately know the streaks of mud on the floor were hers.

She passed Mrs. Megara doing the rounds as she made her way to room 031. The Head Nurse gave an amused glance. Anna realised it was because she was unknowingly skipping her way to the blonde’s room and forced herself to slow down.

_Could you be more obvious?_

Anna knew the answer to that was yes. It took endless taunting from Tia and Cass, but Anna figured out where they were coming from. The smile on her face was permanently fixed on her and although invisible to the eye, she felt better, jollier.

If it was because of her blonde charge, Anna didn’t care to find out, content with her mood’s stable state.

_Knock knock kno-knock knock._

Twisting the doorknob carefully, Anna wondered why she thought her charge would be awake at that time. Add the early hour to the grouchy weather outside, it was definite that no residents of Middleton Psychiatric would be up yet.

Head resting lightly on the pillow with the blanket draped around the blonde’s form, her patient slept peacefully. The face full of makeup was astounding, still perfect even with a night’s sleep, and she knew it was definitely courtesy of Lilly. Anna thought about if she had been the one out all weekend before checking out what she missed.

The room was pristinely clean in its condition. Not one object was amiss at first glance. Squinting through the slightly dim light, Anna took out all the blonde’s stuff and put it back on the shelf again, inspecting for contrabands or any other object that could mean harm that might’ve ended up there in her two-day absence.

Her makeup kit alongside Tiana’s palette was sitting on the bedside table tidily. Anna never pegged Lilly for the organised one in the system, but it seemed she was.

Arriving last week wasn’t anything like this. The room was… a little messier than it was now. As what her memory served, there was chewed-up bread hiding on the shelf – well, technically it wasn’t hidden since it was the first thing Anna saw when she entered the room last Monday. Additionally, the throw pillows that were supposed to be on the couch were on the windowsill haphazardly. The shelf was in slight disarray, with clean clothes on the floor and the hospital room looking like a university student’s flat.

Truthfully, if Anna was going to stop downplaying it, the room had been a real mess and it was alarming. It was definitely Seven’s fault, though, a thought that tickled the nurse’s humour.

Thinking of the blonde as three different people was inexplicable. Anna knew, to an extent, that only one person could have done everything her patient was doing. It was the same body after all, but the differences in the way the alters acted were so telling. It was hard to deny that it couldn’t be the work of a single individual.

Anna was mystified about how well she handled it, with it being taking care of someone as complicated as the blonde was. Her inexperience was topped with ignorance. She wasn’t sure how she spent two weeks without doing anything horribly wrong.

Maybe it was because she was a people person. If she didn’t have her mouth itching to talk every five seconds, she guessed she would take this quite hard, but Elizabeth’s system were talkers, too.

Even the calmest one, El – _God,_ especially El. Her eyes naturally gravitated towards the blonde cozied up on the bed. There was just something about her that pulled Anna in.

It took ten whole seconds of Anna staring at her charge before blue eyes blearily opened, orbs clouded with sleep focused on the pillow before them.

“Good morning,” Anna chirped cheerfully.

Which proved to be the wrong way to greet someone who had just woken up as the blonde _jolted_ in place. Arms flailed around the air as whoever it was tried to swat away an invisible opponent. Anna didn’t move from her position on the floor, letting blue eyes recognise her as she smiled contritely.

When they did, the blonde let out a huge puff of air, holding their chest with a glare. “Holy _shit_. I thought I was bein’ murdered.” There were remnants of smoke coming out of red ears. A loud groan of complaint soon followed. “I had a fuckin’ heart attack, Annie.”

 _Annie, huh?_ The redhead was actually surprised that it was Seven. Maybe they’d switched off when they were sleeping, but Anna was sure that it was definitely not him who’d been out over the weekend.

Little things to ponder upon. Anna grimaced at scaring the blonde, meeting the complaint with a scratch in the head. “I’m sorry about that. Next time I’ll… be… less loud.”

“You better,” Seven yawned, relaxing again and lying back on the bed. “You’re here early.”

Anna tittered at the remark, glancing at the clock on the wall. “Actually, I’m just in time. It’s already seven.”

He made a noncommittal sound.

Picking up her clipboard, Anna approached the blonde unhurriedly. “How are you today?”

“My heart’s beatin’ like a drum.” _Thanks to you_ , Anna heard the unspoken reproach.

“Headaches?”

“Never really goes away.”

“Compared to the other days you’re out, is anything different?”

“Nope.”

“Are you having any confusing thoughts that you want to tell me?”

“None.”

“Anything that happened over the weekend I should know about?”

“’dunno,” Seven harrumphed. “I didn’t even know it was Monday already. Last thin’ was… Tuesday… I think.”

_Not the one out on the weekends._

Scribbling down his answers, Anna clicked her pen shut. There was no use asking more questions when the person didn't know anything about the past two days.

_And he seemed a bit prickly today. Must have been the scare._

“Do you have any requests for breakfast?” Anna asked sweetly. That got a blue eye to peek at her from under the pillow.

Seven looked at the window for a second and returned to her with an unintelligible request, voice muffled.

“Can you repeat that?” Smiling at the child-like act, Anna stepped closer to him.

Fingers clutching the white pillow on his face, he repeated, clearer yet softer and still as quiet. “Maybe… can you give me a hot chocolate?”

Anna might’ve met Seven just weeks ago, but he was the one she knew best after spending the first week with him. He was made with rounded edges, fun to be around, but there was just this boyish glee surrounding the things he did and a hardness in the way his eyes twinkled. It was the protector in him, ready to jump anytime he was needed.

Although usually a charming guy, Seven, right of the bat, exuded a certain aura that reminded Anna of the calm before a storm. A warning. And if she recalled correctly, he was also the lightning that would strike soon after.

She could see it from the way he talked to her the previous Monday and in the sharp glint in his eyes before recognition set in a while ago. He was brash and bold like the man he was supposed to be, voice loud or uninterested or careless.

He _never_ spoke like this.

Anna sighed, smiling. “Of course. What about anything else?”

The blonde looked at her warily for seconds, eyes shy as they flew back and forth. “No, thank you.”

This was definitely not Seven nor any of the alter she’d met. Anna nodded at her patient, stepping closer towards the blonde slowly. “Do you know who I am?”

Anna was expecting the new persona to tell her no but as blue eyes stayed longer on her face, a huge smile appeared thereafter. “You’re the girl from the laptop!”

Gears turning quickly in her head, Anna searched her memories to figure out what the blonde was talking about. It took a second before it clicked and the nurse remembered the loud greeting she received on her late-night call with El that ended so suddenly that one time.

“I am,” Anna replied, adding sugar to her tone as she assumed the alter that was talking to her was significantly younger than she was. “Do you know where you are?”

Pouting, the blonde said no. Anna took a moment to process the absolutely adorable image in front of her before coming back to herself. “You’re at a hospital in Middleton,” she began, deciding against telling the seeming child about the kind of facility they’re in, “I’m Nurse Anna. I’ll take care of you while you stay here.”

Relaxing a little, blonde eyebrows scrunched up, looking around them. “Where’s Jack?”

Anna didn’t know where Jack was. He must have been their previous nurse, maybe caregiver. That was maybe the reason he was always around the blonde whenever she saw El or Seven. As gently as she could, Anna explained, “He’s not here. In the meantime, I will be the one to take care of you. Is that okay?”

Thinking about it only lasted five seconds before the blonde head bobbed up and down. “Yes!”

“That’s great,” Anna grinned. “Can you tell me your name?”

“I’m Olaf!” the child introduced himself – _Olaf was a boy’s name, right?_ – and sat up to give her a greeting, embracing the nurse tightly, words somehow smaller, _younger_. “And I like warm hugs.”

Anna chuckled at that, rubbing the blonde’s back as the smell of something nostalgic hit her. When her charge pulled back, she was sure her eyes were clouded over, chasing over the mint and pine in her nose. “Well hello, Olaf. Do you want me to get your hot chocolate now?”

“Mhmm,” was the jolly reply. “Please. Thank you!”

Anna was about to turn around and rush to the kitchens but she stopped a nanosecond later.

Leaving a child didn’t feel right. It didn’t sit well with her and as the blonde lost every sense of wariness in… his persona, he stood up and picked up the stuffed rabbit on the shelf, addressing it like an old, beloved companion. Anna decided that she wouldn’t.

“Olaf?”

“Hmm?” the child answered, hugging the toy to his chest firmly.

Anna smiled widely at him. “Do you want to come with me?”

The offer delighted the blonde as he rushed quickly to her side. Anna had half the mind to tell him to put on some slippers before they left room 031.

Hand-in-hand, Anna and the blonde made their way to the canteen, the steady buzz of lightning outside unheard as Olaf skipped, humming a happy tune with the rabbit in his other hand.

“What’s the name of your rabbit?” Anna asked kindly, making the blonde giggle.

“His name is Edward! He’s a china rabbit.”

The toy was anything but made out in china but Anna smiled at the enthusiastic answer. “He’s quite handsome, isn’t he?”

The blonde flashed her a toothy grin and the picture was so pure and innocent. Anna felt her heart melt and evaporate all at once.

A part of her was steadily anxious. Anna handled the other alters in Elizabeth’s system quite well but she didn’t know how to take care of a literal child _._ And as Olaf swung their entwined hands, the thought that she was with a little solidified in her head.

That was one of the astonishing aspect of the disorder. Truly, the mind was so powerful to create different personalities in itself. Alters, an exact description of what they were. Different genders, different ages.

Anna just hoped everything would go well.

And of course, whenever she thought of anything going wrong, something _would_. Damn Murphy’s Law and all its proponents.

The blonde’s hand had slipped out her grasp once they reached the canteen. Anna decided to let him be, why not, the canteen was still closed at this time of the day. As she ordered hot cocoa to go from Maureen the cook, she didn’t notice the blonde slither away and out of her vision.

Anna was, in the harshest sense of the word, fucked.

Maureen was the first to notice it, asking where ‘the pretty girl’ went. Anna took a moment before her words made sense and when they did, the hot cup of cocoa was left as she ran around, panicking as her eyes surveyed the place.

_Holy shit, I’ve lost him in under ten minutes._

Sweeping the halls with her speed, Anna ran with adrenaline pumping high in her veins. She didn’t know where to go, where to look. She had reached the nurse’s station with empty hands.

At her crazed look, Eugene – who was at the reception today – gave her one studious glance and nodded, knowing exactly what happened even without hearing anything.

Anna’s feet led her back to the canteen and out to the garden where the downpour was at its wildest. With the cold drops beating down on her hard, the nurse stepped out, looking around the garden as she tripped on her own two feet scanning the area for her wayward patient.

She wouldn’t have noticed it if her head wasn’t turning a hundred and eighty degrees. On the smallest of trees, this one measuring at least fifteen feet in height, hung the blonde on her hands.

“Olaf!” Anna yelled, scared out of her wits. The blonde turned to her with a smile, the forgotten rabbit lying on the ground soaking up mud. “Olaf, get down this instant!’

“Nurse Anna!” was the happy reply, the blonde uncaring for the height in which he hovered over. “There’s a cat up here.”

Anna didn’t care about the cat with fast reflexes, didn’t even _know_ if there really was a cat there. She only moved closer to her charge, ground slippery as it was wet, and grabbed the midsection of the blonde, effectively losing the grip Olaf had on the branch.

The aftermath was quite muddy.

The two laid on the grassy ground with a thump. Olaf giggled again, thinking everything was a game. Anna didn’t know, for fuck’s sake, how the blonde thought climbing a tree in a shower storm was anything fun. With a huff, the nurse tugged the blonde up alongside her, checking for scrapes or wounds he might’ve gotten.

“That was amazing!” the blonde cooed, a mischievous smile on his lips. Olaf jumped up and down, splashing the dirty puddle they were in around.

The redhead was in no shape for games, pulling a pale hand in her own, she dragged the blonde back inside the building with a scowl on her face.

“Olaf! Don’t do that again,” she added curtly once they were under the roof of the hospital. Anna couldn’t help it. She was pissed she had to bathe in the cold morning storm. Tolerant as she was, there were things that were far too early to suffer from.

“But why?” he innocently asked, waving long arms around in wonder. “It’s so much fun! There’s a cat, and then there’s rain where we can play!”

Anna, shivering in all her wet scrubs, might’ve forgotten she was dealing with a patient – _her_ patient – as she hissed back, “No, it’s not! It’s dangerous for you. Do you know what would happen if you fell from that height?” It wasn’t that high. “You’d break your bones and, and have bruises, and then you’ll not be able to go out of your room for a long while.”

Olaf thought about her words, frowning, “But the cat would be alone if I wasn’t there.” He looked back to the tree where they came from, stepping slowly towards it.

Taking his hand in hers tightly, Anna tugged the blonde back in place. “No, Olaf. Stay here.”

“But–”

“No.” Anna clicked her tongue as the blonde didn’t seem to understand her reason. Olaf tried to walk back there again, pulling back strongly.

“No! I have to–”

“Olaf, don’t be a bad boy, okay?” she sniffed impatiently, looking the boy in the eyes. “Stay here. You can play later.”

Blue eyes snaked back to the tree outside, much to Anna’s chagrin. It was hard to talk to a child.

“B-But Nurse A-Anna, my-my friend is there–”

“No, he’s already gone.” Anna’s bluff sounded real. “He already left. He’s not coming back.”

What she didn’t expect was for blue eyes to well up. The blonde scrunching his face as the early stages of tantrum-throwing showed itself. “NO! He won’t!”

Anna could see Eugene and Mulan rounded up to the corner, rushing to them with relieved faces. She had managed to find her charge quickly and they seemed grateful for that but the scene they reached was unfortunately tense.

“Don’t do that,” Anna chided, knowing a thing or two about tough love and toddlers, knowing exactly what her parents did when she was about to scream her head off when she was young. “If you cry then you’re grounded.”

A loud sob escaped the blonde, brushing his eyes with the back of a hand. Yelling at the nurse, Olaf pushed her away. She wouldn’t have staggered if this was a little child, but Olaf was in the body of a full-grown woman, one that was approximately taller than she was. Anna was pushed back and it left her disoriented for a long second. She had enough balance not to topple over, but she might as well have as he screamed at the top of his lungs, “Edward won’t leave me!”

 _Oh no_.

Anna spared the forgotten rabbit on the ground a glance, now soaked up in the rain and mud. Feeling bad for being too harsh in her words, she offered to take Edward back to Olaf, but she didn’t even get a word out as the blonde pushed past her, into the building, through the two baffled nurses.

_Well fuck shit._

Tearing her eyes from the retreating blonde, Anna sprang into action, telling the two nurses to, “Get the fucking rabbit under the tree!” And so she ran after her agitated charge, cursing herself all the while.

Anna should’ve been more worried about making Olaf cry. As she slipped through the tiled ground, the only thing that took over half of her was her amounting fear of Seven. It was literally what he was fuming about the other day, a little coming out and being hurt. She didn’t know how to explain to him that Olaf, a little, ran out into a cold storm and climbed a tree. Only to consecutively get yelled at by the nurse herself, making him cry.

_Holy fucking shit. I’m so dead._

The child had zero navigational skills as he was almost cornered twice by the sprightly nurse, a litany of apology on her lips. As he climbed the second floor, they whizzed past the Director’s Office. Crossing his door made Anna realise how much shit she was in.

When he reached a dead-end in the maze of the hospital, the blonde looked behind him, saw Anna, and entered the next room he saw. If she was recalling correctly, it was a staff washroom and she sighed in relief, knowing he couldn’t get anywhere after that.

“Olaf?” Anna asked from the other side of the door, biting her tongue as she waited for a response with a terrible wince.

What answered her was the angry wailing inside, with Olaf screaming wildly. “Go away! Go away, I hate you!”

Anna felt herself grew frail, losing the energy in her legs as she listened to the sobs echoing into the hall. She felt like crying, too. The blonde was seriously upset, probably shivering from the wet clothes he was wearing. All because she lost her temper unreasonably. At a damn child, too. “I’m so sorry, Olaf. I didn’t know you left Edward outside. I’ll get him for you.”

There was no reaction to her apology. Minutes passed and started a painful game of waiting. Anna could hear the silence take over the closed door between them slowly as the blonde’s sobs subsided. With the empty air growing, she could hear her voice from earlier yelling at the boy louder. The memory of the blonde’s crumpled face was sending pinpricks to her heart and Anna swallowed the guilt in her throat with a sniff.

There she was earlier marvelling over the fact that she hadn’t screwed up yet. Anna stared at the door in front of her with hot eyes, wishing the past ten minutes didn’t happen and that she wasn’t sitting on her wet butt on the cold tiled floor with her only patient bawling his eyes out.

“What’s happening?”

And there it was. Anna was fucked. Doctor Pablo watched her with a suspicious glare, eyeing the closed washroom door in front of him.

“I… uhm, it’s Olaf.”

“Olaf?” he repeated disbelievingly. “The boy?”

Anna sighed, defeated. “Yeah.”

“What did you do?”

“We were just getting hot chocolate in the canteen and then he saw a cat out in the gardens and ran after it–”

“In this rain?”

“–yes, and then I pulled him back inside and I kinda… yelled at him?” Anna finished unsurely, too weak to even formulate a lie.

“ _Yelled at him?_ ” Gran Pabbie blanched at that. “Do you know how hard it is to convince a child to front and you _yelled at him?_ ”

Anna winced at that. “I… wasn’t thinking.”

Actually, she _was_ , but she forgot all about the other factors that came along doing it. Not every child was the same, after all, and a child in a woman’s body would be a ton different than to talking to, say, Elliot or any other kid around.

Tiana found them seconds later, the director sat alongside the crestfallen nurse on the floor as they waited for the blonde to open the door.

“You two looked like you killed someone.”

“I would have,” the doctor grumbled, “but it’s hard to find a good nurse, even if she’s a bit of an idiot.”

“I’d like to jump on the rooftops,” Anna simply answered, eyes trying to see through the walls with its intensity.

Tiana stared at them for a moment. Anna thought she was pitying her for a second but the frown on her face seemed more weirded out than sympathetic. Keeping an eye on them, Tiana knocked on the door warily, calling out softly. “Hello?”

And who knew that a simple greeting from Tiana would make the door magically open?

The drenched blonde came out, makeup immaculately still perfect in his face. Anna and Gran Pabbie jumped up, approaching the door carefully.

The four eyed each other in silence, waiting for someone to start talking. The blonde took it upon himself to break the ice.

“What?” he asked, tone sharp and coming off almost offended.

“Olaf?” the doctor started, a gentle voice soothing the air.

The blonde smiled, clicked his tongue, and held a finger up. “He’s not here.” Smiling, the blonde added, smacking their lips, “It’s Lilly.”

The group let out a sigh. Blue eyes landed on the brunette on her side, widening with glee. “Tia!”

“Hello again, Lilly,” the nurse in question greeted brightly. “How are you today?”

“Well, obviously I’m well….” Her eyes went to the redhead in front of her. “Oh, hi.” She faced Tiana again. “I’m feeling good. I came to looking like this. I don’t know why I’m so _wet_.” The subtle implication made Anna choke on her spit. Lilly laughed. “But I’m fine even if somebody threw a bucket of ice water on me.” Her smile widened. “Tia, can you see my makeup? It’s still so perfect even with at least ten layers of dirt on me!”

She squealed, an action met with Tiana’s giggle. “I brought that matte lipstick you were talking about yesterday. I’ll bring it to you later.”

“Aww,” Lilly replied, eyes crumpling on the edges. “ _You_ are the _best._ Are you sure you’re giving me the Stila palette? I know that’s expensive.”

“It’s fine,” the nurse waved her off. “It’s yours.” Tiana hovered a hand in front of her. “Look at you. It’s perfect! Wait ‘til you try the lipstick.”

Anna watched the exchange happen before her eyes. The two sauntered back downstairs without as much as another word to them, leaving a dumbfounded nurse and a smiling doctor.

“They get along quite well.”

“I can see that.” Anna couldn’t help but let a hint of jealousy in her voice, disbelief in her face as the two vanished from her sight. She didn’t know they had gotten close in her absence.

It didn’t sit well with her.

It was just the green-eyed monster, she told herself.

“Well, if everything’s done and good, I’m going back to the office.”

“Wait,” Anna paused, thoroughly confused with the peaceful grin on his face. “You’re not mad at me?”

“Oh no,” he said with a smirk. “I don’t need to be. _Someone_ already is.” Anna lost all the colour in her cheeks. “See you later, Nurse Anna.”

Anna wanted to climb a level up and jump from there.

* * *

Lilly _was_ actually the best at doing makeup.

Anna blinked at the mirror in front of her, layers upon layers of eyeshadow over her eyes. Instead of feeling overwhelmed, she was wholeheartedly impressed. Warm colours did compliment her eyes well, and with her hair down, she, for the first time in a long time, felt absolutely pretty.

“I… this is wonderful, Lilly,” she praised her makeup artist who was sitting smugly in front of her.

Thankfully all dried up and warm, the blonde flipped her hair to the side. “I know right.”

“Wow,” Anna exclaimed once again, still staring at her face. “Like… you should do make up for a red carpet or for the runway. This is stunning!”

Lilly snorted. “I _know_ , but it’s better for me to _walk_ there, isn’t it?”

“Absolutely,” Anna agreed with a grin.

Now, as she studied the face of the woman in front of her, Anna knew that Lilly was responsible for the makeup on the blonde at Keaton’s. She was wearing a similar style today. After rubbing her face bare in the showers and replacing the slightly smudged ones on her face, Lilly was now, once again, immaculately gorgeous.

Not like she wasn’t before, but that makeup game was strong.

Orange and red were painted around her eyes, the blue of her orbs popping up more and even deeper. Anna decided that Lilly looked like a lioness in a savannah, with a bright, fiery sunset in her eyes. It was too magnetising. Anna had to consciously tell herself to look away before she got hypnotised, or worse, become aware of her heart skipping a beat.

Lilly put her brushes neatly back in place and nodded at her creation on Anna’s face. She assumed the silence was just because of that but when Anna watched what her charge was doing, she felt her tongue roll deeper inside her throat. The blonde was staring at her with half-lidded eyes, gaze roving over her appreciatively.

When their eyes met again, Lilly smirked, and the coquettish expression was every bit as enthralling as it was alarming. Anna felt her face redden with the attention, reasoning to herself in her head that there’s no chance in hell Lilly was looking at her _that_ way. Or any way similar to that. She was just probably thinking about something that would sound offensive when spoken out loud, like how ugly Anna was without makeup.

Anna’s own distraction didn’t work as the liquid in her mouth vanished.

Clearing her clamping throat dramatically, she only made Lilly’s smirk deeper and much more genuine. The nurse tried to redirect the blood rushing to her face by standing up suddenly.

“Are you alright, Nurse Anna?” the blonde asked, blue eyes following her movements. Her charge followed her promptly, closing the gap between them with unhurried steps.

With a forced smile that Anna made to look as relaxed as she could, she choked out, “Y-Yeah, never been better.”

Lilly raised an eyebrow at her, observing her slowly. Anna told – no, _convinced_ herself that Lilly wasn’t sending her a… a _sultry_ look as she approached. Lilly stopped in front of Anna and quickly, the nurse’s thought was proved unsurprisingly right when the smirk on the blonde’s face fell.

“I came to quite… sad today.” The transformation of Lilly’s face was apparent. Anna jumped at the confusion on her eyes, alarmed with her patient’s confession.

Anna knew the reason for that, or at least, she assumed she did. Hesitantly, she answered, “Uhm, it was because… of Olaf.”

“Hmm?” Lilly waited for her to explain, frowning when she heard the little’s name being mentioned.

Anna wilted at the serious gaze of the girl before her. “I… I made him cry.”

Raising both eyebrows, the blonde scrutinised her wordlessly before sighing when she saw Anna’s lip quiver. “That’s easy to do. He’s a child after all. Once, someone, I think El, forgot to, like, buy the chocolate flavoured milk and _God_ , he threw a _tantrum_. And he didn’t even leave for almost five hours.”

The story and how Lilly drawled her words lightened up Anna’s mood, but the blonde wasn’t finished.

“So what I’m saying is, it’s okay to fuck up sometimes.” Blue eyes lowered. “But please avoid making mistakes, especially with the kids. I’m not Seven or Beth or anyone like that… but… what one feels, the others sometimes can. Sometimes.”

“I understand,” Anna said, wondering about the new name brought up by Lilly. _Beth?_ “And I’m sorry for doing that. It won’t happen again.”

Lilly smiled. “You can’t promise that, but please, try. I don’t have, like, Seven’s paternal instinct, where he tries to make everything okay but… but I’m also concerned for the kids.”

This was what Doctor Pablo was talking about. The system worked around each other. They were tied completely, incomplete without the other. Anna could see the worry in Lilly’s eyes. She kicked her gut for thinking she was this shallow teenager who only thought about makeup.

“I’ll try my best.”

After flashing her a lonely grin, the blonde told her that she’d take a rest. Lilly felt tired already, something she hated feeling, and she wanted it to go away. The blonde had always been easy to tire, but even with Lilly’s energy, the body still succumbed to the fatigue.

Anna waited by the foot of the bed. As soon as she hit the bedsheets, Lilly’s eyes became glazed, looking at the ceiling blankly as she blinked away.

She had been around the blonde long enough to know it was dissociation and she stayed quiet, letting her be. When Anna was sure she had fallen asleep, she took the muddied beige rabbit sitting on its head on the floor and entered the blonde’s ensuite bathroom. She let the dirt soaking the toy run under the water and scrubbed at the few determined stains clinging to it with delicate fingers.

Feeling horrible for what she did to the little, Anna did all she could do to make the rabbit as good as new. Using only a hand soap for that was hard, but she made it her punishment for screwing up today.

When she was sure the rabbit was clean, she tied the toy’s ears on the curtain pole of the washroom and left it to dry. Her arms were aching but Edward looked handsome once again.

She was about to dawdle on the couch when a soft voice called to her.

“Anna?”

Swivelling to the blonde automatically, the redhead came up to her with a smile. “Hi. Do you need anything?”

“I’m very tired,” her charge said, eyes closing momentarily. “But can you sit here, next to me?”

“Of course.” Taking a seat on the bed, Anna watched the blonde sit up, positioning the pillows behind her to do so. “You feeling better?”

“It’s El,” the blonde announced, smiling gently at her. “I, uhm, I’m El.”

Anna was promptly beaming at her, happily exhaling as she said, “Hello, El. How are you feeling?”

“Really tired, if I’m going to be honest. What day is it?”

“It’s Monday, ten-thirty in the morning. Lilly just left.”

“Did… something happen?”

Biting the inside of her cheek, Anna nodded. “Olaf came out today and…”

“Oh,” El didn’t have to hear her finish. “So that’s why. He’s very energetic so I’m not surprised. Add that to Lilly…”

“Have you talked to him yet?” Anna asked, suddenly anxious about what the answer would be. “Was he mad?”

“I… I don’t know,” the blonde confessed, frowning slightly. “I don’t really talk to him.”

Anna hummed. That was possible. Systems weren’t really supposed to, anyway. That was how it was made, to keep the consciousness from other alters. To keep them safe from the knowledge of anything else.

Therapy made it easier to communicate but not everyone could do that eventually, if at all.

“I don’t really talk to anyone but Seven,” El continued, biting her lip nervously. “Sometimes I think the others don’t like me.”

“Don’t say that,” Anna was quick to assure when El’s face grew dark. “Maybe you guys just need more trust, to build a bond to be able to do that. I mean, if Seven can talk to you then what is stopping the others?”

“Maybe.”

That didn’t seem to move the blonde. Anna sat closer to her, watching anxious blue eyes play on her own. “Did Seven say the others don’t like you?”

“No,” the girl chuckled, the sound almost forced in her ears. “He never said anything like that… but he could talk to them effortlessly and I… I don’t, I can’t.”

“Maybe it’s because you are the host,” Anna thought. Blue eyes focused on her seriously. “The system was made to protect and hold up itself efficiently, right? The other alters have their own roles. The reason why they don’t talk to you is probably that there are things they don’t want you to worry about as you go about everyday life.”

Anna was pulling ideas from the bottom of the earth. She wasn’t certain if she made sense, but that was enough. El appeared content with her theory, eyebrows relaxing as she made a tiny smile. “Maybe it’s that.” She nodded at her. “Thank you, Anna. I appreciate it.”

“Anytime.” Anna smiled at her, unwearyingly anticipating the reaction from the blonde.

“Sometimes it’s hard to adjust to everything,” she said, completely honest as she stared at her fingers. “It gets really hard to even _be_ from time to time. There are times when I don’t know what’s happening or what has happened and I have to figure out what day it is or month.” El looked at her shyly. “It’s nice to just ask and know, without even having to worry.”

Anna didn’t know where the honesty was coming from, but it was probably because of her exhaustion that the blonde was able to say these things. She took it wholeheartedly listening to everything.

“You won’t have to worry about that for a while,” Anna grinned. “Just… focus on the things that you should. I’ll take care of you and anyone else.”

“It must be hard taking care of so many people at once.”

“It can be,” Anna responded, but not without a kind laugh. “But at the end of the day, there’s only one Elizabeth Arendelle to look out for and it’s one of the easiest jobs there is.”

El giggled at that, looking over her appreciatively. “You’re too nice. I feel like I’m an ever-changing Rubik’s cube. I know it’s confusing. It’s okay to say you feel tired.”

Comparing herself to a toy didn’t sound too good in Anna’s ears. It was a… lousy metaphor, to say the least, and it could be a hundred times better, maybe even optimistic enough to be inspired for.

Good thing Anna had so many metaphors that she could use.

Not that they were any good, but it was the thought that counts.

“There’s a lot of sides of you, I agree to that,” she started, although she had no idea where she’s going. “But I think it’s better to think that you’re… like…” _Oh God. Anna, think!_ “the–” she gulped “–moon?”

“Moon?” El asked playfully, lips twitching upwards sporadically as she tried to keep a straight face. “I haven’t heard that one before.”

Her charge was probably poking fun of her but it slipped through the cracks of Anna’s awareness. There was something in El’s features – interest, _anticipation_ – so bright Anna tried to contain it with a crooked grin.

She had found the perfect metaphor by chance.

“Think about it. There are so many phases of the moon. Every time we look up–” Anna paused, catching herself leaning closer to the blonde as her mind tried to grasp the idea of the woman in front of her, tried to make sense of what she, herself, was looking at. El listened to her intently, absorbing every word she was saying like it was sunshine over the stormy seas. Anna looked confidently back at her. “There’s always a new part illuminated every time we look up, showing something a tad different than what we know, or even expected. It’s always changing and never staying the same, but at the end of the day, up there in space, there’s only one moon.

“Never new or crescent or waning. Whole. Depending on the formation of the stars above, it would always change, but the moon, even if it's ever-changing, will stay whole. Not one thing or the other. _Whole_.”

Just exactly like Elizabeth Arendelle and all her personalities. Anna might’ve come up with her metaphor impromptu but nothing fits better. 

The blonde gave her a teary look but her blues didn’t have the sadness in them from earlier. There was everything in it but sadness. Hope. Gratefulness, even. They were brilliant, fascinating, and Anna, with the hundred different emotions she felt that day resurfacing, found herself lost in them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope everybody's having a good day so far :) take care y'all xx


	17. blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **content warning: suicide attempt, blood**
> 
> To everyone sensitive to the aforementioned topics who’d rather avoid reading such things, there would be a sign in the form of three asterisks (***) before the scene involving them. You can exit the chapter when you reach it as everything after that can be triggering. The next chapter will pick up where this chapter left off. Viewer discretion is advised. 

**chapter thirteen: blue**

Anna stared at the letters she had, concentrating deeply as she pumped her brain for any words she could make up with them.

She took a peek at her opponent whose lips were pulled into a huge smirk that, unlike the last time Lily sported such expression, failed to fluster her. Blue eyes locked themselves in green ones. Glancing down to the board, Anna scrunched her nose, looking at the words spelled out on it.

The longest word, _incandescent_ , was the blonde’s doing. She added that to Anna’s _scent_ , which was, compared to El’s word, pathetic. The nurse didn’t know that the woman would be so good at playing Scrabble, earning her first seven-letter bingo in just a few turns but here she was, getting her butt handed to her in just under fifteen minutes.

Anna couldn’t find it in herself to complain, not when those big blue eyes looked that radiant, like she was watching the most worthwhile thing in the world, and even if the blonde was just a second away from verbally teasing her, she let herself spend more time than what’s necessary in taking her turn.

C-A-T in the C in incandescent _._

 _Perfect_.

The badly-disguised laugh of the blonde was made to sound like a coughing fit, Anna knew, for when she gave a challenging raise of her eyebrow, it completely stopped.

Anna would be lying if she said that she wasn’t having as much fun as the blonde. She, in fact, was enjoying herself quite greatly, and not because she was making an ass out of herself, definitely not that, but because honestly, El’s smile was as mesmerising as a bouquet of gardenia. Beautiful, and so soft the nurse could melt from the happiness etched in them.

“Cat, huh?” El remarked, the mirth in her eyes growing as seconds passed. “That’s… nice.”

“Not everyone has the same luck as you, El,” Anna rolled her eyes. “It’s not my fault I don’t have any other vowels but A and I.”

“And you used it to get five points _only_?”

Anna gave her a faux-offended glare, not really thinking about her score. El didn’t seem to care much about that, lips deepening on the edges and cheeks rising. If Anna was feeling upset before, it would swiftly vanish into thin air. Since she wasn’t, Anna only felt the lightness in her chest that was slowly getting familiar spread to her lips.

Curiously, El always catches Anna off guard and no other alter she met displayed the same energy as the girl in front of her now.

It’ll take a few seconds before she realises it, but it was obvious to know who she was talking to after maybe just under a minute. Seven had his accent, Lilly got her mannerisms, and on the one time Anna saw Olaf, the boy had his childish countenance.

But as much as she knew of the others, the nurse had never felt like… like _this_ in front of them even if they share the same goddamned face and body. Airy and bright and almost walking on the clouds themselves. No. Anna hadn’t felt this way before.

There was just _something_ about El that made Anna feel unprepared.

May it be her tender blues that shone with an unassuming light, looking at her – really _looking_ at her – or the pleasant smile she had. Anna let out a silent sigh. Even if it was a little roguish right now, El’s smile was still kind.

Anna might be a tad biased seeing it was El who she was used to being with from before. They exchanged over a hundred texts, talked for _hours_ on FaceTime, and was the girl who the nurse honestly had a huge crush on.

Of course, Anna would be biased.

She was just so familiar to the nurse, like she’s known her for a long time, and Anna knew that it couldn’t be just because she met Elizabeth months ago in the garden.

No, it’s not that. There’s something else calling to Anna.

As El thought about her next move – which was fast because it’s not like Anna took any of her opportunities in winning – the auburn-haired woman couldn’t help but look for any clue why she felt that way about her and the stray thought she kept evading came rearing its head back again as she stared at the blonde.

_What if she’s…_

It was hard since all Anna could remember about the girl who lived in the vintage cottage was her hair colour, but as she tried to look past the blonde’s forehead, into her sweet little mind, she could see quite a resemblance.

Elsa, from what she remembered, was a pretty girl. Anna didn’t care about people’s outward appearance when she was younger, but the blonde was remarkably pretty, prettier than Punzie, or Honey, or any of her childhood friends that she couldn’t remember the name of anymore. If Elsa grew up – _which she did, right?_ – she could doubtlessly be as pretty as the woman right in front of her.

If only she remembered what she looked like, this would be easy, but aside from the hair and her name, Anna was at a loss.

_She’s not Elsa. There’s a ton of Arendelles around the world. There’s no way she is the same person._

It was a thought Anna desperately wanted to believe in. The otherwise was just too heart-breaking to think of. Anna wanted to believe that Elsa got to leave Sutterton, too, and was happy in a place where she wouldn’t have to cry anymore. She wanted to believe that she grew to be strong and happy and beautiful.

Blue eyes stared back at her, puzzled at the attention she was receiving.

“You’re staring an awful lot, you know that?”

Anna knew that, of course. She had spent more time staring at the blonde’s face than paying attention to the game, but her being caught still made her face warmer as she looked down, trying to downplay the creepy act she was doing.

El formed _juvenile_ on the third N in incandescent.

Anna’s not going to win this game.

She glanced up to blue eyes once again, amusement written on those orbs.

“Hello.”

Yet still red in the cheeks, Anna grinned. “Hello, El.”

“Is there anything in my face?” came the genuine question. “If there is you can just tell me. I’m not going to cry about it.”

“Who said you will?” Anna retorted, picking up her letters and shuffling them so she at least wouldn’t lose comically. “I just, uhm, you remind me of someone I know.”

Honesty would probably bite Anna in the ass, mainly since she was scared to know the truth about the blonde in front of her. El watched her hands play around her side of the board before coming back up to meet her gaze. “Who?”

Anna swallowed, feeling the uncomfortable build-up behind her throat still stuck around afterwards. What were the chances that Elizabeth Arendelle was her childhood friend?

She hoped it’s closer to none. Sniffing, Anna bit her tongue and proceeded to tell the truth. “My… friend from when I was young.”

El nodded at that, staring at the newly spelled word on the board.

 _Grief_ in the first E of juvenile.

“Uhm, do you… know where they are?”

“Nope,” Anna replied sadly. “But I wish I did.”

_So I wouldn’t have to worry anymore if she was you._

And her brain was stuck once again in her memory, running with a blonde girl in the breezy fields through tall golden grass. It was uncanny, the ability to recall a certain moment in time without seeing anything clear.

But Anna felt melancholy still hit her. It was like smelling a scent that reminded her of her childhood, only the scent this time around was a scene, and instead of a fragrant smell, it was this beautiful girl who’s hiding more than what she could see.

She knew that there’s more to Elizabeth Arendelle that meets the eye. Dissociative Identity Disorder was more complicated than what she was seeing. It might be because she was just admitted three weeks ago, but this case would be one of the hardest Anna would ever see.

The nurse knew it, could feel it through the loneliness that crossed those blue orbs every once in a while.

Like the one in them right now.

“I don’t really remember anything from my childhood,” El admitted when the seconds came to pass.

“Really?” she asked, curious but not surprised. “At all?”

Trauma from severe – and prolonged – emotional, physical, or mental abuse was believed to be the main cause of DID. Other traumatic events in life like war, or being in the presence of a violent incident.

Whatever form it was, one thing was certain.

This illness was, and had been, painful. Anna could only hope it won’t be for much longer. Sadly, for both of them, the prospect was blurry.

“Yeah,” El muttered, scowling at the letters that she had. “It’s like recalling what happened when I was asleep. My previous doctor told me that… the others had an idea what it’s like but…”

Anna nodded, understanding written on her face. “But it’s better for you not to know.”

El was looking at her dejectedly, like a child who couldn’t understand the adults’ reason on why she couldn’t fly away into the night but still listening with reluctance as she bit her lip anxiously.

“What about you? What do you remember about your childhood?”

Anna gave her a lonely smile, sympathising with what she’s feeling. “Hmm… How should I answer that?” she asked hypothetically. “I was a very energetic child and there’s a _lot_ to tell you about.”

“Why am I not surprised?” El supposed with a light grin.

Giggling, Anna continued, “Well… I grew up in a town far from here called Sutterton. It was small, like maybe a quarter of Middleton when it comes to the population, but it was one of the better places I’ve been in the world.”

“How so?” the blonde asked when Anna stopped to recall her youth behind her eyes.

“There’s just something indescribable with that town. Maybe it was the place, but I think it was because of the people around that made it… beautiful. You know the feeling when you’re a child? That everything was fun and pretty and everyone was your friend?”

They looked at each other for a while. Anna with a reminiscing glint in her eyes and El with interest in hers. When the blonde spoke, it was only then that the nurse recognised her error.

“I… can’t say I have.”

_Right..._

Anna pulled a face at that, a little embarrassed and awkward. “Yeah, right. Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” El laughed good-naturedly. “But it’s nice to imagine what you meant.”

The blonde sounded like she found it entertaining at least, fascinating at most. Anna was encouraged a little and continued the directionless narration of her childhood.

“I didn’t have siblings so I didn’t know how it felt like to live with one but because of that, I always, always try to make some friends so I wouldn’t feel that lonely. That meant that I was always surrounded by people at school, because, well, I don’t feel well in silence.”

El giggled at her, turning her attention fully to her, disregarding the game completely as she listened. Even if Anna didn’t know what to say, she continued freely. Her captivate audience was enough to spur her on.

“My parents were both accountants and I lived in a two-storey house. It wasn’t really boring on the weekdays but since I’m an only child, it gets dreary when I have to stay at home.” A nostalgic smile appeared on her face. “But that wasn’t for long because next-door moved in a girl my age and we spent time playing in her backyard. And in my room. And in a little creek. That’s… that’s one of the best memories I had.”

“Playing with her?”

Anna nodded. “She was my best friend, and I loved being with her, even when we’re not playing, but the games were a big part of why I did. She’s just this… amazing girl who always kinda knows how to make everything… better.”

Anna ought to feel conscious about everything she was saying. The woman in front of her, unlike her, definitely didn’t have a childhood. The nurse knew it right away for DID was exclusively due to childhood trauma. That was a big part of why El couldn’t remember her own, Anna knew, but she couldn’t feel any awkwardness in the air as the blonde listened.

El looked like she was having fun imagining her stories, about the little creek in the woods, of the golden cornfield behind a fixer-upper house, and the magic of youth only children could experience. Anna wanted, even if it’s just this, to give the blonde something to see, glimpses in a world not her own.

The emotions of wonder bounced off the blonde’s face. El was delighted, listening intently at first, and now she looked like she was reliving the memories Anna was giving. Her gaze was far off, wondering, and the redhead felt warmth grew on her chest.

And as she told El about books without real endings and fights that only lasted for days, Anna relived it, too. Fighting monsters and being a pirate, even just for seconds as she retold a tale that nobody could ever know.

Only she and the blonde girl in Sutterton did.

As El swirled a finger on the table, Anna figured out that she somehow passed it down to the woman before her. Anna was happy to have done that, to have shared a piece of her with someone else. With everything she had, the nurse wished Elsa wasn’t Elizabeth, because all the conclusions that would come along with the end of her story would be tragic.

“What happened to her, Anna?” El asked once the woman ran out of stories to retell. “Did you lose all contact with her?”

“I… we moved to Corona when I was ten,” Anna mused ruefully. “I didn’t get to know where she ended up with.”

“You sound like you loved her a lot.”

“Did I?” Anna chuckled. “I probably did. She’s… she’s amazing. The best friend I ever had.”

“Because of the bedtime stories?” El teased, smiling languidly at her. “I guess changing endings is a pretty amazing thing to do.”

“Especially if you’re, like, just a year older.” Anna sighed, looking at their forgotten game of Scrabble. “I still didn’t know where she pulled those endings out.”

“Maybe she’s just creative,” the blonde suggested. “Or maybe she just read the stories before you and knew when to stop.”

“You think so?” That didn’t sound farfetched. Knowing Elsa from what she could remember, it sounded exactly like what she would do.

“That’s what I would do if I had a baby sibling that doesn’t take bad endings for an answer,” El mused. “She probably just loved you, too.”

Anna didn’t know about that, but she hoped it was true. She hoped that Elsa did love her and she hoped that she could be forgiven for leaving her.

“I wanted to know if that’s true. Someday, I’ll find her again,” Anna promised herself. “And then I would know for sure.”

El stared at her, unblinking for a while. It started sweet for a second before Anna noticed that it’s been too long to be considered normal. Confused, she moved slowly to the left, checking if it really was her the blonde was looking at, or if she was dissociating.

It was the latter.

Blue eyes trained on the spot her head used to be, El didn’t move for seconds until a minute passed. Anna didn’t know what to do now that her audience had gone, and so, quietly, she gathered the letters on the board and placed it back on the box, folding the scrabble board neatly as she put it away, careful not to startle the disconnected blonde.

When Anna was finished and she made a move to check on her patient, blue eyes had returned to where she was, watching silently.

Anna nodded at her with a smile. “Are you back?”

She didn’t answer but Anna knew someone was home by the way her eyes purposely followed her movements. “El?”

“Yes?”

“You okay?”

Still, with eyes like a hawk’s, the blonde nodded. “Yes.”

El didn’t say anything else. Anna felt a distinct kind of silence coming from her but didn’t pry, wary about the sudden shift in her temperament.

The blonde stood up afterwards and the way that she looked at Anna was disconcerting. It wasn’t scary, per se, but she lost all kind of warmth she was feeling when their eyes met.

“Who won?” her charge asked, suddenly curious about the game they finished.

Anna gripped the box in her hands a little tighter, thinking about how different the blonde in front of her was from the one she was talking to a while ago. The redhead couldn't place it, but… but something was off.

“El did.”

The blonde humorously laughed at that. “You mean _I_ did?”

Was this really El? Anna didn’t know about that, but she smiled, nodding along. Something felt off with the way she perceived the blonde. She didn’t know what it was, but it didn’t feel good. Her charge seemed like El if Anna was to trust her eyes. The small smile playing on the edges of her lips was there and those blue eyes were unassuming, just like how El always made it so.

Excusing herself, the blonde made her way back to the bed, burying herself in white. Their interaction was nothing out of the ordinary and Anna forced herself to shake the uneasiness in her shoulder.

Chalking it up to her weirdness rather than the girl’s, Anna returned the box to the shelf it came from, thinking of golden sunsets and fairies.

* * *

Normally, birthday parties were celebrated away from the workplace but Doctor Aurora decided to spend hers inside Middleton Psychiatric.

Anna was still perplexed by that, but Doctor Aurora had always been the loving kind of doctor and she appreciated the woman’s love for her patients.

The rest of the staff nurses and aides were helping with the celebration. It was going to be held at the all-purpose hall, just like Alice’s, and the preparation was the first thing Anna noticed the Thursday morning she came in. This was one of the very few instances where she could see almost all of her colleagues, new and old, in one place, the different shifts and days barring them from ever being in the hospital at the same time.

Their healthcare family was bigger now. From nine nurses scrambling around, there were thirteen of them now. A few aides that Anna didn’t recognise was busily arranging the decorations of the hall.

“Out and about, huh?” Tadashi commented once he saw her lingering about. “What do you think about the venue for our event today?”

“It’s…” Anna tried to find a word. “Colourful?”

It’s not that the auburn-haired nurse couldn’t find a nice thing to say about the hall, but the glittering banners and off-setting table cloths didn’t blend too well for Anna’s eyes. Tadashi laughed at that, leaning forward to whisper, “It’s Doc Aurora’s idea, just go along with it.”

Anna opened her mouth but thought better of it as she nodded. “Oh.”

“Are you planning to invite your charge?”

Green eyes narrowed suspiciously at the man. “Why? Are you expecting to see her?”

“It depends,” he smirked, amused with how quick his company’s mood changed. “If it’s Lilly? Definitely.”

“She doesn’t like you _that_ way, y’know?” Anna said, knowing every word was a lie.

Tadashi only smirked wider. “Why do you care?” A russet eyebrow twitched. The man relented after a shadow of a scowl appeared on her face, holding both hands up. “Okay, okay. I’m just kidding. But seriously, do invite her. She might like a party.”

Lilly might. Seven could appreciate that food. Olaf, if he was around, probably would be the same as the guy.

But she didn’t think El would. Shrugging, Anna puffed, “I’ll think about it.”

Anna didn’t have any authority to stop the blonde from coming if somebody did want to, but the amount of tables and chairs are concerning her.

More staff meant more patients, and Anna knew that there were new ones that would also be at the party, ones that she had no idea about. Having so many in one place at the same time could mean trouble quick. She wasn’t doing rounds anymore and had no way of knowing which patients were stable. With all the empty spaces waiting to be filled, well, she had a right to be worried.

Anna walked to the burly man on the other side of the hall, asking about his charges. When she received a positive reaction from Ralph, she decided to give him a head’s up if ever her patient decided to come along to the party. It was entertaining, what Anna was doing. Almost like she was setting up a play-date for her child. The nurse laughed at the thought.

Knocking on the blonde’s door, Anna was surprised to hear a response.

“Come in!”

Rearing her head in, she saw the blonde playing with the makeup kit Tiana had managed to complete in just a few days. Her own was sitting on her locker, safely returned, but the curly-haired nurse had bought the blonde new ones that she could use. For _free._

Anna didn’t know Tiana was that generous or that fond of Lilly.

“How are we today?” Anna asked brightly, as always.

The blonde looked up to her from where she’s applying makeup, smacking her lips once. “We’re doing _wonderful_ today, Nurse Anna.”

Right. It’s Lilly out today. Obviously.

Clicking down her pen, she began her daily assessment with the preoccupied girl. “Are you feeling anything out of the ordinary?”

“Nu-uh,” the girl replied, applying her mascara diligently this time around. “Just the usual float-iness.”

“Are you feeling any headaches or ghost pains?” 

“Yes and no. I feel a bit tired, but it’s just the usual tiredness, nothing big. I think I’m a little hungry, though, my stomach kept growling. Ew.”

Anna chuckled, nodding at her. “We’ll get something soon in that hungry stomach.”

“M’kay.”

“Are we having any thoughts that you’d like to tell me?”

“What kind of thoughts?” the blonde asked mindlessly. “Like, the sexy kind?”

Anna blinked, lips pressing into a thin line as she met a cheeky blue eye briefly. “Uh, no. The bad kind.”

“I want to gouge my eyes out.”

Anna sputtered wordlessly. Frantic green eyes shot up to the blonde who was still busy with her art. “Wh _-what_?”

“Oh _God_ , why is it so big?” Lilly clicked her tongue, erasing neatly the mistake she made with her brush. “I can’t apply it right.”

It took two even breaths for Anna to realise that the blonde was just exasperated with her makeup and the statement was not a literal confession. Tension leaving her body smoothly, she inquired, “Did anything happen overnight that I should know about?”

When Anna was sure that Lilly was too busy to answer, she shrugged, leaving the girl to her own devices. She’s used to being ignored anyway, and even if the lack of an answer was supposed to be concerning, the nurse let the blonde be, thinking that with El out yesterday, nothing much happened the previous night hours.

A nurse aide knocked on the door and Anna let him in with a smile. Breakfast today was pancakes, bacon and eggs, and a huge glass of milk. It was the usual breakfast served around the world but Anna was still proud that the hospital she worked at made it tastier than what would be expected from the infamous hospital mush that people get in other places.

She found herself eating it sometimes, and more often now that her lunches were taken with the blonde, and she wouldn’t complain about its taste. Lilly seemed to like it, too, as she dropped her brushes with a grin, digging in silently as soon as it was set up on the table on her bed.

Once the medications were checked by the nurse, she waited for Lilly to finish before offering it to her with a genteel smile.

The blonde took it without thought but the gaze she was given afterwards made her stop. Lilly seemed hesitant but still braved the worry out and proceeded. “I think… I think they’re back.”

Anna searched the blonde’s face attentively, looking at the signs of distress suddenly appearing on it. Hand swirling the glass of milk, Lilly seemed to be deep in thought, which was different since she often found the thinking expression on El’s face.

“Who?” she asked softly, wary of the anxiety she was being shown.

Lilly’s blues quivered, cautious as to what her next words could be. In almost a whisper, the blonde leaned closer to her. Like she was already out of breath, Lilly faltered. “I can’t say but they’re already–”

Before Lilly could finish, however, a knock interrupted them. Tiana's head poked in, chasing the blonde’s quiet confession away before it even came.

“Hello?”

And the moment vanished into thin air. Lilly jumped up, beam fresh on face. “Nurse Tia!”

“Hello, Lilly!” Tiana replied with equal fervour. “Are you ready for the party later?”

“ _Yes!_ Oh God, I’m so excited about it.” The blonde stood up, leaving a concerned redhead on the bed by herself, green eyes trailing after the hyperactive girl. “My _gosh_ , do you think Tadashi will be there? If he isn’t then this much effort will be, like, useless.” Lilly rolled her eyes as she took Tiana’s hand into her own. “But I _hope_ that he is, though!”

“He is,” the brunette confirmed with a smile. “Don’t worry about that. I saw him pinning up the banners a while ago.”

The excited squeak shook the silence of the room. Anna watched the two from the side-lines. It turns out, Lilly knew of the party already and her invitation was not needed anymore. The staff was given a more flexible schedule today and she was surprised that Tiana would spend her extra time with the blonde. Blowing her bangs to the side, the auburn-haired nurse sighed. This was going to be a long day.

A niggling feeling stuck to the nurse as she listened to her charge and Tiana talk about their favourite America’s Top Model season. Anna was blocking their conversation out with a hum of her own, forcing herself to be glad that Tiana was getting along well with Lilly.

Coming inside the washroom, Anna stopped. The shower curtain was curiously ripped on one side like it was torn up with brute force. The nurse stared at the damage before concluding that the blonde tripped and mistakenly pulled on it. Or something.

She should ask Lilly later. For now, Anna exited the washroom with a small smile, joining her two friends and disorienting their jubilant conversation with silly questions.

* * *

The party started a little after eleven. Anna was certain that she had picked the safest seat around for the blonde. Ralph gave her a smile as she passed him, the man pointing to the table on the edge of the room.

Between Ian and Merida was an empty seat and she shooed her patient down to it. Lilly immediately befriended the two teenagers, seemingly more comfortable with the people that were closer to her supposed age.

And she didn’t seem out-of-place. The blonde, even with a gobsmacking amount of glittering makeup on her face, looked _young_ , and maybe that’s the reason why the two teenagers didn’t blink an eye when the blonde sat next to them. Soon the three were engrossed in a conversation about how boring it was in the hospital.

Even Ian was contributing heavily to it, so it’s definitely not just a girls’ thing. Anna walked to Ralph who was sitting a little further away from their patients and she joined him without thought.

She was comfortable enough with those two and left the blonde to their care.

The affair went by smoothly. Contrary to what Anna first thought, the newer patients proved to be no trouble and for the first time in a while, she enjoyed a party at the hospital where she didn’t feel like she’s working at the same time.

Leaning over Ralph, Anna whispered, “You said that you handled a patient with DID before, right?”

Chomping down his barbecue, he nodded. “Yeah, but only for a while though. Just for practice nursing.”

Keeping El’s words in the forefront of her mind and the weak argument she had the other day, she asked the guy if it was only normal for patients with multiple personalities to find it hard talking to the other alters, especially if they had more than two. The man was more insightful than what he seemed and Anna listened as he talked about theories and practices best fit for handling patients.

“So what do you think is the best route around it?”

“The same one that you think,” Ralph replied. “Trust and bond between alters could make communication between them easier.”

“But what does trust in other alters mean?”

It would be quite hard not to trust someone who’s always with you, right? And sharing the same body, too. Ralph looked at her like he could read what she was thinking about.

“Okay. Imagine the body as a car,” he started patiently. The woman lent both ears to him. “Inside the car, there was, say, five people.”

“Right,” Anna nodded seriously.

“Right. Those five people take turns driving the car whenever it happens. Now imagine yourself inside there with four other people, Anna.”

“Okay.” Anna imagined herself in the car, playing along. “Now what?”

“And you were with two children under the age of ten, one old hag who was blind as a bat, and one military soldier.” Ralph tilted his head at her. “Aside from you, who do you think was most able to drive the car?”

“Uh, I… uhm, the soldier?” she guessed, not knowing if there’s a trick.

Ralph snapped his fingers at her. “Bingo. You’d trust the soldier and not the others because you think he was the most capable, right? Same thing goes for them. If an alter thinks little of the others like the old man and the children, they won’t trust them to drive the car.”

“So the goal is…” Anna trailed off, answer on the tip of her tongue. “To let the alters know that everyone can drive the car?”

“Mostly,” Ralph shrugged. “But think about it, sometimes we think that there are just people who shouldn’t drive.”

Anna didn’t have time to mull over his words when a loud crash commenced on the large buffet table beside them. All turned their heads to the commotion, and it took her a second less to understand what was happening than the burly nurse beside her.

Ralph was already charging to the tables and that’s when the scene registered in her mind. It was Ian, holding another patient by the arm beside the fallen dishes.

“Barley!” the young man yelled, holding on for dear life. “ _Please_ , I know it’s you. Just talk to me!”

“I don’t fucking know you, dude,” the man groused, struggling to get the lanky boy away from him. “Get off!”

“Stop it, Barley. I know you’re scared but you don’t have to be! I know it’s you so please…”

Since the party was not over yet, there was still a lot of room for errors and she realised that too late. The other patient got tired of shaking Ian off and pushed him to the side, the mess they made becoming bigger as the boy toppled off to the ground with trays of barbecue and pasta splaying alongside him.

It was safe to say that the party was over.

Thankfully, Anna didn’t have to lend a hand to the staff because the whole fuss was under control in seconds. Perks of having that many aides and nurses in one place, she guessed.

The blonde was still in her seat when Anna got to her. Merida was standing, looking over nervously at the black-haired boy that Ralph was busy comforting.

“Is everything alright?” the girl asked, frowning at the scene that unfolded before her eyes.

“Yes,” Anna replied calmly. “Everything’s fine. Do you want to go back to your room now?”

With the approval of the younger redhead, she nodded, leaning to her charge. “Lilly?”

The blonde looked up to her, standing meekly and following her lead. Anna didn’t mind the silence on her part as she led the two girls to their rooms while sending Ralph a glance.

He sent her a grateful nod as they went and before Anna knew of it, she was back to the blonde’s room, watching her settle into the bed without as much as a word.

That was what concerned the nurse. It wasn’t unusual for the blonde to be quiet – dissociation and plain exhaustion the reason mostly for that as she observed – but this time, Anna knelt beside the blonde’s bed with worry.

With what happened earlier, then there was a chance that the blonde was spooked from the commotion, and with an understanding smile, Anna asked, “Are you alright?”

Blue eyes fixed on her own for a while before a subtle bob of the head followed.

“Can I know who this is?” Anna counted the seconds that passed and it took almost half a minute before she got an answer.

“It’s El.”

If those blues were a tad warmer, she would have left her alone.

“El?” Anna stared at her. The blonde looked back just as openly.

This didn’t seem like El. Although there were silences with the host’s time out, they weren’t usually this… charged, like there was electricity in the air waiting to explode.

Why was Anna so uncomfortable with those blues that always seemed to calm her down? Giving the blonde the benefit of the doubt, the nurse went back to her typical spot by the couch and _stared_ at her patient.

The hours that passed were too uneventful to take note of.

Anna had spent it waiting for anything to happen, looking for an unexpected ball to drop.

Nothing did.

It was around seven when Ralph knocked on the door, thanking her for returning Merida to her room. He updated her about Ian – the boy had to be given a sedative – and gave her a little thank-you gift in the form of a bowl of barbecue slices. 

How thoughtful of him.

Anna roused the blonde when the time for dinner came. El was still quiet, and now she could see the lost gaze she had. Maybe the woman was just experiencing a hard bout of dissociation. Anna supervised her closely while she ate.

Her shift ended shortly after and Anna left the sleepy blonde after tucking her in carefully. El didn’t say anything to her when she bid her goodbye.

With a curiously heavy heart, Anna slipped out of the hospital quickly. A part of her didn’t want to leave and she wondered what it could have meant as she got in her car. It might’ve been tiredness. It had been a long day, after all. She didn’t need to worry but the stress of thinking about what happened to Ian earlier made her more distracted. Her previous patient had grown into her and the thought of his unrest was troubling.

El’s odd behaviour, too, was taking much of her headspace. Anna wondered if the girl was alright, if she was upset about something but she soon convinced herself to let the day go.

_At least I don’t have to think of dinner anymore._

That thought made her smile and she looked at the empty seat beside her. Anna’s face fell.

_And I fucking forgot it._

She turned her car in reverse, parking once again. Her head was just flying in the clouds for some time now and she wasn’t even surprised that she’d miss anything.

Passing by a new nurse – Theodore, from what Anna knew – in the reception, she let him know that she’d be back in just for a while. He let her pass, laughing at her good-naturedly and Anna jogged back up to room 031.

Forgoing knocking, Anna sneaked inside the room only to find it empty. Her bowl of barbecue was sitting on the shelf where she left it and she approached it suspiciously.

The door to the bathroom was closed, so maybe the blonde was using it. Deciding to say goodbye one last time to her charge, Anna sat by the couch and waited. The clock’s ticking didn’t sway the odd feeling in her chest as the day’s oddness came creeping in again at her.

The seconds turned to minutes. It was eerily quiet. Something felt wrong.

Standing up with more concern than curiosity, Anna neared the washroom door with a knock.

“El?” she called, hoping to get a response. When none came, Anna knocked louder. “Hello?”

There seemed to be no movement happening inside. The nurse’s alarm grew, body getting electrified by the quiet air.

“Hello? El? Seven? Open the door.”

The seconds passed by with no response and the dread in Anna’s stomach pooled. With surmounting force, she proceeded to bang on the door. Twisting the doorknob and pushing forward didn't do much. Something was barring it from the inside. Anna knew that en suite bathrooms were not equipped with locks in case of emergencies. However, that design proved to be useless. The athletic nurse forcing it open had no luck in her efforts as she grew tenser.

*******

“Open the door now!” Anna demanded, frustration and fear tainting her voice. “El?!”

Anna was past the point of wondering who it was that locked themselves inside. The only thing that was on her mind was to open the damn door and see what’s stopping the blonde from answering.

With one last strike, the redhead figured that her efforts were futile. Breath stuck on her lungs, Anna went back down to ask for help. The washrooms didn’t have keys. Anna knew that she’d need manpower to open the locked room. Her raspy yelling attracted Eugene and Cassandra in no time. Seeing them follow her back into 031 had never made her so happy.

The beat of her heart thudded behind her eyelids. Anna could hear the blood rushing on her head as every moment passed. This was bad. She could feel it.

It took five tries from Eugene for the blockage on the other side to come loose. Anna pushed herself between him and Cassandra, careless of her harsh movements until she’s finally inside.

Her heart stopped once she started assessing the situation. Disbelief carved itself in her face, a mask of indifference at first. Then, when it sunk in, it was of terror. The step Cassandra took behind her echoed in the room. Anna heard her co-worker shriek, but to her ears, it couldn't be different from a whisper.

Blood.

There’s so much blood on the floor where the blonde laid shaking. Anna’s mind blanked out. Her charge was holding her lower abdomen, red seeping from where the knife was protruding. It was too much to process, and yet it was only enough for Anna to snap out of her stupor as she flew down to her patient’s side.

From the corner of her eyes, she saw the two nurses scramble away, raising code blue.

Blue.

Such a contrast to the blood in the blonde’s shirt, staining the perfect white she was wearing, pooling on the floor like a waterfall. An emergency that Anna didn’t expect, never ever, to happen in that room.

Her ears were ringing as she stayed by the blonde’s side, looking at half-conscious eyes filled with joy.

That was what it was. Happiness. Etched into a smile and twinkling eyes, the blonde’s delight was palpable. The tremors from the blonde’s body weren't of pain. It was little bursts of laughter, like she found the whole thing funny or, or worthy.

Her lips moved and the voice that came out was too faint to hear. Anna didn’t realise that there were tears in her eyes, falling freely into the blonde’s cheeks as she leaned forward. Catching a breathy sentence, the nurse sobbed.

The smile on Elizabeth’s lips was erased as the seconds passed. Her grip on the blonde didn’t loosen and it almost became a problem when the emergency team arrived at the scene. Anna was forced to let her go at some point, the little washroom they were in becoming too crowded as Elizabeth was taken away from her arms.

Anna stared at her red-stained hands, trembling as she tried to stop her emotions from taking over. The blonde’s words were stuck in her head. So breezy, it was almost like a sigh of relief when it reached her ears.

_I pro-promised… b-but I’d… I’d rather d-die._

“Promise?” Anna mumbled to herself, the ache in her chest drilling through her heart.


	18. lightning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: mentions of suicide attempt

**chapter fourteen: lightning**

The pitter-patter of rain outside did nothing to ease Anna’s worry.

Scratch that. The nurse wasn’t worried. Anna was sick to her stomach, terrified, and her hand hadn’t stopped shaking since she let go of pale ones as her charge was wheeled into the surgery room. 

It was bad enough that she didn’t know where the knife came from. It’s most likely from the party, although Anna wasn’t sure how the blonde had successfully smuggled it inside her room, much less without her knowing how and when she acquired it.

It had only been at least twenty minutes. If it wasn’t for the barbecue, Anna wouldn’t have returned to the hospital.

_Fuck, I should’ve seen that coming._

The blonde’s silence. Her gut telling her something was wrong. If Anna didn’t come back to her patient’s room, the aftermath would be devastating. Doctor Pablo’s story when the blonde got admitted echoed on her mind. A patient committing suicide due to a nurse’s negligence. Her stomach churned harder.

Did Anna do something wrong? How the fuck did she not see it coming?

Wringing her hands, Anna paced back and forth outside the surgery room. The more she thought about it, the worse she felt, and she forced her racing thoughts and feet to still.

Anna refused to think El or any of the alters she knew did it. 

Stopping all the preoccupations she was doing made her realise how tired she was. Anna didn’t know how much time had passed. It could’ve been three minutes but she wouldn’t be surprised if it had been three hours.

Time had no meaning. Anna knew why she was feeling this strong. It was because she failed her duty as a nurse. She had been too complacent about her job, let harm come her charge’s way, didn’t think about the what-ifs, and forgone the necessary meticulousness required while dealing with patients with psychiatric problems.

It was also because she felt like she failed a friend.

Brushing her face with her palms, Anna slid down on the floor with a heavy sigh. She felt like crying but knew it was useless, so she tried to strengthen her courage just enough to keep the tears at bay.

The blonde’s words earlier… a promise. Anna couldn’t decipher its meaning. What was it? And to whom was it made? It was so out of place, so baffling. The alter who’s fronting said it outright that they’d rather die than fulfil it.

But why? What was it that they’re willing to take their own life just to avoid it?

Anna knew there’s no other angle to look from here. The curtain rod was jammed underneath the door, forcing it firmly shut. There weren’t any signs of a break-in with the lone window in the room. It was a suicide attempt and it hurt to even think of.

Everything seemed to be going perfectly but as it turned out, it hadn’t even started yet. The realisation that Anna knew exactly nothing about her charge who she had focused on her entire days made the tears in her eyes finally fall.

She must’ve fallen asleep as the tapping in her shoulder startled her back to the halls, the director smiling sadly at her while holding a cup of coffee out. Anna took it wordlessly, too scared to meet his eyes.

“Follow me.”

The doctor led her to his office and Anna’s steps grew heavier as they neared the room. The clock read 10:34 but it had been ages since she last saw the blonde.

Bleeding, blood pooling beneath her.

Anna shut her eyes tightly, willing the image away. Being in the same room as Gran Pabbie was stifling and the nurse knew that the consequences of her mistake were forthcoming.

She’d either be fired or worse, be stripped of her license. Anna was already thinking of ways to minimise the damage she was about to receive, one by one, in case her worst fears came true.

“You’re not thinking of quitting, are you?”

Or not.

Anna blinked at him, tired eyes blurring the image of the old man she was seeing. “If you’re going to fire me, I don’t think that’s necessary.”

“But I won’t,” he said, confusing the nurse further. He took a sip from his cup of coffee with a wistful sigh. “The hospital might get sued for negligence – maybe even you, too – but I won’t fire you.”

It was enough to make Anna’s jaw drop.

Gran Pabbie sounded so sure about that. He didn’t seem bothered by the prospect of Middleton Psychiatric – and _her_ – getting taken to court. Her mouth flapped open and close like a dying fish, seriously thinking that the old man was a bit, if not thoroughly, out of touch with reality.

“I… uhm, why?” Anna asked with disbelief carved into her expression.

She didn’t know about him, but just the thought of getting sued and having her license revoked was one of the worst things that someone like her could experience.

Whoever Elizabeth’s guardian was, they were likely to take steps regarding what happened. Its certainty, however, would depend on the blonde’s status.

“Adverse events can’t be avoided, Nurse Anna. It’s best we learn from it... to not let it hinder us.”

Too much trust. Gran Pabbie had too much trust in her. Anna felt that she didn’t deserve it anymore. This whole thing was her fault. If only she checked one more time with the blonde, looked at every corner where contrabands could be hidden, this wouldn’t have happened.

She failed Elizabeth and, oh _God_ , she failed Seven. Anna hadn’t been careful and now, the whole system was in danger and she just _knew_ that she wouldn’t be able to meet blue eyes directly again.

“If Ms. Arendelle’s guardian files charges against us, you don’t need to worry,” he assured her. “I’ll be the one to take care of it.”

“I don’t feel right about still being able to work here with what happened, Doctor.” Anna held onto the warmth of the cup in her palms. “I just… I _know_ it’s my fault. You don’t have to be… noble about this. I am prepared to face the consequences of my actions.”

The director didn’t spare her a look as he leaned back on his chair, thinking aloud with a contemplative groan. “If you’re thinking of quitting, then I think I should retire, too.”

That was effective in tearing through the nurse’s bubble of shame and guilt. Gaping at him, Anna grunted in confusion.

“What?” Gran Pabbie deadpanned at her gobsmacked reaction. “I didn’t see it coming too.” The sigh he made was deeper, looking at her with tired, no, _anxious_ eyes. “The system… has problems. That’s why Ms. Arendelle, El, decided to come here. She didn’t know much about what’s happening inside – but she could feel it. Seven was the one who told me that… there was a huge disturbance in their harmony. He told me that the system was on an active lookout for a persecutor, but he said that the host couldn’t handle it, and he agreed to stay in MPH because he knew, with the host’s denial, that there was danger lurking.”

It was the first time Anna was hearing most of this. Of course, she knew about the blonde’s medical history and the current diagnoses that they were doing, but she never knew about the reason why the blonde was admitted.

“But with the stability I saw and you reported, I didn’t focus much on it. I wanted to know more about the alters, about how the system operates on a good day, and in return, this happened. I have made a mistake, too.”

As the blonde’s psychiatrist and therapist, Doctor Pablo was in the same rubble that she was. Even more so, as he was the one who supervises the whole treatment. This incident was unexpected even by the director. Anna felt a little better with that, but not significantly so.

Shifting on her seat, she looked at the door and back to the doctor, feeling uncomfortable in her own skin.

“We’re both to blame. So if you quit, I’ll retire.”

That was a sentence Anna never knew she’d be hearing. The ultimatum laid in the thick silence they were sitting in and it took her minutes to gather her thoughts.

“I didn’t know about a persecutor,” Anna said, the turmoil in her head loud as her gears shifted. “Seven or the others…” A memory popped in her mind and her eyes widened. “Wait, Lilly did tell me something.”

“When?” was the interested response.

“Just today, sometime in the morning. She told me that… they’re back.”

“Who?” the doctor quizzed further, brows meeting at the middle.

“I don’t know. She didn’t get to tell me before we got side-tracked.” She leaned forward in her seat, somehow finding a lead. “But she looked bothered by it… like she was scared.”

“You think she was talking about the persecutor?”

“Maybe,” Anna exhaled. “But it’s possible, isn’t it?”

The blonde’s silence… it could be because this persecutor was out. She hadn’t seen Seven since last Monday, and Lilly was out only for today. This week, it had mostly been El, including the times where she’s a little… odd.

There were times where the blonde was eerily quiet but she _said_ she was El.

But sometimes, Anna could feel that she wasn’t.

“It is. Did she exhibit any changes that didn’t match up with the alters you knew?”

“When we went back from Doc Aurora’s party, she was awfully silent. When I asked who was out… she said she was El. And silences weren’t new with her but never… like she was keeping herself from talking. El was just comfortable with silence and would talk when she has something to say or talk about but… she didn’t go through periods with nothing said at all.”

“Whoever it was said that they were El?” he clarified, jaw set. Anna nodded. “Alters, the ones mature enough, are usually masters of simulating the host. It’s how they were supposed to work, to protect the system, but not all who wish to do that are exclusive to that skill.”

Realisation occurred to Anna. “It’s because they want to avoid detection, right?”

“Yes. And the persecutor might think differently about getting help. Maybe they knew the others were on to them this way. Chances are, whoever it was earlier wasn’t El.”

The blonde’s parting words to her made for an even complicated puzzle. Anna wanted to bring it up but the mention of it might muddy up the already foggy water. Just the thought that there was an alter out there wanting to harm the system was terrifying. Anna hadn’t seen it from the blonde’s files, although she could remember seeing a persecutor label on one of the unknown alters list. Gran Pabbie didn’t give her a head’s up, too, so maybe he was partly to blame.

But just like he said, a suicide attempt was an adverse event that couldn’t be expected yet at the same time, it wasn’t anything that could be avoided in high-risk patients. This whole thing just got way more complicated than it was before. Too bad Anna wouldn’t be able to work with it anymore. What happened just kicked the nurse out of the blonde’s case and the small pang of disappointment hurt.

“So what are you going to do now?” she asked gloomily, knowing the next steps wouldn’t involve her any longer.

The doctor shook his head sadly. “I still don’t know yet. Ms. Arendelle’s guardian was still yet to be here and Mr. Jack Frost was the one I’ve only talked with. He said he’ll be here as soon as he can. There’s a chance that Ms. Arendelle would get pulled out of our care.”

There’s no way of avoiding it but from what Anna could hear from his words, this was not something that the director would go easily with. He had a determined look in his eyes, frame with the greying hairs of his eyebrows. Anna hadn’t had the energy to figure out what’s on his mind.

After minutes of contemplating, she finally came to a decision. “I won’t quit. I… I’d like to see where what happened takes us.”

“That’s great,” he supposed, taking a paper from his desk and waving it at her. “You’re suspended for two weeks.”

Anna couldn’t get out of the absurdity of the situation. He looked happy serving her his sentence and if he wasn’t just indirectly begging her not to quit, she would’ve found it offensive. Her throat rumbled with a laugh, loud and clear, making the older man chuckle, too.

“I don’t want to do this, but I still need to take steps… send out proper disciplinary measures. I’m sure you understand that.”

“Yes, sir,” Anna lightly answered. It took five seconds before she realised the situation that put them there and the quickly fading of her light mood commenced. “Uhm, if you can tell me – and you don’t mind me asking – how is she?”

“She’s stable,” he clicked his tongue. “The knife didn’t do much damage on its way in, and no organs were touched. She’s still in observation for the blood she lost. Doctor Philip just finished the surgery a few minutes ago before I woke you up.” His eyes wandered curiously to her. “What time did you leave her tonight?”

“Eight o’clock,” Anna surmised, looking at her hands which had thankfully stopped shaking, she couldn’t help but think about the possibilities if she hadn’t come up in time. “I only returned because I left something… if I have forgotten about it – or just decided to come back for it later… she would’ve–”

“–There’s a lot of chances that it would be worse, yes, but Nurse Anna,” he cut off with a chiding gaze. “It didn’t. What happened already had. Let’s be grateful that you showed up just in time, and think of other ways to prevent something like that again. Everything’s not yet over.”

“You told me one time about that patient of yours…” Anna swallowed thickly. “Am… am I that bad?”

“Nurse Anna,” he smiled, an expression she was startled to see. “Nobody is.”

* * *

Jack Frost came knocking at least half an hour later, sweat glittering his skin as he restlessly sat on the couch, following the doctor’s offer. Anna couldn’t look anywhere near his head, so she settled on the stained t-shirt he was wearing. Wherever he came from, he went here panicked and desperate. As soon as he could.

She felt weak as he started asking questions.

“Is she okay?” Jack demanded, the worried sick expression plastering all over him. “What happened?”

Gran Pabbie sat next to Anna, placating his worries with a hand. His motion only made Anna more conscious since Jack’s eyes immediately flew to her.

“Ms. Arendelle is stable. Right now she’s under observation, but there’s little chance she could get worse,” he stayed quiet for a while. “Is her guardian coming?”

“I am her legal guardian and caregiver. Her grandfather’s not in the country but he will come when he can.”

The last bit of Jack’s statement was spoken silently, like he didn’t like the whole idea. Anna thought that it was quite inconsiderate of her to think badly of the blonde’s grandfather and she squandered that thought with a sigh.

_Not everyone can come during an emergency. That doesn’t mean they’re bad people, dumbass._

“How did she manage to find a knife? Weren’t you supposed to make sure that objects like that aren't accessible to patients?” Jack growled. Anna flinched from his intensity. “How the hell did she find a knife, of all things?”

“We hosted an event earlier and Ms. Arendelle was one of our guests, along with other patients from this ward. We failed to monitor the patient’s actions and she probably got that from there.”

“But she had a private nurse, right?” His eyes drilled into Anna’s head. “How could that happen?”

“I, uh, there was a commotion that happened that made me lose my attention on her. She could’ve gotten th-the knife from that time…”

Anna’s reason was plain stupid. She’d definitely spend time behind bars if that’s the same thing she’d say in court. Jack grounded his jaw, most likely thinking of the same thing. She tried to make herself disappear on the couch she was sitting on.

“It is our responsibility that Ms. Arendelle is in this situation. I extend my deepest apologies. If you wish to remove her from our care, I would understand.”

He didn’t sound like he was desperate to keep her in the hospital. Anna must’ve misread his expression earlier. She could feel her insides burning away and the disappointment she was feeling was devoured whole by sadness.

“I’m thinking about it,” Jack added the final blow. “I would discuss it with her first and I’ll let you know what’s going to happen.”

Anna gave the director a pleading look, mentally asking him to say something that could hopefully change Jack’s mind. She knew however that there was zero trust in the air right now due to the incident and she couldn’t well ask Jack to change his view. Anna wanted the blonde to stay with them, but knowing what happened, their reputation was soiled, and Anna knew she had made a large contribution to that.

Gran Pabbie sent her a look.

“If you are planning to do that, however, I would like to say this now,” he said. Anna felt a feeling akin to hope flare up in her chest. “The persecutor alter was most likely the one who did this.”

“Yeah, that’s why she’s here. To prevent the persecutor from acting out like… like this.”

That didn’t do well for an argument. Doctor Pablo nodded. “But we had no detectable activity from that alter. Not even when we’re doing therapy did they appear, and from what Nurse Anna had reported, they haven’t come out before. The alters in the system were in harmony before this and I wouldn’t have thought it was the persecutor doing this if not for her saying that.”

Jack frowned at him. “Does that mean that you still don’t know what’s going on?”

“Mr. Frost,” Gran Pabbie said seriously, catching both of their attentions. “How many years have you taken care of Ms. Arendelle?”

“Since she was eighteen.”

Anna’s eyes widened with that. _Almost ten years?_ That’s a long time to be with someone and taking care of someone with DID… well, he must’ve seen a lot about her already.

“Do you know of this persecutor yet?”

That shut the blond man up, his eyes falling to the coffee table between them. He must’ve been hit with an epiphany as he answered with a subtle shake of the head.

“No… I, uh, I didn’t know much about them.”

“And are you with her most times of the day?”

“Daytimes, yeah.” He cleared his throat. “Where are you going with this?”

“If someone who had taken care of a patient for almost a decade didn’t know much about them, what made you think we’d know right away after only three weeks?”

“But you said you can help her,” Jack replied right away.

“I did,” the doctor confirmed. “But not this fast. I need more time. _We_ need more time. It’s still the beginning, Mr. Frost. Please, give us more time. I promise this won’t happen again.”

“How could you be so sure of that?” he rebutted. “How can I know something like this won’t happen again? You should be glad I’m not thinking of the neglect that happened.” He turned to Anna. “Shouldn’t you make sure that she’s alright?”

Anna’s breath got knocked out of her lungs. This truly _was_ a case of neglect. The hospital should be a safe place and having this incident happen inside… this was more than a failure on their side. This was an outright sin.

“It so happened that the incident took place after Nurse Anna had checked out for the day. Her duty was only from seven in the morning until seven in the evening, but ever since day one, Nurse Anna had been spending an hour more with the patient, something that she’s doing out of her own free will to make sure that her patient is alright. She was also the one who found Ms. Arendelle in the washroom hours ago, twenty minutes after her shift ended. I wouldn’t blame her if I were you, Mr. Frost.”

Anna didn’t know the director knew of her overtime. He also made a convincing argument for her. However, Anna didn’t share his sentiments about her being blameless. The suspension she received proved that further, but she felt sunnier due to his counter to the blonde’s guardian.

“But whose fault is this? Elizabeth’s?” the man fumed, undeterred. “No. You’re supposed to look after her.” After staring at Anna’s crestfallen face, he softened a little in a while. “Whatever. I don’t care whose fault it is. What’s important is everything goes fine.”

“And we are there with you, Mr. Frost.” Gran Pabbie stood up and went over to his desk, loudly saying. “Ms. Arendelle’s stay here was not entirely fruitless.” He took a file out from his cabinets. “We have made quite a remarkable progress in two of the alters, Lilly and Seven. They shared information to me that could be quite helpful.” He sent Jack a grave nod. “If given chance, we could get to the bottom of this soon.”

Jack was silent for minutes before excusing himself for a moment. Anna finally melted from her frozen form as she followed the director’s gaze.

“Do you think you got through him?”

“Beats me,” he shrugged. “Let’s just hope for the best.”

“Is it true that Seven and Lilly were opening up to you?”

“Opening up could take more days than the ones we had,” he smirked. Anna deflated. “But they’ve been saying things that add up. Soon, we can make progress. And at the pace that you’re doing, it would be faster than we can expect.”

“Wait, me?” Anna didn’t know being neglectful was anything helpful. “How the hell does overlooking a deadly mistake make this any quicker?”

“Not that part, you slow-witted woman,” he said with an exasperated sigh. “You’re making the alters more comfortable.”

“Uhm, how so?” _Even the damned persecutor, huh?_

Gran Pabbie fell on his chair, swivelling at the wall behind him and back to her. “First was Lilly. She’s out more often. Then the little, Olaf. Ms. Arendelle – El reported that she was experiencing spontaneous switches, they’re changing as frequent as thirty minutes, but now, they’re sticking out longer with you.”

Anna didn’t know if that was her fault. She nodded once, returned to the void that was her seat, and snapped back up again. “Are you thinking of still making me her nurse?”

_Please, please, please. I know I’m not worthy anymore but please…_

“Yes,” he answered. “Although the final answer would be up to the patient and her guardian. If they ask for a replacement, you know I couldn’t say no.”

The probability was all Anna needed.

Still, as Jack came back and Anna was kicked out of the office, she knew that the lightning had struck. Everything had just gotten more complicated, much harder, and so confusing. She knew the blonde – and the people she was ever-so-often – was in a tilted ground this time. Seven might stay out for a while after this, if not the infamous persecutor itself. Anna didn’t know how the switches work entirely, but she wished that they won’t appear back again swiftly, if ever.

Finding her feet stalk back to the surgery room, she took a peek at the clear window. The blonde was hooked with IV drips on their arms, oxygen mask fogging up slightly as their chest rises and falls. The bags underneath her eyes were darker than what Anna could remember.

She might’ve been stable, but Anna knew that didn’t mean that she was okay. The blonde was far from it and it only took now to realise the severity of that statement. This was going to be hard, and if Anna was correct, this was going to be the hardest thing she’d ever do if she was still given the chance to take care of Elizabeth.

The uncertainty of the future glimmered in a daunting light. There’s a huge risk that would be taken if everything was made to follow the plan. She didn’t what Doctor Pablo had in store for them, but she hoped it would be enough to heal the blonde.

The nurse watched her charge from the other side of the wall. It seemed that there would be no way but forward but Anna couldn't help but still feel lost. There were so many paths they could take and it didn't help that every arrow pointed in different directions. 

Anna saw the doctor and Jack made their way to her with grim expressions. With her head bowed, she wished for everything to be alright.


	19. good morning

**chapter fifteen: good morning**

Anna’s legs had shrunk due to inactivity. Her last one hundred and twenty hours were spent crying on the bed like a new-born but as much as she felt juvenile, Anna knew she wasn’t. If she was expecting her two-week suspension to drag its feet on the ground, then she was severely mistaken.

The accident happened five days ago and it passed by in a blink of an eye. It might be impatience or a curious case of excitement mixed with dread, but Anna hadn’t thought that a second went too long. If she was being honest, it went by so quickly. It seemed that it was just hours ago when she last saw Elizabeth but before she could realise it, it was nine in the evening with a cold cup of coffee on her bedside table, the drink untouched for a day or so.

She couldn’t help it. Lying in her bed that Thursday evening proved to be a decision she’d have to live for the past (and incoming) week. A crying fit would last longer than a few hours and often Anna would see that the day had given way to the night.

Tiana and Cassandra paid her a visit yesterday, the ever-loving friends they are, but aside from giving her a cup from Myer’s and updating her about the hospital, their soothing hadn’t helped much. They meant well, and Anna was forever grateful for them, but her brain couldn’t stop running on an empty tank and entertaining the thought that perhaps the accident wasn't her fault was eating more fuel than she had.

It was due to the exhaustion of her sedentariness that Anna didn’t hear the knocking on the door and the subsequent opening of it after a minute.

Anna was dreaming when she saw the smiling face of her mother but the paper bag thrown at her face was proof that she wasn’t. Sputtering, she blinked and gaped at her mom, the older woman losing her cheery demeanour and was staring at her disappointedly.

Sometimes Anna didn’t know the reason why she gave her mom a key to her apartment. It’s probably witchcraft. Her mother’s got a way of convincing her to do things she didn’t want to do.

“ _Mom_?” Rubbing the sore spot on her nose where the warm bag of something hit her, Anna pulled a face at her. “What the fuck was that?”

“What do you mean what the fuck?” her mother retorted, eyes wide as if she’s once again faced with an unruly five-year-old. “I’ve spent days calling you without an answer or a text, only for me to see that you’re just laying here in your pigsty? Anna, what the hell is wrong with you?”

Yikes. She didn’t mean to make her mom worried enough to make her come to Middleton. Reaching for her forgotten phone on the corner of her bed, she noticed that it was dead. Maybe it had been for a while. She wouldn’t know for sure, it had been on silent mode for days.

Instead of answering, the younger ginger just slumped back to her bed, fumbling about the paper bag to reveal a hot burrito fresh from Taco Bell. Anna didn’t know her mom even knew the place existed.

Her mother sat at the end of her bed and sighed, watching her daughter with tired eyes. “Don’t you have work?”

Taking a huge bite of her first meal in days, Anna replied, “I’m suspended.”

“So it was true,” she lamented. The starved woman looked at her inquiringly. “Your friend Tiana called me about that, said you might be dead.”

Anna wasn’t sure what to think of first. Tiana obtaining her mother’s phone number or her friend being kind enough to do just that or her mother seeming calm even with the news cracked in her face. Instead, her mother offered her a bottle of water that magically came out of nowhere and waited, patiently, for the nurse to start talking.

Taking the bottle hesitantly, Anna sent her a sad smile. “Mom?”

“Yes, honey?” The time of night couldn't darken the loving gaze her mother had.

“Do you think me doing private care is a bad idea?”

“I wouldn’t know if it is,” she replied, shifting on her seat with an understanding breath. “Why, do you think it is?”

Anna stared at the floor before nodding. “I think I should just quit nursing.”

“After you’ve studied for years?” her mom chuckled, brushing back the hair from her face. “Was what happened that bad?”

It was _that_ bad. Anna didn’t know how it all seemed so good and ending up so tragic in just a day but here it was. Nodding, she felt the burn appearing once again behind her eyelids. “I… my charge tried to kill herself.” Her mother paused, but something in the way she nodded told Anna she wasn’t shocked. “And… it was… my job to look after her and I didn’t even know about the risk until it was done.”

Moments passed. Her mother’s eyes were watching her thoughtfully, looking for hints about what her daughter wanted to hear. After she found it, she proceeded to crumple it and throw it in the trash.

“It _was_ that bad,” her mother concluded, but still, she held her daughter’s cheek gently. “But I don’t think it was your fault.”

And that was successful in breaking the dam on her eyes. Anna’s lips quivered, jumping at once at her mother’s arms. Tears had laid claim on her cheeks once again, and her mother held her through the worst bouts of it.

“It’s okay, honey. It’s okay.”

Shushing her gently, her mother soothed her as her fingers played in her hair, whispering words of encouragement. Anna knew she was no longer a child, but at that moment, in her mother’s arms, she was. Anna was glad she was, even marvelled at it, because she didn’t think it was okay. She was ready to make herself believe her mother’s words even if she knew what happened was bad, and it was something that could be attributed to her carelessness. She should’ve checked the blonde’s items one more time, or stayed for a while longer, then she would have a clue to what the persecutor’s agenda was.

But she was just a child, and children make mistakes.

“You always had a big heart, Anna,” her mother said after a while. “Don’t let it hurt you more than it should. Just take it as it goes, okay?”

“M’kay,” she sniffled, brushing the teardrops and snot from her face.

The visit from her mom was what she needed. A good cry, unlike the heavy ones she was doing for the past week, was what she needed, and as her mother went to the kitchen to ‘cook real’ food for her, she trailed behind, like a little kid, in a much better mood than she used to have.

* * *

Anna woke up to a good morning when she smelled the bacon from the kitchen all the way to her room.

Miraculous as it was for her mom to stay more than a day away from home, she basked in the filling breakfast that she had. It wouldn’t be for long, though, as she was told that once the noon passes, her mother would have to leave, but Anna was still happy to see her mom in times like this.

Once they’d talked about her father – who was, apparently, doing wonderful this time around – Anna entertained the thought of going back with her mother and staying for a while. The safety of her home was enchanting and it felt as relaxing as it sounded. It was an idea that her mother would welcome with both arms and Anna was tempted to just ask and pack her bags.

It would be nice. She could just forget about everything for a while, maybe even try to see everything from a different perspective. Anna would be home, safe and sound, and the demons raging in her head each night she closes her eyes would be driven away to the hell they came from. Her mother smiled, a cup of warm coffee getting settled right before her. Anna took it gratefully, musing about how great it would be to just… leave for a short while and think.

Nodding at her encouragingly, her mother turned away to resume her tidying up of Anna’s kitchen. She watched her mother’s back and the redhead was suddenly transported back to the past, at a time where she never had to think of anything other than the food she wanted for dinner or what the next game she would play.

The time when she was just a child.

Anna stalled, sipping at the cup of hot coffee she had and intentionally letting her tongue burn on the heat of the liquid as she gulped it down.

She didn’t feel right going home anymore and why should she? Anna was thinking like a fucking child. How naive of her, how _cruel_ of Anna to fly away when Elizabeth was stuck on her own in a stranger place than she had ever been.

There were pressing matters in her hands right now. Her mother had made her feel safe and alright for a moment, but it was already time to let her go and face the world again. It was time for Anna to grow up.

She wondered about Elizabeth as she listened to her mother hum while doing the dishes and when her mother was done, she wondered if there were any possibilities she could see the blonde. Anna knew that her suspension prohibited her from being able to come to the workplace at all, but she was willing to take a risk.

Anna had to because growing up meant taking risks, and she so badly needed to grow up.

As she sat there alone in her living room that afternoon, Anna decided to face her fears. She didn't know how to do that but she found herself flipping through the pages of a forgotten children’s book.

That’s when she did it.

Losing herself in Wilbur and Charlotte’s story, she stopped once she met an unfamiliar chapter. Sure, it was years since she last knew of it but Anna remembered the book being shorter than it was, significantly so. As she turned a page, what seemed to be picture paper greeted her. The written words on it caught her eyes first. In her mother’s handwriting, green eyes read the faded words carefully.

_December 22 ’08 – A moment to remember for years to come_

Turning it, Anna was hit by a spell as the image registered in her brain. It was of her… and… and _Elsa_ , sitting side by side at the front porch of her house, enjoying an ice cream cone. Her mother’s quote was frankly cheesy but she did think that the picture – and the memory it froze forever – was something to be remembered.

Her smile was unsure as her eyes bored through the blonde girl’s face. _This was Elsa_. Her charming grin blinding as her blue eyes were filled with happiness. Anna was sure that she had never remembered what the girl looked like, but here, in this picture, she was exactly what the redhead had known.

Elsa Arendelle.

Anna’s chest warmed. She remembered her now and it’s almost like she had never forgotten her at all. Misremembered, maybe, as her childish glee was more pronounced than in Anna’s nightmares.

The monster inside her was appeased. Elsa looked just alright, with her gaze turned to the pigtailed redhead smiling just as brightly as her.

Maybe she really did just misremember things.

Anna didn’t know if her mother knew about the photo but she was thankful that she saw it. Closing _Charlotte’s Web_ , she stood up and put it into the many photo albums she had, smiling small as she did so.

But a sudden realisation made her stare at the page the picture was displayed in.

Stuck between giggles and laughter, the two little girls were photographed cheerfully by her father. It might have been long ago, but she could feel bits and pieces filtering through her mind like a tune to an old song. That was her mother behind them, holding a batch of cupcakes.

And that’s when her gaze turned focused and her breathing quickened.

Beside her, with perfect brown hair and a small smile, was Elsa’s mom.

Anna’s heart stopped. She swore it did, or maybe it was time, but it hurt when she tried to breathe and her throat burned like she just ingested acid. The strangled groan she made was as uncomfortable as it sounded like. She was at a loss, then suddenly ready to live in delusion, in denial of recognising the face that she knew _so well_.

But no, Anna couldn’t even try to do that as the tears bloomed back in her eyes. It was all because Mrs. Arendelle’s face was inarguably familiar - a spitting image of the girl who had phases like the moon.

And it was painful. So painful that Anna didn’t know what it felt like when it didn’t hurt. It seemed fake that Elizabeth Arendelle was her Elsa but it was the truth. As much as Anna wanted to deny it, she couldn’t.

Because she knew that denying it would just be running away from her pain, and Anna couldn’t do that. No. Anna couldn’t leave.

Never again.

And so she stayed hurting until the light outside died.

* * *

Mrs. Megara was giving her a sharp look as she entered. Anna crept closer towards her, eyes wide enough to be called a puppy’s, not breaking eye contact with the woman. The head nurse didn’t back down and, with an eyebrow up, the woman shook her head at the copper-haired woman.

“You’re suspended, Nurse Anna,” she said casually as if Anna couldn’t have known it herself.

Scratching an arm consciously, she thought of ways that could enable her to slip past the woman. Anna had thought about this for hours. She knew that sneaking inside the hospital would be trouble. The investigation going on might chop her neck off if anyone ever reports her but she had faith nobody would do that since being friends with virtually everyone in the hospital gets her enough immunity.

But she knew that Mrs. Megara wouldn’t be swayed by whatever words she said. She’s the final boss, per se, and was the hardest to beat, and at Anna’s level right now, impossible to. Damn her for deciding to man the front desk today!

“I know.”

The Head Nurse blinked at her. “So why are you here?”

Telling the truth was a no-go. If only this was Ralph or Cassandra, she’d already be up looking for whatever room the blonde was in. Anna wasn’t quite sure what she’d do once she saw her, but what’s important was for Anna to know if she was still here, and if she was, if her charge was alright.

She didn’t know if Elizabeth was still her charge but thinking otherwise was just sending her the blues.

“I, uh…” Quickly thinking, Anna’s mind found a semi-reasonable excuse. “I’m… going to meet Nurse Tiana.”

“What are the reasons why you’d have to go here now instead of meeting up with her later _when_ she’s done with her work?”

Snap. Mrs. Megara saw right through her. Anna fought the urge to wince, standing up for her farce. “It’s quite… urgent.”

“Urgent… how?” she challenged, unfazed.

Anna’s going to hell for the next couple of words leaving her mouth. “My mom isn’t answering my calls for days now and I heard Nurse Tiana managed to contact her about my suspension the other day.” _God bless me, mom._ “I’m just worried and I’d like to see if she still could contact her.”

The head Nurse was definitely not falling for Anna’s excuse. With brown eyes fixed on green ones, Mrs. Megara dialled on the intercom. “Paging Nurse Tiana, reception. Nurse Tiana, to the reception.”

Anna wasn’t sure why she expected this to go any other way. She didn’t even know what’s up with her following her instincts that were telling her to go see the blonde whatever the cost may be. All she knew was – whatever happens – she would get to see her charge.

It was less than two minutes when the curly-haired nurse arrived at the nurse’s station. Tiana’s eyes widened when she saw Anna but she quickly turned to the woman behind the desk for more instructions.

“Nurse Anna here wanted to talk to you,” she said simply.

‘ _During working hours?_ ’ Tiana’s eyes asked, approaching the redhead suspiciously.

‘ _Just go along with it,_ ’ Anna’s said with a twitch as the plastered smile on her face pulled uncomfortably wide.

“Hey, Tia,” she began nervously, wary of the vulture’s brown eyes and sharp ears. Anna coughed, “You… called my mom the other right?”

Ah. It’s too late to back up now. Mrs. Megara would label her a liar if she didn’t see this right to the end.

“Yeah, I did. Is something the matter?” Tiana, to her credit, knew that the sole reason for Anna being there had nothing to do with her. Biting her lip, she nodded at the redhead and pulled her off to a distance where the Head Nurse wouldn’t catch what this was really all about.

When they’re a safe amount of steps away from Mrs. Megara, Anna sighed, but not too obvious for her eyes still followed the two like a hawk’s. “ _Oh God,_ Tiana.”

“Yeah, what’s up?”

Anna winced deeply. “I kinda lied to Mrs. Meg that I can’t contact my mom so I’m here to ask you if you could.”

The brunette nodded, “I gathered as much. Why are you really here, though?” Anna opened her mouth. Tiana cut her off, “Is it because of Ms. Arendelle?”

 _Bingo_.

“Yeah,” she breathed out. “I was hoping that I could sneak in but to my bad luck, it’s her there.” Anna jutted a thumb out to the desk.

“Well, from what I know, she’s still here,” Tiana said. “I don’t see her out though and I heard she was in isolation.”

Which was nothing out of the ordinary. On the few times where the patients were deemed too unstable to be left alone in a room after an unwanted episode, that’s where they usually end up.

_But what if Olaf came out and felt scared to be all alone? Or what if a new alter does and they don’t know where they are and why they’re there?_

The possibilities about what could go wrong were nipping at her. There was just so much that could happen and not knowing about it was eating her. She was taken out of her thoughts when Tiana tapped her shoulder lightly. “Anna?”

The concern on her friend’s face was clear. Anna felt bad having to pull her into the mess she was doing. “Hmm?”

“I know you want to see her,” Tiana acknowledged, but her smile fell afterwards. “But I think you should just wait ‘til you can come back here to do that. You’re suspended and that’s bad enough as it is.” Her eyes turned gentle. “Another week’s not that long, Anna.”

But it was. It was long, and it was _painful_.

Every second that Anna experienced was torture and she wanted to know how Elizabeth was more than anything in this world. This past week was hell enough for her. Knowing nothing of her charge’s state paired with the guilt that had planted itself inside her ribcage, she was rendered useless. Adding the knowledge that she acquired yesterday to that, well, Anna couldn’t live not knowing anymore.

Her mother said that she had a big heart. Maybe that’s why she feels too much, but having a huge emotional scale didn’t guarantee the redhead a profound understanding of what she’s feeling. Pain, and hope, and _warmth_ didn't make sense.

Anna could just feel it, and her head was none the wiser for its reason. Her mind didn’t know why every minute apart from the blonde felt like a punishment, didn’t know why she was so desperate to see the platinum-headed girl even if she was sure it would only break her heart more destructively.

It didn’t know why – after nodding goodbye to Mrs. Megara and Nurse Tiana – she rounded around the parking lot, climbed through the gates separating it from the garden, and proceeded to bypass the security as she sneaked inside the hospital grounds.

Anna had an inkling, but still, she didn’t have an exact reason why. 

She just had to.

She had to make sure for herself.

It was early, way too early for the patients’ walks and the nurses to wander about the garden. Anna was safe. Creeping up to the doors of the building, she was on high alert for each and everything that could catch her. The CCTVs didn’t bother Anna the slightest. She knew she was going to get caught there but it wouldn’t be immediate. The suspended nurse pushed on.

Too focused on spotting her blue-clad colleagues, her eyes went over the man wearing a pale green shirt and boxers that was tiptoeing behind her.

“Nurse Anna?”

To say that Anna jumped out of her skin would be an understatement.

The redhead _leapt_ in place, eyes wide as she twirled to the voice of whoever it was that caught her, heartbeat going wild as she thought of a hundred excuses she could muster in just a second. “I, um, uh – I was just, ha, I’m just…”

The man greeted her with a smile. Anna practically melted in relief. “ _Anthony_ , it’s just you.”

“It’s just me,” Mr. Wilde grinned. “What are you doing here, Nurse Anna? I thought you were suspended.”

Anna flinched at that. Damn this tightly-knitted community for knowing everything that had been happening around them. Changing the subject, she wondered aloud, reproaching softly, “What are _you_ doing here?”

“Doing the exact opposite thing you are, I assume,” he tittered off, walking back to the building which he tried so hard to escape.

Reddening on the cheeks, Anna shook her head. “Mr. Wilde, you should go back inside.”

“Aye aye, captain,” he said but turned around swiftly as soon as he stepped on the tiled floor. “You want me to provide a distraction?”

Anna did a double-take with what she heard, her alarm rising slowly. “Wait, what?”

A wink answered her, “You want to go inside, eh?”

“Uh, wai–”

“Don’t worry. You know better than anyone that I won’t really try to escape from here,” he smiled, “I just want some fun.”

With those parting words, he ran full speed to the halls, down to the reception, screaming the lyrics to an odd nursery rhyme as he did so.

The noise was successful in pulling out her colleagues from the corners they were hiding from and soon, a group was on his tail as Mr. Wilde ran out to the parking lot lively. Anna eyed the scene for a full two seconds before she turned to the stairs on her right.

With no reasonable thought on her mind, Anna grabbed the opportunity and slipped through the second floor unseen.

The blonde was confined on the other end of the hall, right next to the Director’s Office. Anna knew that because she saw Ralph turning around the corner, watching the window to the isolation room for a solid five minutes before walking off again after he was satisfied with what he saw. It could only be Elizabeth. That point was reiterated when Anna went past empty rooms in the hallway. It’s a good thing, she supposed, but her being detected was piled up in higher odds than what she’d like. Tapping on her phone, she saw that it was too late for breakfast and too early for a walk. If the blonde was here, then they’d stay undisturbed for a while.

_That is if Ralph isn’t supervising her round the clock. And if Gran Pabbie won’t suddenly check her for himself._

Damn it all to hell. She’s already here. Backing out would waste all this effort. Slowly, Anna peeked over the door window.

The blonde was there, lying on the bed with an IV drip on her arm. Her eyes were closed and the peaceful sleep she had made her almost look like she’s smiling. The nurse stared at her form and watched her breathe through the glass. The rigidness burning underneath her throat was taking a toll on her.

Green eyes wandered to her face, pale but still filled with so much colour, and the picture of the woman from her photo album blended itself over the blonde’s face perfectly, almost the same picture as Anna’s limbs grew weaker. She was boneless and filled with petrol. The nurse could already feel the spark that would make her explode.

Hand coming up to the cold glass window, everything fell in place. This was what she was looking for, the confirmation she needed. Mrs. Arendelle was beautiful and Elizabeth - _Elsa_ got most of her features. From the dainty nose to the thin, full lips. 

Of course.

Anna knew the last name was telling enough. She wanted to go up there next to her but she knew she wouldn’t remember her. Just like El said, she didn’t know anything about her childhood.

This was what happened to the blonde.

Just days ago, Anna was wishing Elsa to be well but now, inside an isolation room in a psychiatric hospital in Middleton, she knew that she wasn’t. The tears in her eyes refused to fall. Anna was made hollow in the chest by the recognition. Deluding herself was not a choice anymore. She must face this head-on.

Anna wanted to apologise and she did. Over and over. Inside her head, Anna had already begged for forgiveness. Inside her head, she was already falling apart.

But she would hold the tears in. Until she couldn’t any longer, she would stay strong. That’s the least Anna could do for her.

Just as she decided that, blue eyes fluttered open. Anna’s breath hitched as a sleepy gaze blinked up to the ceiling, wandering around until it landed on her face from the other side of the glass.

“I knew you’d be here.”

Anna hesitantly looked to her side. The director was wearing a soft smile, walking towards her languidly. Her mouth opened to explain but he gave a subtle shake of the head, telling her to save it.

“Mr. Frost agreed to let her stay here,” he said as they both looked over at the blonde who was trying to sit up now. “Provided that she’d get twenty-four hours of care, of course.”

“How… how is she?” Anna asked, itching to help the poor woman up as the blonde deemed the action too hard to do as she settled back into the bed, watching both of them with curious eyes.

Gran Pabbie gave her a nod, knocking on the door as he did so. Their patient smiled at them and the doctor opened it, inviting her inside with a motion of the hand. “Why don’t you see for yourself?”

And it would be a privilege to. Anna sent him a warm smile as she carefully went inside the blonde’s room, minding her steps as she did so. “Hello.”

The blonde’s lips pulled up at the edges. “Good morning.”

“Good morning to you, too,” Anna replied, happy to see the jolly mood but almost choking on the heavy flow of emotions inside of her. Voice cracking, she asked, “How are we today?”

“We’re doing fine, thank you.” The blonde’s voice was soft. Not childish soft or El soft, but there was just something quiet in the way the sound got carried into Anna’s ears.

It was unassuming, kind, and Anna tipped her head in greeting. “I’m Nurse Anna.”

“Oh, I knew you,” the blonde replied. The nurse felt a ball of uncertainty with her words. Surely her charge didn’t mean that. This was a new alter, one that she had never seen before, and the anxiety of little Elsa being the woman right in front of her hit her strongly.

There was no familiarity in the way she looked at Anna and she wished silently that it was El or Seven in front of her. At least, that would wash away any lingering sadness about the past inside of her but that would be incredibly selfish and it was making the nurse guilty just thinking about it.

But talking to the blonde as if they were a stranger was too much. It brings out a certain ugly emotion in her core, like a monster feeding out on her unrealised guilt which should be impossible because she already knew there’s nothing she could do to ever make it up to the person before her.

Anna smiled forcefully back at the blonde. “Really?”

“Seven told me all about you.”

So this was really a new alter. Anna grew nervous, sweating about the things Seven said about her. Knowing the past week was literally the worst one on her career and probably one of the worst in the blonde’s life, Anna swallowed her pride and bowed her head dejectedly.

The smile the blonde had only widened at her silence. “All good things, Nurse Anna. He was quite apologetic when he talked to me about you.”

“Why?” Anna found herself asking, confused as to why the guy wouldn’t be at least a tad angry at her for letting the accident happen.

“He didn’t say,” the blonde replied, smoothing out the blanket draped over her. Returning her gaze once again back to Anna, she added, “But I think he assumed that you’d feel bad about what happened. He said it was his fault for not stopping it sooner, or telling you to watch out about it. I think he specifically asked me to be nice to you.”

Guarded, she observed the person in front of her. Seven asking that of his head-mate also meant that he was scared they _won’t_ be.

Who are you, she asked in her head, surveying the countenance of the blonde, and what’s your role in the system?

_Will you ever forgive me if you knew the truth?_

“Is he… around?” Anna asked, heart growing tender at the thought of the protector being concerned about her, knowing how protective he could be. Him thinking about her feelings was probably nicer than what Anna deserved, but she took it with welcoming hands.

“Not at the moment,” she said. “Is there anything you want to say to him?”

“Nothing right away.” Anna cleared her throat, suddenly overwhelmed with the need to cry. “Can you tell me who you are?”

Asking about an alter’s name was something Doctor Pablo told her about once when he was briefing her about the blonde’s situation. Anna didn’t know that it would be this overused, but she gladly obliged in doing it every time she saw fit. 

It’s like a magic phrase, and the power of it shone on the blonde’s face. Anna knew what it was. It was of being recognised as another, as someone quite different from the ones she knew.

“I am Beth.”

Anna read about who Beth was. Granted, it was just a portion of the description of the blonde’s alters, but she was somehow enlightened. 

Of course, the self-helper would come out after the attempt. It’s to be expected. Seven had a high chance of coming out, too, since he was a protector but now, Anna smiled at her. “It’s nice to meet you, Beth. Is there anything you need?”

A shake of the head and a measured smile answered her. “No, thank you, Nurse Anna.”

With those last words, Beth excused herself, going back to sleep in a moment. She wasn’t much of a talker, Anna concluded, and she slid out the room quietly.

* * *

“I thought it would be Seven,” she said, making herself comfortable on the couch with the director across from her.

“Me too,” Gran Pabbie agreed. “It might be an unfortunate time to say this but I’m glad to see a new alter come up front.”

“Why?” Anna asked, wholeheartedly thinking that it was an unfortunate time indeed.

Wouldn’t familiarity be nice after the incident? Seeing a new alter, the doctor might not know much about her, and to an extent, wouldn’t be able to see changes in the system quickly.

“Do you know that Ms. Arendelle was quite a good singer?”

Anna bit the inside of her cheek and nodded. She knew that. Hearing her voice on her earphones was something she was used to, before the blonde’s admission, of course. She couldn’t find herself listening to the blonde after that. It’s all because her mind was so invested in her charge already, and hearing more would send her back to her patient, effectively bringing her back to the tiring headspace of a nurse.

“She’s got a successful career from what I heard.”

“Does that have anything to do with Beth?” she asked directly, not having the energy to think more about the doctor’s train of thought that’s a little all over the place.

He laughed at her, shrugging. “Well, Beth is the one who takes care of that.” Anna tilted her head to her left in confusion. “And she’s the one who was frequently out when things get a little serious.”

“How do you know that?” Anna asked tiredly, feeling the weight of the situation sunk in at once.

“She told me so,” he replied. “And also did Seven. The host does not know much about Beth, but she knew of her through outward means. Beth is the gatekeeper, of sorts. A protector before Seven, and she gave a few insights about what happened herself.”

“Did she say anything about the persecutor?”

“Ah,” the doctor exhaled, “No. She refuses to give out any information about the few other alters in the system, but she gave quite a respectable estimation of what’s happening around the system.” He palmed his face exhaustedly. “Beth was, in a nutshell, the host when the host’s away.”

That didn’t seem to make sense in Anna’s mind. “What… do you mean by that? From the previous weeks that passed, when El was away, it was either Seven or Lilly around. Not Beth.”

“Sure, but on the days where the added stress of certain events gets too much for the host, it was Beth who fronts,” he stated. “Like right now.”

“Does that mean that the others won’t come out?” Anna questioned, amazed and confused about what the old man was saying.

“Well, it’s Beth ever since she woke up,” Gran Pabbie thought. “She was the one who told – and I do mean _told_ – Mr. Frost to let her stay here. She was the one who makes sure everything’s alright, but now that she’s a little sure it is, I think there’s a chance the others could front once again.” He raised both eyebrows, leaning forward to make sure the nurse understood. “Like Seven did on the first week.”

“So she’s a protector, too… of some sorts?” she added uncertainly.

Doctor Pablo smiled. “She’s the Internal Self-helper. Protectors protect the body and the system from occurring harm while self-helpers… take care of the inside. That doesn’t mean that it is Beth’s only duty, but she is driven by that purpose, to make sure nothing comes to the extremes.”

But it did. It had come to the extremes. What’s going to happen after that?

“Did she know about what happened?”

“Not before it did.” He stood up and stretched for a bit, cracking his old bones as he did so. “But I know that she knows more than she lets on.”

Anna had run out of questions to ask. She took every odd assumption the director had and sighed, seemingly more bothered than she was before she came in.

This was way more complicated than what she could handle, and more so after her insight of who the blonde really was. She wanted to ask more about the blonde’s past but it wasn’t apt at the moment. Plus, she was still suspended so she couldn’t very well do so.

That brings into mind…

“Am I… still Miss Arendelle’s nurse?”

Gran Pabbie regarded her with a serious gaze. “Mr. Frost wanted you out actually.” Anna felt a pang of hurt nipping at her chest, but before it could settle, he added, “But since Beth said the others liked you a lot, she convinced him to let you stay.”

“So I am?” Anna deduced, feeling hopeful.

“Yes and no.”

With that confusing statement, Anna let out a tired groan. “Will you ever answer me straight away?”

The director smirked, finding her expression humorous. “Yes, you’re still her nurse, and no…” Anna anticipated the knock-out news she’d received. Gran Pabbie clicked his mouth shut. “Well, I can’t tell you yet. Aren’t you still suspended?”

And he let Anna hang on that, refusing on giving any more explanations. The nurse’s mouth dropped loose and the director told her to come back next week to hear more from him. Anna gave him the best stink-eye she could muster as she grumbled under her breath.

_Damn this old troll._

Soon enough, she was kicked out of the Director’s Office, escorted down by an amused Ralph, and frowned at by a surprised Head Nurse on her way out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all! hope the new year's treating everyone well. take care, my dudes xx


	20. pocket

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: mentions of suicide

**chapter** **sixteen: pocket**

The mess in room 031 was what greeted Anna unexpectedly.

It was her first day back. After coming in early to see the director for his instructions – which was not much as he only met her with a bored smile and told her that the blonde was back in her room. She was to come by at three in the afternoon with her charge for some, ahem, discussion.

If that didn’t set off every alarm bell in Anna, then it might have been because she was out of them already.

Questioning him would not be productive from what she knew so she left his office and trotted down the right wing of the hospital, to her blonde patient who was, presumably, hopefully, still sleeping.

The blonde wasn’t, and the thrown pillows and blankets on the floor concerned her greatly. There was no shelf in the room anymore, nor a couch. The door to the bathroom was missing. In fact, everything was bare except for the bed in which a miffed blonde was stooping about, gripping the edge of the bed as whoever it was in the body tried to find something.

Anna swallowed deeply, feeling nervous all of the sudden. She was paid no attention to, unnoticed as she stood by the door, watching every movement her charge was making.

Checking the mattress didn’t satisfy them and her patient kneeled to the ground to peek underneath the bed. They seemed desperate to find whatever it was they were looking for and Anna had an uncomfortable feeling in her chest.

If this was the _fucking_ perpetrator, then the nurse would just tackle them to the ground.

A stupid game plan, especially since the blonde was holding an arm over their stomach, wincing painfully as they inched about. A loud sniffle broke into the air and only then did Anna noticed that tears were playing on blue eyes, platinum strands obstructing a clear view of their face.

“ _God_ _fuckin’_ dammit,” was uttered desperately, almost a sob as the blonde carefully slumped on the floor. Small bursts of air left her patient as they tried their best not to cry. “I’ll look for it later, babes. I _promise._ ”

There’s only one potty mouth in the system that Anna knew of. She knocked on the door, slowly gathering the attention of her charge. “Hello?”

Frustrated blues found her and the way the blonde sagged in relief could be felt by the nurse. “Thank fuck you’re here.”

If Anna didn’t know better about the person in front of her, she would’ve thought that Seven was bawling except the sobs that were escaping from him were forced down as he winced every time it’d come out.

“Is… everything alright?” Anna inquired, worried on her face. His distress was getting into her quickly as she stalked closer to him. Seven let out a watery sigh, shaking his head.

“The kids are ‘round,” he explained and it was enough for Anna to know what’s happening. Sharing Seven’s consciousness, and therefore also the steering wheel, were the littles.

_Wait… kids? Plural?_

Anna thought that there was only one little in the system. If Seven didn’t misspeak then that meant that Olaf wasn’t the only child around.

“Do you know where they put the bear and the rabbit?” the blonde asked desperately only to pause and correct himself with an apologetic sigh. “The Pooh and the Edward, sorry.”

She stopped herself from finding humour in the situation since the guy was visibly upset. It’s just that Seven sounded like a dad giving in to the demands of his children and it was sweet. This was not the time to take note of that, however, as the nurse made a move to turn around.

“I’ll go and look for them,” Anna suggested quickly only to be stopped by a worried widening of Seven’s eyes.

“Wait, don’t go,” he said, pulling a straight face as he stared her down. “Please stop it right now.” Anna thought he was talking to her at first, but the pleading tone of his voice said otherwise. “I promise. Nurse Anna will help me find it.”

_Is he talking to the littles right now?_

An interesting thing to watch and see. Anna waited for their conversation to be over, hoping the kids would get pacified. In just a split-second, the blonde’s face turned unbelievably neutral. She was sure that Seven was successful in his plea but a sudden contorting of the face told Anna different.

The loud wail coming out of the blonde was startling. Anna hurriedly flew to his side, touching his shoulder gently to provide comfort. “Seven?”

“Nurse Anna!” he cried pitifully, a frown set deep on his face. The evident tone shift could be heard. The arm on the blonde’s stomach tightened, her patient harshly draping himself over to her side.

Wrapping an arm around a shoulder, Anna hushed him, trying to provide rocking motions to calm the blonde. “It’s okay, Olaf. We’ll find Edward.”

“It _hurts_ ,” the boy complained and green eyes automatically jumped to the blonde’s abdomen.

Shit. So it wasn’t the pain of losing the bunny making him cry at the moment. The jerk of the body beside her was getting stiffer and she soothed him with a hand on his face. “Okay. Listen to me, Olaf.”

Blue eyes blinked the tears away from them, “Hmm?”

“You need to lie down, okay?” Anna didn’t wait for an answer. Tucking a hand underneath thin legs, she lifted him with almost no trouble. The blonde wasn’t even a bit heavy – just as she expected – and in two huge steps, she was able to deposit her patient carefully down the bed.

Olaf’s teary features were still showing pain and Anna’s heart broke. Dashing to the pillows and the blanket on the floor, she swiftly placed it accordingly around her patient, guiding a platinum head to lay on the pillow.

“It still hurts,” Olaf said, hunching forward and touching the edges of the tender spot on his stomach, grimace fresh on his face.

Pity had swallowed Anna whole at the scene. She was seemingly at a loss with what to do. Leaving the boy was not a choice. Trying to rectify the situation – _Damn it! Who was supposed to watch them before I arrived?_ – she gripped the hand wandering on his sensitive torso, pulling it to the side firmly. He was lying as straight as he was going to be, and she tried her best to put him in the most comfortable position.

“Olaf?”

“Yeah?”

The quiet answer made Anna’s heart ache. This child didn’t deserve this pain. Sitting down beside the blonde, she brushed the stray hairs sticking to the tears and sweat on his face, making sure that there was no way the wound would get struck at the same time as she placated the boy.

“You have to listen to me, okay? If you want the pain to stop, you will listen to me.” The boy’s crying weakened, just as Anna intended. “Breath in with me. Inhale,” she took a deep breath. The blonde followed her lead. Breathing out, she said, “Exhale. Inhale.”

And that was efficient in calming him down. The grip from the blonde’s hand on her scrubs loosened and blue eyes grew drowsy as Anna repeated her words over and over, gently dropping him into the safety of sleep quickly.

Her heart was still pounding in her chest when Nurse Ralph’s head peeked in minutes later. Anna couldn’t help the sharp look she gave him when their eyes met. The man mouthed an apology and she beckoned him over silently with a come-hither motion, kicking down the anger in her chest that was slowly beheading Ralph in her mind. 

“Can you find the rabbit and the bear that used to be on the shelf here?” she asked him once he was in earshot. He was wise enough not to ask further and with a bob of the head, Ralph sauntered out the room, explanation dying on the bottom of his throat.

Now that nothing was distracting Anna from her position next to the blonde, her eyes couldn’t help but be magnetised to the almost invisible scattering of freckles over pale cheeks. It ran through the bridge of the blonde’s nose and painted the face in front of her much more uniquely, yet so familiar.

This was not how Anna expected her first day back on the job to be. She was expecting tension, yes. After everything that happened, that was one thing that would be obvious to appear in their reunion.

On the reasons why she had many answers but to enumerate them all would be taxing and Anna wanted to savour this small amount of peace she was sharing with the sleeping blonde. Her nose was assaulted with the sweetness of pine and the sharpness of mint, pulling forth a distant memory of a fireplace and a hand-sewn sweater. Anna smiled, feeling like remembering something she should’ve always remembered as she buried her nose in the blonde’s neck, eyes watering at the reminder of something so warm and beautiful.

This was a gift she didn’t deserve, to feel the steady rise and fall of the blonde’s chest against her body, feeling the high of a better time in her veins. Here Elizabeth was – _her_ Elsa, breathing and _alive_.

Anna wanted to think that it was thanks to her that the blonde could even be in this room with her – safe and serene – just so she could stop the hammering in her ribs but the blame she carried was too much for it to even take root in her subconscious.

This was her fault, wasn’t it? The blonde wouldn’t be hurt if she only did her job well. A wretched part of her soul whispered Elizabeth wouldn’t even be in this hospital if it wasn’t for her.

But why did it say that? Anna never wanted harm to be around the blonde. May it be Elsa or Sev or El. Anna never wanted anything as horrible as this to happen to them.

So why was she feeling this guilt eat her from the inside?

Instead of wallowing in her pity, Anna pulled her head away from where it was sitting comfortably on the pillow next to her charge. She needed to do something for the blonde. Whatever it might be, she would do it without thought. Anna had to make sure the system was out of harm's way, that they would be fine.

It’s harder now that they were on the lookout for a prosecutor. To think that someone as gentle as the blonde suffered from incomprehensible hurt was unacceptable. Anna wanted to swaddle the blonde in a blanket and lull her to safety. It’s the least she could do.

* * *

Something was poking her nose.

Anna swatted it away, turning to her side to make it go away as she tried to drift off to sleep once more. It didn’t relent, now moving to her cheek.

With the amount of wakefulness she had, Anna could feel the slightly cold material doodling on her face. It was sticky but not at all wet, kind of like a cream but not too soft.

Green eyes opened, their owner realising where she was. At work. In her patient’s bed. During working hours.

The material getting smeared on her face stopped its course. Anna looked cautiously to the looming figure beside her. A mischievous smile on the blonde’s face greeted her.

“Olaf?” she mumbled, nerves tingling awake as she brushed away the fog in her eyes. “What are you doing?”

The blonde only smiled wider, lowering the blunted lipstick on his hands.

_Lipstick?_

“Nothing,” was the chirp that answered the nurse. Anna didn’t believe it one bit, palming her face heavily and touching the caky makeup on her face. Holding her hand up before her, she saw that she was correct in her assumption.

The impish little alter was drawing in her face with the damned lipstick.

“Olaf,” she said sternly but the blonde only chucked the damaged stick on the floor as he hid on the pillow that Anna was previously resting on. 

_So that’s how it was going to be._

Pouting childishly, she pulled the pillow away from her charge to no avail. She didn’t know how the blonde got that considering there was nothing at first glance in the room.

Squinting her eyes, Anna thought about how Olaf found a lipstick, of all things, at his current state. Wasn’t he just crying in pain a while ago?

Did Tiana pass by here? She was the only one that comes to mind regarding makeup and the blonde, but she knew the nurse wasn’t daft to give a recovering patient a possible dangerous thing.

Standing up, she picked the forsaken lipstick up. It was entirely ruined but Anna could recognise it. It actually looked like the one she had and was wearing.

_Did I put it in my pocket?_

That would explain where Olaf got it. The blonde still hadn’t moved from his place under the pillow. He didn’t seem like he got up from the bed as half of his body was still covered by the blanket she put over him earlier. It’s a good thing. The blonde wasn’t supposed to be getting up anytime soon as what his reaction earlier indicates.

The wound must still be making everything hell and Anna was pleased that her patient was back in bed where they’re meant to be.

Curiously, the rabbit and the bear were now on the edge of the bed, just beside the blonde’s feet. Ralph must’ve found them and didn’t bother to wake her up. Anna felt embarrassment creeping up on her for being caught sleeping.

Next to her patient.

During duty hours.

Anna had no clue what time it was since even the old analogue clock on the wall had been removed from its place. She didn’t find it crucial to leave her patient though so she just slumped on the floor next to the bed, forgetting about the artwork that was drawn in her face.

It seemed to be a mistake as a knock consecutively followed her action and the entertained expression on Ralph’s face almost won over Jack Frost’s surprise.

Feeling self-conscious, Anna smiled meekly and approached the two unexpected visitors with weak limbs.

She didn’t hear Doctor Pablo telling her about the blond man and she inquiringly greeted them. Jack was still looking at her like she’s a wayward circus clown and Ralph’s badly controlled laughter reached her ears.

“Are you okay?” Jack asked, side-eyeing the redhead with what could only be disappointment on his face.

Anna nodded silently, biting her lip as she gulped.

Behind her, the face-vandal peeked out from under his burrow and was quick to let out a delighted squeal. “Jack!”

It was entertaining how the man’s face transformed immediately after his name rang out in the room. He passed Anna, kneeling next to the bed with a goofy smile on his lips. “Olaf, is that you?”

“Yes!” he answered, shifting to get up only to be stopped by a large wince. “Owwie.”

Anna sped through his side instinctively, the sound of hurt registering quicker than anything else in her head. After assessing the blonde’s situation, she guided Olaf back down to the bed with a hand. The pain he was feeling was managed immediately as he settled down, but the tears on his blues shone on the edges of his eyes. “Does it still hurt?”

“Mhmm,” the blonde replied, hand coming up to cup his abdomen. Shoulder already shaking with the early bouts of tears, Anna decided to repeat the method that she used earlier.

“Can you repeat after me again?” She took one huge breath and the blue eyes trained on her made sure that she would be followed. “Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.”

Jack was watching her from where he was kneeling with a thoughtful gaze. He was quiet as Anna calmed Olaf down and from the corner of her eye, she saw Jack’s hand that was resting on the blonde’s leg loosened.

After a full minute of the technique she learned, Anna asked gently. “Are you feeling better now?”

“It still hurts,” Olaf softly admitted, “But not much anymore.”

“That’s fine.” Anna smiled sweetly. “If you want the pain to stop, just keep inhaling and exhaling _slowly_ , okay?”

“Mhmm,” he nodded, turning to Jack with a bright grin afterwards. “Hello, Jack!”

“Hi, Olaf,” he began, patting his shoulder in greeting. “How are you?”

“Better now, thanks to Nurse Anna!”

Jack gave the auburn-haired nurse a grateful smile. “That’s amazing. Thank you, Nurse Anna.”

Anna could only smile forcedly, unsure of how to respond to that. “Y-You’re welcome.” _I guess._

The absurdity of the situation was laid to rest by Anna’s gruff colleague, sticking a finger out and checking what the grime on her face was. A look that said ‘don’t _ask’_ was his answer.

As Jack started an animated conversation with Olaf, Ralph pulled her to the side.

“I think you need to wash that stuff out of your face.” He’s correct on that. Anna turned to walk to the open washroom on the side when he continued, “Gran Pabbie’s waiting for you when you’re done.”

When Anna was finished getting the pasty smudge on her face, she came to an excitable blonde in a wheelchair. Jack was steadily pushing Olaf around the room slowly and with Ralph’s invitation, they made their way to the director’s office upstairs.

It was a surprise to Anna to know that there was a lift inside the building. To say that it was barely used was not apt for the whole squeaky clean contraption was entirely invisible to the eye, hidden behind a bulletin board that Anna never saw had been moved.

As her patient was enjoying being wheeled inside the space, she, on the other hand, wanted to volunteer in taking the stairs instead. To suggest that would be a weird thing to hear, however, as there was still so much room for three people.

Sucking it up, the six seconds it took went by like a whole eternity and Anna had to control herself not to jump out of the box they were in, sweat prickly her nape as she exhaled a huge breath.

Just before they reached the doors of the Director’s Office, Jack had slowed down. Ralph went ahead of the two of them, sharing a curious glance with the redhead.

She was saved from asking what’s happening when Jack kneeled on the blonde’s side. Olaf was holding Edward in his left hand, petting the bunny in its head as he waited for him to start.

“Olaf?”

“Yeah?”

The sigh he made was disconcerting. “Just know that you’re safe with us, okay? Nothing bad will happen inside. We’re all just going to… talk. Is that alright?”

Anna didn’t get the chance to see Olaf’s response when the glossy door opened and the director wiggled his eyebrows at them. “Is everything alright?”

Inching her shoulders up, the nurse threw them one last look before coming inside the office. Just what was going on? She figured they’d be talking about the blonde’s status and… other much more complicated things that were making Anna’s stomach curl.

Her steps slowed down once she passed the threshold. Anna paused for a whole second before her breath was stolen off her chest when her eyes landed on the man sitting on the couch.

With complete grey hair and a sharp gaze, the man was uncannily familiar. His unreadable posture was throwing her off considerably. Somehow, Anna knew that she’d seen him before and she dreaded the assumption that she made.

_It couldn’t be him, right?_

It might have been a little too long now to remember right but Anna swore she knew who he was. Her childhood memories were a muddled pool but the frown he was wearing was reminiscent.

Doctor Pablo cleared his throat, putting a hand on her back and delicately pushing her forward. “Mr. Arendelle.”

Mr. Arendelle.

_Mr. Arendelle._

Anna’s heart dropped to her stomach. A sour taste in the back of her mouth lingered after she swallowed and she snapped to attention. The man’s cold gaze met her eyes.

“This is Ms. Arendelle’s private nurse, Anna Laurent.”

Mr. Arendelle stood up to greet her, coming up in front of her in an instant. His eyes lacked the warmth Anna was expecting in everyone she meets and her clammy hand grabbed the outstretched one she was offered. “It’s nice to meet you, Ms. Laurent.”

It didn’t seem like it. His frown was still present in his face, intimidating the nurse as she felt the powerful grip on her own. Blue eyes scrutinised her from head to toe when her silence went for too long. Anna was glad that the door opened behind them to interrupt the staredown she was receiving.

“Grandpapa!”

It seemed that the voice of the blonde was the only thing needed to melt his tough exterior. Mr. Arendelle’s smile shattered the scowl on his face and he looked a hundred times better with it, eyes wrinkling on the side as he brushed past her and leaned forward to the patient on the wheelchair.

“Hello,” he greeted the blonde cheerfully, brushing platinum strands out of Olaf’s face with a warm grin. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you.”

The giggle he responded with lightened up Anna’s mood. Still, she was awkward as Jack pushed the blonde inside. Mr. Arendelle sat next to their patient and Jack decided to sit across from them. Anna was left to contemplate what hot seat she would prefer.

“I know! I didn’t know where you went,” Olaf mused, eyebrows meeting in the middle.

Mr. Arendelle laughed heartily at him. “I’m sorry about that. I swear I’ll let you know next time.”

He seemed… really sweet. Anna didn’t know if this was the Mr. Arendelle she remembers. Olaf’s greeting was something to be considered, too, so maybe he wasn’t.

Maybe he _was_ the blonde’s grandfather.

Not knowing what to do or where to sit when everyone had settled down, Anna opted to just stand near Jack, feeling like a student getting reprimanded in the principal’s office.

Gran Pabbie was just blinking at her from the couch at the end of the coffee table, puzzled by his new frozen nurse. “Well, what are you doing there? Take a seat.”

The only empty spaces were beside Jack (which was right in front of Mr. Arendelle) and the seat beside the caregiver.

Anna shook her head minutely. “I, uh, I’m fine here. I want to stand.”

He regarded her with a bemused snort. “If you say so.” He turned to address his guests. “Where are we again?”

“You’re telling me about your wish to continue Elizabeth’s treatment here,” Mr. Arendelle supplied, disapproval in his tone. “And I’m telling you that it’s foolish to let her stay here.”

“May I know the reason for that?” the doctor unwittingly asked even if it was obvious.

It was so obvious Anna could hear the complaint from Mr. Arendelle even before he said it.

“Do you even need to ask that?” he countered, his voice becoming steely. “I don’t think I need to remind you what happened just days ago.”

“It was an unexpected event that we didn’t foresee. I can guarantee you that it won’t happen again.”

Mr. Arendelle was untouched by his statement. Even Anna wasn’t convinced with it. The lack of supervision in Elizabeth's room earlier that day disturbed her. Maybe this hospital wasn’t as great as she first thought it was.

“Your promises are nothing but invalid now, Doctor. You know that right?” He held the hand of the blonde next to him. Olaf squeezed him back with a guileless grin.

Anna couldn’t stop thinking about how inappropriate it was to let him hear the conversation happening.

“We take full responsibility for the event that happened,” the director said, bowing his head in apology, “but I do think that the treatment we have going on is very helpful to the whole system.”

“My granddaughter tried to kill herself,” Mr. Arendelle bellowed. Anna flinched from the bluntness in his tone. She could see the blonde twitch in place in response to the statement, but Olaf only looked down at the rabbit in his lap. “Not only that, but she was almost successful in doing so. That happened under the ‘treatment’ that you were doing. How are you going to convince me to let you handle her case, much more let her stay here?”

Anticipating the doctor’s answer, Anna drilled a hole in his forehead. His gaze played between the nurse and the grey-haired man in the room, contemplating. 

All the waiting came out to be hopeless as Gran Pabbie shook his head once. “If you don’t want her to be treated by me anymore, you are free to go.” Scratching the stubble on his chin, he shrugged. “It’s not like I could do anything about it.”

That threw off Mr. Arendelle greatly. He blinked at him, eyebrows rising in surprise. He must be expecting a challenge. Unlike Anna who had been desensitised to all the director’s annoying quirks and reactions, the man was baffled.

And if Anna knew him correctly, he’d say something that would nullify his previous statement.

“But–”

_There it is._

“–with the rate our sessions are going, I have to say that we are making significant development.”

“How is my granddaughter attempting suicide in any form a development?” Mr. Arendelle questioned harshly. “I’m sure that anyone in the medical industry would consider a suicide attempt an alarming sign, a deterioration.”

Anna knew the man was determined to pull out the blonde from Middleton Psychiatric. She could hear it from his words. Daunting, grave, like there was nothing that could change his mind.

Doctor Pablo – being the one of the sharpest people-reader there was – knew of that, too. To Anna’s bewilderment, he didn’t concede. Instead, the director tried a different tactic.

“I will tell you the truth, Mr. Arendelle,” he said solemnly as he leaned forwards in his seat. “My goal is to integrate Elizabeth’s system – to put it simply, to fuse all alters into one functioning self with no borders or boundaries between alternate personalities.”

That was an ambitious goal from the doctor. Integrating was, according to what Anna read, a hard process to undergo. To some extent, an individual needed it for healing to take place. The thing was it wasn’t necessary. Crucial, yes, but to pursue full integration?

Anna wasn’t sure he’d be successful.

To break down barriers and unite memories, to get rid of dissociation and the amnesia between personalities, was an imposing task. Alters were made to handle uncomfortable situations and memories of trauma that one couldn’t manage.

Integration meant that the alters would have to face something they weren’t meant to. It was reliving trauma yet again. However, Anna knew that the thought of a full integration was fragrant to others.

Being a whole person – to be the only one in the body – seemed normal as people knew. A part of Anna believed that to be true but once she saw more of the topic, it didn’t look to be the easiest path.

Some might say it was impossible.

Mr. Arendelle appeared to be fascinated, even thrilled to hear that though. The scowl in his face eased into a placid countenance, like he was hearing something he had been waiting for his whole life.

Doctor Pablo, as kind and considerate as he was, could get right into people’s heads. Anna knew he didn’t tell the truth often although she was a bit impressed with his skills. Him being a psychiatrist paid off in that manner. She just wasn’t sure if it’d be best to give the blonde’s family false hope.

“I don’t think that’s in the best interest of the system, Doctor.”

The gentle yet firm voice pulled Anna’s eyes away from Gran Pabbie to their patient on the wheelchair. The rabbit was still sitting safely on the blonde’s lap, but the nervous petting it was receiving had stopped.

Anna was looking at serene blues yet the turmoil inside was noticeable in the way it zeroed on the doctor’s face.

Gran Pabbie angled his head faintly, asking politely, “May I know who is talking?”

“It’s Beth,” she said, determined gaze meeting the old man’s. “And I don’t think everyone will be fond of that goal.”

“Why not?” Mr. Arendelle asked, softly squeezing his granddaughter’s hand in his own. “Haven’t he discussed that with you already?”

“Not specifically to Beth,” Doctor Pablo provided, sharp eyes watching the two Arendelles do the same thing to him. “But I have discussed it with El.”

“El is not the only one in the system, Doctor Pablo. I, myself, have no negative thoughts about integrating, but,” she took a deep breath, closing her eyes for an agonising second, “I’m scared the others won’t think of it the same way.”

Mr. Arendelle saw the trouble lacing the blonde’s features and he cleared his throat, easing the atmosphere around them. His eyes wandered over to Anna’s for a moment before it returned to the director.

“Her previous doctor had suggested that before but he didn’t quite have the same confidence you do. He mentioned it, in passing, but it wasn’t brought up again after a conversation with Elizabeth… and her alters.”

Anna was regretting not taking the doctor’s offer to sit because right at the moment, her feet were cramping. The dizziness that was slowly creeping up on her conscious was also adding to her situation. She would be lying if she said that this conversation didn’t interest her.

Anna _was_ but the pauses in the air were somewhat uncomfortable to experience. Shifting her weight to her other foot, the nurse stared at the blonde’s face to figure out what she was feeling.

Beth’s eyes were still locked in the doctor, but Anna knew for days of being with the blonde that she didn’t have her full attention to him. Her eyes were clouded, although the little bit of blinking she was doing was keeping it at bay.

Her fingers were still on the bunny’s ears, feeling the soft material it was made out of. Anna was sure she was disassociating but she knew that Beth was still around as her jaw worked itself. Now that she was actively looking at her, she could see the differences Beth and the others had. She looked determined, gaze inscrutable on the person she was engaged with. Her face was schooled into a neutral yet strong impression.

_Like a queen’s. Impenetrable as ice._

That’s the perfect description of the person in the blonde’s body. She wasn’t soothing, or goofy, or full of character. Beth was stoic, confronting what must be faced with calmness and decision.

“I am not disregarding the other personalities in the system, Beth,” Gran Pabbie finally said. “But integration is one of the things that had been brought up by El. I will not rush the system to do that. If some might decide that they don’t want it at all, I wouldn’t force them to be integrated.”

Mr. Arendelle’s frown returned. Beth had the same appearance on her face now, too. At the moment, they looked exactly related to one another.

“But I haven’t had the chance to discuss it with everyone yet. I would have to ask you to give me a chance to do that so we could see what happens this time around.” Sighing, the doctor finished, “It didn’t have to be immediate, but it had to be gradual. Steady. Just like true healing should be.”

Mr. Arendelle seemed convinced with his words. He nodded, acceptance etched in the way he did so. Beth, however, was still unmoving in her place.

Anna had forgotten that Jack was in the same room as they were in. She wouldn’t be surprised if she was forgotten about, too. The conversation didn’t involve them, not until Jack cleared his throat, letting them know about his presence.

“If I may suggest something…”

Doctor Pablo stole a glance at Mr. Arendelle but gestured for him to continue.

Jack bit his lip. “I think Beth and the others would be safer back home. I’ve been taking care of them for years and nothing like… like what happened ever occurred before.”

Bollocks. Anna wanted to smack in the head. _They were already somehow convinced, dummy! Why did you have to open your mouth?_

Mr. Arendelle regarded Jack quietly but he still had the same optimistic glow in him. The blonde, after another moment of contemplation, made her decision known with a faint smile. “I… am thinking of the same, too.” Anna felt sadness befell on herself. “But I might also be just a little scared of what this healing could mean.”

The doctor acknowledged her statement with a hum. “It _is_ a scary thing, but whatever your decision would be, I hope you know that there’s a risk worth taking in us. You don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to, but please, consider all the progress that could be made.”

“Is it possible to return to our previous arrangements, then?” Jack asked, piping up again. Anna didn’t like him very much today. “We could still come here every day, just like what we’ve been doing for the past months.”

Anna was not too ready to be discarded and be someone else’s nurse, but it seemed that it would be the case as Mr. Arendelle expressed his approval of Jack's proposal. It would be for the best, she bitterly thought, he was better at his job than the nurse was. The director, however, was not finished discussing the matter with them.

“Can I suggest something else, too? Just a little addition to your preference.”

“Go ahead,” Mr. Arendelle urged.

Doctor Pablo stood up from his seat and gathered the files on his table. He picked up a piece of paper from the first folder and selected a clipped pile on the other. Showing Mr. Arendelle the first set of papers, Gran Pabbie told him to read it.

“Ms. Arendelle had been my patient for three months before she was admitted here. That was the only information I’ve ever gotten from our sessions,” he explained. Presenting the compiled papers next, the doctor continued, “And these are the ones I had once she was.”

Recognising the papers as the blonde’s records, Anna’s eyes zoomed in on the documents. Mr. Arendelle was silently wondering over what’s written on the file and from the corner of her eyes, she could see Beth peering curiously from beside her grandfather like a child snooping in a conversation.

Olaf must still be near the front then because Anna couldn’t see Beth doing that on her own.

Flipping through the pages, Mr. Arendelle gave up on trying to decipher the words. “I can see that the ones made when she’s here are much more detailed,” he looked up to the director, nonplussed. Glancing at the blonde to his right, he sighed as the realisation dawned on him. “Forgive me for asking but what’s the difference? As I heard, you still have the same amount of time with her here than you previously had outside. How could you have more conclusions inside, what, three weeks compared to three months?”

Anna wanted that answered, too. When she turned to the director, he was already staring at her. The intensity of his eyes was a cause for sweating and she gulped nervously as she held his gaze.

_I’m not in trouble, am I?_

Gran Pabbie gestured a hand up at her, an action that baffled everybody in the room.

“The difference is her.”

All eyes sailed to the auburn-haired nurse. Her green ones were wide, comprehension evading her brain. _What the fuck?_

It didn’t seem like she was the only one mystified by the doctor’s explanation. Before Anna could make a fool out of herself by stuttering out a question, Mr. Arendelle beat her to the punch.

“I’m sorry, what?” he uttered, completely at a loss. “Wasn’t she _just_ Elizabeth’s nurse? The one who overlooked the kn–” The blonde beside him raised an eyebrow. Mr. Arendelle coughed, continuing, “–the one who wasn’t able to prevent what happened?”

Shame butted its head once again in Anna’s vision, her heart falling. The reminder of her mistake was enough to dampen her mood completely. Luckily, Gran Pabbie was quick to put off Mr. Arendelle’s transcending heat towards her.

“That may be,” the doctor acknowledged, “but if you look closely, most of the attached documents there are her observations and assessments.”

“What are you implying?”

Gran Pabbie chuckled at him. “I’m implying that having Nurse Anna around is something to be considered about.” A cheerful smile gave way in his face. “I don’t think I’d be having such optimism in this case if it wasn’t for her.”

That shone a different light at the woman. Anna was gobsmacked with whatever the doctor was saying. She didn’t think she was any help at all to the treatment. All she did was take a pen and her clipboard each morning and after every day, noting changes and observations that anyone could see.

Just like Mr. Arendelle, she didn’t have much faith in herself. The bomb Doctor Pablo dropped didn’t only wash away the two other men in the room, but Anna, too, as she gaped at the white-coated man.

_And he didn’t even discuss it with me first!_

Seriously, the old man at the end of the table was ruthless in that aspect. How inconsiderate of him. But Anna wasn’t turned off by the idea he was suggesting. She doubted the director would just throw out a suggestion like this if he didn’t think it through.

He might not look like it, but Gran Pabbie was as experienced as doctors get. Plus, there must be a reason why he was recommended by the blonde’s previous psychiatrist from the other end of the world.

Doctor Pablo’s scheme might have seemed inconspicuous but she knew that something was going on in that greying head of his. That included her, unfortunately, and she was sure that she’d give him a hard time about it later.

But for now, Anna wished that she could still be part of the treatment process, even if her intention was a little self-serving. She knew from here that she wouldn’t agree with this proposition if it was anyone else who was her charge.

It was because it was her – Elsa – that Anna wanted to help as much as she could.

The nurse wanted to make a difference in the blonde’s life, something she couldn’t do when she was younger. That mind-set would soon make or break her, Anna knew, but she didn’t care. Carrying unreasonable guilt in her pocket, she took a deep breath, all too willing to jump in this mess.

Mr. Arendelle studied her from his seat, but at least he looked like he was thinking about the doctor’s proposition. The blonde on the wheelchair was watching her, dissecting the nurse with an unreadable emotion on her face.

Beth breathed in once, the edges of her lips dipping into an unsure smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all thank you so much for waiting for this chap! I apologise for the way too long updates but rest assured that this story is still going to be moving forward. tace kare my dudes xx
> 
> also wow we're at the 100k mark OwO never thought I had the attention span xD


	21. broken

**chapter** **seventeen: broken**

Anna was, one way or the other, utterly fascinated by the blonde’s complexity. Just an appearance of a smile, a subtle crinkle of the nose, and the intimidating air around her charge disappeared completely.

The simplest of reactions and the slightest of hints were proof of the mystery Elizabeth Arendelle was veiled in. Anna wanted to be there when they pull her secrets apart. Not as an audience to the spectacle, no, but as a shoulder to lean on. A person to be trusted, just like what she told El.

She was bound to wonder where she started being so entranced by the blonde but Anna knew to track it down would only take her back to a café and a butterfly. Maybe even to a cornfield and a creek.

One thing the nurse was sure of was she wanted to be able to help her patient on their way to recovery, come what may.

“We need to think about it first,” Beth nodded at her faintly, calculated blues wearing into her although the single ray of light playing on it brightened them up. “But the system… they do like Nurse Anna.”

Which was… a surprise? Anna didn’t know what that could mean but she guessed that most of the alters she’s been with _did_ seem to like her. Not that she was doing anything extraordinary. The nurse decided to take that as a compliment.

Gran Pabbie was correct when he said that Beth was oriented with the matters of the system. The one who handles the boring business of life, or in this case, the intricate complication of having more than one personality in the body. And she wass quite good at it. Listening to the director and the blonde’s conversation, Beth sounded well-articulated. Straight-forward but never losing her politeness.

Anna silently watched the exchange happen before her until Doctor Pablo invited her back to the conversation. Mr. Arendelle was asking about the arrangements _if_ something like his suggestion earlier were to be organised.

“If Nurse Anna were to agree with us, then she could have the same schedule she had here.” Gran Pabbie at least had the courtesy to look embarrassed about not talking to her about his plan before recommending it to all of them. Anna squinted her eyes at him. “Ultimately, it would be better to just discuss it once you’ve decided if Ms. Arendelle were to come home. Nurse Anna?” he called. The nurse perked up. “I hope you don’t mind having to go over this again next time.”

“ _If_ we decided so,” Mr. Arendelle added.

“Of course,” the doctor chuckled. “Once you’ve decided. In the meantime, Ms. Arendelle will have to undergo an evaluation to make sure she’s stable enough for a discharge. The Head Nurse would assess her first and, if needed, so would I. Afterwards, I’d let you know the results.”

The following steps were made to follow Doctor Pablo’s directives. Anna wheeled the blonde downstairs silently, leaving the steely air Mr. Arendelle and Jack were bathing in along with the director.

* * *

When Anna told Mrs. Megara about the doctor’s orders, they were sent to the tidy yet incredibly claustrophobic box room that was the assessment room. The lack of windows was an architectural mistake, Anna decided. The place couldn’t possibly be planned this way. Save for a small stool and a pristine looking bed, it was empty of anything else. It looked more of a confinement room than their actual ones, to her amusement.

She had been there before with the same patient but the redheaded nurse told herself that Beth had never been there before. The blonde sat uncomfortably in her wheelchair, looking at their only exit with a distinguished amount of curtness in her eyes. Anna’s staring was soon met with a raised brow after seconds. Anna pretended she wasn’t hell-bent on observing her charge by clearing her throat and shifting her gaze to the empty wall behind the blonde.

The awkward silence was so much heavier than how it should be. Anna took a deep breath, catching Beth’s attention effortlessly once more. Time took its sweet time as it passed.

_It’s getting hot in here._

Anna _was_ certain that the blonde had turned her attention elsewhere. To the door, maybe, since Beth appeared to dislike this room as much as she did. Green eyes slowly returned to their favourite view, unexpectedly discovering blue ones directed at her.

Anna’s cheeks grew warm.

Mrs. Megara was definitely preparing for this assessment at her own pace.

Beth’s collected smile responded to her. “Yes?”

She had been watching her charge every single minute of her time with them. Taking notes on foretelling signs of switching, observing how each and every personality acted. That’s what Collin A. Ross and the many sources regarding DID taught her. To watch, and see, and try to understand. Simple things, all of it. Words that described what the disorder was, videos from people with DID themselves talking about it. All taught her how to look out for the signs and what could they mean.

But every time she looked for the clues of switches and watched for the changes on her patient to occur, Anna found herself so mystified still. The blonde was not a stranger to her. Days, from sunrise to sunset, were focused solely on the blue-eyed girl.

Yet Anna still didn’t know who the person in front of her was.

If the nurse didn’t know, she would’ve thought it was El fronting. Beth had the same calm expression the host usually wore, but El didn’t have such a presence as the woman in front of her had. Hair still tousled from when Olaf was out and stuffed rabbit still resting on her hands, the woman before her exuded control. Beth was prim as if she was sitting on an office chair instead of a wheelchair.

Even in her state of dishevelment, the blonde was a sight to see. Her platinum locks looked like it was intended to look just like _that_ , swept nonchalantly with strands falling into place perfectly. Beth’s face wasn’t as transparent as the others, an opaque wall hiding her emotions within, but the small lift in the corner of her lips resembled much of a smirk. But even then, Anna could easily recall the twinkle of tears in Olaf’s eyes. It’s almost like it was still there, hiding behind the clear focus of Beth’s gaze. Just the strange mixture of characters in those orbs was fascinating. Like a swirl of contrasting colours blending in together harmoniously.

Anna was still so lost in them.

The last time she was faced with Beth, there was nothing in the air but a few exchanged words. Recovering still, the blonde didn’t show much of her character to Anna, but now, the nurse could see it bright as day.

This alter… This _woman_ commanded attention, pulled every breath leaving Anna’s body, and held it captive, all with the greatest poise Anna had seen.

It looked like her princess grew up to be a fine queen.

“Are you comfortable? Do you need anything?” Anna asked politely, snapping out of her daydream.

Trivial questions to ask, yet required ones. She was still the blonde’s nurse after all. Even if she barely knew who was fronting.

Beth wrapped a hand on the beige rabbit she had, shifting slightly in response to her question. “I am… with someone else,” she declared, swallowing slowly. “You know that right?”

Nodding, Anna took a deep breath, eyes fixated on the way a pale arm hugged the toy bunny. “Is Olaf still around?”

“Yes,” Beth said straightforwardly. “I hope it isn’t too much to ask you not to leave. He’s just a child and…”

“And he needs someone to look out for him if and when he comes out,” Anna finished for her with a grin, taking the request wholeheartedly. “Of course, Beth. I will.”

Beth returned the smile at her. “Thank you.”

The blonde seemed content just staring at her afterwards. Anna ought to feel uncomfortable, but she knew that she wasn’t being scrutinised like what Mr. Arendelle did to her earlier with his cold eyes. No. Beth was simply… doing the same thing the nurse was doing to her.

Observing.

_Or maybe dissociating. It could be both._

At the same time, too. Anna turned to stand up but her charge’s eyes followed her. Stretching with a groan, the redhead maintained the smile on her face. “You still there?”

The blonde chuckled, dipping her head yes. “The little’s being hard to reason with.”

“Does he want to be out?”

“On the most unfortunate of times,” Beth quipped, her tone carrying her words lightly. “Being in the inner world gets a little too stifling sometimes so I couldn’t judge too much.”

“Wait… inner world?” Anna asked, curious as to what Beth could share about it.

An internal world – or inner world – was described as a headspace in which all the alters could interact. A world inside the mind in which the alternate personalities could manifest as if in real life. Anna knew all of that only by ink on paper so hearing it from the blonde interested her. 

But Beth didn’t seem like she wanted to answer Anna’s curiosity. With a remarkably stiff voice, she said, “Yes.”

When Beth didn’t extrapolate more, the nurse took it upon herself to shut up and respect her silence. The result of her natural curiosity mixing with her duty as a nurse was green eyes widening into a puppy-stare as she wished the blonde would take pity on her and let her know more. A little bit manipulative, yes, but still keeping her distance away, enough for her patient to decide if she wanted to give in to the unspoken prying.

“Yes?” Anna whispered hopefully.

Beth was amused by that if her entertained hum was anything to go by. The blonde shook her head at the nurse’s ridiculousness. “Yes. Inner world.”

Anna brightened up as she was given a chance by the blonde. “Do you see Olaf there often?”

“Yes. After all, I prefer to be in the inner world than to be fronting.”

With a guess, Anna pressed on. “Do you… prefer to be inside because you’re the gatekeeper?”

Beth’s nose twitched yet her polite smile didn’t change. “I don’t think I like the word gatekeeper.” Anna winced internally at herself at the response. “But I am somehow responsible with how the others appear, so you are correct.”

The alter’s words have a lot of insinuations. It meant that Beth had control over who’s out and fronting. If she was, then there’s a huge chance that she knew about the persecutor, although Anna wasn’t sure about that.

She recalled Doctor Pablo saying that Beth refused to share anything about the persecutor though. It wouldn’t be a farfetched assumption to think that Beth _knew_ about them. Then that would bring up the idea of Beth having failed her role and not stopping the persecutor.

Anna pulled her thoughts to a stop. That was an allegation that couldn’t be taken lightly, especially since she didn’t know much about how the system worked internally. For now, she stored the thoughts in a neat box to be revisited later.

“Ahh,” Anna sighed, contemplating what she just realised.

Beth only blinked at her, forehead wrinkling into a frown. “Don’t do that.”

Stilling her movements, the nurse’s eyebrows climbed up. “Excuse me?”

“No, not you,” Beth replied, pursing her lips. “Not you, Nurse Anna.”

Then it must be Olaf. Anna was still astounded with how the blonde talked to herself and how she was seemingly getting through the other alters in her head.

Raising a hand, Beth pinched her nose, sighing gently. “You can come out later.”

Beth, just like Seven that morning, was placating the little, although a bit more sternly than the guy did. Anna was caught up in how her patient worked. From the annoyed little huff she was making to the way her throat bobbed up and down as she gulped. The blonde was a working puzzle, one that didn’t have an exact way of solving it. Filled with mystery and secrets not even every alter knew.

Anna remembered how Beth agreed to what Jack was proposing earlier. She couldn’t help but voice out her question as she tried to stop the creepy way she was leering at the blonde. “Do you really think that it’s better for you to stay at home rather than to be here like Jack said?”

Opening her eyes once again, Beth gave her a curious glance. “He did make a huge point, didn’t he?”

Yes, he did, but still, weren’t they here for a reason? Because they were on the lookout for the persecutor?

“So if it wasn’t for what happened, you’d think of staying here?” Anna rebutted. “Weren’t you having troubles with the persecutor?”

“Nurse Anna,” the blonde stopped her tirade. Anna just about swallowed her tongue as a sharp frown got directed to her. “There are things I can’t discuss with you.”

_… right._

If Doctor Pablo, a smart, witty old troll couldn’t get through Beth, the chances were slim against Anna. But the nurse, unlike the director, was unethically nosy, and after a pregnant pause, she found her mouth flapping open.

“Why not?”

To say that Beth was taken aback would be putting it lightly. The blonde was completely dumbfounded by her question. Anna couldn’t believe herself, too. Wasn’t she just thinking of respecting the alter’s boundaries?

Beth – calm and collected as she was – gawked at her.

Anna found a reoccurring thing in the system. It’s the look of contemplation, thinking of any means to answer her question when they refuse to say or didn’t _know_ the answer. She must’ve rendered Beth speechless and at a loss as her face relaxed and sooner than Anna could realise, a childish snort rang through the air.

Turning to the side, the blonde looked around the room, gaze finally returning to the nurse after moments. Fingers played on the rabbit’s ears as the smile her charge had become boisterous. “Hello.”

“Hi, Olaf,” she greeted back. Beth must’ve lost grip on the front, letting the little swoop in time. Anna felt a little guilty in causing that, but she really couldn’t turn back time and stop herself from talking.

It seemed that Beth still was fighting for control as the blonde stared at Anna quietly, lips getting stuck between teeth and humming softly as if getting scolded.

Mrs. Megara chose that moment to make an appearance.

The preoccupied blonde’s arm was taken as the Head Nurse measured her blood pressure. The older woman sent Anna an inquiring look but all she could offer was a shrug.

“I’m sorry about that,” the blonde – Beth – blinked finally, “I… Olaf wanted to be out.”

“That’s alright,” Mrs. Megara assured, smiling at the blonde. “We’re just going to have a physical check and I’m going to ask a few questions. Take your time, please.”

A sad whine came out of the blonde, surprising both nurses. Eyes coming to the stethoscope on Mrs. Megara’s form, the patient grabbed it at once, cooing all the while. “Ooooh! What’s this?” Before anyone could answer that, Beth got a hold of the little again, firmly saying, “ _Stop that_.” The blonde pouted. “I’m sorry.”

As interesting it was to watch the switches happen in real-time as two alters fought for the front, Anna couldn’t deny that the scene was a little uneasy.

The nurse knew what’s happening, knew that the mind was switching from one consciousness to another. Yet, at the end of the day, here in the assessment room, the blonde simply looked like she was talking to herself, uttering words that weren't directed at anyone else but the people in her mind.

And it was proof to Anna that the blonde wasn’t okay. Broken even. With multiple parts that were still not quite whole, but distinct enough to see.

As green eyes loitered on her patient’s form, Anna wondered about the tragedy, the _trauma_ that the blonde had to endure to be fragmented like this. Her Elsa was traumatised beyond what the blonde could ever handle and that thought made Anna weak in the knees, the pain in her chest illuminated only by the subtle breaths she was taking.

* * *

Right after Mrs. Megara’s assessment, Olaf kicked Beth out of the body successfully.

The blonde was eating a sausage with his bare hands, but the little didn’t seem to mind as he was transported back to room 031 with Mr. Arendelle and Jack tailing them.

“Where are we going?” he said, leaning his head back to peer at the nurse. “Are we going home?”

“Yes, Olaf.” _Unfortunately. Sadly._

Anna wanted to grumble about being separated from her patient but there’s nothing she could do. Beth decided that she wanted to be discharged and she had both of her guardians to make sure it was executed.

“Are you excited to go home, Olaf?” Jack chimed from behind her.

Anna didn’t know why but she’s grown a little annoyed with the man. Reminding herself that she had no right to be jealous of him – he was there before her and had helped the blonde immensely for so long – she tried to keep a neutral face as the two spoke to each other.

Just as they arrived at room 031, the small group noticed Nurse Ralph jogging up to them.

“Mr. Arendelle?” he asked, approaching the man swiftly. “The director wanted to talk to you.”

“Again?” Eyebrows rising, Mr. Arendelle nodded as Ralph uttered a confirmation.

“It seemed that there’s something that came up.”

Ralph led the old man back to the second floor, not without giving a curious Anna a half shrug. Once they arrived at the blonde’s room, the Head Nurse greeted them.

“Nurse Anna,” she began, “Ms. Arendelle’s belongings are now ready to be taken.”

Grumpily, Anna nodded and turned to follow her when Jack joined on their conversation. “Can I check if everything’s there then?”

If Jack was implying that something could be missing, then Anna was offended by the notion. He didn’t have to rub on their faces how distrustful he was with them.

That put them in a predicament, however, as to who the blonde would be left with. With a grouchy tone, Jack then told her to stay put with their patient, volunteering to go by himself. He didn’t look too happy with leaving the blonde, with the nurse of all people.

Anna thought maybe he’d grown a dislike for her, too.

_Seems fair._

Nearing her patient who was steadily smearing the shirt he was wearing with the sauce from his hands, Anna smiled cheerfully at Olaf.

“Do you like the sauce?”

“Mhmm,” was the bright reply. While he was busy chomping down the rest of his snack, however, Anna noticed something hidden on the blonde’s neckline.

The green of the shirt made it almost invisible but not to Anna’s keen eyes. With red stains on the blonde’s collarbone, it was most efficiently hidden. Only Anna knew what that bulge in the front of her patient’s shirt looked like.

Like cables.

When Olaf moved to bite down on the sausage he was holding, the nurse could see a patch of silver peeking out from inside the blonde’s shirt.

The object quickly registered in Anna’s brain. It was a stethoscope. Maybe even Mrs. Megara’s stethoscope. The means on how her patient got it was eluding her – _how the hell did he get that through us?_ – but she was steadily impressed with the little’s swift fingers.

“Olaf?”

The blonde turned to look at her. Olaf’s glaring difference with Beth was more pronounced now, wide eyes and ketchup all over his face.

“What’s that on your shirt?”

With mouth full and hands stilling in the air, the blonde lied timidly, “Nothing?”

If Anna wasn’t wholeheartedly confused with Olaf’s motives on acquiring the piece, she would have cooed over his adorableness. That’s what the blonde was right now. Adorable. No piercing gaze from blue eyes, there was only cute, childish distress on it from getting caught.

She still had to get that back from him.

“Olaf,” Anna warned, reaching a palm out. “C’mon. Give it back.”

Instead of following her orders, the blonde swallowed roughly. Gripping the armrests of the wheelchair, he dropped his feet to the ground and shimmied further from her, pushing his chair as the wheels rolled back.

“Olaf,” she repeated, strictly this time.

“It’s nothing!” the little guaranteed, obviously lying through his sausage-filled teeth. “Iuughwoughyaa.”

_What the heck does that mean?_

Stepping closer to the blonde, Anna planted both palms on her side. “I’m going to count three.”

Olaf only stared at her, slowly chewing and eyes turned downward, stubbornness clear on his face. Anna wouldn’t back down from his tricks.

“One.”

He stayed on his seat, unmoving. Anna stalked closer causing him to repeat his previous action, distancing himself once again.

“Two.”

The nurse seemed like she wasn’t going to win this standoff. Number three rang loud in the air and the blonde was still munching on his sausage like he wasn’t hearing anything.

_So be it._

Anna, carefully yet assertively, dashed before him, pulling the earpiece and the tubing inside the blonde’s clothes. Olaf grabbed the chest piece just in time, tugging it back. Wondering where the little got his strength from – _wasn’t he just crying earlier this morning due to his wound?_ – the nurse tightened her grip on the stem, desperate to get it from him.

“Olaf, give it back!”

The blonde shook his head fervently. “No! It’s mine!”

Ready to give the little a talking to, she swatted the thought on her head and focused on the unyielding hold the blonde had on the other end. The ear tube was slowly getting mangled on her hands but the stethoscope held through the pressure it was getting put under. Anna didn’t know that stethoscopes could withhold such aggression. She should ask Mrs. Megara where on Earth she bought the damned thing.

Sitting on the ground in front of her patient, the nurse exerted more force than she was doing. Pulling with all her might, Anna leaned back strongly. Olaf’s grip still wouldn’t let on and that caused the blonde to topple due to her strength, falling heavily on Anna’s body from the wheelchair.

If their previous antics didn’t aggravate the wound on the blonde’s stomach, this certainly did it. Olaf let go of the other end of the stethoscope and was now holding his abdomen, face scrunched up in pain.

The loud wail registered in Anna’s mind faster than anything did and she froze on her spot from the floor. 

Holy shit. She just caused undue stress to her patient. Anna panicked, holding the blonde on the shoulders as she sat up. Olaf’s crying only intensified, hunching forward with a sob. She couldn’t very well move from her position with the blonde’s weight pinning her down. With hushed words, Anna tried to calm him down. “I’m sorry, oh God. I’m so sorry. It’s fine, Olaf, it’s okay, just _please_ don’t cry.”

If Jack were to come in right at this moment, he’d have more reasons to dislike her. Who the hell initiates a fight with a patient? An injured one at that!

Anna didn’t know what to do to calm him down. With his cries getting more guttural, she wrapped an arm around the blonde’s midsection and the other on his back, hauling him up so she could carry her charge to a more comfortable place.

Olaf must have known he was being carried as his arms took purchase around Anna’s neck, legs wrapping around her hips. It definitely looked like she was holding a toddler. Except this toddler was in the body of a full-grown woman and Anna didn’t know how the scene would look like to an outsider.

Their new station seemed to soothe Olaf down somewhat, though, as his sobs burned down to little hiccups. Embracing the nurse tightly, his teary face found her neck, sniffing loudly. Anna’s skin tingled from where he was touching her, and she swayed around as if lulling him to sleep.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, Olaf liked the babying he was receiving as his stress died down after minutes. Her arms were complaining by then. Not because the blonde was heavy, no – her charge was light as air, but because she couldn’t move them as doing so would make her lose her grip.

Anna was realising how inefficient her hold was and she tried to walk to the bed behind them with little steps. Just before she could take her first one, however, the blonde pulled back from her neck, staring at her warily as the tears in them were chased away by the fluttering of eyelids.

Blue eyes looked at Anna and down to their quite intimate proximity. The blonde opened their mouth and with a disturbed frown, uttered, “ _Eugh_.”

Anna wondered if it was one of Olaf’s undecipherable words but the way the blonde was steadily pulling away was taking a toll on her weak grip.

A loud chortle hit the air.

On the corner of her eye, Mr. Arendelle was clapping his hands, a concerned Jack beside him with the blonde’s luggage on the floor. He approached them quickly, and the blonde’s disgusted yet confused look turned to Anna sharply once blue eyes saw their new audience. “The fuck?”

Olaf probably didn’t know how to curse. _Which meant that…_

Anna’s eyes widened. The blonde had successfully reached the floor, shaking off the hand underneath his butt. Weak arms let go of her charge and Seven’s troubled grimace greeted her first hand.

“That’s got to be the messiest way I've ever seen someone calm down a child,” Mr. Arendelle guffawed. If someone were to tell Anna that the man in front of her was the same one in the Director’s office earlier, she would be suspicious of their mental state.

But this was the same Mr. Arendelle from earlier. Anna could feel cold sweat dripping down her neck. “How… how long were you there?”

“Since you were playing tug-of-war with Olaf,” he replied joyously.

Which meant that he was there to see how the blonde was literally dragged to the floor by the nurse. An uncomfortable ball lodged itself on Anna’s throat, but before she could lament about losing the chance to take care of the blonde due to her actions, Mr. Arendelle’s heavy hand landed on her shoulder.

Her heart stopped but the kind smile he was wearing eased her down. “You’re definitely something, Nurse Laurent.”

Mr. Arendelle patted Seven in the back, grinning at him and brushing his bangs away from his face. Anna still couldn’t believe he didn’t scream at her, mouth opened slightly as the blonde frowned at her.

“What the fuck happened?” Seven inquired tensely, looking at the nurse as he wiped down the tears and the red sauce on his face. Explaining what happened to him would take a lot of time. For now, Anna found herself releasing a deep sigh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to everyone who's still reading :D you guys make my heart swell. take care my dudes and stay safe xx


	22. a horrible liar

**chapter eighteen: a horrible liar**

The sky outside her windows was yet to be graced by light. Anna would have appreciated the early morning just like she often did if not for the searing dark brown eyes trying to kill her from a distance.

Cassandra was slowly getting successful in making her self-conscious. Anna would never be in the mood to receive visitors at this time of day but her friend had been a little… adamant, enough for her to be bullied to fetch the short-haired woman from the lobby of her apartment building. She didn’t know why Cassandra had chosen this day to visit. She probably had her reasons but Anna’s mind was still fuzzy from sleep and all she wanted to do was to see Morpheus once again.

Tough luck on her behalf. Her friend didn’t look like she was going to leave anytime soon.

“What are you”–a mouth-splitting yawn interrupted her– “doing here again?”

Cassandra’s glare didn’t relent. “We had a girls’ night out yesterday.”

“Who said that?”

“I did,” the woman scoffed, crossing her legs as she leaned on Anna’s sofa with the most offended look she ever wore. “ _And_ you didn’t even reply to my text about it.”

“I definitely haven’t seen it, Cass,” Anna rolled her eyes as she lied through her teeth, silently thinking about where in her apartment did she leave her phone. “Most of the time people don’t reply because they haven’t seen the memo. When did you even text me?”

After a week of tedious labour – something that was made even drearier as she was assigned back to her previous station of being a staff nurse – the last thing Anna remembered was face-planting on her bed as soon as she got home from her shift on Friday.

It had been her first week after the suspension she was given, which meant that it had been four days of not seeing a particular blue-eyed blonde. Anna was used to being a cheerful, lively person, but her separation from her charge was making her feel less bright.

And sure, Anna might’ve seen Cassandra’s message (which was sent sometime past eight in the evening if she was not mistaken) inviting her for a night out for the first time in a long while but she had (purposely) forgotten about it, chucking her phone somewhere in her damned living space and caring about nothing at all.

Anna just wanted a couple of days to mourn. Seriously. She wanted to be grumpy and grouchy and she obviously couldn’t do that when she was working. But it was already Friday and Anna could finally miss twinkling blue eyes in peace. Thus, there she was, damning her friends and their night out.

She didn’t expect Cassandra to visit her at 3:02 AM though. Trying to keep a neutral face against the judgemental look the woman was giving her since her arrival, Anna sighed noisily.

_It’s not my fault I wanted some me time._

Or so she tried to convince herself. Looking at Casandra’s frown was making her guilty, however, and Anna tried not to wince at herself for deciding to ghost them last night.

She was about to lose her fight with her conscience when Cassandra shook her head. “You know what? It’s fine. Let’s just have a girls’ day today.”

And if the brunette gave her a glance full of pity right after she said that, then Anna was none the wiser to it.

“Why are you even here this early?” the redhead asked, noting the ungodly hour as she sat on one of the kitchen stools she had, waiting for the coffee to be done. “Did you set your alarm to three before you slept?”

“If I did, I wouldn’t be here right now.” Cassandra gave a yawn of her own, lying down on the sofa to stretch. “I’ll still be at home, snoozing the shit of it.” Anna sent her an amused smile. “Tiana dropped me off after we hung out.”

Oh. So their night was still somehow successful. Anna felt a little better thinking about how her friends could still have fun without her. Not like they couldn’t, but she knew her absence would be noted in their group of three.

Cassandra turned on her phone and was silent for moments before she announced, “Tiana’s gonna be here in a few.”

“Didn’t you say she just dropped you off?” Anna pondered, “Why would she come back here?”

“She just wanted to change her clothes.” She looked directly at green eyes, repeating, “We’re having a girls’ day in.”

Anna was touched that her friends were still exerting effort in hanging out with her. They really were the best. If Anna wasn’t just licking her wounds in secret for the past few days, then she’d be ecstatic in spending more time with them.

Alas, she was still feeling the heartbreak of not having heard from the blonde or her guardians. Anna didn’t know how long deciding to hire a nurse could take, but every day without a call to Gran Pabbie’s office was torture.

Part of her thought that having such _attachment_ to a patient was trouble but Anna couldn’t see any red lights on why she couldn’t.

Okay, she _kinda_ could see them – even hear blaring sirens from miles along the way – but Anna’s way too invested in her feelings to think of anything rational.

“Is that coffee done yet?”

Brought back by the loud question, she stood up and checked the coffeemaker. Pouring a cup for Cassandra and herself, their silence was broken by the loud knock on the door. Slouching all the way to it, Anna swung it open to see a way-too-bright-for-the-morning Tiana, who was carrying three pizza boxes as she passed the pyjama-wearing redhead.

“Good morning to you, Anna Laurent,” Tiana greeted, sending her critical rise of the eyebrow. “Why on Earth were you absent on a girls’ night out, hmm?”

The phrase girls’ night-slash-day out was steadily ticking Anna off, but at the same time, it made her realise that it was a staple event in their friendship.

Well, staple enough to be hunted down once she missed it, anyways.

“She said she missed my text,” Cassandra chimed before snorting. “As if she did.”

Right. The short-haired girl had seen through her bullshit. She should’ve expected that, honestly. Anna wasn’t really a great liar.

As her two guests made themselves comfortable by ordering her around for their own amusement – “What the fuck would you need _my_ blanket for?!” – she found herself sitting minutes later on the floor with boxes of pizza before her very face and _her_ blanket splayed out underneath them.

Tiana was laying her head on a pillow, curly hair spilling down as she shoved a single pepperoni on her mouth. “What’s got you looking like that?”

Too busy staring at the open box of pepperoni pizza before her, Anna only realised that the question was directed at her after the woman threw the pillow she was using in the redhead’s face.

Grumbling, she tossed it back with as much fervour, annoyed that she was interrupted in choosing the perfect slice. “Like what?”

Tiana pulled her face into a disgusted grimace, waving her hand at the redhead’s face. “Like _that_.”

The emphasis wasn’t helpful.

Anna felt the itch to touch her face, afraid something was in it with how intense Tiana’s gaze was. Cassandra was gladly listening in their conversation, Anna knew, even if she looked bored as hell staring into the thin air between the two of them.

But she knew that there wasn’t anything in her face. Tiana was referring to her face itself, regardless of what’s in it or what’s it doing.

Opening her mouth to retort, Anna was interrupted by Cassandra snapping back to reality, smelling her incoming redirection from a mile away. “And don’t even try to avoid the question, banana. We know what’s going on. It’s best for you to just spill.”

Anna wasn’t a great liar. With two knowing smirks pointed at her, she realised it also meant that she was also bad at keeping her own secrets. Take it up to the two brunettes to know her better than anyone.

A defeated sigh hit the air. There was no way around the two of them. Anna grumbled, “What do you wanna know?”

“What’s going on with you and blondie?” Tiana asked right away, only waiting for her inquiry to start snooping in her business. “You don’t even look like a defeated puppy anymore. You look straight up dead inside.”

It might be just an exaggeration on Tiana’s part but somehow that’s exactly what Anna felt like. Her stomach’s been empty and she was so hollow, rotting from the inside out.

Her sleep schedule wasn’t the best these past few days. Anna knew that even if she tried to mask her frown with a smile, there still was this horrible feeling in her chest. It’s like maggots were nipping at her insides, squirming uncomfortably every time she thought of the blonde

She didn’t know what killed her. It’s a tie between losing her charge for _days_ now and knowing who the blonde truly was. The disbelief that latched on her had worn itself down after a while. It took days before her mind was able to process the information. Seeing Elizabeth again last Monday, which was an abnormally hectic day, Anna didn’t have enough time to contemplate with herself about what everything could mean now.

But now that her days were filled taking care of someone else, well, there’s a lot of room to do that.

Anna had planned to visit Sutterton once she saved enough money for it. That’s why she agreed to be put in private care. It would be like a holiday, of sorts, and she’s going to find her childhood best friend and reconnect for old time’s sake. Maybe spend the day in a café with her as they laugh about the path their lives had taken or maybe watch a movie they blindly chose because they both had more interest in catching up with each other. They could do everything, anything they ever wanted.

That was all impossible now.

Deep inside her, Anna knew she was still assuring herself that her charge wasn’t the girl who made Neverland alive. She was still stuck in a circle in which she couldn’t get out of. It was denial, and maybe a little bit of shock, coming together and forming a safety bubble around Anna that forces her to believe it but not _feel_ it.

Anna was starting to lose grip on her emotions and reasoning, so she stopped thinking of whatever it was she was feeling and answered Tiana’s question. “I’m not dead inside,” she pointed out but softened with the understanding gaze of her friend. “I’m just… sad that she was discharged.”

“Come to think of it,” Cassandra started, supposing aloud, “She was in no position to be discharged after… after what she did to herself.” A solemn silence hit the air. “I mean... how could that happen?”

The redhead was surprised that Tiana took it upon herself to reply to that. “Simple. She was able to pass the doctor’s assessments, proving that she was in a stable state of mind. The two-week observation period on patients who have attempted was over then, too, so…”

Cassandra blinked at her. “I know the process, Ti. My question was how was she able to pass her assessments right off the bat? Patients who had attempted usually take at least a month before they could be discharged. What did she do differently?”

“Because the person who did the assessments was not the one who attempted,” Tiana answered swiftly. “They were in different places mentally – different states of mind. The person who tried to, erm, do the deed, was not the one fronting while the assessments were going on. Because of that, the psychological situation of the other guy wasn’t tested.” The curly-haired woman shrugged. “That’s most likely why Arendelle was able to leave.”

Anna’s mouth dropped open. “Her guardians were… also pulling her out,” she added lousily, staring at Tiana in bewilderment. “Wait, where did you learn all that?”

Tiana smirked at her, taking a huge bite of her pizza, “Common sense.” Anna let out a disappointed groan. The woman chuckled at her. “If you meant the terms, then it’s because I got a bit interested after hanging out with Lilly.” A dimmer smile was put on her lips. “I liked that girl.”

Tiana _did_ spend a lot of time with Lilly. Anna knew that the two had gotten close, but it still was a mystery how they did that. She was glued to the blonde’s side all the time for five days a week and the other nurse had duties she had to do, too.

Anna squinted her eyes at Tiana. She knew from Cassandra that the woman was a fan of mosaicxrecords.

Tiana must’ve liked her vibe so much if she got magnetised by the same blonde twice.

The woman snickered at Anna when she saw the thoughtful expression on her face. “Chill. I’m straight as a pole. I’m not going to take her away from you.”

That was enough to get through Anna and blood instantly rushed to her cheeks, tongue getting crooked as she stuttered, “I… um, wha–hey wait, what are you implying?”

“Should be obvious by now,” Cassandra commented, receiving a high-five from Tiana.

Anna knew that deflecting that would only solidify their assumptions about her. Plus, she was a _horrible_ liar so they’d definitely just see right through her. Shrugging, she snorted, reacting the only way that wouldn’t dig the hole that she was in deeper.

Hours later, when the sun had already woken up and she had confessed everything her friends wanted to hear, Cassandra pursed her lips. “Are you sure that you want to be taking in private care outside the hospital? _Of_ Arendelle, too? I thought you loved working at MPH. What changed?”

To say what changed was not a choice, especially since the two women already know of it. From her words, indirect as they may. They knew. It’s in the way their eyes glinted, like sympathy for the redhead, maybe even warning. 

“The pay’s high,” Anna said nonchalantly, uncertainly scraping her fingers on the wooden floor underneath her palm.

Her friends weren’t convinced with her excuse but bringing up the unethical undertones in her apparent intention in following the blonde was too low of a move for both the brunettes. They couldn’t say it, couldn’t talk about the reality of the situation.

The unspoken secret hung in the air. Anna couldn’t bring herself to care.

* * *

It had only taken another week before she was called to Doctor Pablo’s office.

A mixture of anxiety and elation was oozing from her as she walked into her destination with unsure yet quick steps. She wished that it would be good news, that Anna was going to finally be hired for a certain patient. Though, the possibility that Mr. Arendelle and the blonde had decided against it made her restless.

The only way to know for sure was to talk to the director about it, and with a knock, she entered the old man’s office with a faltering smile.

“You called?”

Gran Pabbie nodded at her, offering her a seat that Anna gladly took. “Can I ask you a question?”

Anna readied herself for whatever it might be. “Sure.”

“How did you meet Ms. Elizabeth, Nurse Anna?”

Coming out of nowhere, the question made Anna still. The nurse shifted in her seat, answering truthfully, “If you are talking about when I first saw her, then it’s at a café downtown.”

“Were you close?” he asked carefully, gauging her reaction with watchful eyes.

His series of questions was making Anna hopeful. Gran Pabbie was probably seeing if she was fit to take care of the blonde. Even if there’s a little white lie in her response, she said, “We only ever spend time together when she was admitted here. I wouldn’t call us close.”

“Ah. But you are friends, no?”

Not really intimidated by the director’s questions – he _did_ recommend her personally to their patient’s guardians – Anna took a deep sigh as she waited seconds before answering. “I think so?”

The director frowned comically at her. “I know that you know why I’m doing this.”

“Yes, I do,” Anna replied cheerfully, much to his exasperation.

The doctor let out a tired exhale, pointing his pen at her which was previously lying prone on the table. “Then please don’t play around.”

Sniggering, the auburn-haired woman held a defensive hand up. “I’m not! I really have no idea if we were friends.” _But we might be._ “We only talked personally once.” _Thrice, actually._ “And I don’t think us being acquainted is anything that could be taken as against the rules.” _Liar_.

“I know,” he countered, using the same pen he was holding to scratch his forehead as he grimaced. “But I want to make sure that you can take care of Ms. Elizabeth by yourself.” He scowled. “Who knows if you two have a history together and it complicates your relationship with the patient?”

A legitimate concern, Anna thought, but she was not willing to admit that she used to – and blatantly still do – have personal interest with the blonde. If Doctor Pablo only knew of their “history” together, then they would probably have a way different conversation. Anna decided to keep it from him even longer, looking at sharp eyes as the director looked her down.

This was going to kick her in the butt sooner than later but Anna was too obsessed with the thought of her childhood friend that bringing it up was not a choice anymore. She had to help Elsa, Elizabeth, whoever the blonde was now, want to be the one to help her get better.

One way or another, Anna felt that she was somehow responsible for what happened to her. It was guilt, the ever-present feeling she’s been having. It started as pity to the little blonde girl in her memories, and then it escalated with not ensuring her safety from her persecutors. None was her fault, but logic had long evaded her, only leaving the want, the _need_ to be there to make up for everything Anna missed.

And by God, Anna had missed so much.

Her shrug was taken by the doctor as a good sign, perhaps even as impartiality to the case of their patient. The director wore a satisfied smirk, pleased with her disinterest. Unbeknownst to him, Anna hadn’t stopped thinking of the blonde since she last saw them, and she was using the word ‘them’ objectively.

Not because she was infatuated! No. Professionals were strictly forbidden to have less than proper relationships with their patients. That meant no questionable relations, no acting out on stupid crushes. It was in the Hippocratic oath, the one that Anna had memorised for days on end when she was still in college.

It was a different kind of need.

Anna knew that one wrong step and she’d risk losing the game she was trying to play with her heart, but as she had been feeling for a while now, she couldn’t get herself to think too much for it.

_It’s going to be fine. It’s not like I’ll fall in love with them or something._

And it’s only El that she’s had a crush with, not with Seven or Lilly or Beth. No big deal. Anna could handle it. She could… could help the blonde gain the quality of life they deserved.

Maybe one day, the blonde would just be _she,_ one and a whole. Until then, Anna would do her best to support her patient in whatever way she could.

“Mr. Arendelle has decided. They’re going to hire you.”

Anna was already expecting that since the director bombarded her with questions but hearing it still made her heart jump in happiness.

“I told him that I’d let you know, but since you look like you’re willing to leap off your seat and run to wherever Ms. Arendelle is, I don’t think you’d need any more time to think.”

“Are they going to be coming here anytime soon?” Anna asked, readying herself excitedly at the prospect of meeting the blonde and slightly sobering up once she realised that she’d be meeting with Mr. Arendelle and Jack, too.

She had nothing against them, truly, but talking to them wasn’t going to be the least bit fun.

Too bad she had to suck it up.

“Well, actually Mr. Runeard invited you to come and pay them a visit. Then you can talk about the specifics with him.” Anna didn’t know what to feel about that. Excited, nervous. It didn’t seem like she had a broad enough pool of choices this day. “For now, though…” Gran Pabbie pulled open the folder resting on his desk. “I want to discuss our patient’s history.”

“But you already gave me the run down before, right?” she said, confused about what he was talking about. 

The director only shook his head, saying, “I wouldn’t be able to monitor Ms. Arendelle closely the next few weeks. You should know what to look out for so you can take note of it, maybe even act on my behalf.”

“You’re going to let me do that?” Being the one to call the shots and decide what should be done seemed like a hard job to do but Anna’s brain took a second later in asking why she was even going to do that in the first place. “Wait… why can’t you monitor them anymore?”

Gran Pabbie stared at her. “You have a lot of questions, don’t you?” He offered her the folder. Anna grabbed it silently. “I’m afraid I would have to leave Ms. Arendelle to you for a while.” At her alarmed look, he added, “Only for a month, don’t worry.”

“ _Only_ for a month?!” That was a long time to handle a patient alone. Pair that with Anna’s nerves with doing private care outside of the hospital for the first time, it was enough to make her previously jolly demeanour disappear as she was slowly getting panicked as she thought of the impending absence of the director.

Doctor Pablo didn’t seem to realise that the nurse was close to having a breakdown as he nodded coolly at her. “Yes. The IAHCP Joint 24th is scheduled just a week away from the International Convention On Psychiatry and Mental Health. I may be old and grey in your eyes–” _you are_ , “–but I still need to kick my legs and join them once in a while.”

Anna gaped at him, uncertainty striking her at once.

A beat passed.

“I have already told Mr. Arendelle about this.” The man stared at her stricken face. “Is there a problem?”

Closing her mouth with a loud click, Anna shook her head mechanically. The director’s challenging gaze compelled her to do so, and even if she didn’t have any idea what would happen without the doctor for a month, she put her game face on. With faux-confidence in her voice, Anna replied loudly, “No, no, uhm, everything’s fine.” She smiled fakely at him. “Yeah, I was just surprised.”

Raising an eyebrow, Gran Pabbie nodded at her curiously. “Well, if you say so, but if you think you can’t do it, there’s always some–”

“It’s fine.” Anna didn’t let him finish his sentence, steeling her voice. “I’m fine. I can do it.”

Observing her warily, the doctor chuckled after seconds. “If you say so.” He gestured for her to open the forgotten file in her hands. “Now let’s continue what we’re doing.”

The first thing Anna saw was the names of the previous doctors Elizabeth Arendelle had, along with the diagnoses they made of her.

“Ms. Arendelle had been with multiple psychiatrists and therapists. She met her first doctor when she was thirteen years old. Her grandfather had noticed instability in her everyday life. She was prone to anger and reportedly feeling depressed for long periods. She was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and was medicated with Risperidone and Quetiapine.”

Anna read the gentle doses she was given, up until she was fifteen years old where she was prescribed an alarming number of medications, eleven to be exact, and amongst them were high doses of Lamotrigine and Lurasidone. Eyebrow still stuck in her forehead, Anna gulped uncomfortably. It was probably enough to knock out a full-grown rhinoceros!

“What happened when she was fifteen?”

“Seeing no improvements in her, they went to another doctor. The next one said that she was Schizoaffective and had tried to fix the problem with medication.”

“Which was not effective at all,” Anna concluded out loud, feeling faint all of the sudden. The director nodded grimly, agreeing with her.

“Not at all, but while taking Lurasidone, Ms. Arendelle reported progress. She said the voices in her head stopped temporarily, but her body couldn’t take all of the medications she was given. She had a gastrointestinal reaction after a few months, causing her to be hospitalised. So, it was changed to a weaker brand.

Her last doctor began his diagnosis of Other Specified Dissociative Disorder when she was twenty-two, but as her case was transferred to me, I believe this is a true case of Dissociative Identity Disorder.”

His nonchalance in explaining gave Anna a whirlwind of emotions. Just thinking of the blonde overdosing enough for her to be put into a hospital due to the complications, well, the nurse was feeling heaviness settling in her stomach. Gulping down the thorn on her throat, Anna sighed. “What about now?”

“Now I am administering Prozac and Abilify. After what happened, I had her return to Latuda, but only in a few doses.” Anna knew that, of course, but at her inquiring gaze, he continued, “Ms. Arendelle was experiencing rapid switches. Unpredictable enough for the host to be kicked out for days at a time. Not only that, but other alters couldn’t front too long, and so the system was at an inefficiency for a few months before El had decided that it was too much and admitted herself voluntarily.”

It helped, maybe. There were times where the switches were too many in a day, but before everything went to chaos, she had spent almost a week with El, and the week before that with only Seven.

So in a way, it helped, but the prosecutor's actions had made another ripple in the harmony of the system.

Flipping through the pages to the blonde’s current status, she noticed the abrupt changes in the doses. It was lessened. Quite drastically so. Anna wondered if that had anything to do with the persecutor going out.

“Are you thinking of adding anything else to your prescriptions?” Anna asked, worried about what it could be. Except for the addition of Latuda, it looked as if Gran Pabbie was weaning her off from the other sorts. “Wouldn’t stopping Prozac and Abilify be a concern?”

The director sighed at her, inclining heavily at his seat. “Ms. Arendelle told me that she hated taking medications, said that switching with another alter felt like death and coming back only to be the one having to drink them makes her feel like a ghost.” A look of sympathy crossed his face. “There, but not quite. Alive, but still transparent, powerless against what’s going on with the outside world, and just as helpless to herself.

“I know for a fact that DID couldn’t be cured with any medicine. The prescribed drugs were only for the other comorbid disorders, but not DID. The system needed to be the one to work through healing together for them to actually be _somewhat_ healed.”

His stress of the word had a lot of meaning. First, that the trauma wouldn’t ever leave and it would always be with the blonde, and second, true healing was going to be the hardest to achieve, and thus, reaching it could only be an optimistic goal.

There was always a chance people won’t be able to be truly healed.

Anna knew that. She nodded, biting her lips in thought. “So you’re saying that with everything she’s been having, nothing’s going to make her dissociation better?”

“Latuda is effective in grounding her. El, I mean,” he replied after a bit. “It makes the other alters… less likely to front, but,” Gran Pabbie paused for longer before meeting Anna’s eyes, “no amount of medications can keep away the persecutor. They’re still there.

“The goal is to help them as if helping different people with varying personalities live in the same house. If there is peace in the system, that means that the alternate personalities are in comfort. It will strengthen their identity. _Harmony_ will strengthen their identity.” The doctor smiled at her wanly. “After all, integration is a process.”

“If that’s our goal,” Anna started, brain weaving through everything she was hearing, “then what’s our first step?”

The doctor smiled at her, contented with her reactions. “The first step is to make the host be part of the system. Do things that will make her aware of what’s happening if another alter switches with her. Being co-conscious is a step towards that. El needs to accept the system.” Gran Pabbie held her gaze. “El, Seven, Beth, Lilly, Olaf, every single alter, even the persecutor. The whole system needs to accept its own existence.”

Anna could somehow follow his thoughts. If El could see and watch everything while another alter fronts, then it’d make her feel more in control. It’d make her feel as if she’s alive, as if she’s not a ghost anymore.

It was a goal Anna wanted to see achieved. She wanted to see peace in her charge’s eyes, not confusion. The blonde needed that, at least. At most, well, Elizabeth Arendelle deserved it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not a professional so if something's inaccurate in the medication part, sorry :( I'm not too happy with this chapter. It kicked my butt when I was writing it months ago and had kicked it again when I was editing it earlier today. All mistakes are mine. Nonetheless, I hope it's not that horrible. I'm sorry if it's a bit slow UvU the next chapters should be slightly more enjoyable. i hope everyone's doing okay. stay safe, my guys xx


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